I am the queen of hunting down everyone’s personal business on Facebook, being in awe of savvy entrepreneurs on Twitter and reading blogs that I never comment on. I am a member of many communities, and an active participant in none.
But I want to be.
The majority of my creeping has involved studying and admiring the lives of freelancers for the past two years. It was a life I knew I wanted for myself, but was too scared to embrace fully. I reached a point a few months ago where I realized that I was ready. My good friend was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February and has been in the hospital fighting for her life ever since. The diagnosis and resulting surgery were so sudden that no one, including her, had time to even process what was happening. I realized that everything that has happened to her could easily happen to me, and if it did, how happy would I be with what I’ve accomplished? How long can you live your life in fear before you realize that enough is enough?
Well, I’ve had enough. I gave my notice at my current 9-5 job and as of September 1, I can officially call myself a full time freelance writer. I’m nervously excited, but I am not afraid. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. September 1 also began my quest to lose 100lbs. I have been big for my entire life, except for 7 years ago when I lost 80lbs. I was so proud…and then I gained it all back, plus 20 more pounds for good measure. I have spent the last few years beating myself up mentally and obsessing about where I went wrong and how horrible people must think I am. I am stuck in the past now, reminiscing about “the time I was thin.” I don’t want to be thin – I want to be healthy and most of all, happy. I want to stop trying to find happiness in a Burger King drive-thru.
For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m sitting around waiting for my life to happen. And it feels daaaaamn good.
In entering this new phase of my life, I also realize that I need a support system. I have wonderful husband (married 1 year in November!), family and friends, but sometimes you need a group that knows exactly what you’re going through. I’ve never been one to freely share my feelings with the world, but I want to. I think it’s an important step that will help me grow as a person. Stratejoy was the first website I found when I was going Google-crazy, trying to figure out if I was nuts for being unhappy with my current situation. “Quarter life crisis” wasn’t even a phrase that was in my vocabulary at the time, but when I started reading the stories of all the amazing women on this website, I felt like I was in the right place. Without even knowing it, you all have given me hope over the last two years while I creeped around Stratejoy silently.
I want to pay it forward and give someone else hope. I want to be friends with all of you and be an active member of your positive online community. My new endeavor has me working from home and I don’t want to feel like I have no one to talk to as I make these huge changes in my life. I consider being a Stratejoy blogger as my own personal form of therapy, and I hope it will be for others along the way, too.