As most of you know, I keep my list of favorite courses, resources, and books on the Store page — but sometimes I can’t keep up with the lovely things being produced by my colleagues.  And by colleagues I mean amazing women I know personally, who are truly living life on their own terms and helping others shift or grow in some way…

Transform.  Play Bigger.  Cultivate Gifts.  See the World through Fresh Lenses.  Make Huge Decisions.  Celebrate Joy.

If you’ve been looking for some inspiration in the form of a course or retreat (or are just looking for some new beauties to follow online!) please wander through this round up of things I’m digging right now.

Playing Big with Tara Sophia Mohr

I had the honor to teach with Tara Sophia in Seattle at our Brilliant Women Salon last April.  She is wise, tiny sparkplug of inspiration: uber-smart, truly kind, and grounded in a way that I can only admire from afar as I buzz around, flapping my hands as I speak too quickly and laugh too frequently.  Her own Playing Big journey has been amazing to watch — from launching a major program last year (this one!) , to writing for the Huff Post, to some major TV appearances to spread her message — she has truly  walks her talk and has major skills and knowledge to share.

In Tara’s words…

What is Playing Big?

Your playing big isn’t defined on the world’s terms. It isn’t necessarily owning an empire or making millions. You know what playing big means for you. It’s following that inspiration that is in your heart. Seeing it through. It is getting out there – visible – like the women you so admire. It is your voice, your vision, your unique contribution flowing forth, no longer shrunken down, stopped up inside you, or compromised.

Here’s the good news: if you have been playing small, it’s okay. Most of us don’t play big naturally, on our own, without any support. We need tools, support, training – a process – to help us play bigger.

The six-month Playing Big journey gives women the inner foundation and the practical skills that they need to play bigger. We could call it a “program” or a “course” but it’s a revolution. It’s a movement. Women playing big is going to change the world.

And guess what?  We’re hosting a FREE WEBINAR this Thursday night!  It will be 45-60 minute video conversation about how we “Play Big” in our own lives, full of inspiration, big truths and laughter, I’m sure.

All you need to do? Join us at 6 pm PST/ 7 pm MST/ 8 pm CST/ 9 pm EST this Thursday the 19th! 

• If you want to register so you get reminders and the call recording  CLICK HERE.
• If you just want access to the call on the 19th CLICK HERE.

The Photo Essay Project with Bindu Wiles

This just started yesterday, but it’s definitely not to late to join in!  I’m taking it and really looking forward to having a chance to express myself creativity that has nothing to do with my business!  Let it be noted that I’m also a bit nervous — what if I don’t have time to shoot everyday (although since it’s done on iPhones, I don’t really have any excuses…), what if everyone else is totally awesome and I suck, what if [insert fear that's yet to be identified]?

But I’ve had the chance to meet Bindu a few different times and have been reading her blog for quite awhile and this is definitely not that type of course.  No real need for nerves or comparison.

Bindu is a gentle spirit who’s been through a lot, and still truly believes in the goodness of humankind.  My kind of woman!  She’s also quirky (see her penchant for bow ties) and an amazing street photographer, armed with nothing up her iPhone and some sweet apps.   I’m truly excited to learn from her during this Photo Essay Project.

In her words…

The Well-Fed Woman Retreatshops with Rachel W Cole

I love Rachel Cole.  Last spring she was my lighthouse in some stormy waters — serving beautifully as my personal coach when all I knew was that I was feeling “off”.  I told her I felt disconnected from what I really loved and wanted to jam on creativity, spirituality, and sexuality.  Um… Talk about some broad topics!

I adored getting on the phone with her every week and even more, I loved meeting her in Portland for a lovely dinner at the Ace Hotel.  She’s a breath of fresh air, a courageous soul, and one of my personal heroines for her ruthless (yet gorgeous) commitment to asking and answering for herself and her clients, “What are you truly hungry for?”

And this is the best part.  She’s traveling around the country leading Well-Fed Woman Mini Retreatshops for lucky women in Petaluma, Berkely, Fort Collins, New York, Providence, Northampton, Alexandria, San Francisco,  Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Minneapolis and Los Angeles.  If you live in one of these cities, you need to get your booty into a Retreatshop.  I know it make a difference in your world.

In her words…

Who are the retreatshops for?

Women who want to say yes to themselves instead of no.
Women who sense that they have more greatness to birth.
Women who desire to know and trust their own hungers.
Women who want to trust their desires.
Women who crave the courage to step more deeply into their lives.
Women who want to explore their relationship to themselves.
Women who know the power of women sitting with other women.

You’ll meet all types of women — young and old, dread-locked and bow-tied, at war and at peace with food, religious and agnostic. There is no one type of woman for whom this experience is designed. If you want to know and feed your truest hungers, at and away from the table, The Retreatshop is for you. Each session will bring together just 15 women.

For me, the word hunger has several meanings. In general, however, food hungers are simply doorways into the disconnection so many women have with their deeper hungers in life – in their careers, relationships, creativity, self-care, and spirituality.

We will explore food-related hungers, and how understanding them can help us understand the broader hungers we each experience. You’ll gain important insights into your personal hungers from The Retreatshop whether you are at war or at peace with food.

______________________________________________________________________

Those are the woman making me sparkle right now!  What have you seen online that you’re digging?  I’d love to hear your recommendations, sugar pop.  See you Thursday for the Webinar I hope!

On the last Friday of 2011, I went on my first ever date with myself. I have eaten alone before, but always in a coffee shop or while traveling, and never, never on a Friday night.

After a particularly low time at the end of October, I had a personal coaching call with Molly at the beginning of November and she gave me the action item to go out for a solo glass of wine before the end of the year. It was not just my busy schedule through the months of November and December that delayed this self-date, but also my own personal fears of doing it. I know it sounds silly to say, but the thought of going to a bar or restaurant and sitting alone for longer than a meal seemed incredibly daunting to me.

What was I afraid of? People eat alone all the time; it is not that big of a deal. I do other things alone like errands, but that time spent alone is task oriented. The frugal aspect of me I think comes into play too- why go out for a glass of wine and dinner when I can do the same thing in my house in my pajamas for much cheaper? To me, going out to eat as a single seems so vulnerable. I am ashamed to say that in the past I made judgments of people who were out eating alone, though as I think about it now, perhaps it was a longing and jealously of them that they were that self-aware and comfortable to be eating at a table for one- something I thought I would never be.

I realized the second week of December that I promised Molly that I would go on my date before the end of the year. I wrote my date for myself in big inked letters in my planner and told my family and friends about my self-date. I needed people to know it was going to happen because I needed accountability. I know myself well and that when it comes to pushing myself to do new things, that I can and have talked myself out of many activities or nights out in the past. This is due to the strong inner critic who I listened to more than the positive Jiminy Cricket. I did not want this very important date and goal for myself to be one of those things that I kicked myself for not doing.

Even as I drove home from work that Friday, my interior monologue went back and forth at least five times about whether to go or not. I had chosen a restaurant in Providence that is quiet and laidback, yet chic- I debated changing the venue a few times, not going at all, waiting to go until after the new year, or just getting take out from a local Thai spot, etc. As soon as I got into my driveway, I ran into the house and changed out of my work clothes, put on a cute top, jeans, and heels, fixed my makeup, and rushed out of the house. If I was going to do this, I needed to do it right away- if I lingered too long in my warm, cozy house, the inner critic would have won. And if I was going to do this, I had to feel great and confident about myself- wearing my tired work attire was not going to cut it.

One of the things I thought I would struggle with was saying “just one for dinner” to the hostess. The inner critic was telling me how sad and pathetic this sounded, but when I got to the restaurant and said it, the waiter smiled and seated me in a posh room with a comfy chair by a fireplace. The only awkward moment came when my waitress came over and asked me if I wanted a drink while I waited for my guest; when I said it was just me, she apologized. That was it- most awkward moment was not even that awkward. After those two moments I dreaded were over, I said to myself- “You’re here and everything is OK.” And I realized how long overdue this night was.

The night was DIVINE. So relaxing, so self-assuring, and all me. I armed myself only with a journal and pen to document any introspective thoughts I had. I twittered a few times to document and share the experience with the world. I drank the most delicious glass of malbec, dined on a goat cheese, sundried tomato, and spinach crepe, and had a scrumptious red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting for dessert (this spot is known for their crepes, tea, and cupcakes).

But the personal gratification and happiness that came out of that night far surpassed any aspect of the delicious meal. It was an important step for me to go out and spend the time and money on myself because I deserve a night out every now and again (as budget allows) and that I don’t need another person with me to do it. I treated myself and gave myself the gift of time. Time to think, to process, to savor, to enjoy, and to love myself. I ended the tumultuous year of 2011 on my terms. And I showed myself I can do it- I can put myself out there on a Friday night alone in a restaurant and be confident in my skin. If I can do that, overcome my inner critic and do something that always scared me, I can do absolutely anything.

[Photo credit: Delicious cupcake & wine!]

“I’m looking forward to looking back,
Looking forward to looking back on this day.”
-Over the Rhine

New Years Eve always comes with a lot of expectations for me. It is kind of like the reset button; I get a chance to start over yet again if I feel the previous year didn’t go my way. I usually succeed at making the evening epic with exciting parties and close friends. I set a bunch of resolutions, attempt to stick to them, and ultimately fall flat and get disappointed by January 31^st. Commercials encourage me to get more organized, lose more weight, start a new diet, improve my day to day life, but usually they just get make me feel like being lazier.

So, I’m trying a new approach this year. I have no expectations for 2012. No resolutions. No big plans. I just want to see what happens and what unfolds. I rarely am ever a true participant in my own life because I’m too busy worrying about what is happening rather than stepping back and really looking at what I’m experiencing. I spent a lot of 2011 changing bad habits, and I’ll keep moving forward but not because it is 2012, but because I should continue to change and grow no matter what day or season this is.

Usually I hate looking back on the year prior and am so ready to move forward, but I was actually thrilled with 2011. I started the year at a 1920’s Speakeasy party with good friends. My mom finished her chemotherapy and was declared cancer free. I turned 25 and went on an epic road trip to Florida. I celebrated the un-Rapture and attended or participated in several weddings of good friends. I moved to an epic location in Cincinnati. I ran the Warrior Dash (using the word “run” loosely here) and had an epic weekend at a cabin in the woods. Went to Chicago and started Americorps at the Cincinnati Zoo. I met Over the Rhine, Hulk Hogan and got into a Twitter fight with Adam Richman. I helped write and stage manage a show for the Emery Theater. I celebrated the epic end to the Harry Potter movie series.  I learned Taylor Lautner looks suspiciously like a llama.

So, I shrug and move into 2012 with the same momentum I left 2011 with. I sign my checks with a new year, but I’m not pretending some epic turnover just occurred, and I have to immediately change all the things right now. I’ll settle for what has already changed.

{Photo Credit: Summerbl4ck}

Psst! Hey, you! Gorgeous girl! Down here!

The Create Your Magical Year program is available right now! Looking for a great way to take a hard look at your 2011 (good and bad) and get clear on what you want for 2012? This joyful, all-about-you program is packed with awesome goodies, inspirational interviews, a soul-searching, colorful workbook, guided recordings, and other little surprises. 2012 is your year, woman. I can feel it. Wanna feel it too? Let’s do this!

I’m taking the bus home for Christmas this year. I usually hate highway 75, because it is so stark in winter. A lot of flat farmland dotted with the occasional grouping of trees, there isn’t much to look at out the window on that ride. But, I do enjoy the ability to think and be by myself for a few hours because inevitably when I go home, I will be surrounded by friends and family, a window into my past. I’ve changed a lot since I moved to Cincinnati, but going home is always a sobering glimpse of the first 18 years of my life.

This year will be different. Grandpa died a week before Christmas last year, and Mom was battling breast cancer. Christmas was sad and not very magical. A year later, Grandpa is still gone, but the pain has gone away a bit, and Mom has been declared cancer free. Hopefully we can inject a little joy into the holiday this year. Dad moved to Pennsylvania and for the first time ever, I won’t see him Christmas Eve. I’ll be going by myself to visit his family while my sister spends Christmas with her finance’s family.

I embrace change every day in my life in Cincinnati, but in my hometown, time is supposed to stop. I see the same faces and have the same traditions, and that is a comforting thought because it is the one constant in life. Now that I’m growing up, everything from my past is changing as people move away, get married, rearrange their lives…I’ll still see family but not everyone. I’ll enjoy the After-Christmas party with friends, but some are married and pregnant and changing every day. Instead of going backward into who I was for a few days every year, I now am confronted with the fluid motion of our lives and forced to reconcile the fact that my life will be ever-changing all the days I have left.  This is how it supposed to be, and every year, Christmas will inevitably change just as the people who celebrate it do.

{Photo Credit: Greatbeyond}

For me, this year was all about a reset for the holidays in terms of traditions. Even for a family that loves celebrating together and remembering holidays past, we all took an inventory this year of what we wanted for the holiday and how we wanted to spend our time.

This year, my parents, in an effort to try to make things easier and downsize, decided to purchase a six-foot artificial tree. I am allergic to Christmas trees so for as long as I can remember, we have had a fake Christmas tree. My parents’ house also features a living room with twenty-five foot ceilings that is perfect for a large, grand Christmas tree so about twenty years ago, my parents purchased a fourteen-foot tree (that’s without the star). It takes all four family members together to get the Christmas tree up every year; part of that decorating is the same debate we have every year about the order the branches go on the tree, what color lights to decorate with (I always want white & usually don’t win), which garland color goes up first, and so on. The 14-ft. tree involved moving houseplants and furniture; my parents wanted the smaller tree to lessen the disruption of the house. It did not of course- the 6-ft. tree brought as much debate and discussion as the 14-ft. tree, except this year the arguments centered over the small size, not being able to put all the ornaments up, and where the presents would go. In the end, the new tree looks nice in their front window and represents the start of a new era in the Costa Family. Funny as it sounds, not having an argument about the Christmas tree would be a strange start to the holiday season- it has become part of the tradition for us, no different from the rule that “it isn’t Christmas in the house until Mom puts on her Santa hat.”

My mother and I spend the morning of Christmas Eve Day baking cookies to bring to the various houses we visit on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We used to make dozens and dozens of cookies- sugar, gingerbread, chocolate chip, peanut butter, and more. In the past few years, we have cut down on the number of cookies we make and stick to the Christmas favorites. While we still love baking together, each year there are more cookies left over than to give. This year, we stuck to the standards to cut down on our time and waste.

An evolving tradition in my family is when we open presents. When I was small, it was always on Christmas morning, but as we grew older, we frequently opened them on Christmas Eve because my mother often took Christmas Day shifts to cover for other nurses who had young children. This tradition of opening on Christmas Eve has continued now as we all enjoy the opportunity to sleep in on Christmas morning.

For me, this Christmas season has been about spending time on myself and with my family and friends, starting a new tradition to really be mindful of this special, magical time of year and not so much on the stress and bustle of the holiday season. Back in October I was worried I was going to be sad and lonely during the holidays, so I booked my schedule full of parties, drinks with friends, and crafts to make for gifts. Before Thanksgiving even hit, I was tired and wishing I could cancel on many things. And I did- and that was freeing to be able to say no to people to put my sanity and myself first.

I also tried to be mindful of my free time in regards to Christmas too. I was ambitious in wanting to make a few gifts and buy only a few things- it was tough at times, but I found the time to create the special items and buy the few things I needed. I decorated inside my house and cute little Christmas tree with the company of a special friend, followed by watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas. It didn’t involve a great deal of effort and took no longer than thirty minutes to decorate and put things on away, but the night was spent enjoying the special memories behind some of my ornaments and relaxing. The night was perfect and that will be a new tradition for me as I move ahead in life. I hung a simple wreath on the front door and did not decorate the outside of the house with lights because I didn’t want to have to be worried about it come January and have another item on my to-do list to stress me out.

When I was young, Christmas was always this epic thing involving toys, magic, and excitement. As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to see the holiday season, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s, as an opportunity to reflect and celebrate the year. This year has an extra special element added to it as I embraced my new happiness and living situation with open arms. This year I created new traditions for myself as an adult that some day I hope to integrate into my own family. That idea is really exciting and so this year, while Christmas may be about slowing down and taking time for myself plus my dear family and friends, it’s also about a the beginning of something new and how uniquely me the holidays will be from now on.

[Photo Credit: My super cute Christmas tree!]

INTRODUCING: DUSTI

“So much going on and so many dreams… But the reality of where I am in this moment is painful..”

I might be 23, but most of the time, I feel like I’m 30.

That deserves an explanation. The gist? All through my childhood I was living for the future, because my situation was so bad. I was the 12 year old learning the finer points of what it would take to get emancipated and into law school. Motivated was my middle name. That would have been fine, except that I thought that meant I needed to live my whole life stuck on fast forward.

That meant hitting big life milestones one right after the other for awhile. I married the first boy (emphasis on “boy“) who ever paid any attention to me. That was a bad idea, as you can imagine. When I moved across the country with the intention of leaving him, I found out I was pregnant. So I tried to make things work.

Feel free to point and laugh, because you already know how this story is going to go. I had a baby girl, Gwenyver, and divorced the boy when I started listening to my heart a few months after she was born. And realized I was in love with my best friend. It was chick flick worthy. That was about two and half years ago.

Things have gone from amazing to awful and back over and over again since then. Fast forward to today, I’ve got a beautiful little girl, a loving partner, a fledgling business, a bachelor’s degree to finish, an impending grad school application, and an ambitious bucket list. How time flies, right?

Rediscovering my love for writing has freed me this year. It was like the passion I kept forgetting about. God forbid I notice there was a place in my life where talent and happiness meshed. This was how oblivious I was; a few years ago, I wrote a grant – with no previous experience – for my college in three days flat.

And I got it. Leave it to me to brush it off as a day’s work.

Reading is another love. Books are like friends with no expectations. My favorite is Chocolat – it’s like my heartsong. Passionate, dark like chocolate, slightly occult, and brazen in its wanderlust. I don’t watch many movies, but I’d have to say Waitress is my favorite there. Deep down, I’ve got an inner foodie waiting to emerge. Maybe embracing it will teach me patience, but that will have to wait. (Pun intended.)

So much going on and so many dreams… But the reality of where I am in this moment is painful.

Right now, I am living on my mom’s couch, awaiting a lucky break from a forgiving landlord or for a place in student housing to miraculously open up. A roommate stole our rent check a few years back, so we have a nice, big eviction on our credit. (Between a student and a minimum wage job, there was no way to avoid it.)

Things don’t look so great right now. A baby on the way and no place to live? Great. Nesting instincts, take a backseat. Good god, where’s my martini? Oh right.

But, I still have hope. I want to be more so desperately. I refuse to just live and let life happen to me. I want to be more than my background or who I’m with. And I will.

This is the year I learn to channel my energy and learn to live in the moment.

Because if you can’t live for the moment, what can you live for?

Whew! So much goodness going on… We’re in full on work mode getting things ready for Season 5 over here.  I’m absolutely loving the chance to hear more of your story. Have you sent in your application to be a Season 5 blogger yet? Deadline is this Friday, August 12th.

And though I’m in the middle of Adventures in Flourishing, we’re doing a little something different, but incredibly awesome, today. We’re teaming up for a super-big world-dominating mission with Love Bomb to change, brighten, or even save someone’s life.

What is this Love Bomb thing?

Love Bomb was started by Nate St. Pierre to go along with his life mission to “Change the World”.

Fun Fact: Nate writes “Change the World” on his palm every single day.  Just as a reminder.  Which is funny because lots of days I write “Do Good” or “Believe” or “Spread Joy” on my wrist or palm…   Sharpies and Passion. Quite the combo.

Love Bomb has one sole mission: To save lives.

Members of the Love Bomb team nominate people that they know (who blog) to receive a Love Bomb. Whether someone is facing depression, loss of a parent, loss of a child, financial difficulty, suicide recovery, even the Quarterlife Crisis (which we all know can rock the hell out of your world) they’re eligible to receive one of these bursts of love. If they’re having a hard time dealing with this crazy thing called life, and need a pick me up?  Then Love Bomb wants to know about it.

Each week (from hundreds of nominations) someone is chosen and the Love Bomb Team gets their mission delivered to them, which simply consists of taking five minutes, visiting the person’s blog indicated, and leaving a comment of support.

Yep. That’s it.

But it does amazing things.

So, where do Stratejoy and YOU come in?

This week, we’re part of the Love Bomb Team. They’re asking YOU to nominate someone who you know that could really use a little jolt of joy, a burst of beauty, a whole lot of love and hugs.  We get the amazing chance to DELIVER A LOVE BOMB to someone in our Tribe.

KAPOW!!  I’m so excited.

The only requirement? The person you nominate has a blog, that they use it semi-frequently, and that we can comment on their blog. (Make sure comments aren’t closed, turned off, etc.)  And you have to get your nominations in TODAY!

On Thursday, check out the Love Bomb Blog or the Stratejoy Facebook Page — we’ll be announcing the Love Bomb recipient.

To nominate someone you think really needs a little love in the form of hundreds or thousands of words of support, shoot an e-mail to dropalovebomb |at| gmail |dot| com.  Like, now.

Wanna do this awesome mission every week with Love Bomb?  Head on over to the Love Bomb Website and subscribe to receive Love Bomb Mission e-mails.  They only come once a week and it gives you a chance to truly brighten someone’s world.

And because I promised I’d be checking in…

1. Stop Drinking: 2 days Sober.
2. Stop Hulu.com:  2 days TV free.
3. Write in the Morning: 2 days complete.  (Joy Juice today!  I love writing the journal prompts, knowing loads of you will be using them to connect to yourself.)

WAIT, IT’S OVER?!

I was flipping through an old journal the other day. The one with an abundance of to-do lists. At the top of the list, with a star next to it to indicate the importance of the goal, it read, “Write for Stratejoy.”

Check that one off the list. In the last six months, as I’ve navigated my own life with this blog as a backdrop and guide, I won’t tell you how I’ve conquered all of my evils, figured everything out, eliminated toxicity from my life, done  everything I said I was going to do, or even changed that much at all. Truthfully, I’ve often found myself in awe of the other women of this season of bloggers (and past seasons), for their tenacious spirit, for the honesty and grace with which they approach monumental life changes such as having babies, managing businesses, planning weddings and getting married, and traveling the world.

Me? Welp. I’ve been kickin’ it in mid-Missouri for the last six months, pretty much getting through the day-to-day chaos and uncertainty of a college student. Truthfully, having nothing huge going on has made me feel inadequate at times…

BUT THEN BAM!

Lesson: Everyday life offers just as much of an opportunity for growth as the big stuff does. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve made progress thanks to Stratejoy, the Joy Equation, Joy Juice and Deliberate Living Coaching. With Molly and crew, the tribe, family and friends motivating me to shut up and just do what I always talk about doing, I’ve accopmlished some pretty awesome things. I got over my fear of biking in public (yeah, I know), and biked a 30 mile trip to a bluegrass concert. I took my first piano lesson. I filed my graduation plan. I saw a financial advisor and took control of my debt. I registered for a 10K in September. I had a necessary, deeply honest conversation with my parents about my life’s direction and my desire for their understanding and support. I found a sense of empowerment and peace with my spastic dating life as I began to assert myself and command respect. But, best of all, I planned the most incredible adventure.

As we speak, I’m sitting in Miss Molly Mahar’s kitchen in San Diego, sipping some freshly brewed coffee, and in true Stratejoy fashion, I’m thinking about where I’ve been, where I’m going and how they’re intertwined. Obviously, nothing about where I am today and the path I’m on would be possible without this space. After I wrote a post about my goals months ago, an acquaintance from Arizona sent me an email noting my interest in taking a huge roadtrip and suggested we actually do it together.

Lesson: The universe and life are generous givers. They will offer abundance and opportunity if you ask. 

So, yep, I packed my bags and left comfortable Columbia, Missouri this week, flew to Tucson, Arizona, where I met up with our tribe sista Megan, and in the last three days, while soaking up the beauty of the American Southwest, have traveled to San Diego, met the just-as-lovely-in-person-if-not-lovelier Molly Mahar, my truest mentor. As an added bonus I enjoyed a night out in her neighborhood, complete with cocktails and lemon cake, followed by a slumber party in Molly’s adorable home with season 3′s Lindsey.

Adventure, awe, and joy are on the horizon for my traveling partner and me. We’ll drive North up the California coast, stopping off in LA for a party and a tattoo, Santa Barbara for lessons in spirituality, wine, and comfort, continue along scenic Highway 1 to a beautiful hot springs spa, camp in Big Sur, experience the magic of San Francisco with friends, journey through the Redwood forest, donate our energy on a sustainable farm in southern Oregon, couch surf and see what all the Portland fuss is about, travel through beautiful Washington state, take in the sights of Seattle, and head east through Northern Idaho, hitting quaint towns in Montana and Wyoming on the way to our camping adventure in Yellowstone.

Lesson: Set your intention.

It’s just the trip I needed.

Then, though, I’ll return to normalcy in Columbia at the end of August and real life will be waiting. I’ll have to use all of the self-taught lessons I’ve worked through as I’ve written for you to make life just what I want it to be. And then what’ll I be working on? I’ll be remembering that I’ll still always have a lotta goals, be okay with that, understanding that I’m a yearner and that’s something that makes me special. I’ll be reminding myself to live in the present, to avoid bouncing through the moments and only thinking about what’s next, and concentrating on making each day as special as it can be.

“People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Lesson: Enjoy the absolute present, it has so very much to offer.

I mean, it’s all so surreal that I am writing my final post from Miss Molly’s kitchen table. It’s a testament to the amazing, fun, direction life can take you if you pause to reflect on what you truly want and need, and then sit back to enjoy the road trip. It’s a whirl!

“Follow your heart…and see where it might take you.” -Brandi Carlile

BAH! There’s so much left unsaid, so much more I wanted to share here. But, alas, my time is up and I’m on to other things. Signing off, kicking and screaming, owing so much to every one of you.

P.S. Holler at me if you’re in the western U.S. or have suggestions about cool places/travel tips- I wanna see you along the way.

What’s the best piece of advice you have for someone struggling with a QLC?
Don’t do it alone.  Reach out.  Find a community (or a tribe) to help you out.  There is no shame in needing some help.  We all go through things, and maybe someone has been where you are and has the tools that will help you out.

Post a picture of your happy self over the last six months – Where were you, what were you doing and who were you with?
My picture is from breakfast the morning after Mr. A and I got married.  It was a crappy diner we fond after walking around starving for 45 minutes.  I love that Mr. A and I are glowing with our happiness. I mean, I feel happy looking at this picture. I also love that you can see Mr. A’s wedding band.

What’s the best piece of advice someone has ever given you?
My Grandpa told me once that every emotion comes from one of two places, fear or love.  You get to pick which drives you. (I pick love.)

What’s your killer music mix?
I’ve been in such a Country Music phase lately, but I am OBSESSED with Mat Kearney’s new single “Hey Mama”.  When I am walking from the train to my office every morning this song gets me super pumped.  (Bonus: The video is full of non-generic beautiful people) (Try watching the video and not wanting to clap along.  Real talk, yo.)

Three biggest obsessions right now…
1. Baby slings
2. My Drunk Kitchen
3. Ice Cream (What?! It’s summer and I’m pregnant!)

What has happened in your time as a Stratejoy blogger that you would never have imagined for yourself in January?
Lets see, from the time I wrote a post called “The Loneliness” I fell madly in love, got pregnant, and got married.  (No big deal or anything. Holy Life Changes Batman.)

What’s something you learned from each of the other ladies of Season 4?
Courage in the face of fear.  Every single one of us jumped into huge things this season and they all did it with such honesty, vulnerability, and courage.  You can do anything.  You can quit that job you hate. You can start your OWN kick ass company. You can face your fears of becoming a mama.  You can be a beautiful songbird.  You can move to another country and find yourself in love.  I have so much love and admiration for the women in this season.

What’s your Dream Job? Dream Vacation? Dream Home?
Dream Job: Freelancing from home.  Dream Vacation: Italy with Mr. A.  Dream Home: Anywhere with good schools with space for Baby Boy to run around.

What’s currently turning you on?
The 30 minutes every night Mr. A spends reading and singing to my belly. He is going to be such an amazing father that the thought of it is making me tear up as I write this.

How are you going to change the world?
I’m going to be fearless. I’m going to be a wife, mother, writer, risk-taker. I’m going to share the whole thing and hope that my story can inspire some other woman out there to be fearless too. Bold and fearless; this is what change is made of.

I’m getting married tomorrow.  Married.

I am equal parts excited and pumped with a nice streak of freaking-completely-out thrown in there for good measure.  Completely normal, right?

When Mr. A and I first started talking about the future I told him that I was terrified of marriage.  Being a mother seemed like second nature, but marriage scared me.  What if I mess it up?

On the one hand, I’ve seen my mom go though two divorces.  I was eight when my parents divorced.  There was anger, sadness, depression, and lots of yelling (I still do not respond well to yelling); my brother and I were caught in the crossfire.  My Dad never fully recovered from the divorce.  For the past 20 years he’s never really dated.  I don’t think he believes in love or marriage anymore.  His heart was broken so severely he was never able to figure out how to open himself up again.  Marriages fall apart all the time, and some people never ever recover from it.  I don’t want that to happen to me.  Divorce is not an option.

On the other hand I’ve seen real love and lasting marriages.   My Grandparents have been married for 35 years and my Grandpa calls my Grams his soul mate.  After all this time, his eyes still sparkle when he talks about her.  He will tell anyone who will listen how lucky he got when she agreed to marry him. I have Aunts and Uncles who’ve gone though very real ups-and-downs and refused to give up on their marriages.  I’ve seen people fight for their marriages and succeed.  I hope that my marriage has the same endurance and fortitude.

Mr. A and I know that this is the easy part.  Falling in love with him and marrying him tomorrow will be as natural to me as breathing.  I know that we will have times that are really hard though.  My favorite line from The Notebook has prepared me well:

So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.

I am going into this knowing one thing for certain: we are going to fuck it up. We are going to fight and have issues that seem unresolvable.  We will both have moments where we act out of selfishness and spite.  We will say things more out of anger that we know will hurt the other person.  We will probably go to bed exhausted and angry more than once.  We will lose our way at times and have to walk through the darkness to get back to each other.

If we’re lucky we’ll look back at our marriage in forty years knowing that we always found our way back to each other.  We will see the rough patches, but we’ll also see the relief we both felt when we’ve navigated successfully though.  If I’m lucky Mr. A’s eyes will still dance when he talks about me and I will still tell people how no one have ever made me feel more loved and secure than he does.  If we’re lucky we will have a life full of laughter and happiness that far outweighs the tears and heartache that are sure to come.  If we’re lucky we’ll never ever give up on each other and this marriage that we’re starting tomorrow.  If we’re lucky our child will make a speech at our 50th wedding anniversary confirming that we modeled real love for him/her.  If we’re lucky.

Wish me luck tribe; luck and a ton of love, grace, and determination.  We’re having a super tiny wedding tomorrow, but if we were having a huge ceremony I would have wanted this to be read.  It’s my prayer for our marriage.

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.