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Category: Events

Hope Is Enough

INTRODUCING: DUSTI

“So much going on and so many dreams… But the reality of where I am in this moment is painful..”

I might be 23, but most of the time, I feel like I’m 30.

That deserves an explanation. The gist? All through my childhood I was living for the future, because my situation was so bad. I was the 12 year old learning the finer points of what it would take to get emancipated and into law school. Motivated was my middle name. That would have been fine, except that I thought that meant I needed to live my whole life stuck on fast forward.

That meant hitting big life milestones one right after the other for awhile. I married the first boy (emphasis on “boy“) who ever paid any attention to me. That was a bad idea, as you can imagine. When I moved across the country with the intention of leaving him, I found out I was pregnant. So I tried to make things work.

Feel free to point and laugh, because you already know how this story is going to go. I had a baby girl, Gwenyver, and divorced the boy when I started listening to my heart a few months after she was born. And realized I was in love with my best friend. It was chick flick worthy. That was about two and half years ago.

Things have gone from amazing to awful and back over and over again since then. Fast forward to today, I’ve got a beautiful little girl, a loving partner, a fledgling business, a bachelor’s degree to finish, an impending grad school application, and an ambitious bucket list. How time flies, right?

Rediscovering my love for writing has freed me this year. It was like the passion I kept forgetting about. God forbid I notice there was a place in my life where talent and happiness meshed. This was how oblivious I was; a few years ago, I wrote a grant – with no previous experience – for my college in three days flat.

And I got it. Leave it to me to brush it off as a day’s work.

Reading is another love. Books are like friends with no expectations. My favorite is Chocolat – it’s like my heartsong. Passionate, dark like chocolate, slightly occult, and brazen in its wanderlust. I don’t watch many movies, but I’d have to say Waitress is my favorite there. Deep down, I’ve got an inner foodie waiting to emerge. Maybe embracing it will teach me patience, but that will have to wait. (Pun intended.)

So much going on and so many dreams… But the reality of where I am in this moment is painful.

Right now, I am living on my mom’s couch, awaiting a lucky break from a forgiving landlord or for a place in student housing to miraculously open up. A roommate stole our rent check a few years back, so we have a nice, big eviction on our credit. (Between a student and a minimum wage job, there was no way to avoid it.)

Things don’t look so great right now. A baby on the way and no place to live? Great. Nesting instincts, take a backseat. Good god, where’s my martini? Oh right.

But, I still have hope. I want to be more so desperately. I refuse to just live and let life happen to me. I want to be more than my background or who I’m with. And I will.

This is the year I learn to channel my energy and learn to live in the moment.

Because if you can’t live for the moment, what can you live for?

Stratejoy Love Bomb Mission

Whew! So much goodness going on… We’re in full on work mode getting things ready for Season 5 over here.  I’m absolutely loving the chance to hear more of your story. Have you sent in your application to be a Season 5 blogger yet? Deadline is this Friday, August 12th.

And though I’m in the middle of Adventures in Flourishing, we’re doing a little something different, but incredibly awesome, today. We’re teaming up for a super-big world-dominating mission with Love Bomb to change, brighten, or even save someone’s life.

What is this Love Bomb thing?

Love Bomb was started by Nate St. Pierre to go along with his life mission to “Change the World”.

Fun Fact: Nate writes “Change the World” on his palm every single day.  Just as a reminder.  Which is funny because lots of days I write “Do Good” or “Believe” or “Spread Joy” on my wrist or palm…   Sharpies and Passion. Quite the combo.

Love Bomb has one sole mission: To save lives.

Members of the Love Bomb team nominate people that they know (who blog) to receive a Love Bomb. Whether someone is facing depression, loss of a parent, loss of a child, financial difficulty, suicide recovery, even the Quarterlife Crisis (which we all know can rock the hell out of your world) they’re eligible to receive one of these bursts of love. If they’re having a hard time dealing with this crazy thing called life, and need a pick me up?  Then Love Bomb wants to know about it.

Each week (from hundreds of nominations) someone is chosen and the Love Bomb Team gets their mission delivered to them, which simply consists of taking five minutes, visiting the person’s blog indicated, and leaving a comment of support.

Yep. That’s it.

But it does amazing things.

So, where do Stratejoy and YOU come in?

This week, we’re part of the Love Bomb Team. They’re asking YOU to nominate someone who you know that could really use a little jolt of joy, a burst of beauty, a whole lot of love and hugs.  We get the amazing chance to DELIVER A LOVE BOMB to someone in our Tribe.

KAPOW!!  I’m so excited.

The only requirement? The person you nominate has a blog, that they use it semi-frequently, and that we can comment on their blog. (Make sure comments aren’t closed, turned off, etc.)  And you have to get your nominations in TODAY!

On Thursday, check out the Love Bomb Blog or the Stratejoy Facebook Page — we’ll be announcing the Love Bomb recipient.

To nominate someone you think really needs a little love in the form of hundreds or thousands of words of support, shoot an e-mail to dropalovebomb |at| gmail |dot| com.  Like, now.

Wanna do this awesome mission every week with Love Bomb?  Head on over to the Love Bomb Website and subscribe to receive Love Bomb Mission e-mails.  They only come once a week and it gives you a chance to truly brighten someone’s world.

And because I promised I’d be checking in…

1. Stop Drinking: 2 days Sober.
2. Stop Hulu.com:  2 days TV free.
3. Write in the Morning: 2 days complete.  (Joy Juice today!  I love writing the journal prompts, knowing loads of you will be using them to connect to yourself.)

On The Road Again…

WAIT, IT’S OVER?!

I was flipping through an old journal the other day. The one with an abundance of to-do lists. At the top of the list, with a star next to it to indicate the importance of the goal, it read, “Write for Stratejoy.”

Check that one off the list. In the last six months, as I’ve navigated my own life with this blog as a backdrop and guide, I won’t tell you how I’ve conquered all of my evils, figured everything out, eliminated toxicity from my life, done  everything I said I was going to do, or even changed that much at all. Truthfully, I’ve often found myself in awe of the other women of this season of bloggers (and past seasons), for their tenacious spirit, for the honesty and grace with which they approach monumental life changes such as having babies, managing businesses, planning weddings and getting married, and traveling the world.

Me? Welp. I’ve been kickin’ it in mid-Missouri for the last six months, pretty much getting through the day-to-day chaos and uncertainty of a college student. Truthfully, having nothing huge going on has made me feel inadequate at times…

BUT THEN BAM!

Lesson: Everyday life offers just as much of an opportunity for growth as the big stuff does. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve made progress thanks to Stratejoy, the Joy Equation, Joy Juice and Deliberate Living Coaching. With Molly and crew, the tribe, family and friends motivating me to shut up and just do what I always talk about doing, I’ve accopmlished some pretty awesome things. I got over my fear of biking in public (yeah, I know), and biked a 30 mile trip to a bluegrass concert. I took my first piano lesson. I filed my graduation plan. I saw a financial advisor and took control of my debt. I registered for a 10K in September. I had a necessary, deeply honest conversation with my parents about my life’s direction and my desire for their understanding and support. I found a sense of empowerment and peace with my spastic dating life as I began to assert myself and command respect. But, best of all, I planned the most incredible adventure.

As we speak, I’m sitting in Miss Molly Mahar’s kitchen in San Diego, sipping some freshly brewed coffee, and in true Stratejoy fashion, I’m thinking about where I’ve been, where I’m going and how they’re intertwined. Obviously, nothing about where I am today and the path I’m on would be possible without this space. After I wrote a post about my goals months ago, an acquaintance from Arizona sent me an email noting my interest in taking a huge roadtrip and suggested we actually do it together.

Lesson: The universe and life are generous givers. They will offer abundance and opportunity if you ask. 

So, yep, I packed my bags and left comfortable Columbia, Missouri this week, flew to Tucson, Arizona, where I met up with our tribe sista Megan, and in the last three days, while soaking up the beauty of the American Southwest, have traveled to San Diego, met the just-as-lovely-in-person-if-not-lovelier Molly Mahar, my truest mentor. As an added bonus I enjoyed a night out in her neighborhood, complete with cocktails and lemon cake, followed by a slumber party in Molly’s adorable home with season 3′s Lindsey.

Adventure, awe, and joy are on the horizon for my traveling partner and me. We’ll drive North up the California coast, stopping off in LA for a party and a tattoo, Santa Barbara for lessons in spirituality, wine, and comfort, continue along scenic Highway 1 to a beautiful hot springs spa, camp in Big Sur, experience the magic of San Francisco with friends, journey through the Redwood forest, donate our energy on a sustainable farm in southern Oregon, couch surf and see what all the Portland fuss is about, travel through beautiful Washington state, take in the sights of Seattle, and head east through Northern Idaho, hitting quaint towns in Montana and Wyoming on the way to our camping adventure in Yellowstone.

Lesson: Set your intention.

It’s just the trip I needed.

Then, though, I’ll return to normalcy in Columbia at the end of August and real life will be waiting. I’ll have to use all of the self-taught lessons I’ve worked through as I’ve written for you to make life just what I want it to be. And then what’ll I be working on? I’ll be remembering that I’ll still always have a lotta goals, be okay with that, understanding that I’m a yearner and that’s something that makes me special. I’ll be reminding myself to live in the present, to avoid bouncing through the moments and only thinking about what’s next, and concentrating on making each day as special as it can be.

“People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Lesson: Enjoy the absolute present, it has so very much to offer.

I mean, it’s all so surreal that I am writing my final post from Miss Molly’s kitchen table. It’s a testament to the amazing, fun, direction life can take you if you pause to reflect on what you truly want and need, and then sit back to enjoy the road trip. It’s a whirl!

“Follow your heart…and see where it might take you.” -Brandi Carlile

BAH! There’s so much left unsaid, so much more I wanted to share here. But, alas, my time is up and I’m on to other things. Signing off, kicking and screaming, owing so much to every one of you.

P.S. Holler at me if you’re in the western U.S. or have suggestions about cool places/travel tips- I wanna see you along the way.

Happiness, Bold Love, and a Husband

What’s the best piece of advice you have for someone struggling with a QLC?
Don’t do it alone.  Reach out.  Find a community (or a tribe) to help you out.  There is no shame in needing some help.  We all go through things, and maybe someone has been where you are and has the tools that will help you out.

Post a picture of your happy self over the last six months – Where were you, what were you doing and who were you with?
My picture is from breakfast the morning after Mr. A and I got married.  It was a crappy diner we fond after walking around starving for 45 minutes.  I love that Mr. A and I are glowing with our happiness. I mean, I feel happy looking at this picture. I also love that you can see Mr. A’s wedding band.

What’s the best piece of advice someone has ever given you?
My Grandpa told me once that every emotion comes from one of two places, fear or love.  You get to pick which drives you. (I pick love.)

What’s your killer music mix?
I’ve been in such a Country Music phase lately, but I am OBSESSED with Mat Kearney’s new single “Hey Mama”.  When I am walking from the train to my office every morning this song gets me super pumped.  (Bonus: The video is full of non-generic beautiful people) (Try watching the video and not wanting to clap along.  Real talk, yo.)

Three biggest obsessions right now…
1. Baby slings
2. My Drunk Kitchen
3. Ice Cream (What?! It’s summer and I’m pregnant!)

What has happened in your time as a Stratejoy blogger that you would never have imagined for yourself in January?
Lets see, from the time I wrote a post called “The Loneliness” I fell madly in love, got pregnant, and got married.  (No big deal or anything. Holy Life Changes Batman.)

What’s something you learned from each of the other ladies of Season 4?
Courage in the face of fear.  Every single one of us jumped into huge things this season and they all did it with such honesty, vulnerability, and courage.  You can do anything.  You can quit that job you hate. You can start your OWN kick ass company. You can face your fears of becoming a mama.  You can be a beautiful songbird.  You can move to another country and find yourself in love.  I have so much love and admiration for the women in this season.

What’s your Dream Job? Dream Vacation? Dream Home?
Dream Job: Freelancing from home.  Dream Vacation: Italy with Mr. A.  Dream Home: Anywhere with good schools with space for Baby Boy to run around.

What’s currently turning you on?
The 30 minutes every night Mr. A spends reading and singing to my belly. He is going to be such an amazing father that the thought of it is making me tear up as I write this.

How are you going to change the world?
I’m going to be fearless. I’m going to be a wife, mother, writer, risk-taker. I’m going to share the whole thing and hope that my story can inspire some other woman out there to be fearless too. Bold and fearless; this is what change is made of.

Going to the Chapel

I’m getting married tomorrow.  Married.

I am equal parts excited and pumped with a nice streak of freaking-completely-out thrown in there for good measure.  Completely normal, right?

When Mr. A and I first started talking about the future I told him that I was terrified of marriage.  Being a mother seemed like second nature, but marriage scared me.  What if I mess it up?

On the one hand, I’ve seen my mom go though two divorces.  I was eight when my parents divorced.  There was anger, sadness, depression, and lots of yelling (I still do not respond well to yelling); my brother and I were caught in the crossfire.  My Dad never fully recovered from the divorce.  For the past 20 years he’s never really dated.  I don’t think he believes in love or marriage anymore.  His heart was broken so severely he was never able to figure out how to open himself up again.  Marriages fall apart all the time, and some people never ever recover from it.  I don’t want that to happen to me.  Divorce is not an option.

On the other hand I’ve seen real love and lasting marriages.   My Grandparents have been married for 35 years and my Grandpa calls my Grams his soul mate.  After all this time, his eyes still sparkle when he talks about her.  He will tell anyone who will listen how lucky he got when she agreed to marry him. I have Aunts and Uncles who’ve gone though very real ups-and-downs and refused to give up on their marriages.  I’ve seen people fight for their marriages and succeed.  I hope that my marriage has the same endurance and fortitude.

Mr. A and I know that this is the easy part.  Falling in love with him and marrying him tomorrow will be as natural to me as breathing.  I know that we will have times that are really hard though.  My favorite line from The Notebook has prepared me well:

So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.

I am going into this knowing one thing for certain: we are going to fuck it up. We are going to fight and have issues that seem unresolvable.  We will both have moments where we act out of selfishness and spite.  We will say things more out of anger that we know will hurt the other person.  We will probably go to bed exhausted and angry more than once.  We will lose our way at times and have to walk through the darkness to get back to each other.

If we’re lucky we’ll look back at our marriage in forty years knowing that we always found our way back to each other.  We will see the rough patches, but we’ll also see the relief we both felt when we’ve navigated successfully though.  If I’m lucky Mr. A’s eyes will still dance when he talks about me and I will still tell people how no one have ever made me feel more loved and secure than he does.  If we’re lucky we will have a life full of laughter and happiness that far outweighs the tears and heartache that are sure to come.  If we’re lucky we’ll never ever give up on each other and this marriage that we’re starting tomorrow.  If we’re lucky our child will make a speech at our 50th wedding anniversary confirming that we modeled real love for him/her.  If we’re lucky.

Wish me luck tribe; luck and a ton of love, grace, and determination.  We’re having a super tiny wedding tomorrow, but if we were having a huge ceremony I would have wanted this to be read.  It’s my prayer for our marriage.

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

      

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