Making Weird the Norm One Blog Post at a Time

posted 14th September 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Laurenne, Life Lesson, What I've Learned

“Why do you blog?”

Sometimes people ask that with a condescending smirk. A blogger: hmpf. We sort of have bad reputations. We spend hours writing about our lives, sprinkling pictures of ourselves all over the internet and basking in the glory of our comments. It seems pretty narcissistic to some people, and sometimes it is.

I’m the first to admit to feeling really cool when I come back to my blog, Humans are Funny, and see that people have read it (I promise I wont’ be plugging my blog in every post!).

So, when I heard about the call for Stratejoy bloggers, I had to really sit down and think about why I felt such an urge to apply. Molly was asking us to spend lots of time per week writing about the intimate details of our lives. I was applying to be a double blogger, which could stamp me with the label ‘double narcissist!’

But I couldn’t NOT share my story with such a unique community of people.

The need to share my life’s events goes waaaaay back to junior high. Back then, my life’s goal was to fit in. I would have been happy to be completely unrecognizable among my peers. That’s because I felt nothing like my peers.  I was the only girl within my friends who had divorced parents and a working mom. Divorce is all the rage now,  but it wasn’t well accepted in my very Catholic town back then. To make it worse, my mom didn’t know how to french braid my hair, and she didn’t have the money to buy me cool LA Gear fashions like the other girls had. This was horrifying to the 12-year-old me. As an adult, I’d like to slap that 12-year-old me, but at the time, I felt like an absolute misfit.

Then, when I was sixteen, my dad killed himself. Besides the whole devastating loss of a father thing, I thought this meant I was definitely a freak. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone like me. While my friends worked on their cheerleading moves and talked about ponytails, I was dealing with guilt and shame and a whole bunch of feelings I didn’t understand. And I felt like I could never bring them up. Why would a friend want to talk to me about my feelings when they could talk about the most recent Boyz II Men song? I felt like I should just shut up about my story, remain alone, and never show anyone my true feelings.

This was before the internet. Sure, we had a computer and some random chat rooms to infiltrate, but this was a time when people still looked forward to those AOL CDs that arrived in the mail. There were no blogs or search engines. I had no idea that other people like me existed. I assumed everyone was perfect except me and my stained life.

And that’s because people don’t talk about their stories. I was comparing myself to people I knew nothing about. If I had delved deeper into the families of my friends, I would have seen that some had money problems and some had infidelity issues and some parents didn’t even sleep in the same beds. But we all keep these “unacceptable” parts to ourselves. We all hold them in and lock them to our insides with shame.

After researching the average childhood later on (read: getting drunk with college friends and divulging all the goods), I realized that most people felt different and weird growing up. Most people felt somewhat alone. Most people grew up feeling that they had to hide some part of them. If we had only just talked about it, we wouldn’t have felt alone!

I decided that telling my story and being completely honest about my life would help others feel less alone and help them to see that nobody is perfect, that we’re all oddly imperfect together. I feel like the more we talk about what is REALLY going on in our lives, the less alone we feel. The more we admit to our taboos, the less they feel taboo. The more we all are honest with each other, the more normal we all feel.

That’s why I’m here and that’s why I respect Stratejoy. Instead of going through this strange, uncertain part of life alone, Molly has created a space where we can feel like we’re in it together. Because we are. There are so many of us and nobody has to feel alone EVER.

If sharing my QLC angst with you helps you to feel less alone, I’m doing it. If telling you about my strange patch of grey pubic hairs makes you feel less weird, I’m in. If admitting to you that I have serious conversations with myself out loud every night makes you feel more normal, okay!

Because really we’re all similar humans dressed in beautifully unique packages. And none of us are alone. I’d love for some of my words to help others realize that. And that, I think, is the opposite of narcissism. (Hoping that you’ll like me after you read this, though, is not. Please like me!).

Plus, for selfish reasons, I don’t want to be alone! I need a strong community of women to push me back up to the ledge I’ve been reaching for for years. I am so excited to give and receive encouragement, love, validation and respect. I’ve spent so much time trying to make others feel less alone, and this experience is my own chance to feel less alone. It will be a lesson in receiving. I get teary-eyed just thinking about these next five months. Thank you to this fabulous community in advance.


[Photo credit : istock]

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Comments (24)

24 Responses to “Making Weird the Norm One Blog Post at a Time”

  • Ag Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Laurenne – Thank you for bolding the words "There are so many of us and nobody has to feel alone EVER"!!! I woke up this morning feeling JUST THAT. A.L.O.N.E. I even said it out loud (boo!). Seriously. Even yoga didn't help me this morning. Now…I have a skip in my heart and a sense of belonging (even if it is one day at a time!). Much love, Ag

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 8:33 am

    This post made me laugh a little ( I also BEGGED my mother for LA Gear and BUM sweatshirts, but to no avail!) but at the same time, made me so excited for you ( and a little for me too) that there is this amazing website and blog for women to connect. If this was ten years ago ( or heck maybe even 5), I cannot imagine going through my QLC without having this resource and knowing that I'm not some strange anomaly. Here's to rocking through the whatever happens, will happen, together!

  • superawesomeashley Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Yes! Yes! Yes! There is no reason we should feel alone because there is always someone somewhere who knows what you're feeling or can at least be that extra hand for you to hold. This is why I'm so excited we get to share our stories and give other people that same feeling. So awesome.

  • Courtney Elizabeth Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Thank you for sharing this! I agree 100%. As I get older, I realize more how different people are, but in fact, although no two are alike, there is always someone out there who can understand a part of what you're going through at any time.Yay for togetherness.

  • cuteellaisbold Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 9:08 am

    This is why I was an early adapter to the internet. The small town people I went to school with thought I was a freak for not caring what they thought anyway (among other reasons) so why not see if there were other people out there like me? Thank you for being willing to put it out there so none of us feel alone or like freaks!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 10:12 am

    YAY!!!!! That makes me SO HAPPY! Thank you for reading and for being here too. We are together right here. And, I totally agree. Although I love yoga, sometimes it doesn't do the trick!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 10:14 am

    So happy togeeetherrrrr!!!! How does that song go?
    My mom and dad finally got me an LA Gear jacket. It was beautiful! Black with crisp pink letters on it. And I was so scared of it that I NEVER wore it! I didn't want to ruin it!
    Maybe I was a little weird back then.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I seriously can't imagine a world without the internet! And I lived in one for a good 16 years! WHAT DID WE DO?!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Yessireebob! Here we are. So exciting! So far I'm loving your story.

  • Katie Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 10:45 am

    The only one for me is you, and you for me, so happy together…..

    I CAN'T SEE ME LOVING NO BODY BUT YOU….FOR ALL MY LIIIIFE!

    Season 5 Theme song, yes?

  • David Stehle Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 11:21 am

    In the spirit of weird being the norm, I'm going to be the misfit boy that comments on an all girls blog…but just this once. (Ok, fine. I've done it maybe one other time in the past.)

    People really don't talk about their stories, especially men. I think that is why I enjoy so many posts written by women because they are more honest, more open, more brave.

    I do my best to be all three of these things in hopes that others may not feel alone. So I applaud you for doing it as well and doing it in such a kick ass writing style!

  • HannahD Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Laurenne, the thing I like most about you so far is that I get an overwhelming sense of "what you see (or read) is what you get". Thank you for your honesty and authenticity. I can't wait to meet more of you. Oh, and I like you! :)

  • takenbythewinddf Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Bravo!

  • Dusti Arab Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I completely understand not talking about your childhood. We all assume the norm is what we saw on tv. Mom + dad + siblings. Going to birthday parties, sleepovers, being part of clubs or church, and getting to have these tiny little bubbles of "normal" life around us. But, how many of us actually got that? I'm willing to bet almost none. This is a great post.

    P.S. The thing I wanted more than ANYTHING in the world was an Old Navy Tech Vest. There was some part of me that was convinced this article of clothing was the answer to my woes.

  • Kate Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    I certainly empathize with feeling like a freak after your father died. Those who haven't experienced a parental loss yet simply cannot understand what it feels like (regardless of how old you are). But those of us who have lost parents shouldn't feel like we can't talk about it. I say, embrace the things that make us 'weird' or 'unique'. You've certainly got a tribe of women supporting you every step of the way, lady! Looking forward to reading more!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 15th, 2011 at 9:47 am

    THank you so much, David, for speaking up! I love that we're on similar missions. And I think you're so right about men. I can't imagine being a man. First, the penis thing. Second, the idea that emotions must be kept inside. I hope in our lifetimes we can see the emergence of a different kind of role for men in society. Gotta start somewhere, and it seems like that's what you're doing! Bravo!

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 15th, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Awwww! THank you. I happen to like you as well. Phew.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 15th, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Yay! I so appreciate this instant tribe. Amazed. Isn't it so crazy how parental loss can be so powerful when everyone dies in the end? I can't get over how some things work some time. Nothing makes us weird! I like how you used 'unique.' We are all unique.

  • laurenne_s Says:
    September 15th, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Thanks, Dusti! An Old Nave Tech Vest!!!! Wow! When I was begging for this shit, Old Navy didn't even exist. Waaaaa. Now my age is showing.
    To not being normal, just like everyone else!
    Hugs!

  • Madge Says:
    September 15th, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    I love you Laurenne and so glad you found another niche to show your amazing spirit and writing.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 16th, 2011 at 4:08 am

    Ahhh children of divorce. Such an interesting breed, we are. :-) I grew up feeling alone, but you're absolutely right, we no longer have to feel alone. Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing your story, because it certainly makes this girl feel a little less lonely.

  • markonit Says:
    September 16th, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    I decided that telling my story and being completely honest about my life would help others feel less alone and help them to see that nobody is perfect, that we’re all oddly imperfect together. I feel like the more we talk about what is REALLY going on in our lives, the less alone we feel. The more we admit to our taboos, the less they feel taboo. The more we all are honest with each other, the more normal we all feel.

    You are soo right, sweetheart. We all are perfectly imperfect and by letting each other know that appearances are deceptive maybe we can all get over ourselves and have a beer and pizza together, you know?

    Glad you have this new outlet for your work… it is the start of the start of the next big thing..!

    Love AND Rockets!
    Mark

  • Jennifer Says:
    September 17th, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Laurenne, thanks for this article! I'm having a lonely evening and I'm feeling so much better now. Thanks for the honest words. It's funny to recall some of the odd things we felt growing up but you know, it's interesting to recall some of the things that we still think today as adults. Although, it's getting easier as an adult to trust who you are, I still have times that are difficult to not fit in with everyone else. I'm trusting my gut feeling these days and trying to surround myself with incredible people and that means that I'm giving up some friendships that no longer have my best interest in mind. It's not easy but I know it's the right thing to do. Part of me feels good about the chnage but part of me is really anxious as I look forward to meeting new friends who I enjoy and love me for being "me".

  • alonewithcats Says:
    September 18th, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    I thought that my blogging about being alone with cats would be all dark and sad, but then all these other people showed up and were like, "I'm alone too! I don't even have cats." And that put it all in perspective.

    P.S. You're the sweetest narcissist I've ever met.

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