Confessions of the Heart

posted 6th July 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Creativity, Laura, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

A Joy Juice prompt arrived in my inbox this morning. It asked what I really deep down desire for my life right now.

Aside from my core values, my answers are this: Autonomy. Expression. Individuality. Variety. Validation. Profit.

But then, the second part of the prompt challenged whether the things I’m spending my time on relate to those desires. In many ways, the answer is yes. But if I were to be brutally honest with myself (and now, with anyone in the entire world who lands here), I would admit there are a few things I’ve been fantasizing about lately that I’m not proactively working towards.

There are these fleeting thoughts that come in and out of my mind, sometimes daily, and they often look / sound the same. But I haven’t really done anything to capture them or to help them gain any traction. Until now, they’ve been unexpressed wonders, rather than legitimate possibilities for my life. But I’m changing that today, by sharing them with you and shifting them into intentions.

I intend to transcend the boundary between creative writing and business writing. That’s a mouthful. What I mean is, I want my writer’s soul to guide the way, as it does when one writes creatively, but I want show others the value that powerful and interesting word-smithing can have in a business setting.

As part of this transcendance, I intend to raise the bar on the amount of character and personality in the services I offer for money. I intend to have more conviction in my mad skills.

And as part of doing that, I envision a business website that is rich with sharing clarity, lessons learned and rules broken. Like, a website so groovy and thought provoking that lots of people bookmark it!

And so, I intend to be more disciplined in creating such a website. I intend to stop talking and thinking about how to do things differently and JUST DO THAT SHIT.

By the end of the year, I intend to create a place on the Internet that is a visual representation of my brain. Somewhere for people who appreciate clarity and self-care to gather, if only for a few moments a week. Why? Because I know I have insight and ideas to share with the world. Even if that world is only 20 people, it’s a start. I want a space where I can share my best thinking and my soul stirring moments, without the pressure of relating them to the brand of my business, at least for now.

I intend to create art. And more importantly, I want to do-away with feeling like I should first become a master. It’s not that I’m averse to learning and improving, I’m not. But I am frustrated by the self-imposed notion that I need to educate myself in a craft before I can try it. So what if I don’t have a Master’s degree in creative writing or a Bachelor’s degree in fine arts? The reality is I’ll probably never have one, and that’s not even really what I’m after.

What if I just have some creative talent waiting to burst out? In fact, I know I do, I just haven’t figured out how to express it.

Also? I see a book. I know, I’ve talked about this before. But this time, I can see it. It’s a combination of short-form writing, nuggets of clarity and love letters, all directed at the reader to help them gain clarity about a specific subject of their lives.

There. Sharing that wasn’t so bad.

But the real test lies ahead. In order to reach these intentions, I really need to push. I need to extend out of my comfort zone, beg for help, experiment, do things I’ve never, ever done before.

They’re intentions that my former success-oriented, output-driven self would have buried, because I couldn’t be guaranteed to assertively tackle them, with confidence and efficiency. I suppose it’s a big step to even let them bubble up to the surface. But now that they’re here – staring all of us in the face – I figure I should endeavour to make some progress. Except, I’m not sure how and I’m afraid of what might happen if I do. Whether my efforts are wildly successful or miserable failures, they’re likely to lead me into totally unfamiliar territory.

The fact that I’m even considering going there means I have you – yes, you, Molly and the Stratejoy tribe – to thank. So Thank You, team, for being good listeners and cheerleaders, and allowing my heart to confess to you.

But now that you’ve got us into this mess, do you have any suggestions for where the hell I should start?

{Photo credit}

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