Standing Up to Negative Self Talk

posted 10th April 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Juliana, Season 4

I want to talk about The Voice for a bit.  You know. THAT VOICE… the one in your head that tells you things like

You suck.
Why are you trying this? It’s stupid.
Oh, Big Deal.  Like that’s even important.
and one of my faves…
Your parents will be so disappointed.

We all have this voice in our heads (if you don’t, god bless ya, please share with the rest of us that we may bask in your glory) and it usually pops up when we are starting to get really excited about things.

I’ve gotten pretty good at ignoring this voice, especially as part of my new dedication to Self-Care and through my creativity coach training, but it still manages to creep in at inopportune times.

Here’s what happened to me the other day:

Several months ago, I entered the Writer’s Digest Poetry Competition for 2011. It was the first time I had ever sent a poem off for potential publication, even though I’ve been writing poetry for many years. Up until recently, I would never have tried to be published at all, even though it was one of my secret desires (the deep down ones that you don’t even tell your husband until after a couple of margaritas.)
So, this contest.The past few years it’s gotten well over 3,000 submissions, and only the top 3 win any prize money.  The top 50 are published in a compilation.  I figured the odds were bad enough for me that it wouldn’t be much of a risk to send a poem out… I could just practice the act of submitting a poem and forget all about it because there was No Way I’d Win Anything.

Fast forward to a few days ago, when I got a notification that my poem had gotten 43rd place and I’d be receiving a certificate and an honorable mention. Oh, and, my poem would be published.
MY POEM WOULD BE PUBLISHED. Normal reactions to this news range from jumping up and down in your home office and baking a celebratory pie to calling everyone you know and popping the cork on a bottle of bubbly.  Alas, these normal reactions were not to be mine, because that VOICE, the little bastard, popped up almost immediately.

“43rd place?  And you’re supposed to be excited about that?  Please. 42 people did a whole lot better than you.”

I mean, seriously?! I got this really exciting news, something I never thought would happen, and my brain tried to rain on the parade almost instantaneously.  Luckily, because I’ve been practicing talking back to this voice and allowing myself to be comfortable with success a little more, I was able to respond this time.

JEEZ WOULD YOU FUCK OFF ALREADY, YOU JERKFACE?

Ok, it wasn’t the most eloquent response.  But you know what?  It felt awesome. I didn’t feel like jumping up and down in celebration right away, but gradually opened up to the idea of this Honorable Mention being pretty cool. A little while later, I called a few people to tell them, and then sat down for some celebratory tea. The Voice tried to show up a few more times, but I just yelled at it until it went away again.

Little by little, that voice is going to learn that it doesn’t want to mess with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[photo: charliedayartist]

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Comments (8)

8 Responses to “Standing Up to Negative Self Talk”

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    April 10th, 2011 at 10:43 am

    First of all, 43rd place is pretty amazingly awesome! I'm glad you told that voice to go away. It's something I am slowly learning to do. I'm learning to celebrate my own successes instead of only everyone else's. So, my dear, any advice on how to get that voice to stop sounding like my mother?

  • EllieDi Says:
    April 10th, 2011 at 10:44 am

    "JEEZ WOULD YOU FUCK OFF ALREADY, YOU JERKFACE?"

    This LITERALLY made me laugh out loud. What a great response! (giggles)

  • Juliana Says:
    April 11th, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Oh man, doesn't it always show up as one of our parents at some point?! My strategy so far has been to write out everything that voice is saying and then look at how ridiculous it is. Then I can write a response in my journal from a more compassionate voice. (p.s. mine often sounds like my dad, but not my dad in real life…more like some Bizarro Universe version of my dad where he's like, a supervillain.)

  • Juliana Says:
    April 11th, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Heh, thanks! I sometimes have to let it get to a ridiculous point like that so that I can lighten up about it. :P

  • April Says:
    April 11th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Juliana, I love this post. I hear that voice all of the time, and it's so hard to tell it to shut up! I, too, have gotten pretty good at ignoring it (and listening to my inner cheerleader instead), but knowing that other people feel the same way somehow makes it easier. Thanks!

    And congrats on getting a poem published! How cool are you? Answer: Super cool! :)

  • Kat Says:
    April 12th, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Congrats on getting your poem published! How exciting! :)

  • Juliana Says:
    April 13th, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Thank you! :)

  • Juliana Says:
    April 13th, 2011 at 6:20 am

    It was a little scary to post this, but very reassuring to hear that other people have The Voice, too, as I suspected. :)

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