Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #17 – Maria Ross

posted 23rd February 2012    Written by: Stratejoy    CATEGORY: All Posts, Guest Post Rockstar

*This post is an entry in the 1st Annual Stratejoy Essay Contest.  Each day throughout the month of February, we will be featuring one of the 20 finalists writing their answer to the question: How do you live life on your own terms? On February 29th, we will open the voting to YOU, our community, to select the winner of the $500 prize.*

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Nothing will force you to live life on your own terms faster than almost losing it.

In 2008, I was on fire. My husband and I had just moved to Seattle, made new friends, bought our first house, adopted a dog – and I decided to escape Corporate America and start my own consulting business. I foolishly  thought working for myself would give me oodles of time to write and act – two of my biggest passions. Yeah, right. Life was crazy and hectic because I was trying to live all of my dreams – at the same time.

Walking off the stage of a local theatre audition, I thought the stress had finally caught up to me. When I had almost reached the exit door, I faltered. The blood in my head felt as if it rushed down to my feet like a released grain chute, leaving me lightheaded. Where one second there had been no pain, a huge spike was suddenly pounded into the top of my head, blinding me.

I grabbed for a nearby pole. My neck muscles cramped in stubborn agony and soon my entire back seized up as if I had just lifted too heavy of a weight. Nausea set in as I struggled to comprehend what had happened to me in the last five seconds. Swiftly gulping air in and out, I tried to regulate my breathing, and thought this was just a serious case of performance anxiety.

It wasn’t.

Fast forward through a doctor’s visit, skyrocketing blood pressure and several more severe migraines. My husband decided to come home from work early to take care of me on one particular doozy of a day.

He later found me collapsed and unconscious on the bathroom floor. Thank God he got an ambulance there in time. Doctors found that an undetected brain aneurysm – a little bulge or balloon off the wall of your blood vessel – had ruptured, causing a severe hemorrhage. The particular type that I suffered can lead to death or severe disability—even when treated at an early stage. Up to half of all such cases are fatal and 10–15% die before reaching a hospital. Those who survive often have neurological or cognitive impairment.

Yeah. Pretty bad.

After six weeks in the hospital, a few surgeries, and dealing with vision impairment that left me blind (surgery and time corrected that for me), recovery began in earnest. The hard stuff. In my body. In my soul. I was on the rough climb back into the saddle of my life. Sure, I had therapists and resources – and the most wonderful husband in the world who took our vows of “in sickness and health” seriously. But the biggest battle was the one waged inside my head as I initially fought adapting to a new way of operating.

My cognitive issues left me struggling to do things that were once a snap: remembering names, finding the right word, keeping up with conversations. And I was no longer as good at multitasking as I used to be. My brain’s frontal lobe “filter” had been damaged and I couldn’t handle as much stimuli coming at me at one time.

Emotionally and psychologically, I’d suffered, too: depression, anxiety, and more impatience (as if that were possible for a feisty Italian redhead like me.) Focus and living in the moment now became not just empty platitudes but necessities if I was ever going to adapt and get on with my life.

I just wrote a book about my experience called Rebooting My Brain: How a Freak Aneurysm Reframed My Life. Spoiler alert: I survived. But in looking back while writing, I didn’t just survive all those ups and downs: I thrived. Adaptation can be painful, but it can also be a gift. In being forced to learn a new way to operate, I actually reframed the way I approach my life and my work.

Quality now trumps quantity. It has to, due to my limitations. No more “listening to a conference call while answering email, signing for a package and making tea” for me. One thing at a time. With intent. And you know what? That’s actually a good way to live.

Planning an easier schedule rather than trying to cram everything in helps, too. Chase all your dreams, baby, but you don’t have to do them all at the same time. “Living your best life” does not mean running yourself into the ground. It means prioritizing and taking steps towards your goals. I require this mindset now to manage my schedule and keep my blood pressure down but again, it’s a beautiful thing.

My bucket list does not have to include trekking in Nepal or writing five books before I’m forty – unless I want it to. For too long, I bought into the hype that I had to be Superwoman. Be perfect, be ambitious – but all without help from anyone. It felt like every woman around me was trying to “out-inspire” the next – with a vengeance.

Now I see that this thinking is dangerous. While trying to inspire, many influentials can make us feel “less than” if we don’t live up to some crazy ideal of the modern woman who has a successful business, a blissful home life with five adorable children, a charitable foundation – and runs marathons, cooks and hosts her own radio show.

There’s no one “right life.” True success means living the life that works for you with the goals that you desire. If someone really wants to be a high-powered, work-90- hours-a-week executive with a corner office and a private jet, I say go for it. It’s just not my yardstick. I don’t wear busyness and stress as a badge of honor anymore. I prioritize chasing some goals now and leaving others on the list to tackle later – or maybe never. Never again am I going to sacrifice my health – or time with my wonderful husband, friends and frisky dog – to be someone I don’t need to be.

 

Maria Ross is creator of Red Slice, a digital elixir of stories and strategies to boost your business, your brand and your brain. As a brand strategist, she has advised start-ups, solopreneurs, and small to midsize growth companies on how to craft irresistible brands that engage, inform and delight customers. 

Maria is the author of Branding Basics for Small Business and the just released humorous and heartfelt memoir Rebooting My Brain: How a Freak Aneurysm Reframed My Life. 

A dynamic speaker, she has presented workshops and keynotes and appeared on MSNBC, NPR and in Entrepreneur. Spark a convo with Maria @redslice


 

 

 

 

 

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*This post is an entry in the 1st Annual Stratejoy Essay Contest.  Each day throughout the month of February, we will be featuring one of the 20 finalists writing their answer to the question: How do you live life on your own terms? On February 29th, we will open the voting to YOU, our community, to select the winner of the $500 prize.*

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Comments (4)

4 Responses to “Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #17 – Maria Ross”

  • Becky Says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 4:53 am

    This was incredible – thank you so much for sharing your story and perspective with us!

  • Maria Says:
    February 29th, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Thanks Becky!

  • Sherry Ramm Says:
    February 29th, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Nice job, Maria. You are an amazing person, talented writer and I'm so glad you are sharing your journey. Far more than that, I'm so happy you are HERE to tell about it..

  • 20 Mantras to Live Life on Your Own Terms Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:22 am

    [...] 17. “Chase your dreams, baby, but you don’t have to do them all at the same time.” (Maria Ross) [...]

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