Fierce Family Love

posted 9th December 2011    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Kristen, Love/Relationships, Season 5

On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I saw the new Muppet Movie with my parents and brother. It was a fun family outing not just because as a family we love the Muppets, but also because it was the first time in over a decade the four of us went to a movie together (we think that last one was Disney’s Tarzan, which was in 1999).

I’ll reserve my thoughts on the movie for another forum (though I will say while I love Kermit the Frog with much affinity, that my other favorite Rolf, the dog, was not featured as much as I would have liked), but I will say it was great fun to go out with my immediate family.

I am so incredibly blessed that I have an amazingly awesome family- not just my parents and brother, but my grandmother, aunts and uncle, and a tight group of family friends that are closer to me than any of my extended blood family. I love spending time with these people- some of my best memories are hours that were spent playing games, going on vacations, and having awesome conversations with these people. I have some really remarkable human beings in my life.

The immediate Costa clan is filled with such a fierce love and concern for each other that for some outsiders, I can see it could be construed as overbearing and that we are all in each other’s business. And I will admit that at times, we are. And I can also admit that as much as I love my parents and have an immense closeness with them, that there are times when I’d like for them to back off too. But it’s a learning process for everyone about where the boundaries are as life changes and we grow up.

But if there is anything the Costa Family is, it is amazingly loving and loyal.

Family time was a sacred thing growing up, an example set by our weekly Sunday dinners with my parents, brother, and my paternal grandparents. It was a time for us to take out of the week to be together and talk about all that was going on, laugh and tell stories, and often reminiscence about favorite memories.

My brother, parents, and I ate dinner together every single night of the week when my brother and I lived at home, with maybe only Friday or Saturday night being exceptions as we got older and went out with friends. It didn’t matter what time band practice was or Little League started, my parents made the active effort every single day for us to have that time together. It was abnormal to a lot of my peers and I think sometimes how crazy the scheduling must have been for my mother to get us all fed at the same time ( thank goodness for mac and cheese!), but those nightly dinners together made our family a powerhouse.

The summer in between my sophomore and junior years of college I was working at my first museum internship in Newport and I was paid a stipend for the position, but not until the end of the summer. I spent a good deal of my free time that summer with my parents because of my lack of available funds and it was the first time that I really got to know and enjoy them as adults, as Patricia and Dave, not just Mom and Dad. If it wasn’t for that summer at home with them, I do not think I would have been able to live with them for five years after graduating from college. All through grad school, they were immensely supportive in many ways and I am so proud to call them my best friends.

As I think about my life and what I want moving forward, I think a lot about family. I spend some time on future thinking and what I want out of life next- job, love, and living situation wise. I often think about moving away and going somewhere new.I think about moving close to my aunt in California too because of my great relationship with her.

To move anywhere would have to be driven by a really awesome career or life opportunity at this point, but I’m open to the idea. It is hard to think about not having Sunday dinners with my parents, brother, and grandmother, random games of Scrabble with my brother and parents, or summer nights on my parents’ back porch with family friends, wine, and laughter.

Those moments have become really important aspects of my life and what I would miss the most if I left the immediate area. I know my family will visit me gladly anywhere I might go ( my mother once told me she didn’t care where I went as long as it was reasonably accessible via airport), but it’s the random moments of laughter and fun that would be the biggest void to fill.

I think a lot about a family of my own- and I don’t know exactly what that means yet. There are days I cannot wait to have my own family and coo over precocious toddlers in little man suits. Then there are days that the thought of caring for a child seems incredibly daunting—I’m just learning to take care of myself; however could I take on an infant at this stage? Needless to say, I’m not sure yet what my fate is with babies. And I am fully aware that my family unit may resemble something very different than what my reality growing up was- that I could have a partnership with a man that isn’t marriage, or that includes only children of the furry variety and the two of us. I know that families are not made by blood alone- my close knit group of family friends who we spend holidays, frequent weekends, and go on vacation with are evidence of that.

Whatever my future family looks like, if it’s just me and future man, or a brood of kids, I know my awesome people will be there supporting me.

[Photo Credit: I could not find a decent family photo to save my life! So the Muppets it is via here]

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Comments (4)

4 Responses to “Fierce Family Love”

  • Hadley Gustin Says:
    December 9th, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Kristen,

    Love your story and can relate to it a lot! I, too, have a very close, tight-knit family that I love and adore. I honestly can't imagine my life without their love and support which is why I am so grateful for it every single day. In addition, I am also open to having a non-conventional family in the future. It's so true that the concept of "family" doesn't just refer to blood relatives. On the contrary, it includes pets, family friends, significant others/partners that you never marry, etc… which in my opinion is wonderful. Family is constantly growing and changing just like everything else in life, so to put a label on it or make it exclusive go against its core meaning of unconditional, loving relationships.

    Job well done on this post, and I look forward to reading more of them from you!

    Hadley

  • StephD Says:
    December 9th, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Thank-you so much for this post.
    A little over a year ago, I moved away from my family and friends to a place "in the middle of nowhere" without anyone I know for a job opportunity. I have learned to appreciate and value every single moment with my close family and friends to the fullest. I miss those random moments with them all– the dinners, the jokes, the nights just sitting together watching tv, the impromptu dance parties… but the moments we share now are made extra special because of the distance between us. I look through past pictures all the time and instantly have the urge to just leave everything where I am now to move back with my friends and family. However, I know that (as cheesy as it sounds) they are here with me and that the lessons I have learned from them and the support and love I have from them will stay with me no matter where I go, no matter where I am….

  • KristenCF Says:
    December 12th, 2011 at 5:49 am

    Thanks so much for your comments Steph- it's always great to hear from someone who has made the leap and how you have dealt with being away from family!

  • KristenCF Says:
    December 12th, 2011 at 5:51 am

    Thank you Hadley! I think our great family backgrounds is what makes us realize our own family can come in whatever form it may- we're so wired for love and togetherness :)

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