A Systematic Approach to Claiming Joy

posted 7th May 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

As a loyal Stratejoy follower, a central message that I’ve taken away from this community is that joy is within our reach. Every single one of us. The catch is that we’ve got some self-exploration and investigation to do before we can grab it and make it our own.

And, I know, I know. I’m always raving about Molly, her programs, and her generally awesome approach to life and rocking it right now.

The reason is not that I’m some psycho-obsessed fangirl (only a little), but because I’ve learned tangible, applicable, concrete, proven skills that I’ve applied to my individual quest for joy, authenticity, bubbles, laughter, and everything juicy good.

The point isn’t that my life took a turn overnight when I put these skills to work. Of course not. But, the point is that with the strategies I’ve learned through my course in Deliberate Living, jotted down in my journal, and let Molly burn into my brain, I’ve been applying them at my own speed, at a rate that’s healthy for me and works in my own day to day. I’ve tailored them to my own needs. Created systems of my very own.

We can think and talk and write all day long about how we want joy in our lives, but unless we go get it, we’ll never have it. Here’s how I go get it.

My Seven Systems for Growth

Sabotaging Unproductive Habits- It’s about identifying the habits I have that lead me down paths that don’t serve my best self. At first, it seemed as though I was tricking myself and that felt…wrong. Well, I was. “Wasn’t my willpower enough?” I thought. No. It wasn’t. And, I’d been giving myself concrete evidence for years that my willpower and desire were just not enough to prevent myself from falling into cycles of laziness, mindlessness, etc. For instance, I realized that an aspect of my life that was preventing me from moving forward was my habit of walking into my apartment after a long day or stressful event and straight to the TV remote. On. Trashy TV. Mindless. Numb. Day Over. Instead, now I trick myself! Amazing! I keep the remote waaaaay back in a corner of my closet. If I want to watch TV, fine, but it’s going to be a conscious, aware decision, by golly.

Putting Fierce Self-Love Within Eyeshot- It’s about channeling my creativity in a way that builds reminders of the woman I am and want to continue to be. If you came to my apartment, you’d see positive sticky-notes on my bathroom mirror, colorful hand-made collages on my refrigerator, a framed picture of a hula-hooping 80-year old woman on my dresser, photos of my near and dear, books that inspire, and art I’ve created. Because sometimes we just plain forget, lose focus of our goals, and need elementary reminders in plain sight.

Maintaining A Detailed Health Journal- It’s about taking the precious time to sit, breathe, put pen to paper, and focus on how I really feel. I do know that time is precious, trust me. Which is why it is a gift I’ve focused on giving to myself. I have a pretty, pretty journal, some bright markers and pens, and a calendar. I sit down and I track how I’m feeling from day to day. My body (sluggish, bloated, achy, energetic, rested?), my mind (clear, cluttered, racing, numb?), my heart (full, guilty, lonely, hopeful?). It doesn’t only give me an opportunity to clear my head, this practice has helped me identify two of the most significant triggers to my mood swings. I was able to see, right there in my calendar, that I’ve got a classic case of the winter blues and am in need of steady Vitamin D and that the week after my…ahem…menstrual cycle was hell for me. My hormones were sending me into a crippling depression that I was spending the other three weeks of the month trying to clean up after. Because I’d realized this, I was able to discuss options with my doctor and reach a conclusion that I’m not a headcase! I’ve got PMDD!

Establishing Self-Serving Routines- It’s about honoring who I want to become by giving myself a chance to find inspiration, check-in with myself, clear my headspace, and realign. What works for me is getting up early in the morning in order to prepare myself for the day ahead. Shower. Walk dog. Coffee. Makeup. Outfit. Breakfast. News. Hair. Twitter. Dishes in sink. Out Door. And even though I have an equally if not more strong urge to stay in bed until the last possible second, I know that my whole day will follow suit if I don’t put my feet on the floor and give myself what I need- that routine. The same goes for the evening. Computer off. Books for class put away. Bag prepped for next day. Lamps on at bedside. Makeup off. Inbox cleared. A little lotion on my hands. Something soothing on pandora. A quiet prayer. My journals, a book I’m reading for leisure or a favorite magazine in bed with me. The rest of my days allow for spontaneity, but those routines ground me. I need them. I know that.

Eliminating Toxicity- It’s about lifting the weight from my shoulders so that I can move forward. A really effective challenge that Molly presented me was to make a list, no matter how long, of the elements in my life that were creating a cloud of dread. Big stuff to little stuff. Debt to that dress I need to have dry-cleaned. And yes, setting aside a whole day or longer, if needed to tackle it. That conversation I needed to have with my parents. The appointments I needed to make. Cards I wanted to send and drawers I wanted to clean. And when I made the list, WHOA! It felt so doable. Everything that I had been letting eat at me took one good afternoon to eliminate, essentially. Toxic crap comes up all the time. The trick I’m using it to give myself a scheduled block of time each week (really, only about an hour), to just do it and be done with it. Bills, errands, phone calls, whatever. I know that for me, that’s what I do on my free Tuesday afternoons. Always fueled by caffeine and with a happy hour with friends as a treat for taking care of it, obviously.

Using Gratitude As A Counter-Action For Stress- It’s about reminding myself of what I have (so much) in order to eliminate feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. My nasty, all-to-common tendency to dwell on the bad and forget the good. To think about the obligations, the rain, tests and papers due rather than the beauty of nature, my upcoming plans, my health, my fortune to be in school at all. When a walk my dog up the block, I try to memtally list as many things that I’m grateful for as I possibly can (the pretty color of that lady’s dress, the smell from the restaurant, my mom’s phone call earlier that day, all the plans I have that weekend, the lunch I fixed, etc). The walk helps to clear my head and by the time I’ve returned home, I’m a new woman. I also often jot down similar blessings in a journal that I’ve designated as my special Gratitude Journal. After a stressful day or period in my life, even if I think I can’t muster a single thing to offer thanks for, I can look to that journal and remember that there is so much that makes me fortunate.

Making The Mundane Special- It’s about stuff I’ve gotta do anyway and how to make it lovely. When I know it’s going to suck, I’ve got to incorporate an aspect of pleasant or I just won’t do it. Sad but true. Dishes to do? Light a candle. Gobs of homework? Film Scores radio on repeat. Toilet to scrub? Wear that sassy dew rag I tie-dyed in Austin. Dreaded phone call to make? Hot cup of tea. I find it really fun to think of ways that I can make what would otherwise be terrible into a chance for beauty. There are so many opportunities for joyful simplicity that we can marry with our obligations and life suddenly becomes a string of delight, with some responsibility mixed in. Paying bills is way better whilst wearing incredible lipstick, you know?

Certainly, those aren’t the only systems I’ve been exploring. I am also working to incorporating a regular mindfulness practice, acknowledging those in my corner, practicing self-expression, and learning to ask for what I want among many, many other tactics. The point is that I’m learning what works for me. I’m putting in the  time, thought, and effort, because, damn it, I deserve it. I deserve all the joy I can scoop up. And I’m working to build my own, individual definition of joy. And, finally, I’m getting a return on my investment in myself.

It’s crazy to me that just within the last year, I’ve become so very aware of what I really want, made such progress in actually going after it, built so many supportive relationships. I’m so thankful that this community has given me the strength to dive right into exploring what I could do to make my life better. It’s given me a place to take my temperature, so to speak, know how I’m feeling, and not be afraid to think about how I can both maintain what works and improve what doesn’t.

It’s given me a place to share all that. Now, that’s a system that really works.

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Comments (3)

3 Responses to “A Systematic Approach to Claiming Joy”

  • emr1984 Says:
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Dee – Thank you so much for sharing this. Systems have been a key take-away for me too as I've worked through Molly's programs. I can't believe they make such a difference. I also really appreciate your point that nothing happens over night and it is all a process. Great post!

  • Big L Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 3:23 am

    You knocked my socks off with this one, Dee. Seriously, blew my mind. I'm a pretty loyal Stratejoy follower myself and I know, I KNOW, these types of self aware, self loving habits are exactly what Molly's trying to get us all to develop. Wow, you killed it! xo

  • deebuzzing Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Flattered, flattered. Self-awareness + self-love = Stratejoy. Am I right?!!

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