Experience Minus The Urgency

posted 23rd April 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Spirituality, What I've Learned

Everyone has a list. You know, a Life List, a list of 30 things do to by age 30 or 25 to do by a 25th birthday or a daily to-do-list.

Maybe it’s written down in your journal, posted on your blog, discussed with a close friend, or floating through your mind. For me, it’s all of the above.

I’ve got lists about things I need to do this season (be sure to enjoy a picnic in the park this spring, go to the farmer’s market more, plant bulbs, make hot cross buns on Easter, dye eggs, do something lovely for Mother’s Day, enjoy an afternoon at a winery while wearing a cute sundress), things I need to do before the year is up (5K for charity! have a short story published! take the GRE! eliminate debt!), things I need to take in before I move from this town (summer festivals downtown! visit local state parks! concerts! restaurants!), documentaries I need to see, people to visit all over America, photographs I need to take, on and on and ON.

Good thing: The lists are a healthy, productive guide. They serve as an identification of goals and hopes; a reminder that what we want can be accomplished. Lists provide us with a sense of self-accountability. Additionally, it takes time and thought to pinpoint what you want your life to look life. They offer a sense of purpose. They breed motivation. They move us to action. They give us a place to return to when we’ve lost the compass.

Bad thing: I’m controlled by the lists. I’m sometimes so focused on crossing items off that I don’t experience any of it. I’m constantly thinking about how to suck the marrow right out of this existence. I’m consumed by the sense of urgency I feel to take the most that this life has to offer.

Recently, I’ve been evaluating this identified sense of urgency I feel to accomplish everything ever. I’m questioning how the endless desire for more doing, more activity, and more experience is limiting my ability to absorb the here, the now, the present.

Example: My grandmother, a woman so dear to my heart and the foundation of my family, passed away a couple of months ago. At the time, the semester was beginning, I was starting my journey with Stratejoy, taking on new tasks, setting goals, kicking ass and taking names. I was caught in the hustle of creating a juicy life and I didn’t let myself feel the emotion of losing someone so integral to the health of my soul. I barely cried when I heard the news. I felt so guilty about it, but I carried on with my everyday chores, my lunch plans, my assignments, my creativity. I didn’t slow down to take in the grief of loss. Although painful, loss is still an experience, an emotion that this life offers us. A powerful chance to pause and reflect. I missed the feeling entirely.

Shortly after the funeral, I was visiting with my aunt. I was buzzing from one thing to the next, probably knocking things over as I usually do, not taking the time to do whatever task was at hand carefully, mindlessly getting one thing done in order to move onto the next.

She furrowed her brow at me and asked, “WHAT are you in such a hurry for? Slow. Down.”

Great question. What am I in such a hurry for?

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. -Eckhart Tolle

The easy explanation is that the death of my grandmother struck me. That I was overcome by an awareness of life’s fleeting nature. Sure. Death can strike us that way. Our time here is finite, and it’s an obvious reminder. There is so much to be felt, learned, and shared before we’re done and that can frighten us into frenzy.

BUT. What value is the feeling, learning, and sharing if we’re doing it with such urgency and speed that we don’t actually feel any of it? What good are the lists and the goals if the emotions associated with their accomplishment are absent, overlooked, breezed right past? We can’t feel, hear, touch, smell, or taste much if we’re moving too quickly.

What am I in such a hurry for?

I am blessed/suffer (like many) from the desire to cram as much into every moment as physically, emotionally, and logically possible. I have extreme difficulty saying no to the possibility of social interaction, new experience, and opportunity for growth. Perhaps, in the hurrying from one possibility to the next, I’m sabotaging my happiness in the now for the sake of happiness in the future (which, hello, I’ll never feel because there will always be something that comes next). In a way, it’s the age old quality vs. quantity debate. Perhaps, I’m foregoing potential peace and the B-word (balance) in search of more, more, more.

In my hunger to absorb so much, maybe I’m missing small beauty- a blossoming tree, the smell of coffee wofting from the corner shop, the temperature outside, the taste of that cupcake- because I’m zipping so quickly to the next experience.

What am I in such a hurry for?

And, I’m thinking, too, that this is a direct lesson from The Joy Equation. After all, it is an equation. An equation because we each have to do the work to find the balance that allows us to identify and then execute our goals. It looks so different for everyone, obviously. For me, the equation that will equal joy is about manipulating my tendency to overextend myself and go in too many directions by countering it with exercises in slooooowwwwwing doooowwwwn.

I can have purpose without the urgency. I’ve got one rockin’ list of 25 things I’m going to do by the time I turn 25 in July (Eek!). I’ve gotta do some karaoke, find the perfect pair of cowboy boots, get my tattoos, and see a psychic, among other things. Even with all these questions swirling in my mind, I shouldn’t feel bad for maintaining such lists, but, rather, must focus on training myself in the fine art of pausing to feel the emotion that I want from those goals. It shouldn’t be the awareness of time that moves me to action, but the desire itself that holds the value. After all, isn’t the feeling that those exhilarating tasks will bring what motivated me to make the list in the first place? Is it the actual tattoo that I’m going to love or the emotion associated with that image? You know?

How can anything serve us unless we give ourselves the time to feel it? How can anything be really productive unless it’s done thoughtfully and with care to the action itself? And what is any list’s purpose other than to guide us to finding our truest, deepest and, hopefully, most aware selves?

What am I in such a hurry for? 

Of course, the only thing I can do is slow down long enough to give it some more thought.

[photo credit: sfgirlbybay]

And, pssst! Know what I can’t WAIT for more of? Joy Juice! Prompts for self-growth?! I’ll take another helping, please. Drink it up, coming soon!

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Comments (7)

7 Responses to “Experience Minus The Urgency”

  • amandafarough Says:
    April 23rd, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    I loved this. Like, so much. Having a sense of purpose without the urgency is an immensely difficult thing to do when you're used to the "OMG I HAVE TO GET THIS SHIT DONE NOW!" syndrome. So yeah, while there's plenty of time and we really shouldn't be rushing, it's hard not to these days. We have this culture of immediacy and it's easy to get wrapped up in it.

    So I dig this. Thanks for baring your soul, sista.

  • Big L Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 5:12 am

    Brilliant, just brilliant. I too am completely, utterly plagued by this incessant do-go-faster-hurry voice inside my head. Thank you for being so honest and for reminding the rest of us that it's so, so important to learn to counter this somehow, someway. Sigh.

  • Adrienne Jurado Says:
    April 26th, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Hi Dee,

    I can completely relate! I have my own list of experiences that I'm chasing and I'm constantly bouncing from one to the next. Even worse, I used to live every experience through a camera lens…but I'm getting better at that one. Your post made me think about something that was not on my published experience list, but on my internal one. I wanted to make sure that I got back home to spend time with my grandma to have her teach me how to knit. Not because I'm really interested in knitting, but because I know how bad my grandma has always wanted to teach one of the grandkids. It tooks months for me to finally schedule a weekend to head home. Four days before the big weekend, my grandma had another heart attack. Fortunately, she is just fine and I made it out there to see her, but it was a big wake-up call nonetheless. There are some experiences that aren't open to us forever, and it is up to us to make the most of them…to truly soak them up and feel them for all they are worth.

  • deebuzzing Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    I, too, suffer from OMG I HAVE TO GET THIS SHIT DONE NOW syndrome. What are we going to do about this? Call a meeting after you have your nugget and I'll squeeze him to death while we solve the world's problems, like this one- that's what.

  • deebuzzing Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    You are so very welcome! Have you figured out how to counter it yet? HA!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Ah- I can really relate to your sentiment about living experience through a camera lens- or for appearances, or for a million other reasons that don't honor what the experience offers- I feel you.

    And, such a beautiful story about your grandmother- I wish I'd evaluated my "experience list" before I lost my own grandmother- I missed that point in the post, but it's such an important one- to remember that experience shouldn't only be rooted in selfish desires. THANK YOU for the reminder :)

  • amandafarough Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Hell yeah. I'm IN.

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