Facing My Fear of Goals

posted 17th September 2011    Written by: Elyse    CATEGORY: Elyse, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

One of my fiercest foes is The Goal. Every few months (or at least on January 1st), I set my jaw and wag my finger at The Goal. “I will SET you, and unlike the Showtime Rotisserie, I will NOT forget you.”  Alas, The Goal gets the best of me and distracts me with TV shows, bouts of laziness and more shiny things.

We were challenged to set some goals for our time writing for Stratejoy Season 5, and I cringed, knowing what a terrible goal-setter I am. Before, my goals always sort of wrote themselves because it was expected of me: good grades, graduate from high school, more good grades, graduate from college. Now that I’m on my own and can pretty much do whatever I want, my goals are about as ambitious as willing myself not to eat cake for breakfast. I attribute my dislike of goal-setting to my inability to settle on a path and my fear of making life-changing decisions. If I set goals, I change my mind or simply give up and then I feel like a quitter or a failure. I’ve been rewarded in the few times I’ve sort of just lived my life without any real direction by stumbling upon something great, but this can’t always be the case. I know that in my head. Perhaps Stratejoy Goal #1 is simply sticking with a goal?

I read a great quote in a post by Molly. In “Starting Over and Over and Over” , she says (regarding goal-setting:) “If you’re feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed, stop preparing. Start doing. Begin being.”

What a powerful thought. What a powerful, swift kick in my ass, actually.  Goals don’t have to be scary and if I fail, I fail. If I change my mind, I change my mind. There is no reason I need to keep preparing to make some goals because I’m putting my life on hold if I don’t make some decisions right now. Here are some goals straight from my gut:

#1 Stick with ONE of these goals.

#2 Further explore the concept of minimalism. (What is minimalism? Joshua and Ryan do a great job of explaining this concept here.)

#3 Get moving. This might involve FINALLY taking those yoga classes or just taking a walk every night. I’m lazy. I like the couch. What can I say?

#4 Continue the quest for healthy eating. I’ve cut out most processed foods and eat meat only on occasion. I want to keep getting better at this.

#5 Fully embrace my Americorps experience. (What this means may come only with time spent in Americorps.)

#6 Create a financial plan that works towards eliminating all of my credit card debt

#7 Begin learning to play the guitar

Seven goals. They are probably not all the most easily measured or well thought out, but I knew if I didn’t just DO it, I’d never write anything down. I promise to be honest about them. I also promise to continue thinking about them. Perhaps I’ll set more goals or get more specific as time goes on. Bring it on, Goals. Bring it on.

Update a few hours later – Remember when a few lines ago I promised to be honest about my goals?  A few hours after writing this post, I was catching up on some blogs I read and came across Leo Babauta from Zen Habits‘s post about having NO goals. In full disclosure, I started immediately fretting over the goals I had just written up for this site and what people would think of me if I ever claimed to have no goals.  Leo’s post really resonated with me but another part of me said it was BS and goals were completely necessary to accomplish things in life.  I really would love to hear what people think about this. Goals or living life without them?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{Photo Credit: angietorres}

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Comments (10)

10 Responses to “Facing My Fear of Goals”

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 17th, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    I'm a pretty firm believer that goals are useful for propelling us forward to bigger and better things. But I can also see how that could be a defense against letting things 'just happen'. Anyway, I feel more secure and motivated when I have goals to work toward. :)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    September 17th, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Honestly, I'm a goal setter. Do I think they're absolutely necessary? No. For me, the important thing is to figure out what my goals are but then not let them dictate my life. Kind of like you said – if you change your mind, you change your mind. I made a bucket list a few years ago, which if you think about it, is really just one long list of goals. One of the rules I made for the list is that I can change the list on a whim. Goals aren't good if they get you stuck doing something you realize you don't actually want to do. But they can also be a good reminder of the things you want do want to do (sometimes we get distracted by life and sort of forget about those things). So I use my bucket list as that reminder. I don't let goals dictate my life, but I do use them to my advantage at the times when they can be helpful. As with everything, it seems striking a nice balance is important. :)

  • Elyse Says:
    September 18th, 2011 at 10:19 am

    I definitely feel the opposite! I almost feel trapped when I have goals, like I created barriers for myself that prohibit me from continually learning and expanding. I also wonder if that becomes my defense mechanism for commitment. :-) I have a lot of exploring to do, I think…

  • Elyse Says:
    September 18th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    I like that you use your bucket list as a reminder to not get distracted by life so you can do the things you want to do! As I mentioned to Ashley, I'm afraid to completely barracade myself in with my goals where they end up ruling my life.

  • Dusti Arab Says:
    September 18th, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    I'm a fan of goals – mostly because checking things off a list makes me feel good about myself. They help keep me focused. My problem is I get too focused, and I start forgetting to live in the moment.

    As for minimalism, I can help with that. ;)

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 7:44 am

    I'm a total goal setter too– but more in the " have my bedroom decorated by Thanksgiving goals" type of way. When it comes to things about myself, I definitely get super worried too and/or make them so vague that it tends to lessen the whole purpose of goal setting. I think for you ( and for me) having the intentions of wanting to do more, even if not knowing what specifically that more might look like, is a huge big step in the right direction. As we become more ok with the idea, then we can allow the details to come out :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    I agree with Kristen, I so often make my goals to vague and then end up feeling like I failed or didn't try at all (because I had no idea where to start). I appreciated the idea behind the no goals link, but like I said before, I think that goals can still be set that give you that mindset (spend an hour a day writing about whatever I want, create something — anything, every day, etc.)

  • Elyse Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Have you ever blogged about minimalism? I'd love to hear your process

  • Elyse Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Your way sits a lot more comfortable with me. At least I know I want to do SOMETHING; I just have to figure out what that is in my own way and time.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    I'm hearing "goals are good". :-) So much for me backing away quietly from goal-setting…I hoped no one would notice. ;-)

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