For Anyone Who Feels Miserable In Their Job

posted 6th April 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Job/Career/Work, Laura, Life Lesson, Season 4, What I've Learned

Dear anyone who feels stuck and miserable in their job,

I’m thinking about you today. It’s hump day and I’m having a hard time getting any work done. And although part of me is feeling blah, the other part is elated. Because this kind of blah is so, so much better than the kind I used to feel…back when being at work felt so icky, it hurt.

Luckily, I don’t feel that way anymore. But if you do, we need to talk. ‘Cus here’s the thing: you are too important to not be happier. Your life is way too valuable to just trudge through it, letting the days pass.

If your job leaves you drained, uninspired, frazzled, and fragile; I feel you. If every morning you wrack your brain trying to come up with an excuse for not going to work; I feel you. If you work for someone who questions your value, overlooks your intelligence, has you on the defensive 24/7, leaves you on the verge of tears, and causes a swell of anxiety to rise within you on a daily basis; I really feel you.

I’ve been there. In fact, I lived there, day in a day out, for four and a half years.

I dragged my ass to work and put on an Academy Award-worthy performance of grin and bear it. I worked long hours, felt unsupported, managed a numbing amount of details, and bowed down to a boss with a leadership style that I will never, ever respect. I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, but I was good at it. And for a while, I figured that was the best I could ask for. I figured a job “in my field”, a nice pay cheque, a health plan, and responsibility that sounded impressive meant I was pretty damn lucky.

I was grateful for all of that, definitely. But here’s the thing: being grateful and wanting more are not mutually exclusive concepts. It’s OK to be grateful that you have a job and appreciate specific things it brings you. But it’s also OK to question if it’s what you actually want.

It’s even more OK to answer that question with “No. No thank you. This is NOT what I want.”

There’s no shame in that. None. Because life’s too short to be miserable doing the one thing you do the most of: working.

I spent four and a half years in a tiring, difficult and authenticity-draining situation. Because of what I learned, the strength of character I was able to preserve, the financial compensation I received, and the accomplishments I racked up, I would never take it back. But I also would never recommend it to anybody.

If you are feeling stuck, uninspired, disrespected, and below your potential, I need you to know that it’s OK to walk away. It’s OK to dream bigger and to believe you’re capable of more. You are capable of more. You deserve to be happy at work; no matter what type of work you do.

Shhh….I know. I know the “but” you’re about to use. I know them all. For starters, change is scary. Whether you’re happy in your job or not, you’ve settled in there. It’s familiar; it’s your routine. You have friends there. And maybe a favorite coffee shop nearby, a security guard or regular customer with a warm smile, and a cheap parking spot or fast bus route; all of which you’d miss. And your boss? Even though he/she doesn’t give you the respect, opportunity and room for growth that you deserve, the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. At least you know what to expect. And all bosses and managers have quirks; you probably won’t ever find someone who’s a treat to work for.

Right?

Well, as someone who’s been there and has since come out the other side? Trust me, none of that stuff is worth it. None of that stuff makes up for snuffing out your bright light and being the worker bee someone wants you to be, rather than the brilliant, jazzed up contributor you long to be.

You can find another job – or another career path altogether! You can be a star in your own right. You can find an outlet for the intelligence, ideas, creativity, and passion you’re keeping bottled up. You can work in an environment that is based on trust, respect and collaboration.

I know from experience how much your confidence and faith in yourself can be compromised by having that square-peg-in-a-round-hole feeling at work.

But I also know, now, that once you leave that environment, your confidence and faith – and so much more! – will be waiting for you. They will reclaim you.

Inspiration awaits. Go on…go get it!

Love,
Someone who’s been there
xxoo

{Photo credit}

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Comments (20)

20 Responses to “For Anyone Who Feels Miserable In Their Job”

  • Nancy Jane Smith Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Amen! VERY well said :)

  • Kahea Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 8:58 am

    I don't know if this post could have come at a more perfect time than right now, when I'm sitting here at my soul-crushing job, fantasizing about quitting and even drafting out the things I'll say to my boss when I finally do. And while I *think* my decision to quit is made, nothing's ever set in stone. My biggest fear right now is that I'll chicken out and stay, that all those "but's" you mentioned will get the better of me, that I'll forget that I probably am too good for this and definitely deserve something that makes me happy and doesn't drain every ounce of everything inside me. So when I start getting really worried about that, I'm going to come back here and re-read your post. :)

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Gorgeous, sweetie. Even those of us who work for ourselves need this little reminder– that even if you have left the really uncomfortable square peg in a round hole job– we still need to remember it because it helps remind us WHY we're doing our own thing. Even when that gets hard, it's soooo much better for me and my creativity and my real purpose in the world than what I used to do. Thanks for the reminder and the inspiration for so many others! XO

  • nicoleslongway Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Laura, thank you for this post today! I needed it, and I absorbed every word. You're right – our lives are way too short to just put up with an unhealthy work situation. You've definitely inspired me.

  • Jill Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Wow – this is certainly very apropos to my life for the past year or so. I'm stuck in a job where I'm doing a whole lot of work that I get very little credit for… but given today's economy, I am told that I should be grateful just to HAVE a job! The misery of my work has bled into my every day life… I'm so drained from putting on a happy face all day at work, that I can't bear to put one on when I get home. I feel like my entire live is a shambles, because of my work.
    For me the challenge isn't realizing that I deserve better, it's having the courage to move. I have many opportunities ahead of me, as we all do, but I am terrified of getting out of one bad situation and into another! I don't want to repeat the mistakes that I have done to get to this point… my soul can't bear any more!

  • Liz Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Thank you.

  • Erin B. Inspired Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 10:16 am

    What a great post! As someone who is "there," I can't wait for the day to leave this place for something bigger and better. I found out some good news the other day regarding a career change and hopefully within the next few months, I'll be one my way to happiness in the work place. :)

  • essieteric Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    I've been there many times. And everything that you have said in this post is 100% true.
    It's knowing what you deserve and what you need.

    I'm with Jill – I've been told that I should be "grateful" for work. Well, I am. But how can I be a good worker, a happy and confident worker, if I cannot like my job? And yes, I am guilty of putting on the happy face and the act of appeciation. It is SO draining!

    To all of those who are too scared to move on – and I will not belittle that fear, you have every right to feel it: what helped me to move was to say to myself, "If I am not happy, I cannot be the best employee for this organisation. I deserve better, and so do they." Because yes, we all know that we are built to be wonderful, but mismatches happen. Not being "a good fit" for the job is not a reflection on you OR them. It's simply acknowledging that you each have needs that the other can't fulfil 100%.

    *many hugs to those who are in this minefield*

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Thank you Nancy :)

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:45 am

    I'm so glad I wrote something you can relate to, Kahea….although I'm not glad you hate your job :-(

    You should print this post AND write yourself a letter or note about why you deserve something better and how wonderful you'd feel if you had it. Carry them in your purse and read them often. Eventually, they'll sink in and not feel like fleeting thoughts or wishes, they'll feel like TRUTHS! Your truths! You aren't "probably" too good for misery at work, you ARE!!! I'm sending you lots of thoughts of inner strength, confidence and trust!

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:49 am

    Thank you :) And I couldn't agree more – seeking fulfillment in our work is an ongoing journey and one that even the self employed should not lose sight of. Both because what we have now is way better than it how things were, and because we should still be pushing through the tough stuff in search of feeling more creative, natural and inspired.

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:49 am

    Thank you Nicole, that means a lot.

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:58 am

    Absolutely, having a job IS something to be grateful for, I agree :) Having the intelligence, physical ability and stability to be gainfully employed is a beautiful thing. But feeling appreciated, inspired and suited to your work is even better! I totally understand the fear of moving and the fear of the unknown – what if the next thing is even worse? Ugh.

    For me, it helped to give a lot of thought to what "better" would look like an what about my current job made me so miserable. I made lists, journalled, and analyzed a lot before I actually made a move. I was able to identify my personal non-negotiables; things I wouldn't accept no matter what other conditions where on the table….culture, environment and leadership style were way more critical to me than the work itself. I did a lot of list making, journalling and analyzing before I actually made the move, I didn't rush and run into the next thing. I agreed with you: that's where mistakes could be made. Best of luck!

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:58 am

    You're welcome Liz :)

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 4:59 am

    Congratulations Erin. I sincerely hope that you ARE on the way to greater happiness in the work place. If this potential new opportunity falls through, I wish you all the confidence and determination in the world to go after another one! You deserve it :)

  • Big L Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 5:03 am

    You've made SO many good points made here, thank you for contributing!!

    I truly came at my situation with the same mindset. The organization I was in deserved a better fit than me. Yes, I did good work. But what they deserved was somebody who brought commitment, happiness and passion into the workplace every day…then also did good work. I was NOT what they needed and they weren't what I needed. You are SO, SO right – sometimes, mismatches happen. There's no need to feel guilt about that. There's strength and beauty in believing in better and seeing a mismatch for what it is.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I, too have been there. I worked tirelessly for a company that did not value my contributions, for a boss that questioned my priorities when she had no idea what my day-to-day responsibilities entailed. When I developed stomach pains that literally left me coupled over in pain for weeks on end, I knew it was time to leave. So, I left. I found a new job I truly enjoyed, and then the economy and poor hiring practices caused that position to disappear. In the year and half since that day, I have carved out my own little freelance world of writing, office work for a non-profit I believe in, engaging my love of children with an after-school nanny position, and time to craft with hopes of launching my Etsy store in time for the holidays. Sure, it's a giant somorgasboard of jobs and responsibilites. Money is not always guaranteed and gets tight, but I'm happy. For the first time since graduating college in 2005, I truly believe I am using all of my talents and going after the kind of life I deserve.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 9:06 am

    For anyone feeling unsatisfied, I recommend following L's advice. She knows what she's saying. Also, if you choose to leave and have some time before staring a new position or while you are looking for a new position, volunteer. Find some organizations whose mission speaks to your passions. Volunteer. Get some experience, build a network. It could lead you to the job of your dreams, especially if the freelance life is not for you.

  • Big L Says:
    April 8th, 2011 at 4:43 am

    This is a great story to share, thanks Erin! You somorgasboard sounds just delightful! And it's great inspiration for anyone who's been there!

  • AEM Says:
    October 19th, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Fascinating!

    Today I meet with bosses to discuss a 'promotion' I don't want in a company I don't want to work for. And just an hour before this takes place, I read this blog post.

    My gut won't allow me to say yes to this position, but my student debt won't allow me to say no. Did you have money issues when leaving your last job? It makes it infinitely harder to leave when those bills don't pay themselves.

    I'm also in Halifax. I came back just this past March after living abroad for several years. I expect great things from life and from myself. I felt lucky to snag a job so quickly after returning, but now I feel trapped. I may not have been back in Halifax long, but I've worked really damn hard over the past decade and I know I deserve more than this.

    A precarious position for this indebted 30 year old, but thanks for writing this. It and this website are keeping me inspired to continue pushing forward.

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