Cutting The Literal And Metaphorical Crap

posted 5th September 2011    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: Hannah, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

INTRODUCING: HANNAH

“ I want to do ALL the things that light me up and make me feel drunk with joy.”

hannah-collage

 

The first thing I did at work this morning was change a poopy diaper.  Tell me that anyone wants to deal with literal crap first thing in the morning (or at all).

I also do boogers, accidents, owies, and “Oh, oops, the markers slipped and I drew all over my friend’s face”s.

“I cook mac ‘n cheese and chicken nuggets and try to convince myself not to eat them.  I watch Toy Story…again…and again…and again.  I get “the look” from mommies when they realize I’m only a nanny.  I deal with kid drama, parent drama, other nanny drama, and my own I-love-this-kid-but-I-hate-this-job drama.  I very often say things along the lines of, “Sadie, we do NOT sit on our friends’ heads!” and “Emma, it is NOT okay to rub your turkey on your foot and then eat it!” 

And I’m not afraid to admit, I’m a damn good nanny.

But on the weekends…oh, the weekends…On the weekends I get to exercise my creative muscles.  On the weekends I am a photographer.

Rewind 16 years.  I’m 14 and have borrowed my dad’s “fancy” camera to take pictures of the boys I have crushes on at the school basketball games.  I’m using black and white film, have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m loving every second of it.

I take my attention from the cute boys and start shooting other random things instead: the contents of my (messy) bedroom, hands (of anyone I can get to stand still), the dog.  I tell my parents that I want to be a photographer when I grow up.  They chuckle, not unsupportive…realistic would be the right word.  And I go do my homework.

I started nannying just out of college.  “This is temporary.  Just until I find something better,” I’d tell myself daily.  I wanted to go back to school for social work or join the Peace Corps or be a writer or an artist.

Eight years later, I’m still a nanny.

I can tell you what is in every nook and cranny of the Children’s Museum (you don’t want to know). I know who Rosetta and Silvermist are (They’re Tinkerbell’s friends, in case you were wondering).  I can tell you exactly how many zoo exhibits you can make it to before a potty break and a snack are in order.  I know what Butt Paste is.  I know which silence means the kids are napping, and which one means they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.  I know this job in and out.  It isn’t challenging.  I am not learning.  And I am BORED!!!

I picked up my camera again on a whim during an “in-between nanny jobs” period.  It wasn’t long before kids’ parents started asking if they could buy photos, or book me to shoot a birthday party or a holiday card.  And suddenly, I had a business where before there was none.  But the bills keep coming, and before I realized what was happening I had another nanny gig.

My weekends light me up.  And I want more.  I want more ME.  I want to do ALL the things that light me up and make me feel drunk with joy.  I want to be a photographer and a writer, a world traveler, and an event designer.  I want to be creative every single day.  I want to wake up so stoked for what is to come that I don’t even wait for the coffeemaker to beep before I get out of bed.

So what do I do?  How do I force out all the crap (literal and otherwise) from my life, and embrace the stuff that makes me giddy?  How do I take the leap into the unknown? How do I give myself permission to be the most amazing, happy, authentic self I can ever imagine being?  And how do I become that person?  I’m working on it.  But hold that thought.  It’s the “we’re getting into trouble” kind of silent in there!

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Comments (41)

41 Responses to “Cutting The Literal And Metaphorical Crap”

  • Katie Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:17 am

    From one girl who made a drastic career change, to a girl who is on the verge of one, I can say that it takes balls and courage, both of which I know you have. I so cannot wait to see where these next 5 months take you…your happiness is SO SO within reach, love!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:21 am

    I think we could all use a lesson in removing all the (metaphorical and literal) crap from our lives. It's obvious that you're well aware of what gives you that giddy joy, and that's the first step. Can't wait to see where these next five months take you!

  • angloadventure Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I'm thirty years old too and have some of the same aspirations you do. I'm a writer/photographer (more writer than photographer). I expated to French Canada, left my job as a writer, and now I'm trying to figure out what the heck to do with myself all over again. Creative jobs are great but they also make you feel like you're selling your soul sometimes. Just keep plugging away at it and trust yourself that you'll get there.

  • natalie Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Can't wait to follow your journey! :) Good luck.

  • Chris Guillot Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Thanks for bravely sharing your journey, putting it out there and working your mojo. That's when the phrase, "You're so full of it!" makes you proud.

  • OhMyLaskmy Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Pleasure meeting you lady! It seems to all come down to how much fire you have in your belly; and you seem to have enough fire for a break through. I'm excited for you.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I love this!!! All your experience with dealing with kids will only lead you to deal with allllllll the whiney clients you'll soon have. I can't wait to see your business take off either! 5 months!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Thanks, Katie! It is so helpful to know others have made the step. :) So excited for the community that is Stratejoy!!

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Making steps to make life the way you want it is bold and brave- by declaring it to yourself and the world, you've already made a huge step in being the best Hannah :) You are on the path to great things chica!

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Making steps to make life the way you want it is bold and brave- by declaring it to yourself and the world, you are on the right path ahead chica!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Thanks Ashley! I can't wait to see where it takes you too!!!! Removing the crap is harder than it sounds…hopefully putting it out there is the first step :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Yay! I love "meeting" like minded people. Hopefully I won't have to sell my soul…I'd like to keep that. :-)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Thanks Natalie!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Ha! Thanks Chris. I hope I'm full of it. :-D

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Thanks for reading! Its amazing what realizing there is a fire in the belly can do for a girl! Break through here I come. :) (I hope anyway) Thanks for the support!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    HA! You crack me up. :) 5 months!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Thanks Kristen! Great things — me and you both, girl!

  • DiFi Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I cannot wait to read more Hannah!! As a former 2nd grade teacher trying to figure out where the bartender of life hid the joy juice, I laughed out loud at many of your anecdotes.

  • Kat Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Yay, awesome things are coming for you–I can feel it! I can't wait to watch you soar over the next five months.

  • Kate Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    From one Stratejoy [alum] blogger, to another, I'm looking forward to reading about your journey over the next six months! Just remember — it's okay to be scared and vulnerable (actually, it's better if you are because those who are reading soak it all up); you've got a tribe full of amazing women supporting you every step of the way!

  • Courtney Elizabeth Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Welcome Hannah! I know what you mean about the weekends lighting you up. Sometime I feel so pressured to stuff them full of creativity and enrichment and joy so that it carries over the next five days of the week…never works though :P Looking forward to reading more from you and sharing your journey.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    Yea, Hannah!!! Thanks for being the exciting kick-off to season 5! I really identify with the idea of "drunk with joy". So many times I'm just "drunk with drink" which is STILL fun, but I'd much prefer the joy drunkeness. Any time you do something that makes you feel this way, please share!

  • Keely Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    I'm looking forward to reading more about your journey, Hannah! I'm working on that whole "how to become the most amazing, happy, authentic ME" thing too… sure is easier said than done for some reason :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Thanks for reading! 2nd grade teacher! I bet you know just what I'm talking about! Where is your path taking you???

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Woo hoo! Thanks, Kat! Can't wait to read your first post :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Thanks for this, Kate because I'm totally scared!! This group of ladies has been incredible already. I feel so lucky!!!

  • Kerryn Angell Says:
    September 5th, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    Welcome Hannah! I can so relate. Though my day job is an improvement on the one I left at the beginning of the year it is challenging only on occasion and most of the time I'm bored. I live for the evenings and weekends when I can shake off the dullness and step into my creative skin. I'm looking forward to following along with you this stratejoy season. :)

  • Dusti Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Loved this, Hannah! Reaching out for something more is never easy. I hope your photography takes off!

  • DiFi Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    I am currently working for Teach For America (which is what got me into my 2nd grade teaching position in the first place). I "teach teachers how to teach," specifically I work with teachers in ATL, Memphis, and New Orleans. My professional career is probably the best part of my life. Personally, I'm picking up the pieces from a break up that left me lonely in a big city I never wanted to live in if it wasn't for "the one." So, I'm between leases trying to figure out where I want to live/where I want to go next. Hopefully I'll have some delicious updates soon.

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Awesome! Please share your delicious updates when you have them. I'd love to hear! :) Between leases is a good place to be…all the room in the world to go where you like. Can't wait to hear more.

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Haha! SO with you, Courtney…too bad that fire doesn't usually carry through the week :( At least we can have REALLY creative, enriched, joyful weekends, eh? :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    We should start a thread somewhere where we can just write a short little blurb when we feel this way… #drunkwithjoy on Twitter? :) (And I know what you mean on the drunk with drink subject :) )

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I think it's so easy to get caught up in what other people expect of us (or even more likely, what we THINK other people expect of us!!!) that we forget who we are sometimes. Cheers to YOU and ME. :-)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Being bored is so frustrating, isn't it? It feels like it's not worth complaining about…we have jobs, we're lucky right? Ugh. Makes me crazy!! Evenings and weekends…our saving grace. Here's to figuring out what's next!!!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Thanks, Dusti! Can't wait to read your first post!

  • Big L Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Yes! I want to see more of ALL THE THINGS! More, more, more!

    Especially because, selfishly, I love creative pursuits, writing, travelling, and being an entrepreneur, so I have a feeling we're going to get along just smashingly! :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Your posts resonated with me most last season. We really have lots in common. :) Thanks for reading!

  • Kat Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Oh Hannah, I just knew I was going to like you right away :) . I'm a stay-at-home mom who is just starting her own photography business. It's been my dream for years now, and I'm so glad I get to read about a stratejoy blogger that shares the same passion as I do. I wish you all the best and can't wait to see what this season brings for you.

  • HannahD Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    It's always nice when someone likes you right away!! Go for that dream! Its the perfect combination with being a stay-at-home momma too. Plenty of practice subjects! Please share you work with me sometime. :) Look forward to hearing from you more.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Hmmm this could be a "thing"! Have you ever read "Perks of Being a Wallflower"? In it, the main characters makes references in certain situations by saying he "feels infinite". I would love to find out what makes others feel this way!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    It definitely could be a thing! Hmmmm…. Love that phrase "feels infinite" and may just have to read that book. :)

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