Obsessed With More

posted 15th June 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Life Lesson, Season 4, What I've Learned

Last week, a very sobering blog post was popping up around the Internet, entitled Regrets of the Dying. Written by a longtime palliative care nurse, it shared the five most common regrets people have when realizing the end of their life is imminent. Among them is: “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

While there’s plenty one could take away from this post (and it’s definitely worth reading), it got me thinking about how common it is for us to be obsessed with more. How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say they wanted more of something? I’m certainly guilty of it.

“I want more of this kind of work”, “I wish she was more understanding”, “I wish Hunny would put his bowl in the dishwasher more,” “I need to workout more,” “That’ll have to wait until I make more money.”

There are countless examples; some are about something meaningful, while others are completely irrelevant, really. But I wonder, in what ways are we better served by wanting to make more money, instead of contentedly living within our means? What value does a second helping at meal time actually add, when the first round was already damn delicious? If we spend time wishing someone was more of something, don’t we miss out on appreciating what they already are? Does constantly wanting to be more something ever feed our soul the way that realizing we already are a hell of a lot of things does?

The thing with an insatiable appetite for more is that it gets in the way a little bit. It’s almost like living our life with a constant “but….”, isn’t it?

I love you, but; I’m really good at this, but; I’m proud of that, but; This is delicious, but; You’re wonderful, but.

There’s such a fine line between being happy with what you have and striving for continuous improvement. When does continuous improvement become a misstep – an exercise in overlooking how great things already are? And when does contentment turn into complacency – a lack of desire to live your best life?

Over the last year, I’ve really been working on slowing down, appreciating and settling in. I’ve been craving inputs, rather than outputs. I’ve been looking inward, instead of seeking validation from others. I’ve been listening to my instincts, instead of people’s expectations. And as a result, my feelings of peace, certainty and contentment have definitely increased. What’s better, so has my awareness of those feelings.

The only trouble is, I’m still trying to find that fine line between striving and staying.

It’s in my nature to want to push myself. I believe in potential and I value creativity, exploration, originality, and freedom. Those values don’t really equate to settling in to the status quo, right? But on the flip side, I’m becoming a big fan of being; of loving, laughing and appreciating, from exactly where I am.

It’s a delicate balance and one that I’m going to keep working on. I want to be sure I’m letting myself be happy.

So tell me, how do you walk that line? What are some ways you divide your attention between the present and the future?

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Comments (3)

3 Responses to “Obsessed With More”

  • Mikey Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Big L – Of all your wonderful writings, I think this post hits the nail on the head most for me. Since you asked for feedback and this is a forum of honesty, I will try to be authentic in my comment :) . I read all of your blogs. I read through this site often. And the challenge I often have…or the question that so often runs through my head as I read… is Why can't people just BE? As you know Big L, I haven't always been the most honest with myself, nor all that in tune with what is best for me but one thing I have held true in most recent years is my commitment to BEING and doing, for no other reason than because "I wanted to".

    I guess what I find so contradictory and inadvertently hypocritical in so many articles/posts on this subject – is that in people trying to be better, more unique, more creative, more different, more free … that many are just binding themselves further and actually… not being all that authentic. There is a balance and a joy that is missed in the pursuit of being More.

  • Mikey Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    …Continued in post 2 (bc my message was too long :p)

    If you want to take dance classes…. do. But not because you are trying to be more artsy. If you want to play volleyball or run a marathon…. do. But not because you are trying to fill out the athletics strand in your 4 Strands of Success. Don't get me wrong, it is great to have goals. Challenging yourself is admirable. Bettering yourself is a worthy cause. But – in my opinion alone – in all of the trying to be better … don't forget to find the balance of just "BEING" you. Life is much MORE enjoyable that way.

  • Big L Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Amen, sister. Thank you for commenting and for being so honest! I absolutely agree with your point of view. So much of my journey this last 12-18 months has been about consciously BEING, as you say. Which, as you know, takes a bit of commitment at first, until it becomes more natural. I'm finding it really overrated and exhausting to be constantly thinking about self improvement (or reading about and listening to other people think about it). Cheers to enjoying LIFE!
    P.S. I love you, heaps and heaps!

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