Guilt and Regret, Ugly Twins

posted 30th May 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Money, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

See that cupcake? Best cupcake I’ve ever had. Creamy Coconut with Buttercream Frosting. Drool. So good, I ate two.

Last week, instead of gluing myself to a chair at a coffee shop for the umpteenth evening in a row, I went to see a movie and grabbed a couple of beers with friends.

At work, I said no to a project that I just simply didn’t have the time to give my best.

Wanna know what I did last night? Ate chips in my bed while I surfed the web past 2 am. Yeah. Did it.

Wanna know what I didn’t do? Feel guilty.

But usually, I do. What I’m working through right now, among a million other things, is being myself, listening to my “inner Dee,” the friendly voice that gently guides me towards what I need and truly want, and training myself to let go of unnecessary guilt. Sometimes, what I need is a damn cupcake, chips in bed, or a night of watching Real Housewives in my underwear. Other times, my voice tells me that I need to close down Twitter and read that assigned scholarly article, pick up the phone and call my parents, or tackle the pile of dishes.

The trick here is letting go of the idea that perfection means eating healthy, getting 8 hours of sleep, tackling amazing projects, managing to squeeze in every social activities and family gathering all while wearing a polished outfit with a complementary shade of lipstick every day. Some days, perfect is sweats and leisurely reading. Some days, it’s throwing the schedule out the window and cleaning the closets. Some days it’s a real Coca-Cola Classic, you know? Other days, it’s shutting up the lazy voice and plowing through responsibility or gritting your teeth and doing what you said you’d do. I guess it’s all about listening carefully to what our souls are asking for.

I mean, the deal is, I’m going to do a lot of the stuff I do anyway. I need to embrace it and get rid of the constant feeling that I should have made a different decision. That’s me, that’s Dee. I’m a chipped nail polish, dust on my coffee table, stay out a little too late over wine kinda girl. I’m a sometimes chips and magazines in bed, sometimes careful vegetarian, sometimes greasy hair hidden in a ballcap, sometimes dolled-up, sometimes two cupcakes, sometimes long run kinda girl. One way is not always better than the other. One way should not be associated with negativity and fill me with guilt and regret. Right? They’re all me, all in response to the way I feel. Now, sure, everything in moderation is a key here. But, another key that I don’t usually use is the one that opens the door to allowing myself a break now and then because I just flat-out need it without the guilt, guilt, guilt.

Guilt, by definition, is associated with wrongness. What, I wonder, is so wrong with cutting myself some slack now and then? Nothin.

Besides, “perfect” gets boring. “Perfect” can get monotonous. “Perfect” is never spicy and juicy enough for me. I gotta have the days in sweats to feel beautiful in a dress. I gotta miss a night out in order to appreciate when I can hit the town. I gotta give myself some cushion so that I can appreciate it when I’m getting it all just right. And without the crippling guilt.

Furthermore, guilt is associated, for me, with my limitations. The limitations of time, the limitations of my body, the limitations that arise out of conflict. I could spend all day thinking about the zillion things I want to do with and in my life. There’s so much! There’s too much! And that, my friends, makes me downright sad sometimes.

Guilt can be good. Yes. In small doses. For the big stuff. But guilt about the small stuff builds into stress that destroys the rest of stuff.

 

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Comments (8)

8 Responses to “Guilt and Regret, Ugly Twins”

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    So, I forgot to post this the other day. Or, I thought you did, or something I don't know. ANYWAY, I read this and just fell in love with you all over again. So I think that makes about 10 times I've fallen in love with you. This rings SO TRUE. Dropping the guilt is huge. I, like you, like to workout on some days, but others eat massive amounts of grease. It always balances out, but some days I'm left feeling guilty.

    NEEDED THIS!

  • amanda Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    You go girl, well done. Live your life 'real' and you'll live a long happy one. Enjoy the journey.

  • Big L Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    I LOVE THIS POST! That paragraph that starts with "The trick here…", yeah I might need to print it and tape it to my forehead!

  • Kim Says:
    May 31st, 2011 at 9:43 am

    LOVE THIS! It's soooo true. I have also been trying to cut myself some slack lately, as I tend to be someone who is hard on myself. I have been trying to eat healthier and lose weight, and I find cutting yourself slack is essential as part of that journey. You WILL have days where you slack, that's just all there is to it! The important thing is that you get back on the wagon the next day and keep at it. No wonder I didn't lose weight long term before because I would get so down on myself for having a bad diet day that I would say "screw it" and just abandon the whole thing, which just sets you up for failure. It's hard to find the balance between allowing myself breaks and motivating myself, but I'm working on it. Great attitude to have!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    June 1st, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I think I'm the turd who did something wrong- but here she blows so it's all good! Now, for all the love that the Stratejoy ladies throw around, I vote we MEETUP (with no guilt, fuzzy socks, and copious amounts of red wine, of course)! Discuss.

  • deebuzzing Says:
    June 1st, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Livin my life for realsies- for sure! And, thank you, Enjoy The Journey, I shall!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    June 1st, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Well, I am so glad you love it, Big L! I love taping things to my forehead- real good tactic for staying on track. While we're at it, why don't we just tattoo some inspiration messages to our faces, too? :)

  • deebuzzing Says:
    June 1st, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Yes, Yes, Yes- cut yo'self some slack! I am QUEEN of the push myself too hard and crash method of everything, diet, exercise, work, sleep. I go so hard until I can't take it anymore, then I hit a wall and throw it all out the window. For instance, today, although I am trying to give up soda, I was craaaaaaaving a Diet Coke this morning. So, I gave in. Now, that doesn't mean that I have to go on a soda binge and give up my goal of limiting carbonated beverage intake, right? I can have that soda, and continue to move forward in awareness. Girl, I'm with you in this. Love!

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