Change: It Does a Body Good

posted 13th May 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

“What happens when we lose the things that anchor us?” – The Good Girl’s Guide to Getting Lost

My ‘anchor’ consisted of a mediocre job, a struggling nonprofit organization, unsatisfying friendships, and a burning feeling of inadequacy.  It triggered my Quarterlife Crisis and I started asking myself those tough questions – What do I really want out of life?  Am I really happy?  Will I ever be enough?

“What if, instead of grasping at something to hold on to, we pull up our roots and walk away?”

I always thought the idea of walking away from something [or someone] was admitting defeat, giving up, or taking the easy way out.  I thought that by walking away, you became weak and vulnerable to everything [and everyone] around you.  But walking away from an unsatisfying, mediocre lifestyle that I was living in Philadelphia forced me to answer those tough questions and evaluate the self-destructing path I had created for myself.  It forced me to realize that I wasn’t happy; I wanted something more fulfilling and gratifying.

“Before, some places just seemed too far, too difficult to reach, but once you start traveling, you never want to stop.”

Prague was just the tipping point.  I want to backpack through Europe, lay on the beaches in South East Asia, explore South America, and take a Safari ride through an African Jungle.  I want to see every hidden gem and set foot on every continent (three down, four to go). 

“What I found on the road was a tiny piece of myself.  These past few years I had survived my own personal disasters and realized I was strong enough … to live my life without fear or worry or doubt that nothing was going according to plan, as though such a plan ever existed in the first place.”

Traveling abroad for any significant amount of time truly changes your life.  As you adapt to the different cultures and lifestyles, you learn that you don’t need things like cable television or central air conditioning to survive (neither of which I had in Prague).  You begin to learn the difference between need and want, and you learn to find pleasure in simple things, like laughing from your soul and smiling just because. 

My life in the States was becoming too predictable – work, hockey, drink, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat – and it really scared the shit out of me.  Is this really what my life has become?! Before I decided to go to Prague, I had a major anxiety attack.  The fear crippled me and I felt like I was chained to the floor.  I’m scared of becoming one of those people who settle for a mediocre life because they’re too afraid of being gutsy and taking risks.

I returned to the States briefly to get my visa and work permit approved by the U.S. Embassy to teach in Thailand, and by the second day that I was back in the City of Brotherly Love, I wanted to leave again to avoid falling back into a mundane, unsatisfying lifestyle that I once had.

I thought working through the culture shock of life in Prague would be difficult, but as it turns out, my biggest culture shock has been returning to the States and trying to fit in again.  Nothing changed since I left, and people don’t care about my stories now that I’m back.  A friend warned me about this over lunch.  I didn’t want to believe it, but as I started reconnecting with more friends and acquaintances, I discovered that he was right (I hate when he’s always right).  I felt more lost returning to America than I did wandering the cobblestone streets of Prague.

I always thought that everyone around me was changing – new jobs, new relationships, making babies – but the truth is, I’m the one who’s changing, and everyone else is standing still, feet stuck in the cement.

Five months ago, my biggest fear was moving to Prague.  Those five months flew by, I survived living in Prague (and I truly loved it), and now my biggest fear is becoming inadequate, unhappy, and settling for mediocrity.

So much of my life has changed (for the better) in a short amount of time.  I guess sometimes change is exactly what we need to live our best life.

{Photo credit: David Reece}

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Comments (10)

10 Responses to “Change: It Does a Body Good”

  • parisianfeline Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    I've never been to Prague but I really want to go!

    Voluntary change can be and is really difficult because not everyone is comfortable with the same level of risk. Most people, I think, want a lot of certainty before heading off – which makes sense. Some people don't care and will just leave. Part of me wants to encourage people to take risks, regardless of the outcomes, because you can't accomplish anything if you're doing nothing. But that's not a comfort level that a lot of people have.

    So I am glad that you took a risk, and decided to go after what you wanted. That's always great to hear/read. :D

  • Kate Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 9:41 am

    For a long time, I really struggled to take a risk without knowing what the end result would be. I think that's something most people struggle with. We are bred to always know what happens with our decisions.

    When I started seeing my life fall into a specific pattern, day in and day out, that's when I realized that I need to do something about it – something BIG. I didn't know how it would turn out, and of course I was terrified to think that I could fail at it, but thankfully it all worked out and it really changed my life.

    I encourage everyone to take risks in life. I know a lot of people aren't as gutsy as I am, and that's okay, but even if you take a small risk, it can be enough to make you take larger risks down the road.

    And definitely go to Prague – it's gorgeous!

  • Carla Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    You can't always know the end result before jumping in. No one would ever accomplish anything or trying something new in life!

    Kate, this is a great post. As I read it I was thinking "OMG….omg I feel the exact same way." Like TODAY I was feeling this……I'm searching for my big next step/change as well.

    All the best to you and kudos for not being afraid of change :)

  • Jaime Says:
    May 14th, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    First I just want to say I'm so glad I found this site. It must be fate, because I stumbled across it last week, and broke up with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years yesterday. It was mutual, and we both agreed we still love each other but its best that we're not together now. One of the big reasons for this is because we both need time and space to work on our own issues and be more ok with ourselves. I kind of knew this was coming but it still hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before. He is my first love and best friend and I'm struggling with how to face life without him. Despite that, I keep telling myself that it's for the best because I know I need to work on getting to know myself better and love myself before I can fully be with anyone. Reading the blogs here makes me feel relieved that there are other people out there struggling the same way I am. Sometimes it seems like everyone has their life together but me. I'm not a writer, but I writing my feelings has always been therapeutic for me and I'm glad to have a place to do that. I'm scared and lonely and afraid that I won't know how to be alone any more after so many years. This is a big change for me, advice on how anyone else out there got through something like this would be appreciated. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    May 14th, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    You, my friend, are so brave- so insightful, and I'm so happy that change has brought so much hope to your life. Amen, sista!

  • Kate Says:
    May 15th, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Hi Jaime! I'm so glad you found Stratejoy. It's a great Tribe, full of hundreds of AMAZING women (and maybe even some men!). Please feel free to reach out to Molly and the rest of the bloggers if there's anything we can do for you, or if you ever just need someone to talk/write to. That's what I love most about Stratejoy – you'll always find at least ONE person here who's going through the exact same thing you're going through, or someone who went through it already. We're here to talk, share, confide, and show our true badges without any criticism or judgments.

    Keep writing and keep reading! xo

  • Kate Says:
    May 15th, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Amen back at you, sista! Thanks for your continuing love and support – you ROCK! xo

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    May 17th, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Darlin, you are an inspiration to us all. Choosing to avoid mediocrity and go after a life you're proud of is something that we should all champion. Thank you so much for sharing all the struggles open and honestly.

  • Kristin Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    This is FANTASTIC!! This is exactly how I felt about moving to teach in Colombia with all the nerves but excitement but OH MY GOD will this work/can I do this, etc. You describe it perfectly! CHANGE totally does a body, mind, heart, soul, everything so much GOOD and I am so happy for you to experience that!! Keep living it girl :)

  • RachelPastry Says:
    March 31st, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I love this! I'm so happy that you have found your happiness! :o ) That's for being an inspiration, Kate.

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