My Parents’ Voices

posted 31st October 2011    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Hannah, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

Today we received our wedding video.

First I cried like a baby.  Then I watched for the 107th time and was finally able to take it all in.

What an amazingly perfect day.  Our friends and family enveloped us in so much love it was overwhelming.  I found myself looking around during the set up and holding back tears.  My brothers had ribbons in pretty girly colors hanging around their necks as they hung them from the arbor my dad made for us.  My girlfriends and my mom’s girlfriends were arranging flowers we had picked ourselves the day before.  Every person there – my brothers, my sister, my girlfriends, my parents, my mom’s best friends – they were all there out of sheer love.  What an honor.

During our ceremony we thought it was important to have both sets of parents speak.  They have both been together for over 30 years and were and are great inspirations to us as examples of successful marriages.  Our parents could also not be more different, which gives us a unique perspective on how all kinds of relationships can flourish.

Listening to my dad talk about how proud he is of his children chokes me up every time.  He’s a super loving dad, but is more of an actions speak louder than words kind of guy and rarely shares his feelings with us out loud (although that’s changing as we get older).  He is mostly pretty quiet and prone to advice like, “Be reasonable.”  But, when it was his turn to speak he said, “The biggest joy in my life has been my children. (Queue my tears)  Watching them grow, watching them make decisions and choices — some good ones and some bad ones.  Watching them improve in their decisions is the good part, and knowing that they’re getting somewhere.  And so…the big decision is, really, learning what love is…and what it isn’t.  And I think they’ve done a good job of that…or we wouldn’t be here.”

We couldn’t have made the decisions and choices, or built the lives we have without our parents.  I wouldn’t know what love is without them.  And in thinking about our amazing parents, I’ve also been thinking more and more about being ready to be a momma myself.

Mister and I have talked a lot lately about whether we’re ready, when is the ideal time, and what is our game plan (Answers: you’ll never actually be ready, there is no ideal time, and your game plan will go out the window anyway.  I know.) I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of parent I want to be.  Having been a nanny for so long I think I have a pretty good idea of how I interact with kids on a daily basis.  I know what works for me and what doesn’t.  I know what pushes my buttons, what my limits are, and what makes me feel like the best caregiver I can be.  I also know, as everyone tells me, that “It’s different with your own kids”.  And I know that finding a balance between my pre-existing style of caregiving and Mister’s learning to be a parent will be a unique challenge.  I know I will have to let go and let him find his own path which might be difficult for my Type A personality.  Although, I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that he will be an amazing dad.  With me he is attentive, kind, and affectionate.  Just thinking about how he will be with our children makes me teary.

No matter what balance we find, there are some fundamental ideas I want us to teach our children:

 

To my babies,

Your Daddy and I love you more than anything and want you to be happy. Please don’t ever get caught up in our expectations of you.  All we expect is that you find your happiness.

Do what makes you giddy. Do what you love.  Surround yourself with people who love you.  Don’t settle for less than you deserve.  Actually, don’t settle at all. 

Be a good friend.  Be kind.  Be honest with others and with yourself.  Speak the truth with compassion.  Give second chances.  Keep your promises.

Trust yourself.  Your heart will tell you what’s right.  Always follow it.  Express your emotions.  They’re there for a reason.

When you make mistakes (and you will), do your best to fix them. Or at the very least, learn from them.  When you hurt someone, say “I’m sorry”.  And mean it.  Remember you cannot be everything to everybody.  You can only be you.  And that is more than enough.

Never stop learning.  There is an infinite amount of knowledge in this world.  Soak it up.  Travel.  Explore.  Embrace curiousity.

Treat your body with respect.  Feed it well, move it often.  Eat lots of leafy green vegetables.  Eat a little chocolate too.  Don’t wait for someone else to stamp you with their approval.  Do what makes you feel good about you and approve of yourself. 

You are beautiful.  Never doubt that.

Be silly.  Laugh a lot.  Jump on the bed.  Roll down a hill.  Build a fort.  Play.  No matter how old you are.

Be inquisitive.  Be adventurous.  Try most things twice (in case you were in a bad mood the first time). 

Vote.  Put money in your savings account. Wear sunscreen.  

Do something creative every day.  Do something just for you every day.  Embrace gratitude.  Live YOUR life.  Don’t try to live someone else’s.  You will only do it badly.  Own who you are.  Really be in your life.  Soak up the small moments.  Sing.  Loud.  Dance.  Create.  Dream.  Inspire.  Love.  Be loved.  

That’s the easy part.  You will always be loved.

Mom

And it’s interesting, isn’t it?  That in speaking to my children (hypothetically) I might as well be speaking to myself.  And in speaking to myself, I somehow hear my parents’ voices too.

[Photo credit: My family archives (nice sweater, Dad!) + Bb&Company]

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Comments (10)

10 Responses to “My Parents’ Voices”

  • KristenCF Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 8:38 am

    Hannah you have me all watery eyed at work! This post was so beautiful & has me bursting with love with you and your words. It's amazing to think of our parents and their influence, their impact, and how we'd do things if/when our own kids based on their example :)

  • Anne Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Dear Amazing Daughter,

    I'd say you are more than ready for babies (and not just because I want a grandchild!).
    Happy tears…

    love you,
    Mom

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    This made me tear up as well. Truly beautiful. Thank you!

  • HannahD Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Awww sorry for making you water at work :-P Thanks for the nice message though! :)

  • HannahD Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Aww thanks mom :)

  • HannahD Says:
    October 31st, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Lots of tears today. :) Thanks for the message!

  • Kat Says:
    November 1st, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    I love the values that you want to teach. I think they're really great reminders for anyone! Girl, you're going to be an awesome momma. :)

  • Joy Says:
    November 7th, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Loved this post Hannah and it made me cry too. You are an inspiration and beautiful! Love the letter to your babies, and how it speaks to you too, to all of us. Frame it and hang it up in your house sweet cousin. Thank you!

  • Jan Sisler Says:
    November 7th, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Dear Hannah,beautiful thoughts and all so very true! I have no doubts that you will be a great momma! As I am getting ready for my first Grandaughter(Maya Kate) There is already so much love and joy in my heart! Not just for Maya but for Sarah and Andrew too.Happy tears filled my eyes with your sweet words as your thoughts expressed the true meaning of love.Thanks for sharing !

  • HannahD Says:
    November 8th, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Aww Jan thanks for the note! I'm SO excited for Sarah and Andrew too and can't wait to meet Miss Maya! (What's with all those Olive girls stealing my baby girl names? I had Jenna, Macy, AND Maya (but spelled Mya) on my list! :) )

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