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Chasing The Dream (Not Toddlers)

posted 26th September 2011    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: All Posts, Hannah, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

When I first started my business I wasn’t sure where I wanted it to go or what I wanted to do with it.  I let it take on a life of its own through a series of “Yes, ma’am”s, taking every job that was offered to me from headshots to first birthday parties, newborns to weddings.

In the beginning, the vast majority of my shoots were of kids under the age of four.  If you’ve ever spent any time around a toddler, you know.  Those things are FAST.  I spent every two hour session literally chasing the kid around whatever park we were at and trying to get him to look anywhere near my lens.

It was fantastic for growth as far as technical ability, but the creativity was lacking, or rather it was required in a different area than I had intended when I started a photography business.  Trying out new shots is one thing.  Finding creative ways to tie down a toddler (duct tape?) is quite another.

This business I was creating was starting to look an awful lot like the nanny job I was trying to get out of.  It took a good year and a half of wearing myself way too thin, doing things I wasn’t loving (on my evenings and weekends no less)  before I had this revelation:

If I’m going to put everything I have into building my own business, I’d darn well better LOVE what I am doing!

I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.  I like kids.  I like family shoots and yes, even two year old shoots.  I don’t like them as my only creative outlet.  Not to mention that walking away from a steady income to do the exact same thing I was doing as a nanny seems just silly.  So I’m trying some other things.  I’m toying with several ideas that all end in the same product: beautiful images of you and your _____ (fill in the blank: spouse, family, pet, best friend) being who you are.  Loving how you love.

Everyone loves differently, and that’s what I want to capture.  You don’t want a photo of you and your husband cheesing at my camera.  You want an image of how your husband touches your face or how his eyes squint up when he really laughs.  He wants to capture the way you look at him when you’re REALLY looking at him.  And that’s what I want to give you.  I’ve been diving deep into the concept of experiential photography.  Whether your shoot consists of playing games and working through verbal prompts as a couple, or doing an activity (think baking cookies or exploring the pumpkin patch) as a family.  My goal is to bring out the real you, to show your genuine emotions and expressions, to capture who you really are.

The problem?  My brand.  My website is bland and lacks personality.  What I expect of my clients is that they’re willing to show their personalities.  My business cards are cute, but don’t evoke any emotion.  My clients have to be more than cute.  They have to be real.  My internet presence: spotty.  My expectation of my clients: completely present.  My brand needs a booty load of work, and it’s time to get started.  The message I want my business to portray is that I am genuine, creative and detail-oriented.

Actually, the message I want myself to portray is that I am genuine, creative, and detail-oriented.  Funny how that works, isn’t it?  When you find something you love to do it resonates with who you are.  Once again, my core values come in: autonomy, authenticity, connection, exploration, family, creativity, play/whimsy.  Each one is so me, that it is something I’ve intuitively incorporated into my business.  This is a concept that’s been weighing heavy on my mind.

My business needs to reflect who I am.  Not who I’ve, in my laziness, let myself become.  So here I go.  The daunting words,

“Goal Setting”.

Autonomy:

  1.  Making my own schedule requires MAKING my own schedule. Go figure.  Map out when I’m doing what (approximately) each week and when I’m OFF work.  Follow it.
  2. Create systems that work for my business (and in my small space) and use them. (Financial, work flow, client communications.)

Authenticity/Connection: You can’t have connection without authenticity, so I’ll stick these two together.

  1.  Flesh out a plan for rebranding and making my business reflect me.  Write out exactly what I want it to look like and how I intend to get there including a timeframe, smaller goals, and action items.
  2.  Make a list (Yay, a list!) of the types of jobs I will accept and those I will not.  At all cost avoid selling my soul to pay the mortgage.  Book clients who get what I’m doing and we can both be authentic.

Exploration/creativity:

  1.  Avoid getting stuck in a rut.  Once a month ask a friend or stranger to model and do a shoot that’s just for me with no consideration of client expectations
  2.  Create two new “experiences” a quarter for family shoots (i.e. pumpkin patch, baking cookies).  Create 2 new prompts a month for couple shoots.  Keep mixing it up!

Family:

  1.  Find balance.  Use my off time to spend quality time with my family and friends.  Plan a date with a girlfriend once a week and a date with Mister once a week (or make him plan half of them!)
  2.  Talk seriously to Mister about our plan to move closer to family.  Figure out our timeline. Figure out how I will keep my business going in both places.

Play/Whimsy:

  1.  Don’t take my shoots too seriously.  Help the client relax, have fun,  and play.  Suck up my nerves and be open with my clients no matter what they might or might not think of me.  Make a point to put myself out there, knowing that if I do my clients are more likely to do the same.  Give myself permission to relax and play too.
  2.  Don’t take myself too seriously.  Life is meant to be fun.  Change the way I talk to myself when I’m getting caught up in something little.  If it isn’t serious, don’t make it that way.  Give myself permission to relax and play.

When I first started my business I wasn’t sure where I wanted it to go or what I wanted to do with it.  Now I know.  The only thing I can tell about what it feels like to attempt to line up who you are with your career is that it is completely invigorating.  Now if only I can get there.  Those of you who have taken this leap, any tips for those of us who are just diving in?  I’m ready to go!

[Photo credit: Hannah D Photography]

 

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Why Moving Sucks

posted 25th September 2011    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure

Moving sucks.

There, I said it.

I’ve sold my furniture; donated clothing, books, and other random items; and trashed mountains of paperwork that have been secretly breeding on my shelves and in my file box. (Honestly, all of my possessions must have been reproducing in my closets and drawers, because there’s no way I ever owned that much stuff.)

My apartment stopped feeling like home two weeks ago, when I repainted the walls. Before that, it was bright, cheery, and oh so me. When my ex and I decided to take this apartment, I agreed as long as I could paint some of the rooms: Kermit-the-Frog-green accent wall in the living room, pale blue bedroom, yellow accent wall in the guest room. The walls are back to being Navajo White now, and I’m closing this chapter on my life–the NYC chapter and the chapter with my ex.

I’m no stranger to big moves: I’ve shifted my life cross-country twice, both times leaving behind dear friends and comfortable cities. This feels different somehow, perhaps because Australia isn’t exactly in easy/affordable flight range for most people. Although the prevalence of twitter, blogging, and facebook in my life means I’ll be able to keep in touch with my New York friends (you know, the same way I keep in touch with my Seattle and DC friends now), I still feel flooded with sadness when I think about the moments I’ll miss here.

My heart breaks when I think about the fact that I’ll no longer be able to walk up to my friends’ apartment upstairs when I’m feeling stressed or sad, to sit on their futon and have their dogs and two-year-old daughter shower me with unconditional love. I start crying when I think about leaving behind the knitting group with whom I’ve spent nearly every Tuesday night for the past four years; they have been my strongest support through both the best and toughest times that I’ve experienced in this city. I start to wonder, What was I thinking? Connection is one of my core values, after all…

Like I said, moving sucks.

Fortunately, there are things that can help. Throughout this whole awful process of letting go of everything familiar–including possessions that had moved cross-country with me both times–the yogi in me has been reiterating that it’s good to practice non-attachment. All of this stuff doesn’t make me who I am. I’ve learned through my last two big moves that the people who matter stick around and stay in touch, and you find ways to maintain friendships across the miles. Asking for assistance is important; good friends are willing to do everything from assisting with painting or packing, to sitting with you while you cry and stare at your freshly-painted while walls. And of course, there’s been travel planning, which is pretty exciting when you’re meeting up with friends all over Europe. If I were only focusing on what I’m leaving behind, I’d never get anywhere. Connection may be one of my core values, but so is adventure. I want to find that balance.

With two days left in New York and barely anything in my apartment, I’m trying to soak up as much of my friends and the city as I can. I’ve been writing and taking photos, and also thinking about what I want from the next five months. After a few weeks of thinking about goals, I’ve finally settled on three:

Though I consider myself successful for quitting my job and taking this trip in the first place, I’m pretty certain that I don’t want to go back to sitting at a desk every day working for other people. I want to use the next five months–and the next year, really–to do everything in my power to create a life that won’t involve that.

This is it.

Two more days.

[photo credit: me!]

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Picking a Path

posted 24th September 2011    Written by: Elyse    CATEGORY: Elyse, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both…”

I think the biggest contributing factor to my Quarter Life Crisis may be my inability to really latch on to one specific passion and follow it.  Life has always been extremely interesting to me, and when I learn about new things and new adventures, I sometimes veer off the current path and follow this new, shiny thing.  It is NEW! And INTERESTING! Thus a procession of interesting activities, hobbies and possible careers have paraded by me, sometimes me ditching one for another or just piling them on. My mentor in high school suggested if I kept up this current pace, I would be a “jack-of-all-trades, master of none”, but I’ve just never been able to make anything really stick.

I went through a variety of majors in college that included anthropology, theater production and design, general English and finally, settled on high school English education. I always saw myself as a teacher when I was little girl, so why not? I had a lot of incredible teachers during my younger years in school and was excited at the thought of making an impact on them the way they made an impact on me. My teaching program was filled with amazing peers and some really great professors. I was achieving at high levels, and there was no denying I was good at teaching English. The great flaw in the program at the time, however, was that we weren’t in an actual classroom until senior year. Even then, our main student teaching experience didn’t occur until post-graduation. I had no idea what I was getting myself into until after I had completed my degree.

I lost a lot of myself during student teaching. I did everything correctly and received a lot of praise from my mentors, but it just didn’t feel right to me. My passion for the language arts classroom was quickly slipping away. I finally accepted that my life as a school teacher was not going to make me fulfilled and joyful. Instead, it was currently making me feel angry and empty.

After my student teaching experience was over in December of 2009, I was at a complete and total loss what to do next. I had extensive student loan debt, was facing an on-going battle with Seasonal Affective Disorder and anxiety, and for lack of a better word, felt dumb that I didn’t know the next step. All of my friends were moving on in life. They were getting married, finding 9 to 5 jobs, having happy hour cocktails and buying houses.  None of those things interested me (except the cocktails, of course), but what was the alternative? What was wrong with me that I didn’t want those things, too? I never felt comfortable being normal but didn’t know how to be an un-normal, authentic me.

Finding Stratejoy was an accident that became something like fate. I was moved by the struggles of other 20-somethings and found comfort and meaning in the message Molly was sharing.  When Molly offered a discount on the Joy Equation, I jumped at the chance to focus on myself rather than worrying about what others thought I should be. For the first time in a long time, I felt brave enough (or perhaps just desperate enough…) to try things I never imagined I would do. I’m a lot more accepting of the journey I’m on and living in the present.

Those changes in my attitude and my current position at the zoo are definitely a start, but I know I’m a long way from finding my way. I peer into the future and see nothing but haze. Doing writing exercises that ask me to write about my ideal day make me squirm because I feel so lost, I don’t even know what type of jam would be on my toast in the morning. I’m so afraid that I’ll miss out or choose the wrong thing that I haven’t chosen anything. If there was a goal I would want to meet through this Stratejoy blogging experience, it would be to gain some insight into my future. Even if it means being brave enough to just pick a path.

 

{Poem Credit: Frost, Robert. “The Road Not Taken”}

{Photo Credit: Ryan B Schultz}

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The Wisdom of Little Women

posted 23rd September 2011    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: Kristen, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

I remember reading Little Women and going to see the Winona Ryder and Susan Sarandon movie with my mother when it came out. There is the scene (as in the book) when Laurie goes to Jo to tell her of his love and his desire for her to be his wife. When she said no- choosing the independent lifestyle and her writing career over him, I remember so distinctly coming out of the film and saying to my mother, “Why would she say no to such an offer and a cute boy?” She told me one day I would understand. After sticking up for myself and choosing to live an authentic life over staying married, I finally understand what my mother (and Jo March) were telling me.

I definitely was boy crazy- maybe it was too much TV, too many teen romance books, or perhaps just a whimsical vision of what life was, but I always had being married in my sights. But I know understand, looking back, that it was the man, the idea that I always wanted. I never once thought about what being married meant, what I wanted out of a relationship.

I was more concerned with finding a guy who dressed well and said sweet things to me than thinking about the type of person and characteristics I’d want to spend forever with. Or even what forever meant.

When you are ending a marriage on fairly decent terms and trying to be amicable, it can be emotional torture. There is the gray area of- What are we? Do we still go out together for dinner? Do I need to know your after work schedule and who you are with? Do we split the bills? But the toughest part is the emotional mind field that it is.

Seriously, the doubt, the moments of uncertainty are often overwhelming. Since we’re sort on this slow roll out plan of telling people, there have been moments when we are pretending really well that life is cheery between the two of us. This sucks– it’s like the slow rip off of the band aid.

But my eye is on the prize ( happy single life and resolution of QLC). My resolve to listen to my gut– it is too loud to ignore, especially after years of shooing it away like an annoying fly. It was also exhausting being strong and successful at work, but a lump on a log at home. In the midst of the Quarter Life Crisis, I never felt comfortable enough with myself outside of work to speak up for what I wanted or to do anything without worrying what people would think.

I need to begin moving forward. I’ve spent considerable time thinking and planning about life after– ripping old wallpaper in my house, buying luxurious bed linens.  These things may seem trivial- but these are tiny examples of things that bother me or I desire that have been put aside for a while. These are the outward examples of ways I have denied my essential self.  I need to start doing.

I’ve realized I put many decisions and happiness factors in the hands of other people- parents, husband, and friends. It can’t be that way anymore. I have to make my own decisions. Having this house all to myself will be a huge action item of this goal to be decisive and assertive.

The other aspect of realizing my worth will come every day as I realize that just because my marriage failed, I am not a failure. Yes, there is a lot that I did wrong or did not try hard enough- we could be here all day if I told you how bad I was in this relationship. But that just means it was this relationship, it doesn’t mean I am not lovable or cannot be married again. It means I have to work on myself and what I want for my life. A failed marriage, paper, test, etc. are all opportunities for learning, for growing, and for finding greater purpose.

So like Jo March, I’m doing what’s best for me and not denying my instincts any longer. I also like to think that this ending in my life is going to bring a lot of new beginnings. This blog is a perfect example of that. I want to finally go to those local tourist spots I keep saying I’ll visit, go to museums that have been on my list, and finally get around to refinishing the desk I pulled out of the neighbor’s trash in 2009. I want to be a motivated, productive person who loves life and goes after it- who tries and experiences and lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Internet Move Database]

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Universal Love and Committing to Joy

posted 22nd September 2011    Written by: Dusti    CATEGORY: Dusti, Family, Job/Career/Work, Season 5

The universe is trying to tell me something. I’m convinced.

After a summer of stressing over getting someone to rent to me, I applied to a random Craigslist housing ad. I found a nice two bedroom within my budget. It was a little further out than I wanted, but there was no application fee – which *fingers crossed* meant no credit/rental check.

It’s like the universe wrapped its arms around me and gave me a hug. She rented based on character, not background. And she was one of the nicest ladies I’ve ever met! You just don’t meet people like that anymore.

Then came the cherry on top - the best writing gig EVER lands in my inbox. Cue me dancing a jig! I can’t give details yet, but it’s with a company I would sell my left boob to work with long term.

A place to live and steady income. Did I just achieve some stability? Why, yes, I think I did. Count this as me exiting fight or flight mode. Unless I’m crazy, that should mean I make better decisions for a while.

At the end of this five months, I’ll be ready to pop. As in, the brand new baby boy will be making his arrival like a soda can exploding in the freezer. I’m so excited for him, but I’m afraid for me. My doctor said I have a high likelihood of getting extreme PPD again.

Last time, it destroyed my life. This time, I have a much better support network. I have a wonderful doula, and I’m not in a relationship with someone I can’t stand – progress, right? (In fact, he makes me quite happy. And makes trips out when I get cravings. Yep – he’s a keeper.)

The next several months are going to be jam-packed full of goodness. But, it’s also just jam-packed – you know, crappy airline style where the seats are too close together kind of packed. I’m not crazy enough to hope for balance, but I am dreaming of joy. Even when things go bonkers, I want to feel the deep joy of knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m meant to be doing. To commit to joy, I’m making three goals for my time here at Stratejoy.

My three goals for the next five months are:

To prepare as much as I can for the new baby. Mentally, this means making sure I have a network of wonderful women to connect with. I think Stratejoy is going to help with that a TON. Physically, it means yoga and setting up the nursery. (Because you KNOW it’s fun.)

To write my manifesto. Because I can’t write it until I understand all of the in’s and out’s of what I think. This is me committing to self exploration in away I haven’t before.

To open as many doorways as I can for my writing career. This means getting coaching, applying to grad school, working with amazing clients, and doing whatever I can to propel my writing to the next level.

It’s a good thing I like challenges, because this one is going to be one tough mother.

 

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