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Hope Dies Last: An Interview With Eleni Zoe

posted 25th October 2011    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

Today I have the privilege and honor of interviewing one of my biggest internet crushes, Eleni Zoe! I’ve been reading Eleni’s blog for almost three years and it is her honesty, authenticity, and insight that brings me back for more. In our interview, Eleni shares bits of her journey including the realization that she always wanted to be a writer.

She also recently published her first novel, so I was dying to learn the inside scoop about that process. I hope you find Eleni as inspiring as I do and don’t forgot to check out her blog for an inside peak into her world.

I’ve been a huge fan of you and your blog for the past few years. Can you tell us a little about yourself and how you began blogging?

Sure! I’m Eleni Zoe, I’m 30 years old and I live in Athens, Greece but I was born and raised in South Africa. I write, I blog and I love talking about topics that connect all people. That topic is usually, love. One of my pet peeves is when people use the term antisocial when they were quiet at a party one night. That’s unsocial. Anti-social is what psychopaths are.

I started blogging consistently in 2006. I was back in Greece with a shiny psychology degree but no idea what I wanted to do with it. Judging by appearances, I thought I was the only one who was lost. My closest friends were getting jobs, boyfriends, and creating these brand new lives and I felt like I was the only one who was single and without a job or any direction. Cue panic attacks, depression, anxiety and the creation of my blog, Hope Dies Last.

I wanted to believe that if I wrote about hope, I’d eventually find it and feel it. I did. Then, I didn’t. Then, I did again.

How did you know you wanted to be a writer? Did you have an “aha” moment?

I did! But it was less of an ‘I want to be a writer’ moment and more of an ‘I’ve always been a writer, why have I wasted so much time doing everything but that?’ moment.

I spent the better part of my teens and early 20s, pursuing other people’s definition of success. It was only when I felt I had hit rock bottom that I changed. I got back up and thought: “OK, we did it their way and it didn’t make me happy. Let’s do it my way and see what happens.”

What has been the most difficult part of pursing your dream job?

The most difficult part has been managing my insecurities. On high insecurity days, my train of thought goes a little something like this: “If I let insecurity win, I would never write. If I don’t write, I’ll never get better. If I don’t get better, I’ll never be read by a significant amount of people. If I’m never read by a significant amount of people, then I’m not really a good writer.”

The only valuable thought in there is this one: If I don’t write, I’ll never get better.

Insecurity-full or insecurity free, I try write something every day. And that’s always the hardest part.

There are several categories on your blog including Self Discovery, Happiness, Relationships, and Love and Romance. How do you maintain such honesty and openness while writing about and sharing such personal topics on the internet?

The truth is that I’m an overly fearful person and one of my greatest fears is that people won’t accept me for who I am. The only way I know to get over fears is to face them. So I’m open and honest about who I am because it’s scary. And I keep doing it because it’s still scary.

Last year, I watched a TED video of Brene Brown discussing vulnerability where she said: “The original definition of courage was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”

I’m chasing courage wholeheartedly on my blog (and in my life) and that includes sharing my, sometimes, very personal stories.

You recently self-published your first novel, Hope Dies Last: Lessons In Love. Congratulations! Can you tell us a little about that process what it felt like to accomplish something so huge?

When I first had the idea to self-publish, I didn’t know a single thing about it. I didn’t know what the process would look like or how to begin. I didn’t even know if I had a story worth writing.

My brother told me: “Just do it. And you’ll figure it out as you go.”

I’m quite a practical person and his advice was infuriating. What does “Just do it” even mean? Spoiler alert: It literally means: Do it.

So that’s what I did.

I collected all my favourite posts and spent a long time looking at them, reading them and trying to find the common thread between them. I thought a lot about the kind of books I enjoy reading. So I wrote the kind of book I would like to read. When I was finished writing, I had to edit it. So I did that. Then I had to find a way to publish it. So I did that. Then I had to format it. So I did that. Then it needed a cover, so I found the best designer I knew and asked her to do that.

The entire process was a series of small accomplishments. On the day I released the book, it didn’t feel huge at all. I smiled, jumped around for a few minutes and then sat down and said: “OK, what’s the next step?”

If you could share one piece of advice with the women of Stratejoy, what would it be?

Dream big. Live small. This means that your dreams are more likely to become a reality when you begin by taking small steps to reach them. After every step you’ve accomplished, smile, pat yourself on the back and then find and attack the next one.

 

[photo credit: Eleni Zoe]

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Wisdom From 4 Year Olds

posted 24th October 2011    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: All Posts, Hannah, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

When I was little I ran through the woods with abandon.  I was a princess, a dolphin trainer, and a chemistry teacher all at once.  I dreamt huge dreams, and didn’t think about what people thought of me.  I was a tomboy who played in the dirt.  I was the queen of my castle.  I ate ice cream without flinching or counting calories.  I drew and wrote and ran and played music and sang and danced and never wondered who was watching.  Like Juliana, I was exactly who I want to be when I grow up.

Kids know some good stuff.  There’s a reason the “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” poster is on every dentist’s ceiling for your reading pleasure.  Kids don’t live in fear or shame.  They are passionate, strong willed, and self-assured.  They trust themselves.  They trust each other.  They forgive easily and love whole-heartedly.  They speak their minds.  They try new things (except maybe green things on their dinner plates). And they’re always always learning.

So when Molly asked us to interview women we admire, I couldn’t help but think of my littlest friends.  Below are the M&M fueled interviews I had with three 4 year old girls…or, as they would say “4”, “4 ¼”, and “4 ½”.

On Careers:

Me: How do you decide what you want to be when you grow up?
4: I don’t know. You just do.
4 ¼: You think it up in your head ‘cause you have a brain.
4 ½: I use my smart brain.

Me: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
4: I’m gonna be a mother.  Just a mother ‘cause I love being a mother.
4 ¼: A struction worker garbage girl concert lady that sings.
4 ½: A nurse fairy princess.  Like, I’ll give people new wings or something.  And wands and dresses and crowns if they break.  And probably some medicine if they’re sick or something but basically I’ll just do the wings.

On Feelings:

Me: What makes you happy?
4: My happiness is Mommy gives a present for my birthday.
4 ¼: When people like Mommy tell me they love me.  And if they agree with me and I agree with them.
4 ½:  Going to Menchie’s, the new ice cream store.  If my friends play with me at their houses, playground, sometimes playing with my mom, when my nanny takes me to all kinds of different places, and it makes me very special when you give me donuts on my birthday breakfast.

Me: What makes you sad?
4: When somebody hits me or punches me on my head.
4 ¼: If people hit me and say I’m stupid.
4 ½: When my brother bites me and hits me, when my dad yells at me because I cry.  Even when I get hurt and bleed and I have to have something on it to stop it from keeping bleeding.  And sometimes at school I get a little nervous about something I need help with at clean up time like when I don’t know where something goes but when they help me it makes me happy.

On Friendship:

Me: How do you know when someone is a good friend?
4: When her plays princesses with me and invites me for sleepover. They won’t play what I want them to tell me they are not my friend.
4 ¼: If they do nice things like share cupcakes with you.  And lollipops.
4 ½: Because they’re being nice.  Like sharing, giving me hugs, and playing together.

Me: How do you know if you’re a good friend?
4:  If I give her a picture and her says her love it.  Or if her hug me.
4 ¼: If I give cake and lollipops and chocolate and vanilla and have an idea like play a game that they want to play.
4 ½: I share and it makes me feel good and I love all my friends.

Me: What if somebody doesn’t like you?
4: I just walk away.
4 ¼: You can walk away and play with somebody else.
4 ½:  I would say, “That’s not very nice.”  Because when you tell someone you don’t like them that’s rude.

Me: What do you do if someone is mean to you?
4: I say, “NO!” I say, “No, no, no, no, no!”
4 ¼: Get away from them…and when they come back say you need some space!
4 ½:  I tell my teachers.  And I talk to them about it.  And then the teachers take care of it for me.  And if my teachers aren’t there I say, “I don’t like that.”

On Self Esteem:

Me: What do you like best about yourself?
4: When I smile and stuff.
4 ¼: I’m a girl.
4 ½: I’m a nice girl.  That’s all I know about myself.

Me: What is your favorite part of your body?
4: My bones! ‘Cause them are so cool.
4 ¼: My MUSCLES! And my brain.
4 ½: My blood.  Because it pumps really fast if I breathe really fast.  And because it’s red like apples.

Me: Are there any parts you don’t like?
4: I don’t like my joints ‘cause they’re my kinda yuck.
4 ¼: ………Huh-uh.
4 ½: I don’t like my teeth ‘cause I don’t like when I have stinky breaths when I don’t brush my teeth.

On Family:

Me: Do you want to get married?
4: Yeah. To a guy with hair.
4 ¼: Yes if I love him.
4 ½: Yes. Because I want to marry somebody.  Because I want to be a wife and born kids.  And because I want to have a husband who is really nice. And I’ll probably fall in love with (my brother).  You know who I’m going to marry? My brother.  But no I’m going to marry (my friend’s brother) because it’s not allowed to marry a brother.  And (my friend) is going to marry my brother.  So it’s like we’re trading.

Me: How do you know if you’re ready to get married?
4: When you’re tall like your mom you’re ready to get married.
4 ¼: When you find the right guy you want to marry him.  If they look good to you.  If they like you.  If they love you.  If they agree on what your plan is.
4 ½: “cause I’ll know because I’m old enough.  And because I’ll be 16.  It all depends on how old I am and I already love (my friend’s brother) so it’s okay.

Me: Do you want to have kids?
4: Yes I will be their mother.
4 ¼: Yeah but not right now.  I need to be a grown up first.
4 ½: Yes.  Because I want to tell them what to do and be in charge and so I can be a mom and tell my own kids what to do.  And because I’m going to love my kids really much.

On Failure:

What happens if you try to do something and you can’t?
4: I just try all over again.
4 ¼: Think of another thing.
4 ½: You can’t do it again.  But when you’re a grown up you can just try again.

Just for Fun:

Me: If you could do anything right now what would it be?
4: Just play at this toy area right here.
4 ¼: Umm just do this.
4 ½: Menchie’s, go to the playground, and fly.  And then I could look at every place in this whole wide world.

I know this interview may seem silly, but there is wisdom in a lot of these answers if you look a little deeper.  Out of the mouths of babes…

[Photo: Hannah D Photography - NOT one of the girls I interviewed]

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Dollars vs. Dreams

posted 23rd October 2011    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Money, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure

Money’s been on my mind a lot lately. Long-term travel plans will do that to you, I suppose. I’ve got a variety of fears related to this trip, but the one that’s most consistently present is the fear of running out of cash. I touched on that in my post about my travel/moving plans, but I think it’s worth a closer look. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here, and I suspect this fear is what stops some people from following their dreams of traveling, opening a business, and more.

My parents raised me to make very practical choices about money. My family is solidly middle class–perhaps even upper middle class in the economically-depressed area where I grew up–and they taught me from a young age to save. I’ve never been the type of person to accumulate a large sum of credit card debt, and while I was employed, I was putting money into a retirement account. I decided to leave my job in Seattle to do AmeriCorps partly because the paychecks were sometimes uncertain. Even though I wasn’t going to earn a lot of money during my AmeriCorps year, at least I was able to plan for that.

Point being: my nature is to make reasonably intelligent financial decisions and save money.

What the fuck was I thinking when I quit my job?!

I was thinking that I’d spent a few years automatically transferring 20-30% of my earnings into a savings account every month. I knew that someday I’d use that money to do something awesome, and that time had come. When it wasn’t in my checking account, I didn’t spend it. It was like magic when I looked at the savings balance later!

I was thinking that I was tired of earning my keep in a way that drained me. I was doing so many things on the side that I enjoyed–teaching yoga, blogging, taking photographs–and I wanted more time to explore those options as a potential sources of income.

I was thinking that life is short, and that I’ve never really bought into the idea that we should wait until we retire to follow our dreams. A former coworker once said to me: “It’s hard to dance when you have a walker, but it’s easy to sit at a desk and type.” I don’t want to wait my whole life to do something that I’m excited about now. I don’t want to spend my whole life saving for something that might never happen.

I’m not advocating racking up debt to fund crazy plans and diving into things with reckless abandon. That’s not my style. I am suggesting that if we want to do awesome things, we need to make those a priority. I was able to save the money for this trip by living what some people saw as a spartan lifestyle. I spent money on the things that mattered most–travel and food, including eating out with friends–and I was cautious about the rest. There were certainly times that I missed living alone, but I saved hundreds of dollars each month by having a roommate. I rarely bought things like clothes, books, and other random items because those weren’t in my budget.

My dad said to me a few years ago that he and my mom had a hard time understanding me because they saw my brother buying things (new tv, car stereo, etc.), and I wasn’t like that. I like to spend my money on experiences. That’s how I choose to live my life, and that includes the financial side of it.

All of that doesn’t take away the fear of running out of cash. You know what’s scarier to me, though? Planning around a someday that might never arrive and living a life that isn’t authentic.

Of course, I’ve still got a semi-meticulous travel budget. It’s not like I can get away from my upbringing that easily.

[photo credit: me!]

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The QLC Under a Microscope

posted 22nd October 2011    Written by: Elyse    CATEGORY: All Posts, Elyse, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

We bloggers and readers spend a lot of time writing, reading and discussing the Quarter-life Crisis on this site, but others say that the “Quarter-life Crisis” doesn’t exist. That the Crisis is fabricated for one reason or another. I’ve explained how I found myself in a Quarter-life Crisis  but have yet to really explain what that means to me, how I’ve defined it, and how day-to-day life can sometimes feel within the Crisis.

I always joked in college as I was going through major after major that I was going through a Quarter-life Crisis without even realizing that this phrase and situation actually existed. Fast-forwarding to that fateful student teaching experience, I started sinking deeper and deeper into some kind of bottomless hole. Part of it was depression, which I recognized, but the other part was something new. I had this incredible yearning for a life that didn’t seem to fit the norm or the standards for which many of us measure a good life. Take that yearning and mix in a healthy dose of having no freaking clue what I wanted to do with myself and that was when I realized I was in a situation that really qualified as a crisis. I realized then as I realize almost two years later that things have to change.

Emotionally, it registers on a very manic scale. At certain times I feel an intense sadness which can rocket to laughter at the fact that I know nothing for sure. It is amusing and funny because I thought I was doing everything right. I finished high school, and borrowed a hell of a lot of money for college because I was told by society that was the only  way to get a good job, and that good job would help me pay off those loans.  Then, I could get married and have babies and buy a house on credit. Work hard, retire and die. Sounds like So. Much. Fun.  Thus, laughter and tears commence in strange combinations. Some days, I’ll feel like I’m enjoying the exploratory journey, and others, I just want to tear my hair out for lack of any cohesive life plans.

The Quarter-life Crisis started as a chance for reflection, but I’m certainly far into the transformation stage which means some progress has been made. I’m still doing a lot of thinking and exploring to find a life that fits me. I don’t need any more proof other than the life I have lived that the Quarter-life Crisis does exist. And, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing! We’re at a historical crossroads in America where the American Dream is being challenged, class wars rage, and many of us have no idea what the hell we’re supposed to do with ourselves. If a Quarter-life Crisis has popped up in your life, it means some part of you recognizes that the way society and culture has asked us to live is unacceptable. It means you don’t recognize one way of living as gospel, that the powers-that-be don’t have all the answers, and you deserve so much more than what is mediocre and draining.

In the end, admitting you are having a Quarter-life Crisis can make you “different” in your peer group. You’re admitting you aren’t as confident about your life as others appear to be. It is scary to admit, but once you admit it and the sky doesn’t fall, you can go about making real change in your life.  Embrace the QLC, people. It not only can change you but might help change the world we live in by demanding meaning and purpose in our lives.

Now, in light of these deep musings, I’m going to go dress like a zombie, do a zombie crawl around my neighborhood bars and prossibly get really, really drunk. Happy Halloween, everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{Photo Credit: Feminist Blackboard}

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Little Girl, New World

posted 21st October 2011    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: Kristen, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

My Quarter Life Crisis brought with it a serious self-image problem.

Before the QLC, my lively, optimistic attitude came through in whatever I was doing. The QLC lessened that greatly and made severe self-doubt and indecisiveness my middle name. It was hard to make decisions about anything in life. It was exhausting not just because I knew I was changing and that I didn’t like what I was changing into, but more importantly,  I was so awesome and on top of things while at work that I felt like I was living two different lives. Work Kristen couldn’t figure out how to make at-home Kristen a rock star too.

Now that I’m figuring out what I want for life, I’m still really uncomfortable, unsure, and painfully filled with self-doubt at times. I see people my age or younger who seem to have it all together. They have great jobs, awesome wardrobes, fun and impeccably decorated homes, and go to brunch on Sundays.  Even though I have the great job and somewhat decent wardrobe, I still feel a little like Jennifer Garner in Thirteen Going on Thirty- the little girl who is pretending at the adult table and playing house.

I sort of have a multiple personality issue when it comes to my self-confidence it seems.

It really is sort of strange in that regard because at work, I know that I’m on top of my game. I will admit a bit of a self-confidence issue when it comes to speaking up to propose a new idea (though I can be quite vocal against bad ideas and with my opinion) and I have definite confidence issues when it comes to networking. I don’t speak up because I doubt what I have to say is interesting or will come out articulated the way it sounds in my head. At conferences and workshops, I know how important it is to network and make connections within the field, but I’m not great at that first comment or saying hello to a stranger, though once introduced I can usually talk shop with just about anybody.

I’m great at public speaking and feel confident doing it- in fact in high school and college, I was on the debate team, winning awards and going to nationals. But I don’t really like being the center of attention. At the annual exhibition opening when the executive director mentions me, I usually want to hide beneath the furniture. I didn’t want to open presents at my bridal shower because I hated everyone looking at me and judging my reaction (I also have other issues with bridal showers but that’s a whole other topic!) This past spring I was on a local morning television show promoting my exhibit and have to this day, never watched the entire segment all the way through.  I spent almost the entire first semester of grad school thinking they made a mistake in accepting me and that I didn’t belong.

My sense of self and who I am came to a bit of a realization last night when I realized I now live alone. In a house that I own by myself. I’ve never lived alone. I’m 28 years old and finally don’t have to share a bathroom with someone, can blare any music I want, and don’t have to ask for another opinion on curtain colors. It’s so exciting- and terrifying too. Can I take care of and maintain a house on my own (a historic one, no less)? A brief cry and freak out moment was followed by talking with a friend who said, “Kristen, you’ve been doing it on your own for a while now.” And it’s true.

So here I am now, realizing that I am fabulous on a number of levels.  I’m working on finding ways to boost my self-confidence: writing, going out and trying new things, meeting new people, asking colleagues to introduce me to people at conferences, and making decisions on my own. Basically realizing that I’m 28 years old, not thirteen, and that I can do or not do whatever I want—obvious I know, but to me and my nagging self-doubt, it’s empowering and really exciting .

Already in a short period of time, I’m feeling more aware and joyful. I’m not jumping back into the dating pool any time soon because I’ve started a new relationship with someone I’ve known for a long time and lost touch with a few years ago—me.

[Photo Credit: Home Management Houses, Iowa State University]

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