“Do one thing every day that scares you.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

The topic of fear has been on my mind quite a bit lately. When you’re hoping to Ignite your year, the fears you hold onto are about as useful as wet charcoal briquettes. You just end up with a barely smoldering lump of carbon—womp, womp.

Big, bold ideas and the most audacious of goals aren’t getting me as far as I want to go because my fears are putting out those sparks. Fear is the resistance that convinces me that it’d be more comfortable to stay holed up in my bed reading books and blogs about people who actually do go out and accomplish something significant, or the protective voice that it’s “safer” being a dreamer and not a doer.

I can certainly give myself a few gold stars in the fear-conquering department—I did quit my job without a plan, which allowed for an international travel opportunity with my husband to open up. I’m living apart from my family, friends and home for over half of 2012. In the past, I’ve attended art retreats without knowing a soul, and I made it through Mizzou’s world-renowned School of Journalism with honors, which required daily pep talks and fear facing to survive. But even with these achievements, I tend to hold onto my comfort zone like a security blanket. My M.O. is still risk-avoidance rather than looking fear in the face on a daily basis, as the wise Ms. Roosevelt suggests.

Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote is the premise for a book I recently finished called “My Year with Eleanor” by Noelle Hancock. Laid off from her job (been there!), she finds herself unsure of her next move after realizing how unsatisfied, unfulfilled and boring she’d become in her life (done that!).

When Noelle realized that her comfort zone was suffocating rather than protecting her, she challenges herself to face a fear a day for a year—everything from skydiving to working at a funeral parlor as a way to deal with her feelings surrounding death to having The Talk with her boyfriend about their future. And, not surprisingly, Noelle learns that the more you do uncomfortable things, the less of a big deal they are. But why is this obvious and simple lesson so hard to implement?

For me, I find that repeated exposure doesn’t necessarily make me any less of a Nervous Nelly as I approach the second, fifth, tenth time doing something. I would love to get to a point where I see the process of facing challenges as a part of my character, rather than feeling like challenges themselves are torturous, awful obstacles to otherwise comfortable living. I’d love to be excited by new experiences, instead of nauseated, sweaty and panicky at the thought of them.

A few days after finishing “My Year with Eleanor,” I took out a pen and two sheets of paper. First, I listed all the things that I want to do but resist, paying special attention to those memories of commitments I’ve bailed on, activities I’ve been saying I should do for years now, and other instances of desire led astray. Some of these ended up being Life List-y items, and others were straight up Things I Usually Avoid.

Take a solo vacation. Sign up for dance classes. Wear my big nerd glasses or bright red lipstick in public. Start training for a running race. Make 5 new friends in Chicago. Ask a local boutique/cafe owner if I can take some photos inside her shop for my blog… (etc.)

On the second sheet of paper, I considered the “why” behind my resistance and procrastination around certain activities. It turns out, making this list was just about as much fun as going to the dentist. But I pushed through the awkwardness of seeing my weaknesses on paper, and ended up with a page full of various excuses, justifications and worries about all the things I haven’t done.

In re-reading my encyclopedia of excuses, I was really surprised by what I found. The words of each statement were all different, but each one could be boiled down to one of four main themes that I’m referring to as my “Fear Motives”—the core reasons behind any of my fearful actions (or, typically, inactions).

I’m worried about:
Acceptance: Being accepted by others, and how I’m perceived/judged by others.
Perfection: Doing things “right” and not “failing.”
Vulnerability: Being hurt or let down by others.
Control: Being out of control in a situation.

This knowledge alone won’t automatically give me the confidence and bravery I long for, but the realization that all the non-stop mental chatter in my head is just infinite iterations of four main stories somehow makes the fear seem more manageable—especially because exactly NONE of these four Fear Motives would cause me long-term damage if they were to occur (maybe just a few tears). Seriously, there are hundreds of things I want to do and achieve someday, and I’m letting FOUR measly concerns try to stop me from going after them?! That’s some sad math right there, and I’m ready to tip the scales in another direction.

If Eleanor could conquer her numerous extensive fears and become one of the most influential first ladies in history, surely I can shake my rhythm-less booty in a dance class without dying of embarrassment and self-consciousness.

{Image via ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser}