Yes. You read that right.
How else would you describe this unapologetic ambition?
And the crazy thing lately is that I don’t feel like I am running out of time any more. I feel like I have plenty. I can breathe. I have space. I am a genius and I need to share it with the world!
Did I really just say that out loud and not think twice about it? Am I what I have always feared the most? A huge ego with nothing to back it up…
And of course, that feeling is still lingering in the corner waiting for a moment of weakness. I am uncertain if it ever goes away, but I try to keep it at bay with a few self loving tactics helps.
When I finish a new piece of artwork, I try to find a place to show it off. Earlier this year, I submitted work to a few gallery shows and got accepted. Not only was this a fantastic deadline for me to achieve, I got to revel in my ability to make that deadline by seeing it hung on a wall and people’s eyes looking at it! Not just people as in friends I force to look at my work, but strangers who owe me absolutely nothing. It feels good to see someone do a double take and grin. In the big picture, it’s unnecessary validation, but the point of art is for it to be shared which is a way to share yourself, your passion- it’s self expression! If I keep my art in the closet, I’m keeping a part of myself in the closet.
When I submit my resume and portfolio for a job but don’t hear back, I remind myself to feel blessed. If my skill level was a good fit for the position, they would have called me back. Would I really want to be drowning in work I wasn’t ready for? I haven’t applied to another art job for awhile. Lately it has been a bunch of freelance writing gigs which are going well (thanks for asking!) Now I’m actually feeling like I can keep up with the fast paced work environment that my dream job resides in. To prove it, that storyboard test and extra sample needs tending to. (Yeah… I haven’t exactly done it yet… I was busy with freelance!) When I get the opportunity I’m meant for- because I believe I am where I need to be right when I am there- I will rise to the challenge and do whatever is necessary to stay afloat. Fight or flight, baby!
If I’m feeling particularly bad about my body or just feeling icky, in general, I remind myself that I have all of my appendages… I have a heart that beats… I woke up this morning and I am breathing. If I’m feeling bad, I need to move more. There is no one to blame except my lack of listening to what my body needs which is exercise and nutrition. I typically look at what I ate that day or the last time I exercised. It’s always related, and it’s never too late to put that cupcake down.
I use Molly’s tip of “What’s the worst case scenario?” for everything. The worst case scenario is packing up and moving back to Southern Illinois with my family. In fact, it would also include getting my Master’s degree at SIU- which isn’t anything to snuff at!
With this reminder and these few tactics, I feel like anything is possible and I am capable of anything. I am pure potential. If I want something, I have to stick with it. If weeds come into my garden, I have to pull them out. If my body is failing to please me, then I am failing to please it. Everything is within my reach, it’s just figuring out ways of reaching for it.