When I got Molly’s email notifying me I was a finalist in the Season 6 Stratejoy Blogger search, I was getting ready to board a plane to the Blissdom blogging conference. It was late February, and I was just starting to come down from a bad winter. I was down and out, depressed, anxious, and suffering from esphagitus.
It was a bad state of affairs.
After I hit send and sent in my Stratejoy blogger application, I forced it out of my mind, assuming I would never earn one of those blogger spots. So as I sat in the sweaty seating area at Dulles waiting for my plane to Nashville for the conference, tears pricked my eyes as I read Molly’s email.
She liked my stuff?
I felt illegitimate in the blog world, suffered from a bad case of not-good-enough, crippled confidence. So the thought that I made it to the final round of Stratejoy blogger contenders emotionally set me over the edge.
As I sat on the plane, I worked up my answers to Molly’s final questions, and sent them off to her the minute I landed.
Molly’s email said she’d give us a call with the results. So when Sunday rolled around, and I hadn’t heard, I assumed I didn’t make it. Then Monday came, and I was sure I didn’t earn a spot. Around 5 p.m. on the East coast, my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize. For a second I let myself get excited that it could be Molly. But things like that don’t happen to me.
When I answered and heard Molly’s voice, I started thanking her for this opportunity, and I appreciate her consideration. She stopped me and said, “Sarah, we want you, do you still want to blog for me?”
I tell this story to show how broken I felt. It hurts to think back on that girl. So sad and without faith in anything about herself.
I also tell this story to show how I am not that girl anymore.
She’s barely recognizeable to me now. Not that I’m “cured” of life crises. I’m sure something will come up that will poke and prod at my anxiety. But I don’t feel so feeble that I can’t stare a bad situation in the face and strangle it with both hands to show who’s in charge.
There’s a difference between feeling anxiety about life stuff but knowing you can make it through because you’ve so been there before and letting anxiety eat you alive until life becomes dull and sad.
Where does that leave me?
I bulldozed my way through this quarterlife crisis by trusting myself as a mother, succeeding in becoming a group fitness instructor, setting up my own freelance writing business, and overcoming my anxieties about travleing. Part of me can’t believe all I accomplished over the past fives months.
But the other part of me? She sees challenges and says of course. I accept that challenge. Why not me? Why can’t I succeed?
Thank you for letting me share my story with you. And thank you to my fellow Stratejoy bloggers for never failing to make me feel ooey gooey special; your kind comments made me feel all warm inside. For more Sarah, you can find me at my personal blog Sunny Side Up and on Twitter for more self reflection, goal making, and oh, and of course, pudding painting.
**A Note From Katie: Oh, Sarah. You’re so great! Reading your posts and seeing pictures of your little one never fail to make me smile. While I’m sad that this is THE LAST POST of the ENTIRE SEASON 6 (which explains why it’s late being posted. I didn’t want to face it!) I’m extremely excited for the journey you’ve made over the last 5 months, and inevitably where you’re going.
You’re an amazing woman and an incredible momma and I’ll be following your journey close behind, being your cheerleader whenever you need it. I wish you so much luck and love and everything you need/want in life, dear!