Life, Love, and Audacious Joy

posted 6th September 2011    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING: ASHLEY

 ”I know I can’t just sit here hoping that life will one day make me happy. It doesn’t work like that. “

An over-sized mug warmed one hand while the other gently tucked a stubborn strand of hair behind my ear, fighting the persistent breeze. I slid a foot out of my well-worn shoe and tapped it against the cool sidewalk, as if slowly counting the undeniable stars in the sky.

My 22nd birthday was spent sipping hot chocolate in front of the Eiffel Tower. That evening I realized how alive I was. An unforgettable moment accented by the twinkling lights around and above. That moment.

Somewhere over the past two years, I lost sight of my dreams, my moments, and began to settle into a “normal” routine.

And that is not okay with me.

The first 18 years of my life were relatively uneventful and the definition of by-the-book. I graduated at the top of my high school class and attended a medium-size, private university because I thought that’s what you did. Four years later I was left with a fancy piece of paper, but no set plan for the future.

So, on a whim I accepted a teaching assistantship in France. The experience was full of culture, self-exploration, and travel. I wandered through tiny European towns and I ate gelato like it was my job. I learned that I adore red wine, that I’m happier with friends close by, and that I can push myself further than I ever thought possible. Through all of this soul-searching, I also discovered my passion for counseling children. You know that feeling when fireworks are exploding inside you and you can’t wait to share that energy with everyone around you? That’s how I felt about this discovery. I applied to graduate school feeling confident that I had my life perfectly mapped out.

That fall I packed up three suitcases and moved to New York City to begin working on my master’s degree in Psychological Counseling. I felt like I was stretching myself, in a good way. I traveled through Europe, was on the right track professionally, living in the most vibrant city, and my relationship with my then-boyfriend of five years was becoming more serious. It seemed like the pieces were falling into place.

And then all of the sudden my life began to crumble.

In 2008 my dad passed away. Four months later, my boyfriend and I broke up. When I graduated in May 2009 and could not find a job, I moved back home and into my childhood bedroom, unemployed.

Now, I’m no expert, but I believe this is what they call your Quarter Life Crisis.

NOT PART OF THE PLAN!

Slowly I began picking up the pieces and putting together a life that wasn’t part luck, part shame, and part embarrassment. I wasn’t creating a life I was in love with, but one I could live with.

For now.

I found a job in my field that barely pays the bills and have settled into that unfulfilled routine over the past two years. Last July I began dating an amazing guy who makes my heart smile, but with over 2,600 miles between us, it can be challenging. A few months ago I signed a lease on my very first solo apartment and am learning that I’m pretty good at cleaning the bathroom, but will do anything to avoid taking out the trash.

Considering where I was two years ago, my life doesn’t seem so bad today. It’s perfectly fine by many standards, but it’s still not full of that audacious joy I’ve heard so much about.

I have big goals, things I want to accomplish and memories I want to leave a mark on my life, but I realize I can’t keep waiting for these next steps to just happen. I’ve had some curve balls thrown my way, and I know I can’t just sit here hoping that life will one day make me happy. It doesn’t work like that.

This is MY life.

I need to be brave, take ownership, and start living on my own terms.

This is the year I create my own happiness and make my own dreams come true.

I think I’ll start by making some hot chocolate.

 

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Comments (43)

43 Responses to “Life, Love, and Audacious Joy”

  • Peter Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Ridiculously proud of you!

    The Stratejoyers made an AMAZING choice when they selected you for Season 5.

  • DiFi Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:09 am

    It is fantastic to meet you Ashley!! As someone who is currently sleeping on an air mattress in her parent's dining room, this post truly hits home. Your journey give me hope that I will not only move into a new routine, but also crush life through authentic joy!

  • Courtney Elizabeth Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Welcome Ashley! I can definitely relate to the "settling into a normal routine". I feel like my QLC is creeping up on me, and I'm powerless to stop it. I'm looking forward to reading more from you and learning along the way :)

  • liz Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Ashley! I completely relate to where you are at right now. My relationship is about to be long-distance and I have an fulfilling routine at a job that BARELY pays the bills. Where do I go next and how do I make that decision without worrying about the judgements of others? I need to start following my heart instead of doing what I think people want me to do.

    Great post! I look forward to reading more.

  • Linda Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Can't wait to see what else you will accomplish. :)

  • Nadine Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Ashley, I can't wait to follow your journey here on Stratejoy! I read through this post and honestly, I could have practically written it myself: inspired by France, a counseling psych degree that has led me to a barely-pays-the-bills 9-5, the end of a 5 year relationship, the loss of someone I love. One of my favorite things about Stratejoy is that it creates this community where you can feel like you're not so alone, and that is exactly what reading your post reminded me… that I'm not alone in this.

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Can't wait to follow your journey to joy Ashley :)

  • liz Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Ashley! I completely relate to where you are at right now. My relationship is about to be long-distance and I have an fulfilling routine at a job that BARELY pays the bills. Where do I go next and how do I make that decision without worrying about the judgements of others? I need to start following my heart instead of doing what I think people want me to do.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Thank yoooooooooooou. I think so too. :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Yes! You can totally crush this and get off that air mattress. Wishing you a life full of joy!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:55 am

    That's sometimes the scariest part, isn't it? I hope you stop that routine and find what makes you shine. Thanks for following along!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Thanks, Liz. It's so comforting to know that other people are going through the same thing.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Hoping for big things over here. :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Haha, I want to say this is awesome, but it's kind of not. Not at all (except for the not being alone part). I hope we both build up the courage to create the life we really want.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Thanks, Kristen. I feel the exact same way!

  • Eleni Zoe Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 8:59 am

    I'm so looking forward to reading your posts here! And I love that people are already relating with you. It's the best!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 9:10 am

    Ugh! I hate taking the garbage out too! But I guess that's what we're doing here metaphorically, so we should encourage each other!! GO Ashley!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Yes! I love that metaphor! Thanks, Laurenne!

  • Katie Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 11:07 am

    You and me together are really looking for that crazy, awesome, amazing sense of joy that everyone seems to be feeling these days. So you're definitely not alone on that journey…or any journey for that matter. I'm insanely excited for your next 5 months, T-Ribbz. :)

  • Jaime Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Yay! I love that you are a season 5 blogger!!!

  • Dave Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Well, look at you !! Very well done, Ash.

    Guess I'll have to add to my resume that MY Grand (really GRAND) Daughter is making quite a name for herself (albeit well deserved) – and being a blessing to others in the process.

    Love you – lots and lots.

    Paw Paw

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    It's so awesome!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    I'm so insanely excited too and it's awesome to know that I'm not alone in this journey. Thank you for being such an amazing editor/friend/lover, NotKathleen.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Thanks, Jaime. I'm so excited! :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Thanks, Paw Paw. I can't wait for the next few months and I'm so glad that I have your love and support.

  • Keely Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I have a similar story… went off to college in England, had fun adventures, then moved home and was like "ok, now what?!" I've done the long distance relationship thing as well, I know it can be frustrating!

    Looking forward to reading about your story over the next couple months!

  • Elyse Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Ashley, you are singing my song, sista: living life by the book, going to college, getting that degree and just trying to lead a normal life and maybe help people. I am looking forward to learning more about what your idea of an ideal life is! :-)

  • Natasha Hollerup Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    So, my story's a touch different but there is so many things I wanted to touch base with you on. First off, anyone who talks about France is super awesome in my book but I give you so much credit for doing so well in school and going to grad school and helping children, which I think may have inspired me after reading your guest post about your job on another blog. I also have to tell you that I am sorry about your dad (my dad passed in 2006) and I know that can make a big impact on one's life. Keep striving, Ashley, because you're going somewhere. :)

  • HannahD Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Ashley, I think you just did take ownership and be brave. :) Well on your way, girl! So excited to hear where this year takes you. This is our year! (And if you decide you need to go back to France to drink your hot chocolate, I'll totally go with you.)

  • Laskmy Says:
    September 6th, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    I admire you already. Despite getting run over by the quarter life crisis, you were able to pick up some pieces and motivate yourself to do better, to live better, happier. WAY TO GO!

  • Lauriane Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 2:28 am

    Bonjour Ashley! I'm from France :)
    I'm going through the same kind of experience and am really looking forward to reading more of you!

  • Lauriane Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 2:31 am

    hey Natasha! given your interest for my country I thought I'd just shoot you a little bonjour from France!! :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:47 am

    I think having all those amazing adventures is what makes it so frustrating to be back home and not doing anything "exciting". I hope we can both figure out "what's next" soon!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Thanks, Elyse! I can't wait for your first post later this week!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Thanks, Natasha. If you ever want to talk or have any questions about getting into counseling or a related field, feel free to email me!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Thanks, Hannah. I'll definitely keep you posted about France. What about a whole Stratejoy meet-up in Paris?! How cool would that be?

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Thank you! It's surprisingly helpful to hear so many people giving encouragement. It's so easy to get lost in the day-to-day and forget how much progress I've made. Thanks for the reminder. :)

  • Big L Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Welcome to the tribe, girl! I'd say you've made some serious progress over the last couple of years, which can only mean you're headed for much, much more of that joy you're looking for! Can't wait to follow along and cheer you on!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Oh now THAT sounds like a plan!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Bonjour! Thanks so much for following along! :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 7th, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Ah, this is so surreal! You're the like the biggest Stratejoy celebrity and inspiration. You have no idea how much your words of encouragement mean to me! Thanks, Laura.

  • Big L Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 10:35 am

    OMG. That response just warmed my heart! :)

  • Kat Says:
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    I feel like hot chocolate and 90's pop are a great start on the path. :)

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