Love Doesn’t Own A GPS

posted 27th September 2011    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Family, Love/Relationships, Season 5

When I was a little girl and imagined myself in a happy relationship with my future boyfriend, it never occurred to me that we might not live in the same city. Or even the same country.

I was under the impression that I would meet my husband in college and we would get married after we both graduated. We would find steady jobs that we both enjoyed and then create a family together a few years later. Oh, little Ashley, you were so naive.

Obviously, that is not how things happened. Here I am, a fresh 27 years old, living in a one bedroom apartment in my hometown, while my boyfriend is over 2,600 miles away in freakin’ Canada. Not cool, universe. Not cool.

Our story begins back in early 2008 when I first began blogging. Somehow, he and I ended up reading the same blogs and “running in the same circle”. Occasionally we commented on each other’s blogs (PeterDeWolf.com and That Super Awesome Blog, if you’re interested). Once in a while there would be an email exchange back and forth. But it wasn’t until June 2010 that things began to move forward.

I remember reading his blog and thinking, “Geez, I wish I could find a guy who treated me like this! I totally deserve someone like him!”

Yeah, it might seem narcissistic, but in the relationship department I was completely aware of how awesome I am and wasn’t willing to settle for anything less. I believe that is called self-confidence and knowing your worth.

So, June 2010. We’re emailing, every day, constantly. This is a full-on, mind-consuming, butterfly-inducing crush.

Over the next few months we started talking on the phone and soon graduated to Skype.

Looking back, we probably should have discussed it sooner, but it wasn’t until late 2010 that we began seriously talking about the distance. I guess we wanted to be sure that this was for real and not just some internet romance.

We knew the distance was a huge obstacle (hello, 12-hour day of traveling and goodbye, huge chunk of a pay check), but we were determined.

The first time we saw each other June 2011. It was beautiful, awkward, so much fun, a learning experience, and it felt like home. Within the first two minutes, we knew this was only the “first” visit. Since then we spent five glorious days together in August, have another trip planned for October, and are hoping we will be able to spend New Years together for the first time.

It takes a lot of work, but I don’t always mind that most of our conversations are through video cameras and microphones. It makes us put in the effort as we build our foundation. We are actually talking, learning how to solve misunderstandings, and are continuously getting to know each other.

In case it’s not already blatantly obvious, let me put this out there: I love him. I love his kind heart, how he is always thinking of others, how he is the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I love that he is incredibly smart, that his interests include sports, astronomy, writing fiction, and his adorably cute niece. I love that he talks about our future and isn’t afraid to share his feelings. I love that he makes me feel like I’m part of the best team out there.

Naturally, my friends and family have concerns. They worry that we “met online” and that perhaps, “he isn’t really who he says he is”. I hope I put that fear to rest with the first visit, when he was, in fact, himself. They worry that I will decide to move to Canada and in the process will be giving up part of myself for a man.

And this is where it ties into my biggest battle of trusting myself and figuring out what I want MY life to be.

I don’t want to create a riff in my relationship with my family because I am trying to follow my heart. I don’t want to disappoint them, but I also have to remember that I am an intelligent, strong, independent woman and I don’t want to disappoint myself either. I don’t want them to think I am giving anything up because, honestly, I feel like I would be gaining so much more than anything I might lose.

I would be gaining closeness with the man I love. I would be pulling that trust, loyalty, humor, respect, and love so much closer.  And to me, that is what life is about.

Sure, the idea of moving to another country freaks me out a little bit (and of course there are visas, and jobs, and living situations, and other crap to figure out), but when the end result is him? It seems totally worth it.

 

[photo credit: beyondbeauty]

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Comments (30)

30 Responses to “Love Doesn’t Own A GPS”

  • speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 8:06 am

    You have no idea how many people I have seen this happen to. Good on you!
    Plus, canada is a beautiful country – you'll feel right at home :) Take it from a Canadian!

  • Peter Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Is swooning allowed at Stratejoy?

  • Linda Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Oooh, I feel like a moving announcement is on the horizon.
    I'm happy you guys found each other.

  • Julie Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I moved across the country for my Love of My Life. My family was worried about my career/lack of support/blah blah blahs. But you know what? There are ALWAYS more ways to make money and/or progress a career and rarely are they geographically dependent. Love that turns your world upside down is a precious find and very worth moving for. Good Luck!!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 10:55 am

    I HOPE you keep that strength and just trust yourself. Your heart knows (when it knows, it knows). Love is a funny thing, it never happens like you plan, but its the one thing always worth taking big, giant leaps and changes for. All kinds of love, romantic and self-love are worth that!

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I was long distance with someone for a very long time ( he was in London, me here) and because we didn't have the strong communication foundation, it ruined us. And in my current situation, we were long distance ( only one state), and again I can say with hindsight, the lack of communication killed us especially when he moved down to me. You both are on the right path and what you say about building a foundation is super important and something that a lot of people forget, even those who see their GF/BF frequently. You two are tuned into each other it seems, in ways that couples who don't have distance aren't. And you are also amazingly self aware and confident– knowing that this guy is good for you, knowing you are awesome– that is pure gold :)

  • gracekboyle Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Ashley, I was just reading Elisa's post about bloggers (http://www.opheliaswebb.com/2011/09/brilliant-sexy-people-of-the-internet-you-are-ruining-my-singleness/) and then wrote my own story, about my now-boyfriend-still-a-blogger and how we met online, turned it to offline and he moved here to Boulder. It's now a year and a half later and definitely, filled with challenges and struggles, but so worth it. My post goes live tomorrow but I'm so glad to hear another story like yours. I understand and keep going. The best bit of advice I have is to have an "out" point – if it gets to that point where you want to be together, you an work toward living near each other, changing jobs, etc. People do it all the time. I think that meeting people online or through blogging is just the medium. After that, it's the same as any other relationship the way you let it unfold.

    Just met a couple last night about to get married and they were long distance for two years :)

  • Amber Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Holy, freaking, cow. You ARE thinking about moving Canada! Maybe I missed it, maybe you said something about it before, but if so I didn't see it. I always wondered what the next step for the two of you was…. I hope that whatever the next step is, you are both still together because you're adorable and I can't wait for the same thing someday :)

  • cuteellaisbold Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    I think it's more common than it was…my boyfriend and I met through our blogs, got to chatting and when I was supposed to go out to Chicago plans got nipped in the bud, he came out to visit me. He moved here (my job is fairly stable and comes with retirement, he had just finished grad school) and so far, so good.

    GOOD LUCK! Decide for you, not for anyone else…

  • liz Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Ashley! My boyfriend is moving to Colorado (I live in Philly) this November and I can 100% relate to your situation. Does moving with him mean I sacrificed what I want for a guy? Something I ALWAYS told myself I would never do. I'm at the point where I need to decide to jump in feet first or stay where I'm at and let him move on. It's a hard, hard thing. My family & friends have their input but ultimately I have to decide and I have not a clue. I wish others were more supportive of me following my heart. We are young! Love is a powerful thing.

  • HannahD Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Good communication + good people + a genuine respect for one another and you're set up for success, girl. You know your family and friends would only REALLY be upset because they'd miss you. How could they fault you for following your heart? <3 and glitter and cupcakes to you, my dear.

  • Cait Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    I can understand the concerns of family/friends, but I think as long as it makes you happy, you should do it! You're an adult and can make your own decisions, and people have to respect that. Plus, if it doesn't work out for some reason (which I say only to imagine all scenarios and appease the worry of your family/friends; yours and Peter's relationship seems really strong and long-lasting), you can always move back. Nothing is permanent.

    As a fellow people-pleaser who worries too much about what people think, I know it can be hard, but I think you should go with your gut and your heart, and do what's going to make you happy. <3

  • Katie Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 3:04 am

    I just moved to another country with my long-time boyfriend (now fiance). Of course, we've been together for over 4 years now and didn't meet online, but I can tell you I had the same stress trying to make sure that I wasn't giving up my stable job and my home of 5 years for nothing. It's hard to separate what you truly want for your own life and what your want for your relationship. I think its part of becoming a couple, an entity. I still haven't figured out everything, my career here is no where as stable as the one I had in the US, but things work out and its okay to do some things just for love and adventure. If you feel like you would have wanted to live abroad for at least a short time anyway, go for it!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:21 am

    I think you're right. I absolutely loved Canada when I visited. It's gorgeous! :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Totally! We are all about the love here.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:23 am

    It's completely possible, but no set plans yet!

    Thanks, Linda, your support means a lot. :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:23 am

    That's how I see it too. You can always get another job and build a support system, but Love won't always be around.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:25 am

    I've had one other long distance relationship too (that lasted 6 miserable years) and it was nothing like what Peter and I have. I think that's why I'm able to realize how special this is and how these big changes might just be worth it. :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Thanks, Grace. I'm heading over to read that story now!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Haha, yeah, I'm thinking about it. Peter and I haven't made any set plans yet, but it's something we have to consider if we want to keep moving forward. :)

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Yep, I totally agree that it's more common these days to meet people online. And you're right, I have to keep reminding myself that if I decide to do it, I have to do it for me. :) Thanks!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Yes! So much yes! I feel like we're going through such a similar situation. It's so much easier to make the choice that's best for you when those around you are supportive and want you to be happy. Good luck, Liz!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:33 am

    I love that little equation. :) I know my friends and family ultimately want me to be happy too, so I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Thanks, Cait! Everything you said is exactly what I'm trying to work on and get stronger at believing myself, especially the "not worrying about what people think".

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:37 am

    That is such good advice, Katie! Thank you! I love what you said about becoming a couple and an entity. That is what I ultimately want for Peter and myself. :)

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    I LOVE this story! It's amazing. It's like a dream come true! I love it. I see movie deal in the future– blockbuster in both Canada and the US!

  • Amber Says:
    September 30th, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Awww this is so cute and sweet. And yay for possibly moving to Canada!! I personally LOVE Canada but may be a little biased ;) And besides, it's not like you're moving to a totally foreign country if you take the plunge!

    I think it's great you guys are doing so great across so many miles and time zones and countries. Can't wait to read more about where this takes you!

  • Kat Says:
    October 1st, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Yay, I love this! (I also have a close friend who moved to Canada in 2004 to marry a dude she met online, so if you want/need advice about the moving process and visa situation, let me know and I'll connect the two of you.)

    I'm a hopeless romantic, and though I'm never really sure that I'll have my happy ending, I love when awesome people find theirs. Goodonya, girl. :)

  • imlivinginadream Says:
    October 2nd, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    This is really so sweet! I've always wondered how hard it would be to have a long distance relationship, and you guys seem to totally be making it work. My biggest problem with the idea is that I feel like I'd just miss my boyfriend too much by not getting to see him every day or rather, every day that I wanted to. I think it's really great that you guys are putting so much effort… And more importantly that you found each other!

    I live in Canada as well & I think the idea of a potential move is really great! It's a scary thing, granted, but I mean.. Canada is pretty awesome. :)

    Good luck you two!

  • The Inner Critic and Other Committee Members | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    October 18th, 2011 at 10:08 am

    [...] My Protector makes sure that I stay safe and, for me,  she isn’t a huge burden most of the time. She allows me to make rational decisions like going to work on Monday morning instead of running off to Europe, even though that sounds like much more fun. I appreciate her logical side and the fact that she calculates risks before jumping in feet first. She helps me stay responsible, dependable, and organized. However, at times she has also taken a back seat and allowed me to go zip-lining in Belize (even though, OMG I could have died!), book a cruise after I graduated despite my empty bank account, and take a chance to see where love might take me. [...]

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