Finding Forgiveness and Adventure in Australia

posted 3rd June 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Travel/Adventure

“Deciding to become a new person is easier than forgiving yourself for the not-so-good parts of who you already are.” – Nicole Antoinette

I never thought I’d get here.  Australia, that is. 

Surprise!

I mean, on a map, it looks so effing far from Pennsylvania, plus it’s on the other side of the equator, making it seem nearly impossible to visit.  But I’m finally here and Sydney is a wonderful place.

It took me three months and three continents to realize that it’s not about reclaiming my life; it’s about forgiving myself for all of the pain, sadness, anger, and resentment I have been holding onto since I was 12 years old.  It’s about forgiving myself for the anger of my father’s suicide.  For the sadness and regret of destroying my relationship with my mother right before she died.  For constantly being so hard on myself.

I thought the pain stemmed from outside sources, but as it turns out, the pain has been self-inflicting all along.  Sometimes the worst kind of pain is that which we inflict on ourselves.

It’s not about starting over again; it’s about filling the cracks of my broken and damaged life with new passion, gratitude, and love so that the new eventually covers the old.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much of my life has changed in three short months and how I’ve always been so scared of change.  I used to be that kind of person who enjoys the comfortable and (often) predictability of a stagnant lifestyle.  But as I started making bold decisions with my life, I learned that change can be really, really good for you, if you let it.  It can bring new adventures, new opportunities, and new friendships.  Most importantly though, it can bring a new perspective on life.

I’ve been working a lot on answering those gut-wrenching questions that initiated this journey, as well as forgiving myself for the self-inflicting pain.  I’m trying to create a better way to fill the cracks, rather than start over.

Forgiveness takes courage.  It means stripping yourself down to the bare truth behind many of your not-so-good parts.  It means acknowledging your mistakes and failures and accepting them for what they are, believing that it’s helped you build character, and knowing that they do not define you.

Part of this journey has been about forgiveness.  How can I forgive myself for my mistakes, failures, and missed opportunities?  The answer – while it took having to travel halfway around the world to answer – was easy: move.  I needed to get out of my comfort zone to understand why I was so unhappy.  I needed distance to realize that it’s about fixing what you have, instead of starting over.  I needed to detach myself from everything I knew and loved in order to gain a new perspective on life.

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” – Jonathan Larson

I believe that if you really want to do something – whether it’s travel the world, quit your job, or move across the country – then you should do it.  Do what makes you happy, do the things you dream of doing, and live without any regrets because life is too short and too precious to always play it safe.

Today, I went skydiving and nearly crapped my pants in the process because I wanted to.  SKYDIVING IN AUSTRALIA! I jumped out of a plane 14,000 feet off the ground and experienced 60 seconds of free-falling before my parachute opened.  The experience?  INTENSE and UNBELIEVABLE.  And I’d do it again in a heart beat, if it wasn’t so damn expensive (though completely worth the $255 AUD).  It was an impulse decision (and I had to coerce my hostel roommate to do it with me), but sometimes you have to experience the thrill and the rush to truly appreciate life.

And other times, you have to say “fuck it!” and jump out of a plane 14,000 feet in the air … just because you want to.

{photo credit: Sydney Opera House, by yours truly}

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Comments (7)

7 Responses to “Finding Forgiveness and Adventure in Australia”

  • suki Says:
    June 3rd, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Skydiving! :) I'm still waiting to do that before I get to a point where I just talk myself out of it.

  • Caz Says:
    June 3rd, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Awesome! If you make it down to Melbourne let me know. Happy to show you around or grab coffee or something! (@C4ZZ4)

  • Juliana Says:
    June 5th, 2011 at 5:28 am

    I love this entry. And you're right – our own internal "stuff" can be so much worse than what other people are doing/saying to us. I'm glad you're finding some forgiveness. And Skydiving! Wow!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    June 5th, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Yes! Think of yourself a a piece of precious, handcrafted China. You may get some chips and cracks along the way, but you will always be beautiful, and worthy of love and admiration. Go for it, girl…keep on jumping.

  • Kate Says:
    June 5th, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    I really want to make a trip to Melbourne – everyone here tells me it's wonderful! I'll definitely let you know if I can make it down there soon!!! Following you on twitter now…. :)

  • Kate Says:
    June 5th, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Definitely do it, Suki!!! It was AMAZING and I want to do it again before I leave Australia!!! :)

  • Therese Schwenkler Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Love this, Katharine! Asking questions and embracing change IS what it’s all about. I’m glad that you had the courage to do that, whether it came in the form of learning to forgive or skydiving in Australia!

    The sort of weird thing is that I published a post today that has a lot in common with everything you just wrote about: it’s about embracing change and uncertainty and about my unplanned trip to Australia! “Why It’s OK to be Lost and Confused:”

    http://www.theunlost.com/?portfolio=what-to-do-wh…

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