Life After Stratejoy – An Alumni Visit

posted 12th May 2011    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Season 2, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

 

Is this thing on?

Hiiii.

As you may have guessed, no, I am not  Bri, who usually holds this spot on Thursday. (Who is fine, just so you know. Just moving, and unpacking, and growing a baby!)

I’m also not Amanda, Juliana,  Dee, Laura, or Katharine. Nope, not Molly.  Sorry to disappoint some of you, and I know you look forward to the awesome journies of the ladies this season. I mean, there’s no doubt about it, Season IV rocks, and I’m so proud of my little ladies.

Some of you may know me as Katie, the ever-so-proud-to-be Editor in Chief for Stratejoy.  Others who have been around for a while, I’m Season II Blogger, Katie. You may remember me as the Jersey girl who had a shopping addiction, and an unfortunate battle with depression and suicide. I spent 6 months blogging about it, but didn’t share nearly as much as I would have liked to out of fear and shame.

Something that I can now admit is that I have a hard time letting people down. Knowing that I had a post due every week for my Stratejoy internship kept me pushing through another day. I didn’t want to let Molly down. I didn’t want to let my fellow Season II bloggers down. I didn’t want to let the readers down. Stratejoy literally kept me alive.

After Season Two

When Season Two ended, it was incredibly bittersweet. I celebrated lasting 6 months through the ups and the downs, yet I didn’t want to stop being a part of Stratejoy. I asked Molly if there was anything that I could volunteer to do. She gave me perhaps the opportunity of a lifetime, a way to give back. She asked me to be the editor-in-cheif and big-sister to the following season of bloggers. I happily accepted, and have held the position since.

A year ago, I posted this post. It spoke of how I had hit a dead end. I wasn’t happy, and trying to substitute things for happiness was not working. I was angry, frustrated, confused, and jealous of all of the other people I knew who were living happy lives, with their perfect dreams, perfect significant others, perfect everything.

I made the choice to go to therapy. I felt so broken, and I just wanted to be fixed.

Over the next 6 months, I’d be diagnosed several times with everything from bi-polar disorder, to severe depression, to dysthymia. I’d be put on prescription anxiety medication that I would use in whatever amount it would take to numb the pain. I’d uncover and unlock years of feelings of resentment, pain, and not feeling good enough. I’d break down and cry alone. My best friend would walk out of my life without looking back, except for the occasional glance. I’d miss my ex-boyfriends like crazy, no matter how bad they were for me. I’d revisit the idea of ending it all, mostly because it was the only way I could imagine to earn the attention of those I vied for attention from.

I became addicted to making others happy. Instead of shopping, I turned to taking on new projects, getting new jobs, and sleeping 3 hours a night. I felt like a robot. The moment I’d start to feel something, I’d just shut down, and go to bed.

The Wake Up Call

It didn’t happen all-of-a-sudden. I cannot pinpoint an event or conversation that made me wake up and smell the beautiful that life has to offer me.  It took a hell of a lot of work.

It took learning that I am not a diagnosis. I get down in the dumps from time to time, but that doesn’t make me depressed. It makes me human.

It took realizing that even though things might not be ideal at the moment, my thoughts and actions can change any situation.

It took me letting go of the past in order to proceed with an open heart into the future.

It took courage, dedication, and belief in myself to slowly crawl out of the dark hole I had gotten into.

Everyday isn’t a battle anymore. I have days where I have to try a little harder, or be a little more gentler to myself. I’m happy more days than I’m not happy.

The Acheivements, AKA Right Now:

In closing, just a list of the things that I’ve accomplished over the last year. It’s always fun to look back on the posts from last year, see what I wanted, and realize that I got them. In no particular order:

Graduated high school. Started a savings account. Rid my life of friends and friendships that I had outgrown. Moved out of a house that I wasn’t happy in. Shared my entire story with the internet.  Enrolled in college. Moved into a beautiful townhome in Philadelphia that I love. Started eating healthy. Stopped making excused. Started taking a multi-vitamin. Stopped eating (red) meat. Started opening up more. Tried dating again. Got a new job. (or 3). Fell in love with myself and my abilities. Developed an endearing case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with being organized and on time.

It’s been a long year, but I’m so thankful to have made it through. I look forward to each and every day, knowing very well that I have the ability to do anything. I can’t even believe this is ME saying this stuff. But I can promise you that I mean it.

The biggest lesson that I took with me from Stratejoy is that you’re never alone. You might not relate to any of the stories that anyone else is telling here on Stratejoy, but there are readers, behind-the-sceners, people in general who care. No matter what you’re going through, how out-there you think your life and problems are, there is always someone who can relate, listen, and remind you of why you’re here. There are people out there who can remind you of your amazingness when stress is clouding your vision.

There are people out there who care. You just have to let yourself let them.

Oh, and back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Promise.

 

 

Photo Credit: [Rachael Preeya Photography]

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Comments (14)

14 Responses to “Life After Stratejoy – An Alumni Visit”

  • Alisha Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    So glad to see you are doing well.

    And your takeaway from Stratejoy continues to be the same as mine: I am never alone.

  • Cute~Ella Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Something tells me we're more alike than we even thought. Now I have to go read all your posts here.

  • Ash Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Beautiful. Brave! Thank you for sharing and reminding us that the tribe is always there – awesome, in the truest sense of the word!

  • Kris Parfitt Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    So awesomely inspiring Katie! You go girl!!!

  • Le Grain de Sable Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    I loved reading your post! Thank you!

  • Jessica Boucher Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 5:32 am

    "It took learning that I am not a diagnosis. I get down in the dumps from time to time, but that doesn't make me depressed. It makes me human."

    This is huge. It took me a long time to get to this realization too. I'm so happy I did, and I'm so happy you're there too. Great to hear from you and come back soon!

  • Lindsey Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Katie! So good to see you back on Stratejoy. I often wonder how all the past bloggers are faring… and it sounds like awesome for you! Keep on rockin' the self-discovery & happiness in your world :]

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Thanks, Ash. I typically think groups are hokey, but the confidence that this group has helped me with, and the belief I have in myself because of it blows my mind. Every. Single. Time.

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 11:18 am

    THANK YOU! Love that you stopped by and read. :)

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    You're too nice. Thanks for reading, love!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    May 14th, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    You guys! Couldn't agree more. It's what drew me in and keeps me coming back: the understanding that we've got each other. :)

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 15th, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    And you already know how much I adore every single hair on your fuzzy socks.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    May 17th, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Katie…I am really happy to see you doing so well. Maybe one of these days we can have coffee and catch up. *hugs*

  • Manifesto Monday: I Am Enough | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    June 20th, 2011 at 8:25 am

    [...] probably remember me, Katie. I was a Season II’er. I swooped in a few months ago to check in. I’m dropping in again because, well, I just love it here. Plus, since Molly is off being [...]

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