Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #18 – Shannon Curtin

posted 24th February 2012    Written by: Stratejoy    CATEGORY: All Posts, Guest Post Rockstar


*This post is an entry in the 1st Annual Stratejoy Essay Contest.  Each day throughout the month of February, we will be featuring one of the 20 finalists writing their answer to the question: How do you live life on your own terms? On February 29th, we will open the voting to YOU, our community, to select the winner of the $500 prize.*

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I admit I am not the best decision maker.

I spend way too much time debating what shampoo to buy.

I agonize over what novel to read next.

I sometimes ask the wait staff for “just a few minutes more, I swear!”

But when something feels inherently right? I tend to leap first and look later.

I trust that the net will appear; no matter if my leap is dropping a major in my junior year or agreeing to marry a man I’d met only eight months earlier.

Unlike a lot of my peers, sometimes I feel like I’m living a life more akin to our grandmothers. I’ve accidentally followed a sort of adulthood blueprint. I went to college after high school. I graduated a year early and fell into sweet position as a graduate assistant while I earned my MBA. A month before graduating I got engaged and moved 400 miles away to live with my long-distance boyfriend-turned-fiancé.

I navigated a new state, made friendships, bought a house, adopted a dog, got married, and survived two bouts of unemployment before securing my current job where I get to do things I love with fantastic coworkers for a respectable salary. I have a 401k, every kind of insurance possible, and a newspaper subscription. I commute fifteen minutes to work and stop at the gym before I head home to cook dinner with my husband and unwind with a novel and a glass of wine.

I know.

Sometimes I even disgust myself.

That’s a pretty shiny little paragraph of my white picket fence reality, but guess what? I earned every single one of those white washed pickets. I gave up a lot of things I thought I wanted for uncertainties that scared the shit out of me. I graduated a year early and without any sort of plan for what to do next after dropping a major and giving up my seat in Optometry school—something I dreamed of for years before waking up to realize that I HATED every science class I ever stumbled through.

That was a leap.

I broke up with a boy I loved, a boy who lived in the same town as me, to pursue a long distance relationship with a man I couldn’t stop thinking about.

That was a leap.

Eight months later I went against my own “at least three years of dating before engagement” rule and the chorus of “are you sure? Isn’t this fast?” that I heard from my friends and family to accept a diamond ring and a journey to the altar.

That was a big leap.

I put my goal of earning a Ph.D. on indefinite hold and let go of my stereotypical “Single Career Girl in NYC” dream. I gave up the only support system I ever had to build a new one in a different state. That was most definitely the biggest leap.

After every one of those leaps of faith I found myself in a tornado of emotions. I spent a lot of time desperately homesick, horribly lonely, filled with doubt, panicked about my future and so convinced I’d never find a job better than a no-degree-required secretary position that I contemplating getting a teaching certificate—and I’m a horrible teacher!

The entire year leading up to my wedding was tumultuous and hard and the lowest point of my quarter lifevcrisis. Sometimes it was a struggle to believe a net would appear. Then things started slowly falling into place and now, almost two years later, I can say without a doubt that the nets appeared. I really love my life.

Of course, with every choice we make we lose out on other experiences; we simply can’t do everything all at once. So, sometimes I get jealous of friends who are traveling the world or moving across the country for dream jobs. I get jealous of friends who living in maintenance-included apartments and friends who live only a few minutes away from their families. I get jealous of friends who can spend their salaries on shoes and vacations instead of major appliances and mortgage payments. Sometimes I get jealous of my friends who are living the young, single, professional life I envisioned for my 25-year-old self when I was an undergrad.

The truth is this is not where I thought I would be at twenty five. Much of my current reality was farther down my life list. I’m a planner of the grandest kind, so not having my life pan out exactly as I wrote in my journal did give me a little heartburn. (Me? Marry young? Move for a man? Buy a house before getting married? NEVER!)

However, I’ve learned a remarkable lesson. A plan is not a sentence. It is not a contract. You can always change your plans, and sometimes life changes your plans without consulting you.

And when I really think about it, when I really ask myself if I would change anything about my current life the answer is always a confident, “no way, dude.” When it comes down to it, I’m supremely happy in my uncommonly old fashioned life.

I’ve lived life on my own terms. I’ve learned that what we think we want, isn’t always what we truly want; what we want to do isn’t always what we’d enjoy doing, and what we expect to happen is sometimes completely at odds with what transpires. Living on my own terms allows me to change my plans as I see fit. It allows me to trust my instincts and follow my heart. It allows me to jump when I feel like I should, not matter if I can see where I’ll land. It allows me to trust that the net will always appear.

 

Shannon is a communications professional, wife, dog mom, part time runner and full time worrier.

A displaced Yankee, she’s still acclimating to her life as a Southern Virginia dwelling homeowner. Recently she’s completed her first half marathon, jumped out of an airplane, and has undertaken a year long search for the best chocolate chip cookie.

She likes wine, period dramas, non-fruity teas, brownies à la mode and laughing. She blogs at www.ablogofherown.wordpress.com, tumbles at shaba.tumblr.com and tweets under the handle @aboho.

She’d probably like you.

 


 

 

 

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*This post is an entry in the 1st Annual Stratejoy Essay Contest.  Each day throughout the month of February, we will be featuring one of the 20 finalists writing their answer to the question: How do you live life on your own terms? On February 29th, we will open the voting to YOU, our community, to select the winner of the $500 prize.*

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Comments (3)

3 Responses to “Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #18 – Shannon Curtin”

  • Brandy Says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    I'm pecking away on my phone, sitting in a hotel room marveling at what you've shared. More than writing about what you may not have, this essay so brilliantly shows the hard work and courage it's taken you to get where you are. Happiness doesn't come without leaping, and you've explained all the amazing life events that happen when you DO leap. I'm glad that you shared how you have got to where you are. And I'm glad to know the thoughtful, brave and articulate lady you are.

  • Becky Says:
    February 25th, 2012 at 5:52 am

    This is wonderful! My favorite part:

    "A plan is not a sentence. It is not a contract. You can always change your plans, and sometimes life changes your plans without consulting you."

    Awesome.

  • nashe Says:
    March 1st, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Nice one! Those were pretty big leaps you took!

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