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Looking Back Over Two Years Since Stratejoy

posted 29th August 2011    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: Andrea, Guest Post Rockstar, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis

 

Andrea_I_Love_YouRemember Andrea from our Season 1 Bloggers? It’s been two years since she was in the blogger spotlight and she’s back to check in and update us on what (and where! and who!) the last two years have brought her. 

I’m going to be totally honest here, it’s so crazy to think its been two years since I met Molly and was introduced to the world of Stratejoy. As part of the Season 1 Stratejoy bloggers I’ve had the opportunity to listen and watch as three more groups of amazing ladies grow and change right before my eyes. Some have new homes, new jobs, new directions, new lovers and even new babies!

As for me? Well, its been two years and while some things have changed, others have remained the same. I left off closing one  door and waiting for another one to open. Part of me is still the same Andrea I was in 2009 and part of me is still trying to figure it all out. But you know what? I’m ok with that. Life is full of changes and I’ve learned to embrace those as they come.

Today, I’m sitting here writing this update from Austin, Texas. Gone are the nights I spent gallivanting around Washington, DC and jet-setting across the country for my job. Yes, I really did move to a totally different environment where people walk slower, talk funny and enjoy the sunshine. What I do know is that that coming here was one of the best decisions I could have made and it’s only getting better. Living in DC was perfect for that chapter of my life and now Austin is the best place I could possibly be for this chapter.

In May of this year I became an entrepreneur. I still work full-time (damn you, student loans!) and also teach as an adjunct of PR and Digital Marketing, but somehow managed to find time to launch a business on the side. I hope to find the courage to take the jump and pursue my business full time in 2012. I’m about 80% sure I’m going to go for it. Ok maybe more like 90%.

My business, BrandKit, guides college students and recent grads toward discovering their inner spark. I work with young professionals as a mentor and show them ways to stand out from the competition with branded resumes and portfolios.If you’re interested, I’m looking for guest bloggers too!

I love living in one of the greatest startup capitals of the world and I’m now a full-fledged member of the Gen Y Entrepreneurs Club. Running my own business is challenging, but exhilarating at the same time and there nothing else I would rather be doing with my life right now. My tech, geekiness is really shining through now!

I also took up yoga this year, started riding my little blue bike everywhere and shop at thrift stores for vintage home decor when I have the time. I look forward to home-made breakfast tacos, sunsets over the lake and meeting some of the most innovative, adventurous minds out there at random Austin happy hours.

On one hand, life looks and feels totally different. On the other, my brain and perception of life are still very much the same. I often find myself thinking “Is this really as good as it gets?” or ” Where will I go next?” (which will most likely be Europe if I have my way and can convince The One to move across the pond) And, I don’t consider myself a grown-up yet, because I still struggle with finances and have fears about pursuing my passion.

Through the past two years I’ve worked really hard at calming my brain and coping with life as it comes. I can proudly say I handle situations much better than I used to and don’t feel like I’m moving a million miles an hour. The South, The One (Yes can freely admit now I moved to Austin to be with him and yes we do live together!), some inspiring female entrepreneurs I look up to and a bit of therapy have helped get me to where I am today. I still believe that Happiness is not geographic, and that it’s the people you’re surrounded by, not where you are. 

It’s important that I also say thank you to all of the people I’ve met or crossed paths with over these last two years. I’m grateful to have met a whole crew of amazing people, most of which were because of Molly and Stratejoy. Many times when I meet someone for the first time in person, I feel as if we are already friends.

Some of these ladies are now part of my inner circle and I know we will remain close for a very long time to come. We help keep each other motivated and sane. I see now that in life you really do need others to help get you to where you are supposed to be. We aren’t meant to do it all alone.

If your find yourself heading south, please reach out to me! My home in Austin is your home and there are plenty of cute cafes and shops I can take you to if you come through town for a visit.

There are big things in store for the future, deep down I can feel it. I not sure exactly what will happen tomorrow or later this year, but the possibility is what keeps me going.

Pax et Bonum

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Everything Has Changed

posted 23rd August 2011    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

Season Two bloggers back in the house. Heather Rae is catching us up on what has happened in her world over the last year. Hey, are you a Stratejoy Alum from Season 1-3? Wanna give the Tribe an update? We’d love to hear how you’re doing! E-mail katie (at) stratejoy (dot) com and we’ll hook you up with a guest post spot over the next week!

Heather Rae in AsiaIt seems ten years have passed since I last wrote for Stratejoy.  Yet, it was just last year.  Why?  Because ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING has changed.

Seriously.

Had I known then the journey ahead, I probably would have crouched in a corner, head in hands, screaming and rocking.  Sometimes it’s good we don’t know what’s in store.


When last we spoke, I had just moved to Seattle.  I was settling into life with my fiance in a new city, making new friends.  And then.  Well, I’ll be honest.  Then everything fell apart.

My seemingly perfect relationship ended a few months after moving.  I found myself without a job, my ego bruised, my bank account near empty.  I decided it was best to pack my car and drive home to Las Vegas.  I lived with my brother (and if you know anything about my brother and I, that was a feat in itself) and searched for a job — any job.  I was terrified.  I had visions of crying outside in the rain on my friends’ doorsteps, begging for food.

Of course, that never transpired.  My job search became a full-time endeavor.  I literally sat myself in the office eight hours a day, revising and submitting my resume.  It paid off.  I got a few offers.  Ultimately, I accepted a part-time teaching gig at a private high school and a part-time job with a local hospital.

Once my basic needs were under control, I started thinking again about what I really wanted.  I still wanted to write (remember that novel I was working on?).  But I also knew I needed to make a living.  Seeing as how I no longer had another person to consider, I decided to dream big.  If nothing could stop me, what would I do?  I would return to school.  I would join the Peace Corps.  I would travel.  I would write.  I would dance.  I would hike.  I would make art.

Okay.  So not that much changed.  I sort of already knew these things.  I figured, what the hell, why not try for everything?  I applied to the Peace Corps.  I applied to graduate school.  And I kept up with the other things I love so much — hiking, writing, dancing, etc.  Here’s one scenario I didn’t imagine: getting accepted to both places.

But that’s what happened.  I got my acceptance letter from the School Psychology program at UNLV, and then the acceptance from the Peace Corps arrived.  First, I jumped and giggled.  Second, I stressed.  Which should I choose?  I didn’t know.  So I’ll tell you what I did.  I accepted both.  Yes, I know that wasn’t very nice.  Because one would be expecting me, and I wouldn’t follow through.  But I just couldn’t choose.  Not then anyhow.

And before I knew it, an entirely different possibility opened up.  I was offered a full-time position at that school I worked at.  It was a good offer.  Plus, let’s be honest, a friend in Thailand had called me up and said I should visit over the summer.  If I accepted the job, I would be free to run off for a summer-vacay without feeling guilty.

I quit the job at the hospital, accepted the offer with the school and ran to Southeast Asia about as fast as I possibly could.  I had no plan and no idea what to expect.  I barely had time to throw the guidebook in my backpack.  I just went without thinking.  And let me tell you — it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

My adventures took me through Thailand, Laos and Cambodia.  I got lost in jungles, marooned on deserted beaches, biked through ancient ruins and attacked by monkeys.  It was amazing.  Every.  Single.  Second.  Even the bad stuff was phenomenal.  Of course, I also fell head over heals for a close friend and got my heart broken.  But what’s a good Thailand story without a little heartbreak?

On top of everything, I gained a little clarity.  I signed up for grad school and said no to the Peace Corps.

Two months later, my return to the states was bittersweet.  Honestly, I wasn’t quite ready.  I could have carried on with my travels for months and months.  But I had a job to return to, and most importantly, I had classes to start.

And that brings me to today.  Today was my first day back at work.  I spent the day cleaning my biology lab (can you believe I’m a biology teacher?  I can’t.) and gushing over my trip.  Next Monday, I start classes to become a school psychologist — a career that will allow me a fair amount of enjoyment, decent pay and phenomenal hours.  That’s the kicker, really.  Because I want every summer off to chase my dreams and travel.  I want winter breaks to work on writing and spring breaks to attend yoga retreats.  And when it comes to paying the bills, I can think of nothing better than to help students succeed.  Yep, I think it’s going to be a win-win.

 

The path ahead is not going to be easy.  I’ve likely over-booked myself.  I’ve got full-time work and full-time school.  And it’s quite possible I’ll lose my mind.  But for right now, I’m exactly where I should be.  I’m wallowing in heartache, scared to teach science and getting butterflies (the good kind) about returning to school.  And I’m thankful for every moment.  You see, that’s the thing about life – it’s perfectly imperfect.

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How Winning the Stratejoy Scholarship Changed Me

posted 22nd August 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Guest Post Rockstar, Stratejoy the Biz

I felt the support immediately after Molly posted the video me winning the Life Coaching Scholarship – messages and tweets immediately were sent my way with kind words of congratulations from the tribe – and that was only the beginning…

Hello tribe, I’m Ashley, and I am proud to say that I am the first ever Stratejoy Scholarship recipient.  Now that my coaching from Molly is complete, she wanted me to share a bit of the experience with the tribe (and I, of course, jumped at the chance).

When I filled out the application, I was probably the most authentic version of myself I had been up to that point.  Sure, I had started (and re-started) the Joy Equation several times and I had in my head that there were things I needed to work on but I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start.  I had tried to talk to my boyfriend and Mom about things I wanted to change, but didn’t always feel I was getting the most objective advice because they are so close to me and ultimately affected by my life.

I thought I would give the Scholarship a shot, and I have been thankful every day since that I did.

My shift during my time with Molly may not be as eventful as the Season 4 bloggers – I didn’t get married or plan a wedding or have a baby or travel the world – and before, I probably would have described myself as ‘boring.’  My shift was similar, though, in that I learned to face things head on, own my feelings and make big plans. 

In order to do that I had some cleaning up I had to do…

One of the scariest things I have ever done was the hurdle that I tackled with Molly in dealing with men from my past: moving on from deceptiveness of my adoptive father and releasing the anger toward my ex-boyfriend I moved for.  Once I got rid of those cobwebs from my mind I finally had the clear heart to focus on everything else.  I spent years moving on without really dealing with the past; I always told myself I wasn’t running away from things but was running toward things.  Either way, I was running instead of confronting and coping and healing, and it is the latter that has made all of the difference.

The running doesn’t stop there, though, as I do in fact identify myself as a runner.  I started my career as a freelance fitness writer about a year-and-a-half ago after an internship I had in college turned into a Regional Editor position.  It all kind of happened by accident, but then again, that is how most of the best things in life come about.  I was researching and writing about all of these amazing fitness activities but had yet to truly embrace the lifestyle.  I have gotten to try things like women’s boxing, a boot camp, barre classes and much more for articles I have written, but it is running that has stolen my heart.

I consider my running group – Rogue Running – my second home in Austin.

I discovered Rogue while writing an article about them and signed up shortly thereafter to train for a half marathon (at the time, I had only ever run a 5K).  I ran my first half marathon this past April, and though I am taking the summer off to stay out of the Texas heat, I start training again this September – this time for two half marathons that are a few weeks apart.

My running has impacted my fitness writing in a way I didn’t expect.  I knew it would help me understand the lifestyle and dedication of athletes, sure, but I had no idea that it would ignite this passion that I was previously lacking.  I spent time as a local Race Ambassador for my last half marathon and, with Molly’s encouragement, I am working with a local running store to start up a similar program to build community at the store.  I’m also developing my personal brand as a freelance writer with the help of Brandkit (owned by my wonderful friend Andrea, who you all may remember from Season One).

Even though a lot of these things were already in the works, Molly gave me the extra push to really get them off the ground.


Stratejoy has given me so much – from the Joy Equation to the Scholarship to my friendship with Andrea (I emailed her after visiting her Season One posts and we hit it off immediately) – and it has also given me a new-found feeling of authenticity.  I used to be the girl who apologized for everything and now I own my feelings and actions.  I used to carry around so much anger from the past and now I am the girl who is happily living in the present (and living it with my boyfriend).  I used to be the girl who only saw the negative things in Austin and now, though I do miss my friends and family in California, I am finding things I love about the city and have committed to be here for at least the next few years. 

Basically, I used to be someone who got in her own way instead of embracing change and opportunity and just trusting that I had what I needed to truly live a life I loved.

I may not have all of the pieces of the puzzle in place yet, but I am well on my way, and I have learned that the journey is making all the difference.

Ashley, 24, will always identify herself as a Californian, even though she now lives 1,300 miles away in Texas.  She graduated from the University of California, San Diego in 2008 with a degree in Communications, packed up her car and made the grueling drive to Texas.  Fond of a great pair of running shoes, her latest impulse e-reader purchase, ampersands, Helvetica and Pacey Witter, you will usually find Ashley running, reading, writing or watching old television shows on DVD (Dawson’s Creek, anyone?!).  Slowly digging herself out of her Quarterlife Crisis, Ashley is working on her freelance writing career, living with her boyfriend while dreaming up ways to turn their guest bedroom into an office, running around town and learning to love her new home in Austin.

 

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Marian – 6 Months Later

posted 18th August 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: Marian, Season 3, What I've Learned

Remember Marian? She was one of our Season 3 Rockstars. She’s back, with an update on what’s happened over the last 6 months in her world. You can read her full journey from beginning to end by checking out the Marian Archives!

I wish I had good news for you, I really do.

We left off just after I arrived in New Zealand. This move was full of promise. Sure, I was having a little culture shock, but I was with my partner, traveling the world, doing my thing.

And then it, ever-so-slowly, fell apart.

It took around 8 months for everything to completely turn to shit. It was a gradual process. First, I had a cockroach phobia. The things are super common in NZ and they started giving me panic attacks. Even at the time I knew I was projecting my stress onto whatever I could find. Moving to the opposite side of the world, not having a job or money or real support system and not even being able to schedule Skype dates with my family due to a fun 18-hour time difference took its toll.

(Granted, cockroaches still scare the crap out of me, but I couldn’t sleep for months thanks to the little buggers.)

Then, the job thing hit. Being so far away from home meant people weren’t as keen to hire me. New Zealanders didn’t trust me, Americans thought I was too far away and didn’t understand the concept of hiring someone based in Hobbit-town.

So I started looking for a “real” job. Months went by.

Then I started distancing from the few people I actually knew and loved in New Zealand, .who took the brunt of my difficulties in the move and didn’t say a damn word.

Eight months of unhappiness later and I’m writing this from a creepy old hostel in Melbourne, Australia. I ended up getting a fantastic job in Auckland, but circumstances (re: not being able to handle Auckland or my life there anymore) sort of dictated I couldn’t stay. Lucky for me, I have the best bosses on the planet and they’re letting me work from the road.

I’m on the trip of a lifetime. I have unlimited time, no real obligations and a modest stream of income.

I’m writing this on Day One, where I’m feeling lonely, scared beyond all possible belief and sick to my stomach that I just threw away everything good in my life because I was “having trouble settling in.”

Basically, it’s six months post-Stratejoy and it’s not pretty. I don’t know what’s going to make me happy. Location, career and mental health just weren’t cutting it.

The thing is though, Stratejoy taught me to play to my strengths. To try and be as self aware as humanely possible in terms of where I feel my life should be, even if I don’t know what that is yet.

And if I’m anything, I’m proactive. And impatient. Together, this makes for one determined girl. I’m trying to see this grand upheaval in some sort of positive light: Instead of sitting on my ass in a situation that made me unhappy, I left. I’m seeking happiness. On the road, by myself.

In theory – from the outside – this looks pretty brave. And independently smart (even if my parents don’t think so). On the inside, it feels dark. And twisted. I have no idea if this form of therapy is going to work. Whether my constant running around (running away?) is going to solve anything.

Or whether the “impatient” part of me could have given it just one more chance.

 

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How to Become an Optimist

posted 15th August 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

Click here to share ‘How to Be an Optimist’ with your friends on Twitter!

It’s been a week since I started this adventure.

I haven’t felt this excited about my work in a LONG time!  I think it’s the combination of reading the Season 5 Blogger applications, all the re-reading I’ve been doing on positive psychology, and my commitment to sharing my personal process with you.  Ideas are flowing. To do lists are being conquered. My long-term vision of Stratejoy is starting to peek around the clouds of doubt that had been hovering lately.

Hurrah!  I’m back! I know just one week of actively engaging in my life isn’t going to be enough however.  I’m going to have to keep putting in the “happiness work” and continue to expand my adventures.  I do feel that it’s off to a great start though!  It’s so affirming to have early success on a project or goal to keep you actively involved, eh?

I’m in Seattle right now, having taught a workshop for workshop here on Saturday for women soldiers based on my post “8 Strategies to Improve Your Quality of Life“.  It was all about intentional happiness and specific strategies you can try on daily basis.  I was a little nervous to teach for the US Army (Could I wear my sparkly sandals? What if I unknowingly offended someone with my liberal views? Would they see being happy/fulfilled as a silly goal?) but the women I met were just (amazing, dedicated) women.  They had fears and dreams and pride in their accomplishments just like all of us.

Duh.  I don’t know why I was so nervous!

We had a great morning and one of the pieces that most resonated with me was our lively discussion on cultivating optimism.  Being positive can often be seen as naivety or simply “sticking your head in the sand” especially when the real word feels so big and scary. In the throes of natural disasters, continuing high unemployment, and leadership that seems to run in circles, who wants to look on the bright side?

In actuality, optimism is incredibly good for YOU.  It increases job performance, creativity, ability to weather stress, health, and self esteem.  Negative events don’t hold us down as long.  Positive events confirm our belief in the good life.  It may not be able to change the events of the world, but it does help each of us navigate our world with a lighter step and more belief that our actions can make a difference.  Being optimistic can be amazingly self-fulfilling.

Optimism can be used in how you talk to yourself in the face of adversity, explain past events, and think about the future.  Before your read on, wanna see where you may fall on the different facets of optimism/pessimism scale?  Here’s the best free version of the Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism test that I can find
online:  ONLINE QUIZ.

Though we tend to have a natural level of optimism/pessimism, learning an optimistic approach to life is totally possible.  And that’s where my adventures are taking me next…

Make Bad Things Less Personal and Pervasive

Most people would think of me an optimist, yes?  It’s something about the bubbly personality and level of excitement I’m capable of showing.  It’s a very loud positivity, I know.  Positivity is one of my measured strengths, so yes, I do function as an optimist in a many situations.

But not all…  And that’s where this Step 2 comes in.

A little background!  (Make sure you take the quiz before you read this if you’re going to take it at all!)

Optimism can be looked at via 3 different scales of explanatory styles.

When something negative happens in their life, pessimists tend to describe it as “lasting forever” (permanence), “spreading into all areas of their life” (pervasiveness) and “completely their fault” (personalization).  If they get dumped, the story they tell themselves is, “I’ll never find anyone else and will always be alone.  My whole life is falling apart because my relationship ended.  I’m not good enough and I did everything wrong.”  When something great happens in life, pessimists take the opposite side of explanation!  The great event will be temporary (lack of permanence), only reflect one part of their life (lack of pervasiveness), and didn’t have anything to do with their effort, talent, or strengths (lack of personalization).

Optimists take the other side of explanation in both kind of events.  When something great happens in their life like getting a raise, optimists will say, “This is amazing.  All my work effort is paying off and they could tell I really rocked my last assignment (personalization).  This is the first raise of many.  I’m sure I’ve been marked for the fast track and can look forward to more quick growth (permanence). This is going to make so many things easier (pervasiveness).”  On the flip side, when something bad happens it had to do with external factors or others (lack of personalization), isn’t going to last forever (lack of permanence) and won’t affect other parts of their life (lack of pervasiveness).

Woo!  Following me, sunshine?

I score very high on all three scales in how I explain positive events in my life, as well as very low on permanence when bad things happen to me.  So far, so good.

Unfortunately, I struggle with personalization and pervasiveness when bad events occur.  I take negative events very personally and then let them spread into all corners of my life (I personally failed at selling out my new course, and thus suck at being a business owner, and thus suck at everything in life). This tendency can paralyze me when crappy things happen.  I suddenly started doubting my worth and letting it poison my confidence in other parts of my life that have nothing do with the crappy event.

Eeek!  I’m tackling this tendency because bad things will always happen, that’s just life! I want to practice new ways of processing the events, so I can move on more quickly and with less damage to my self-esteem.

My challenge…

  1. Become aware of when something bad/negative occurs.
  2. Tune into how I’m responding to it, including my self talk and how I share the story with others.
  3. Practice seeing the other side of Personalization (Is this really my fault?  What other factors may have played into this? Is it really and truly “bad” or are my expectations out of whack?)
  4. Practice seeing the other side of Pervasiveness (Will this really affect other areas of my life?  How might this be an isolated event?  What are the great things that are happening elsewhere in my world?)

This part of Adventures in Flourishing is going to be harder to measure and track than my other challenges, because it’s a mental pattern and not an external habit to stop/develop.  But I’m up to it!!

What about you?  Do you have a distinct piece of Cultivating Optimism you want to tackle? 

For those of you participating in this entire series, here are the other posts to remind you what we are up to:

Adventures in Flourishing
The Well-Being Theory and My Happiness Score

ENGAGEMENT

POSITIVE EMOTION

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