It Doesn’t Even Have To Be A Huge Stack of Money

posted 7th September 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Laurenne, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

INTRODUCING: LAURENNE

“Each day, I wonder when my six-year Quarter Life Crisis will end.”

The old QLC tapped me on the shoulder the day I started my dream job at 25. From my very own cubicle, I was to write witty TV commercials and make people laugh. Ever since acting out ads for every item in our bathroom as a kid, it’s what I’d always wanted to do. I spent four years in undergrad and then an extra two years spending LOTS of borrowed money at an artsy school just to break into the ad field.

But just a few days into the dream job, I felt something was wrong. I’m a vegetarian, and they wanted me to make up reasons why people just HAD to try a new fast food burger. I was lying, and I felt like a smarmy saleswoman making people feel like they *should* like a certain brand or *should* feel a certain way. What did I know? I couldn’t afford a car, couldn’t pay my student loans on time, and had a bad case of adult acne. Who was I to tell anyone what they *should* do? Plus it wasn’t the healthiest environment. The boss expected sixteen-hour days and would throw our scripts across the room if he didn’t like them. I felt it was in the best interest of my self-esteem that I change careers.

After five years wondering how I could take the leap away from my ad job, I had enough money saved to go traveling. I didn’t know why I wanted to travel, but I felt like seeing the world would help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I started in Australia and took myself around the world for all of 2009. I stayed in huts in Papua New Guinea. I ate spices in India. I didn’t touch alcohol. I studied Buddhism. I made a million friends from all over. I listened to all my thoughts. And I figured out what I wanted to do with my life: write.

I was already writing commercials, but as I wrote about my travels on my blog, Humans are Funny, I realized I much preferred writing about meaningful things. My goal was to tell the world about the world. I came home itching to make every American interested in  Cambodia and world politics and culture. I figured I’d try to get a job writing for NPR.

But as I listened to my thoughts even more, I realized I had a bigger story to tell. My father committed suicide when I was sixteen, and I spent that traveling year really finding peace with it. Why not write about things that would help other people find that same peace? Okay, not everyone had a suicidal dad, but surely most people are wrestling with something that could use some detachment or love.  I’d much rather write about my journey than write copy about burgers or cars.

I spent 2010 working on ads until I’d saved enough money to take 2011 off and become a writer! With computer in hand, I’ve been taking the cafe circuit by storm. I’ve pitched my stories to every magazine in existence. I’ve taken dialog workshops and ‘finding your inner voice’ workshops and freelance writing seminars. I have enough logo folders now for the rest of my life and yours. I’ve spent every other waking moment writing a book about my father and how I learned how to choose a different path than his. I started Taboo Tales, a comedy storytelling show in LA that encourages writers to talk about things they wouldn’t usually want to admit to anybody. I’ve woken up every morning this year so grateful I’m doing what I truly want to do with my life.

But I still have no job. No offers. Lots of people are telling me I’m on the right track. But none of those people have stacks of money in their hands. I don’t even want a huge stack of money. I just want to pay my rent sometimes.

I’m beginning to feel more homeless than freelance.

Not only that, my ego, Lawrence, is pissed and defensive. He thought we would be famous writers by now, flying off to Cannes and cashing in advance checks for the millions of projects that would be lined up.

Mostly, I’m still just spinning out hope at cafes. And as my savings account has dwindled, I’m forced to go with a regular coffee instead of a cappuccino. THE HORROR.

Worst of all, I’ve made this non-existent career such a priority that I’ve pushed everything else away.

2009 – traveling

2010- working like crazy to save

2011 – working like crazy to start over

My relationships have suffered. I haven’t looked up from my screen long enough to pay attention to the people who really count. I’d like to take more of an interest in my wonderful, beautiful friends. I’d like to wear heels and go on dates. I’d like to figure out how to be able to do all that and still learn how to earn a living doing what I absolutely love. I’d like to find balance.

Is it crisis? Yes, I would call it a definite crisis. Is it a quarter life? Sure. I’m 31, so that would mean I’ll live until 124. Yes! I like that. That gives me plenty of time to figure out how to pay my rent.


[photo credit: Roy Dunn]

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Comments (22)

22 Responses to “It Doesn’t Even Have To Be A Huge Stack of Money”

  • Courtney Elizabeth Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Welcome! Wow, I applaud you for having the commitment and courage to save and then take a year off. I am nowhere near being brave enough to take that leap! I am looking forward to reading more from you :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Laurenne, I love your story already and think it's awesome that you're doing what you want to be doing with your life instead of being stuck in that scary cubicle. I can't wait to see where this year takes you!

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Laurenne- you already rule for taking a stand against the cubicle and traveling the world. You are so brave to embark on huge life journeys since 2009- pumped to watch and learn on this newest leg in 2011 and into the year of you in 2012!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Laurenne, the part about balance really hits home for me. What an abstract but totally real concept…why is it so hard??? :) So excited for you in your next year. Wish I lived closer so I could come to your show!! (And P.S. Love your photos :) )

  • Big L Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Awesome intro! I'm very intrigued! Also, I checked out your blog….and can guarantee I'll be back :)

  • Dusti Arab Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    OMG. YES! I am soooo resonating with you

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    thank you thank you thank you! If I can do it, you can do it.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I felt so bad about this today because I caved in and took a 10-day job in a cubicle! It's day #1, and I just got fired! So excited. I knew it wasn't the right step.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Thank you. You already rule. Cannot wait to read about YOU!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Thanks! Let's balance each other. Tomorrow you wear black and I'll wear white. That is a horrible idea. I'll think of some more.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Thank you!!!! I appreciate it.

  • Miranda Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 2:19 am

    Your story really, really resonated with me. I also recently saved up, quit my job to write, and now spend a little bit (or sometimes most of) every day wondering how, exactly, I'm going to make this work. "I don’t even want a huge stack of money. I just want to pay my rent sometimes" is EXACTLY how I feel. So excited to follow your journey.

  • Melanie Reno Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Laurenne! You are sooo funny and I love that you want to write about meaningful things. What a concept! "I feel more homeless than freelance." <– classic! Oh & if you want, I have prescription acne cream that's great for persons over 30! I think you are on the right track too. I bet you'll be able to afford cappuccinos again soon!

  • Elyse Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    What a story, girl! I can't wait to see what else you have to share. I find it incredibly interested that moments of clarity always seem to start for many people with a huge trip. Apparently the world can still inspire us. :-)

  • Kat Says:
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Eff that cubicle nonsense! I'm just starting the "travel for a while" part, so I'm looking forward to reading about life after that. ;)

  • Katie Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Laurenne, your story (however in progress it is) is pretty inspiring to me. Probably because we have some things in common (writing aspriations, traveling, no real career at the moment, and unfortunately losing a loved one to suicide). I can't wait to work with you over the next few months to improve our situations.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    I know! Isn't that so weird. I feel like trips should be a requirement after high school!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    YES! I would love an acne cream! PLEASE! Cappuccinos. As soon as I sell my book: On me!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    YES! Good for you, Miranda! We can do it. We can do it! Thanks for being here. Let's encourage each other along the way. I feel like I want to start a whole 'Tips' website for writers who are cool and just quit their jobs. I've learned so much this past year, and I want to share!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    YES! Cannot wait to read about your travels. Will completely change your life. I can't wait to go AGAIN! Who knows? Maybe we will see each other on an elephant somewhere soon.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Katie! I'm so glad to meet someone just like me. We are pretty damn cool! Sorry you had to go through the suicide part. Ugh. It's horrible. But there is a lesson to learn from it, and that's all we can do! I would love to hear your story too. Hugs!

  • Kat Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    One of my friends volunteered at an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka. We should meet there in 2013. Y/Y?

    Also, it's so nice to know that I'm not the only person experiencing the longest QLC ever. I mean, really!

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