Picking a Path

posted 24th September 2011    Written by: Elyse    CATEGORY: Elyse, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both…”

I think the biggest contributing factor to my Quarter Life Crisis may be my inability to really latch on to one specific passion and follow it.  Life has always been extremely interesting to me, and when I learn about new things and new adventures, I sometimes veer off the current path and follow this new, shiny thing.  It is NEW! And INTERESTING! Thus a procession of interesting activities, hobbies and possible careers have paraded by me, sometimes me ditching one for another or just piling them on. My mentor in high school suggested if I kept up this current pace, I would be a “jack-of-all-trades, master of none”, but I’ve just never been able to make anything really stick.

I went through a variety of majors in college that included anthropology, theater production and design, general English and finally, settled on high school English education. I always saw myself as a teacher when I was little girl, so why not? I had a lot of incredible teachers during my younger years in school and was excited at the thought of making an impact on them the way they made an impact on me. My teaching program was filled with amazing peers and some really great professors. I was achieving at high levels, and there was no denying I was good at teaching English. The great flaw in the program at the time, however, was that we weren’t in an actual classroom until senior year. Even then, our main student teaching experience didn’t occur until post-graduation. I had no idea what I was getting myself into until after I had completed my degree.

I lost a lot of myself during student teaching. I did everything correctly and received a lot of praise from my mentors, but it just didn’t feel right to me. My passion for the language arts classroom was quickly slipping away. I finally accepted that my life as a school teacher was not going to make me fulfilled and joyful. Instead, it was currently making me feel angry and empty.

After my student teaching experience was over in December of 2009, I was at a complete and total loss what to do next. I had extensive student loan debt, was facing an on-going battle with Seasonal Affective Disorder and anxiety, and for lack of a better word, felt dumb that I didn’t know the next step. All of my friends were moving on in life. They were getting married, finding 9 to 5 jobs, having happy hour cocktails and buying houses.  None of those things interested me (except the cocktails, of course), but what was the alternative? What was wrong with me that I didn’t want those things, too? I never felt comfortable being normal but didn’t know how to be an un-normal, authentic me.

Finding Stratejoy was an accident that became something like fate. I was moved by the struggles of other 20-somethings and found comfort and meaning in the message Molly was sharing.  When Molly offered a discount on the Joy Equation, I jumped at the chance to focus on myself rather than worrying about what others thought I should be. For the first time in a long time, I felt brave enough (or perhaps just desperate enough…) to try things I never imagined I would do. I’m a lot more accepting of the journey I’m on and living in the present.

Those changes in my attitude and my current position at the zoo are definitely a start, but I know I’m a long way from finding my way. I peer into the future and see nothing but haze. Doing writing exercises that ask me to write about my ideal day make me squirm because I feel so lost, I don’t even know what type of jam would be on my toast in the morning. I’m so afraid that I’ll miss out or choose the wrong thing that I haven’t chosen anything. If there was a goal I would want to meet through this Stratejoy blogging experience, it would be to gain some insight into my future. Even if it means being brave enough to just pick a path.

 

{Poem Credit: Frost, Robert. “The Road Not Taken”}

{Photo Credit: Ryan B Schultz}

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Comments (12)

12 Responses to “Picking a Path”

  • Dusti Arab Says:
    September 24th, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Multiple passions – I hear ya there. It's so hard to pin down the overarching theme to it all when you find life so interesting! Curious to hear if you have any inklings nowadays…

  • Liz Says:
    September 24th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Holy cow – I feel like you just reached in my head and wrote down everything I've been feeling. I've even told people on multiple occasions that I'm so afraid to do something that turns out to be a waste of time (or a mistake) that I end up doing nothing – - mostly because want to learn about everything.
    It feels like such a relief that there is someone else out there that gets it and has the same issue.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Well, I enjoy my work at the zoo, but I'm not sure I want to JUST do animal work for the rest of my days…I enjoy my volunteer work at the non-profit theater company, but I don't know if I JUST want to focus on the arts for the rest of my days…I feel like there are stil things out there I want to explore like writing and travelling and who knows what else. I think I'm set on the idea of having a progressive career all your life rather than just doing what you want to do at the time you want to do it. Still working on changing my way of thinking.

  • Elyse Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:06 am

    I KNOW there are other people out there like me, but it is sometimes hard not to feel alone when my immediate friends are all off doing the "normal" things. As I said in the above comment, I'm still struggling with reconciling the idea of a progressive career where you pick one thing and keep heading up the ladder with doing whatever the hell I want and if I change my mind, I do something else…I'm glad you found some relief in my story; that was my goal for this site! If I find any solutions, I'll make sure to share. :-)

  • KristenCF Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:15 am

    I think curiosity and wondering about what else is out there is such a healthy thing to have! You should never ever feel dumb for wanting and searching for something that makes you excited. I think questing to find something else to fill your interests and always learning about different possibilities is awesome– you want your happiness to come first and aren't willing to do JUST ANYTHING. It keeps life interesting and filled with passion, because you are learning. I know it is incredibly frustrating at times too, but from what I know of working in non-traditional education settings, I think your position at the zoo will provide a lot of different experiences and interactions for you that might help your insatiable desire to see what else is out there. You want more out of your life and aren't just going to settle, which is really awesome Elyse– career or not :)

  • Jaime Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:10 am

    "I’m so afraid that I’ll miss out or choose the wrong thing that I haven’t chosen anything."

    This is how I feel about pretty much everything in my life, right down to what to do when I'm bored. Watch a movie or play a game? WHAT IF I CHOOSE WRONG????

    Most of my friends at least have jobs, if not careers, which also makes me feel like I'm a bit of a failure in their eyes. I try not to think too much about what others think of me, but in this world it's difficult. I've never been a motivated or career-driven woman (I still think of myself as a 'girl'). I'm married and content to be a housewife most of the time, but other times I want something more. I just don't know what to do.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm excited to go on this journey with you, and I think it will be eye-opening for me as well. :]

  • Ash Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Oh goodness, sugar – do I ever feel ya' on this one. I sometimes wonder if I have a "path", or if it's more like a constellation of strange things that have happened as I stare at the fork in the road and wonder what to do next… because all the choices look interesting and I don't want to screw it all up.

    If it helps, I recently heard all of these kinds of emotions and worries and thoughts like you've shared in this post reflected back at me in an interesting, positive way by my current boss: "You've never met an opportunity you didn't like, eh?" Seemed like a different way to think about it…

    As for choosing "what next" and worrying about taking a wrong step – I've been really struggling with that, too. Sometimes it's really hard to remember that every decision can be changed – that it might cost some time, energy or money (or a little pride), but you can almost always double-back and try again…

    Something that's helped was this post by Melissa Lafsky (http://opinionistas.com/2009/04/20/30-years-and-a-shoe-up-the-ass/), particularly the quote:

    "So what they’re saying is I can have angst, regret and doubt, or angst, regret and doubt. Or I could say Fuck it and move to New Zealand to herd ewes. And likely wind up with a generous serving of angst, regret and doubt. Or I could stop listening to others and absorbing the self-pity of people unhappy with their choices, and start making my own. Starting now: Screw it all, I’m choosing to be happy."

  • HannahD Says:
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Elyse, this post resonates with me SO MUCH!!!!! I have a huge goal I'm working towards. I love my business. I am passionate…but I'm also passionate about like 12 other things. I worry that I'm not choosing the right thing and also that I'll never be able to choose one thing and be happy. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I've recently accepted that I don't have to do one thing for the rest of my life…and wow that is exciting!!!!!! Can't wait to hear more about your journey :)

  • Katie Says:
    September 26th, 2011 at 3:53 am

    Elyse, I can definitely relate. Even though I am doing what I thought I wanted (working with an international non-profit, leaving abroad), I still feel lost and like I'm falling behind. All of a sudden I'm not sure my passion is my passion and there is so much out there I don't know where to begin. Thanks for sharing your post and reminding me to just keep going because I'll find something that fits me.

  • Kat Says:
    September 30th, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Elyse, I so, SO relate to this! In fact, one of my blogs is even named Kat of All Trades… ;) One thing that I've done to come to terms with my desire to do everything is to remember that I can always change my mind later. I don't need to be doing one thing forever just because that's the norm!

    Of course, there are still all of those times that I feel super weird about the fact that I'm 30 and my friends are mostly married and now having kids, and I'm off doing crazy stuff…but then again, that's why we're here, right? :)

  • Elyse_L Says:
    October 6th, 2011 at 3:52 am

    The zoo definitely has provided a lot of different experiences and interactions which I am so grateful for. Working there has really been my first experience with something different and new that I didn't understand until I got there. I think it is the start of a good path. :-)

  • Elyse_L Says:
    October 6th, 2011 at 3:54 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE that quote. I obviously need to move to New Zealand and herd ewes to be happy. ;-) Really, though, it is perfect.

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