Reconnecting with Food, Letting go of Deprivation

posted 29th May 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Juliana, Life Lesson, Season 4

I shouldn’t be impressed by a carrot. I mean, vegetables are probably one of the more mundane things in life, almost as common as dirt. But there I was, having my socks blown off by a root vegetable (and frankly, by the common dirt I was pulling it from as well.) I couldn’t believe how pretty it was, and how it seemed like a small miracle that this edible thing was sitting right there, underground, waiting for me to find it.

This is my third week volunteering at a local organic farm.  I’m working a few hours a week in exchange for a share of the harvest – every week we get to take home a big bag full of produce, most of which was harvested only the day before. The benefits of this work are exceeding my expectations.  Initially, I expected it to be good physical work, which it is — lots of tilling, weeding, bending, lifting, carrying — and a boost to my vitamin D intake.  What I didn’t fully expect was the immense satisfaction that comes with pulling your own food from the ground, cutting a leaf and eating it only moments later, sweating and working and feeling like you’re really earning your lunch. I’m finding myself not only actually fed by this work, but fed in a spiritual sense, too. And when I sit down and eat a huge bowl of salad made up of greens I picked with new friends and fellow volunteers, I feel completely satisfied.

I’m also celebrating two weeks dairy-free today. Yes, I said celebrating. I never thought I would be able to turn away from a delicious piece of cheese, but I am finding that, partly because of the farm work, I’m healing my relationship to food in more than one way. After some research and experimentation, it occurred to me that I may have low-grade allergic reactions to dairy. I decided to try to go for one month without it and see how I felt.   I was surprised after only a few days that I felt less sluggish, and my seasonal allergies seemed to disappear!  About a week in, I was doing really well, but I started to feel deprived. Images of a giant slice of cheesy, melty pizza started dancing in my head. One day, because I’d planned poorly and was way overdue for lunch, I impulsively stopped at the neighborhood pizza joint on the way home and got two slices. (Keep in mind I’m also not tolerant of wheat products, so pizza is like the ultimate forbidden food!) They tasted amazing, but my enjoyment didn’t last very long. Before the night was over, I had a terrible bellyache, and the next morning I woke up with a horrific allergy attack! Stuffy nose, sore throat, the works. I decided right there, in between helpless seizures of sneeze attacks, to get back on the wagon.

For awhile, even though I understood the health benefits of all of these dietary choices, it still felt like it wasn’t fair. It felt like deprivation, and that I didn’t “get to” eat the way everyone else did. It sucked that I was allergic to some foods and had to plan more carefully for meals than other people or else suffer the consequences. Many times, this feeling of deprivation led me to ignore what my body was clearly telling me and binge on the very foods that hurt me, all in the name of feeling “normal” and satisfying a temporary craving.

Today I ate a vegan lunch and felt full and grateful. I didn’t wish for a sandwich or a cheese sauce. As I ate, I admired the creativity and bounty of the meal (sweet potato tacos with cabbage and pineapple salsa, and a bowl of rice & beans. Yum.) Something has shifted in my thinking about being dairy and wheat free, eating mostly vegetables, and aiming for organic whenever possible. I am finally starting to internalize the idea that choosing the foods that make my body the happiest is the very opposite of deprivation – it is true nourishment. Connecting with my food on an intimate level at the farm fills me with awe and appreciation for the Earth and its ability to sustain us if we take care of it.  I see that same appreciation echoed in how I view my body, the body that works so hard for me every day and all it asks of me is that I take care of it.

I know it will take time before I stop being tempted by “forbidden foods”, but in the meantime I will continue to seek out the things that help my body be at its best, and with each day on the farm, I’ll be even more impressed with common vegetables.

 

 

[photo by bookgrl ]

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Comments (6)

6 Responses to “Reconnecting with Food, Letting go of Deprivation”

  • Big L Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Love, love, love! Seriously, one of my favourite posts of the season. I completely adore that you're picking veggies and I love that you're learning to cherish food in a different way. When I have moments like that – when I literally feel the goodness of the food nourishing me – they're among my favourites. And lately, I could REALLY, REALLY stand to follow your lead. I've been using and abusing, sister, and it's not cool!

  • Emma Dozier Says:
    May 31st, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Nice Juliana! I spent the weekend with a Vegan friend who pretty much showe off all the delights foods she coul make. I'm now adding a food I ate/way my body felt portion to my journal to keep up with and mindfully notice my food! Keep up the great attitude!

  • Esther Says:
    May 31st, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Wow! That's great (: I've been phasing red meat and dairy out of my diet and have never felt better. I don't feel so sluggish anymore. Fruits and vegetables tastes especially yummy now!

  • Juliana Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Yes! It's amazing how you start to TASTE other foods when you aren't clouded by some of the stuff your body doesn't like as much. Good for you. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Wow… keeping track of how you FELT after eating something in a food diary is a brilliant idea! I may start doing that too.

  • Juliana Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Thanks, L!
    One of the best parts of working at the farm are the big salad lunches we have outdoors at the barn after a hard day's work – talk about really feeling the nourishment. Yum. :)

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