5 Months Later, Signing Off

posted 4th February 2012 Written by: Elyse CATEGORY: All Posts, Elyse, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

I can’t say I’m surprised these past five months writing for Stratejoy went by so quickly. In between writing every week was a whirlwind of activities and new things to experience, so time ran forward at an inexhaustible pace. We were asked to ponder how we’ve all changed in the last 5 months, and at first, I thought, “That is too short a time to change, so I haven’t!” But, I started looking deeper and realizing that the small progressions I’ve made in multiple areas of my life have indeed been changing me. When I set my goals the third week of this blogging season, I talked about my fears of setting goals, and how I would be happy if I even managed to stick with one. Let’s take a final tally and see how I did, shall we?

#1 Stick with ONE of these goals. (I did!)

#2 Further explore the concept of minimalism. (What is minimalism? Joshua and Ryan do a great job of explaining this concept here.) (I downsized most of the stuff in my apartment and just last week removed a few final loads of stuff to Goodwill. The apartment is more open, and I feel a hell of a lot lighter having embraced the philosophy of minimalism.)

#3 Get moving. This might involve FINALLY taking those yoga classes or just taking a walk every night. I’m lazy. I like the couch. What can I say? (I walk a lot at the zoo when the weather is nice, and I started taking yoga on a fairly regular basis. I ended up losing 10 pounds before Christmas.)

#4 Continue the quest for healthy eating. I’ve cut out most processed foods and eat meat only on occasion. I want to keep getting better at this. (Rob and I have become mostly vegan at home and part-time omnivores when out and about in the world. If we are eating animal products, we consider where it comes from and how much we’re ingesting. I’ve watched multiple documentaries and can honestly say I rarely ingest anything super-processed which has felt so good.)

#5 Fully embrace my Americorps experience. (What this means may come only with time spent in Americorps.) (I pretty much live at the zoo, so I think that counts!)

#6 Create a financial plan that works towards eliminating all of my credit card debt (Still working on this one…)

#7 Begin learning to play the guitar (I have THOUGHT about beginning to learn the guitar. That is as far as that has gotten, haha.)

5 of 7. I can deal with that, especially because I’ve seen the positive changes those 5 goals have had in my life. I’ve learned that goals don’t have to be scary and steps can be small. Even with goals in mind, however, I’ve ultimately learned that it is ok to live my life one day at a time, enjoy the experiences I’m having now, and it is ok NOT to be sure of the future if I’m going to ignore the blessings of the present.

I am thankful to Ashley, Dusti, Hannah, Kat, Kristen and Laurenne for sharing their powerful experiences with me and the rest of the community. I’ve learned so much from you all and found so many different perspectives as we’ve gone on this blogging journey together. A special thanks to Katie for her encouragement along the way and to Molly for allowing us all to share our stories with the incredible Stratejoy community.

Where can you find me from here on out? I’m not much of a blogger outside of Stratejoy, but I do tweet @elyse_lohrbach on Twitter. I’ll be continuing my work with the zoo and the Emery Theatre and really embracing some new truths I’ve learned about myself on this walk. I look forward to not knowing what is ahead as I stumble through life. And as the famous JRR Tolkien once said, “Not all who wander are lost.”

So without further ado, continuing on into that mysterious horizon, this is Elyse signing off.

{Photo Credit: Bossco}

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Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #3 – Brandy Vigen

posted 3rd February 2012 Written by: Stratejoy CATEGORY: All Posts, Guest Post Rockstar

*This post is an entry in the 1st Annual Stratejoy Essay Contest. Each day throughout the month of February, we will be featuring one of the 20 finalists writing their answer to the question: How do you live life on your own terms? On February 29th, we will open the voting to YOU, our community, to select the winner of the $500 prize.*

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I stopped at red lights. I took a multivitamin each night after flossing. I retweeted important pleas and drank 8 cups of water each day. I got up when my alarm went off and began teaching when the bell went. I smiled when strangers smiled and laughed when others laughed . I did not make waves, I did not cause ripples. I followed all the rules. Except the one called “Do not consider suicide as your rescue boat.”

No, that rule I wanted to break. I wanted to break it badly.

2010 was the year that almost broke me. My months were filled with anxiety of job stress, family drama and most significantly- indescribable stress relating to discovering my boyfriend had a rare type of blood cancer. On top of finding the cancer, we were in a long distance relationship and the stress of such horrifying news fueled tear filled fights. After months of nightly stress induced arguments, we broke up.

I spent the remainder of the year pulled over each night beside a grain field near my childhood home, sobbing loudly, my hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel needing something to hold .

At this point, I assume you are wondering, “Where the hell are your friends? Where is your family?!” and rest assured, they were there. But as anyone who has fallen into the dark and murky world of depression knows, it is possible to be so immersed in your own sadness that you feel like even those who reach out to you do not really care. Or worse, that they do care but they would be better off without you.

I reached my bottom one night as I pulled over to my regular spot- next to the grain field that looked silver in the night. I put the car in park and laid down, my head gazing up to the stars through the passenger window. I was resolved. My sadness was unbearable and I felt as alone as someone stranded on the Moon. As a former drama student and lover of BIG MOMENTS THAT SHOULD BE IN MOVIES, I realized this would be the perfect moment to look up at the moon and make a list of all the things I needed to do to say goodbye to everyone. People I would need to say goodbye to. Passwords I would have to leave for someone to find. Accounts to close. Money to transfer. Apologizes to write. I took a deep breath and lifted my eyes to the sky and began making a list that no one thinks they are ever going to make.

Except I couldn’t see the moon.

Now, when you are the kind of sad that makes your bones ache, laying in your car in the middle of nowhere, contemplating if you should mail goodbye notes to everyone or leave them addressed neatly on your bed- not seeing the moon shouldn’t be your biggest concern. But in that moment, the tears stopped- and I craned my neck to the side. Because I mean, I WAS PLANNING MY GOODBYES, the least I could get was a movie worthy moment. But still, no matter how I contorted my head, I could not see the moon through the passenger window.

So I broke my vow to continue planning who would take care of my mother. I stopped thinking about who would tell my students I was gone. I broke the rules I had put in place for myself- the ones that I had told myself I needed to live by. The ones that shackled me to my sadness and encouraged me to replay in my head just how sad and alone I felt. Instead I leaned forward pushing my tear stained face towards the windshield, stretching my neck, smashing my nose against the cold glass. No moon. I slid over to the driver seat, gingerly unrolled the window letting the cold air invade my car and popped my head out. No moon.

At this point, my sadness had been interrupted by the kind of fearful determination reserved only for elephant mothers trying to protect their babies. I ignored the rule about wearing a winter coat in -26F weather and whipped open the car door and scanned the sky for the moon. It was no longer about saying my goodbyes, I was infuriated that one more thing, ONE MORE GODDAMN THING was not going in my favor. It was the damn moon. Every night it was out. EVERY NIGHT. And here I was, on the night I needed it most, it was nowhere to be found.

And then I saw it. The moon. Far in the distance behind poplar trees, hiding between branches. I leaned against my car, freezing in the winter air and let out a sigh. And in that sigh I let out a year’s worth of angst and hurt and frustration and the deepest sorrow a heart can hold.

I didn’t get better right away. In fact, some days I wonder if I am ‘better’ or what better means. But I know that that night changed me.

We live our life following so many rules others make. We stop at red lights. We eat our vegetables. We stand for anthems and sit for sermons. We sing “Happy Birthday” and clap when the curtain closes. But it’s the rules we break, the ones about driving alone, or wearing coats in winter, or the ones we create for ourselves telling us how we should feel instead of recognizing how we do feel that end up saving us when the world is breaking us.

Sometimes I still drive down that road. I look up. Sometimes I see the Moon and sometimes I don’t. I remind myself that even if I don’t see it, it’s still there. And if that’s not enough, I can get out of my car on a cold winter night, stand outside without a coat and look for it.

Brandy (twitter | blog) is an elementary school teacher who credits therapy, medication, carbohydrates and the healing power of Jed Bartlet for overcoming the difficulties found in the last few years.

A short yet defiant gal, Brandy can often be found trying on dinosaur costumes, building reading forts or napping with her bulldog, Macy.

Her goals for 2012 include getting bangs, making fractions easier to understand for kids and developing a love for yogurt (Greek or otherwise). Brandy likes tackle hugs, sequins, Jon Stewart and talking in the third person.

She’s glad she’s here.

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“The End of the Beginning”

posted 3rd February 2012 Written by: Kristen CATEGORY: All Posts, Kristen, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

The past five months have been the most life changing that I can recall- ever. I started this Stratejoy journey filled with confusion, overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, and loneliness and I am emerging filled with such purpose and excitement for my life.

Five months ago I had hoped my divorce would be finalized by the end of 2011, though by September it was clear that would not happen. My hearing will happen next week and then 120 days later, it will be finalized. It still makes me incredibly sad but instead of the regret and angst I had in September, I am now filled with peace and grace about the situation.

Each step of the journey has made me a stronger person; after the hearing and waiting period, I will truly emerge into the new life I have spent the last five months seeking out.

In the past week as I was thinking about writing this post, I frequently wondered if I would have allowed myself self reflection and dedicated so much time to figuring out my life post-divorce. I’d like to think that I would have, but being a Stratejoy blogger provided me the level of accountability that I needed. Knowing that people were reading my story and supporting me through it all was incredibly uplifting and self-assuring. I almost feel like this tribe was my own personal cheering section- with Molly as lead fairy godmother!

The fellow Season 5 bloggers have been a huge source of inspiration and support throughout these past months- and I know will continue to be in my life. More times than I can count the entire Stratejoy tribe has made things better with comments, twitter messages, or likes on facebook that have made me smile or brought some goodness to a rough day. You all are amazing and remarkable human beings.

My goals were pretty vague when I started this journey and that was mostly because when it began I was incredibly overwhelmed by being single for the first time in years, living alone, and trying to figure out a divorce.

I set out with the main goal to be a person who says yes, who tries, and experiences. And I have for sure achieved that goal.

There were many dark moments throughout the five months when I was not that girl, but pushed beyond the desire to sit in my pajamas and eat cookie dough to get out and go to a Halloween party or go on a date again.

I’ve signed up for an Indian cooking class in March with a girlfriend to knock an item off my 30×30 list.

I joined a group of young professional women in the area to get out and try new things, go to new restaurants, and meet new people.

I visited a college girlfriend who I had been promising a visit to for years for the long weekend in October.

I made Christmas presents for the first time, maybe ever.

I’m in the middle of redoing two rooms in my house, with plans for so much more.

I’ve paid off my car loan and re-worked my budget to get some small savings every month.

This past week, I shoveled my own driveway after it snowed.

I built my own fire!

Yes, for sure, I have accomplished a lot in five months.

A reader of the blog who started following Stratejoy after I was named a blogger asked me the other day that what happens after the QuarterLife Crisis is through. While my life crisis may have a timeline and I’ve figured out tools and ways to deal with my issues, the QLC is just a step in the path to figuring myself out. No one is ever “fully cooked”- we are all constantly growing and evolving into the person we want to be.

The tools, strategies, and the community here helped me work through those things and see that everyone is fighting their own battles, no matter how large or small. That realization was huge for me– that while I am so happy in the life I have made for myself in this moment, that it most likely will look different in a year from now. I am arming myself with the ways to connect to the purest part of me to know how to handle and accomodate the new ideas and changes. And that to me is what the QuarterLife Crisis has taught me the most– How to be myself and figure out how to navigate the trials and tribulations of the future.

Being a Stratejoy blogger was a hugely new experience for me, not just in learning the ins and outs of tech stuff, getting on twitter, etc. I write for my job all the time and frequently do freelance writing on academic-like projects. I love to write and know I am pretty decent at it. But being a blogger with Stratejoy reconnected me with writing about myself- something I have not done since college, and even then it was sparingly. I’ve found such inspiration in writing from the inside and what’s swirling through my head. It has helped my academic and work writing become so much more focused and interesting too.

The writing for me and about what I want was definitely one of the most fun aspects of the blogging experience- so much that I’ve started my own blog Life By Kristen to continue to chronicle my journey in this new life I’m creating. Even if only a handful of people read it, it doens’t matter because it’s allowing me a small slice of the world to document my life and experiences.

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”- Winston Churchill, November 1942

I write that quote at the end of every single one of my personal journals- something that I have been doing since junior high. It’s incredibly perfect to describe the ending of this journey for me because it all started here with what Molly created. Stratejoy awakened something inside me that was aching to get out and being a blogger for it was such an incredible honor. It carried me through the toughest days and let me find my way again- the end of the beginning of me.

[Photo: The first fire I lit in my fireplace for a cozy night in reading]

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Baby number 2, turning 24, and using stepping stones to conquer my QLC

posted 2nd February 2012 Written by: Dusti CATEGORY: All Posts

This has been an incredible 5 months.

I’m turning 24 on February 9th, a new baby is about to hit the scene, my great-grandma died this morning, and I quit the job I started at the beginning of my Stratejoy journey.

Life and death, success and failure, embrace and release. It’s been a crazy, bumpy ride. (No, really. You should see my baby bump. I’m having a massive child, may the Universe have mercy on my poor little broken body.) But here we are reflecting on our goals set and the outlook for the future!

First, the accomplishments I didn’t anticipate – gotta love the good that comes when you give it the time to.
Refining my values – Working through the Joy Equation and defining what all of my values encompassed for me completely changed the course of the last half-year. It sounds trite, but before I sat down and worked through these, I was pretty lost. I thought I knew my values, but without defining them, they were kind of superficial. One of the most crucial points in this was realizing how important community was to me and why. That’s part of why I even got started writing online, but my business had begun to ostracize that part of it. Now, it’s back in alignment.

As for the goals I started with, I’ve made some kickass progress!

To prepare as much as I can for the new baby. – Well, we’ve got everything except the all too necessary electric breast pump (Molly, that and a good nursing bra are the best investments you’ll make), so I’m thinking we’re good to go. Evie lifts up the front of my shirts to “give baby Tristan a kiss,” and although it’s going to rock her world, I think she’s about ready for her impending trek into big sisterhood.

To write my manifesto. – I still can’t believe I got out as much as I did for this. Working on my manifesto changed so much for me. I began to consider my decisions and the long-term more fully I had ever thought I could before. That was a major mental shift – thinking long-term means commitment, and commitment to an idea is scary, because it means I might fail, and on and on down the slippery slope.
(It’s funny, the thought of having two little people in my life forever isn’t a terrifying prospect, but GOD FORBID I choose the wrong college major or career path. Good lord. I love being entirely at home with making no sense whatsoever.)

To open as many doorways as I can for my writing career. – And boy, did I ever. After moving into the new place, I found myself with more writing work than I could handle. I actually started a marketing agency without realizing what I was doing! Seriously. As for grad school, well… Not so much. Grad school was the backup plan when I thought I couldn’t do it – I thought my business was going to fail, and I needed something to fall back on. Nothing like a good, ol’ $50,000 in debt to help! (Har har har.) But thanks to all of the work I had done the previous year, September rolled in, so did the cash, and I dropped college like a hot tamale.

I can always go back, but somehow, I don’t think I will. After landing a killer gig working at Productive Flourishing, the only things on my mind are taking myself and career to the next level and bringing a sweet baby boy into the world.
Goodbye, Stratejoy readers – I hope to meet even more of you down the road.

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Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #2 – Hilary Jarman

posted 2nd February 2012 Written by: Stratejoy CATEGORY: All Posts, Guest Post Rockstar

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It is unfair to say I am fashionable. I am not quite fashionably illiterate, but even that is up for interpretation considering I was a late-adopter of skinny jeans and I still can’t get myself to buy a pair of wide-legged pants or a floppy hat. I did have my moment of knowing and following the fashion of the time: In kindergarten, my ever well-intentioned parents supplied me with a Little Mermaid backpack; the ultimate in five-year old couture.

Supported by my fiercely independent youth, that pink plastic bag fueled a level of self and societal awareness that enabled a boldness which jump-started my journey of building clothing combinations and discovering hairstyles. One morning has been branded in my elementary mind: I had artfully crafted a side ponytail on my left temple with four brightly colored hair-ties which, when my sister saw it on our way to school, put her into a jealous pout. My mother countered her frustration by reminding her that I had done my own hair while she had not requested such a modish statement from my mother. Proud, budding stylist-Hilary stepped out of the car and into the oblivion of my lost memories of the early 90s.

I don’t know how anyone emerging from the late-80’s fashion scene could judge my apparel choices, but my mother has a favorite story of my post-pre-school fashion decisions. After getting dressed, my mom would tell me, “Hilary, I love the top, and I love the bottom, but they go together kind of like mashed potatoes and chocolate syrup.” Looking at down at my clothes, then back up at her I would shrug as if to say, “Whatever. I like it so what does it matter?” I have no memory of that happening, but I have no doubt that it did; I catch myself doing that exact double-look-and-shrug combination in response to external opinions I find to be irrelevant in my perspective.

The proverbial bite-in-the-ass to my fashion stubbornness addressed my life in fifth grade. My elementary school’s PTA pushed into implementation a voluntary “common school dress” code. All theoretical benefits of minimizing bullying aside, my parents incorrectly believed the change to be a school-encouraged institution and decided my sister and I would support the system. I soon came to know the pain of standing out as the only one in awkwardly pleated blue pants and cheap white polo shirt. I was the only female fifth grader wearing the uniform and, as a girl, I felt painfully left behind in the self-discovery process represented in the picking and flaunting of clothing. I felt like a communist commune plopped in the middle of San Francisco’s “Painted Ladies.”

Every morning, for three months, I fought the cotton shackles. It was the night of my Parent-Teacher Conference where my teacher informed my parents the school did not support the dress code any further than simply appeasing two notoriously difficult mothers and their ideals. The next day I wore a pair of khakis to school. A couple of times I have tried the fashion world on for size.

Twice now I tried signing up with websites that offer deals on designer threads. Both times I gave up when the required fashion- assessment quiz asked what designers I prefer. Issue one: I have no idea what designer creates what types of clothing. Issue two: my closet is as eclectic as a GoodWill donation van. Needless to say I was slightly insulted to not have an “all” option.

My husband and I went to a second hand store a few weeks ago and I started pulling clothes from the rack when I heard my husband say, “Oh no, not more ugly clothes.” I balked, and looked down: He was right. The patterns were overt, the cuts were ridiculous and the sizes varied. I know I sometimes wear ridiculous combinations of clothes. I realized quickly that at nearly six feet of height I am a statement, so I go with it. Where my husband sees fabric on a hanger, I see an end-result; pulled together, each piece either strategically toned-down or the strangeness accentuated to fit the quirkiness of my day. I shrugged and headed to the dressing room.

Every morning, since I was free to choose those khaki pants, picking an outfit has been more than simply matching colors and styles, it is a ritual, a physical representation of the daily reflection of my personality. Some days I am the glitzy girl; the match to my husband’s southern roots. Other days I am a pure Bay-Area-oddity; salty and eclectic. I thank the fashion gods everyday for approving both bright colors and neutrals, ridiculous statement shoes and ballet flats, combat boots and glitter. And I am glad the Internet agrees with my motto: Any combination is acceptable as long as you work it. Yves St. Laurent is quoted as saying, “Fashion come and go but style is forever.”

I may be fashionably illiterate, but I sure as hell have style.

Hilary Jarman is a communications expert, despite the fact she still relies on spell check. Anything related to good public relations (the focus of her B.A.) or clever advertising makes her giggly and eyelash curlers make her nervous.

Since she is intrigued by the power of words she reads voraciously and speaks three languages. She recently traded her last name, “Hurst,” for an Atlanta-raised husband. They spend their free time watching hawks around their home and drinking energy drinks. Hilary’s dream is to own an international public relations firm and a fuchsia Dodge Challenger.

Become her friend at @hurststatus or hilaryjarman.com.

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5 Months Later, Signing Off

Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #3 – Brandy Vigen

“The End of the Beginning”

Baby number 2, turning 24, and using stepping stones to conquer my QLC

Stratejoy Essay Contest – Finalist #2 – Hilary Jarman

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