Category: Inspiration

Are You There Bigger Picture? It’s Me, Nicole

posted 9th March 2010 Written by: Nicole Antoinette CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

graphic design, life list, long term goals, san francisco, the bigger picture, the Universe, what am I looking for

I’ve been living in San Francisco and managing business operations for Shatterboxx Media for a little over two months now, and do you know what I’ve learned from our clients? That while it’s overwhelmingly hard to describe what you’re looking for, you sure as hell know it when you see it.

Jamie and I work through this process over and over, taking the verbal and turning it into the graphic, and it’s been fascinating for me to watch her transform a bullet pointed Word document into something vibrantly alive, because my mind just doesn’t work that way.

My mind likes two things, details and fantasies, and I have a hard time seeing through the fog that clouds my bigger picture. I’m confident in the small parts of my day, the minute-to-minute wants that are easily defined, the sentences that are short and declarative like “I’m craving French onion soup,” “I want sex,” or “I need 30 minutes to read and take a bath.”

But on any given day, it’s almost impossible for me to articulate my long-term goals.

I’m aware that my overarching dream is most frequently described by saying that “I want to, well, you know, live a sweet life and write and travel and stuff,” but I hit a wall when I push myself to get more specific than that. I loosely understand (and am passionately excited about) the things I want to achieve, like checking every item off my Life List, but the biggest challenge I’m facing right now is how to build a solid foundation that supports my wild and crazy dreams, a foundation that starts with flushing out exactly what those dreams really are in the first place.

Like a graphic design client who is all, “I have no idea, but I like purple! And bold typography! And kittens!” I’m vaguely familiar with what I want, but I feel like I’m running in frenzied circles trying to clarify everything enough to cattle-prod The Universe into making it happen, which leaves me feeling that in regard to my goals, I want everything and know nothing all at once.

Is there an easy button here? Can I buy a dream mapping vowel?

I don’t know, maybe I spend too much time focusing on what I don’t know when I should be focusing on what I do know, and for now, here’s what that is:

I know I want to be a writer with a big giant capital W, thoughtfully telling my stories and living my life out loud. I know I want to be a citizen of the world, traveling wherever I can, saying yes to newness while learning how to let it in without blurring my boundaries and losing myself.

I know I want to be a perpetual student, an open listener, and an unconditional support system for everyone who has gently reached down and pulled me out when I’ve gone tumbling down the rabbit hole. I know I want laughter and hilarity in unlimited quantities, because I know that’s the best way for me to leave each day better than I found it.

I know I want to inspire people to live up to the best possible version of themselves by being spontaneous and creative, honest and positive, confident and kind, hardworking and spiritually alive.

I know I want to learn to spend time in the silence more often, to listen without judgment, love as hard as I can, and then a little harder still, and I know that I want to shape my days around the overwhelming truth that what I put out there is what I’ll get back.

And maybe knowing all of that is enough for now.

photo credit: lululemon athletica

Don’t Play it Safe. Be Bold.

posted 5th March 2010 Written by: Molly Hoyne CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration

being sassy, bold, feminine, how to be a woman, play it safe, pretty, standing up for yourself, unique, you are a woman

Do you want to play it safe?

“Research on the attributes that we associate with “being feminine” tells us that the most important qualities for women are: thin, nice, pretty. If you want to play it totally safe, you have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible. “ -Brene Brown

I do not want to live my life playing it safe. I don’t want to rest in conventional, content to rush about in a daze, checking errands off my to do list, putting in facetime where required, doing all the things expected of me.

Getting by, by giving up on life, is not my style.

Ladies, safe is not the new black. I don’t want you to play it safe.

When we get too used to playing it safe–being small, quiet and attractive–we forget what it’s like to be out in the world, unencumbered and earnest. We forget what it’s like to beat on our chest with a Tarzan yell and declare, “Today’s the day to break the rules! To climb trees, write a poem, eat cherries, to live today as if it’s all I’ve got!”

To play is safe requires us to forget that we are overflowing with a unique life force. Overflowing with dreams, and hopes, and an incredible capacity to love. It requires us to make our adventures and goals fit within society’s ruler of acceptable.

Playing safe takes away our opportunity to carve our place in the world. There’s a cosmic space that belongs only to us– it’s our unique contribution to the world– and safe doesn’t allow us to paint it with rainbows, to sing at the top of our lungs, to make millions in the service of others, to dance naked, or to take pride in our quirks.

Safe keeps those differences, those shimmering contributions, from ever emerging.

Safe makes us afraid to be big, bold, and unique. Safe makes us forget what that would even look like.

Which leads me to this…

How Not to Play it Safe

We are a generation of educated, gutsy women who are capable of so many incredible contributions (from raising amazing children to creating art, from making a difference in our communities to starting businesses, from exploring the world to inspiring others) yet we spend so much of our energy on our outer appearance.

We don’t feel good enough unless we “look good enough.” And “looking good” requires being thin, stylish, pretty, and pulled together. All of the time. And seemingly without effort.

Reality check? This is impossible.

Stop letting your outer appearance dictate how your feel about yourself, your life. Stop striving for thin as if it’s the answer to everything. Stop trying to fit in with whatever pretty happens to equal this year.

Be Big. Be Unique. Be YOU.

Strive for healthy, for strong, for capable. Love your body by fueling it properly and moving it and adorning it with fashion you love. Celebrate your unique beauty, the bloodlines that connect you to each and every gorgeous woman in your family.

Deck yourself in sequins, in pinstriped suits, in cowboy boots, in sundresses, in rock tee-shirts—whatever it is that tickles your fancy. Dress for the woman you are, not the one you’re pretending to be.

Honor your reality. Practice loving you, as is.

As far as being nice goes… I’m all for kind, for loving, for rose-colored glasses and solving problems with honey. But when nice starts equaling quiet, safe, small—it’s time to break out the bold.

You’re a woman. You’ve got an opinion, a unique take on the world. Make sure it’s heard.

Don’t play it safe.

You’re hurting yourself and those around you by agreeing with something that makes you want to pull your hair out. You’re disrespecting yourself by constantly grinning and bearing it. You’re giving up your power by biting your tongue.

There’s a time to be nice. There’s a time to get your sass on. There’s time to stand up for yourself no matter what the cost. There’s even a time to pull the bitch card.

Don’t be afraid. Be Bold.

Parting Words?

You are a woman, thin or thick, small or big. You are a woman, pretty or unusual, attractive or unique. You are a woman, nice or sassy, quiet or bold.

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, ladies, don’t play it safe.

This is your life. Live it with all the guts, glory, and bravado you can muster.

Dive in. Make it Count.

And don’t worry–you’re not alone. I promise you, I’m doing the same.

Following My Heart, or the Benefits of Being Selfish

posted 4th March 2010 Written by: Katie CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Season 2, Tips & Tools, Travel

clean slate, cross country move, following my heart, moving, new life, selfish, trusting myself

I’m breaking the news to my family and friends of my move gradually.

Did I tell you guys yet? No? Oh, well, I’m moving.

If you did know this already, and you’re thinking “Yeah, Katie, we know you’re moving in February 2011″– you’re only half right. I’m moving, but much sooner than expected. Much sooner as in, within 2 months.

You could say, I’m following my heart.

Some of my friends are relatively happy about it. The majority are experiencing nothing short of surprise in epic proportions. To most of my friends I’ve become known as the girl who has big ideas, makes big plans, but does nothing with them.

I’m really good at starting things. From spring cleaning, to a new life direction, to journals, I’ve developed a certain level of appreciation for starting things fresh and new. It’s my own personal way of alleviating past mistakes and starting with a clean slate.

However great I am at beginning, I lack the follow-through necessary to create lasting experiences. No matter how good it feels to start things, they only remain “brand new” for so long until it feels old, used, and no longer worth dedicating time to. Even during the duration of the Joy Equation, I had a very difficult time committing time to myself everyday to do self-discovery. As I mentioned before, I expected myself to fail, and it was starting to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because of this unfortunate habit of mine, no one really believes that I’m moving.

Even more, they believe that they can simply offer me an alternative solution that will keep me in my home state forever. How convenient for them, but really it’s an open invitation for me to not follow through on yet another set of plans.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that their ideas weren’t tempting:

“Move in with me!”

“Move in with your aunt!”

“Just grin and bear it!”

Yes, they all sound like perfectly great ways to stand still for the rest of my life. I’ve realized that I don’t want to stand still anymore. I want to move – not only in physical location, but emotionally, mentally, and in any other way one can move; that is, in every way but backwards.

I’m leaving a lot behind in New Jersey. my family, my friends, my car, my apartment, my life. In following my heart, I’m leaving it all behind to start fresh. One of my friends got very emotional when I told him that I was moving. “Why are you being so selfish?” he said. I was speechless and really gave his accusation some thought.

Was I being selfish? Should I be thinking more about my family and friends and their needs?

Like any awesome Generation-Y person, I instantly Googled “Selfish” prepared for some slap in the face definition that would make me realize that I was wrong, and that my true destination shouldn’t be miles away. I found this:

selfish -\ˈsel-fish\ Holding one’s self-interest as the standard for decision making.

That just solidified my decision. Shouldn’t we all be a little selfish? Try it, you just might like it.

As many of us tend to do, I’ve lived a majority of my life attempting to please others. I’m a people pleaser, which tends to be my biggest appeal and my biggest downfall. After twenty-five years of putting other’s needs and wants before mine, I want to give myself a chance. My heart has been on the backburner for such a long time, it’s just begging to be able to do what it wants to do for once.

For the first time, I’m going to listen.

One of my most difficult parts of the Joy Equation for me was the realization that I was not able to remember the last time I felt happy. I wasn’t able to answer the simple question of “Describe in detail how you feel when you are happy.”

(Hey, Molly, ask me again what makes me happy. Ask me one more time how I feel when I’m happy.)

Whenever I imagine my life according to my terms, I feel this sense of exhilaration. I feel like my world is much bigger, and my possibilities are endless. My heart races, a smile comes on my face, and I’m excited to transfer money into my savings account for the move which I have appropriately named “Road to Happiness Account”.

In these moments I am happy. In these moments I feel whole. It feels amazing not only to have life coming straight at me, but to be walking towards it with open arms.

Quarterlife Crisis Anyone?

posted 1st March 2010 Written by: Katie CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

how to be happy, online life coaching, Quarterlife Crisis, self help books, what should I do with my life

I’m the exception to every rule.

No, I’m serious. Every. Single. Rule.

As women, we are expected to be emotional, prepared, successful, happy creatures who know exactly what we want and how to get it. I don’t know who created these expectations, but I want them shot, or at least put through a super-scientific experiment where we inject their lives with the Quarterlife Crisis.

When I heard about Stratejoy, I was, I’d say, 430% skeptical. I had bought every self help book there is to buy from every bookstore on the east coast. I spent countless hours sitting in my room, reading through books that tried to tell me how to get out of the slump that I was in based on other people’s experiences.

I don’t know if it’s me, but relating to others who have nothing in common with me just doesn’t work.

Before I committed to doing the Stratejoy Joy Equation program, and long before I applied to be a guest blogger, I decided to look into it a little bit more. I wanted to find the loophole where it said that the program was not for me. Maybe it was just for professional women; Or married women; Or women who knew what they wanted; None of which described me at all.

So… I read a few of the blog posts by Molly and her group of Season One bloggers.

At one point, I had to get up and walk away from my computer. Who were these women? How did they know exactly how I was feeling? You mean, I’m not a freak of nature? It was in that moment that I was sold on the idea of giving the program a try. If nothing else, to prove Molly wrong. To prove that there was someone out there that this program wouldn’t work for.

It might sound like I was being a bit negative – and I was.

When you go through a bunch of disappointments in life, you learn not to expect too much from anyone or anything. I didn’t want to expect a life changing experience from Stratejoy, not get it, and be eternally depressed that I am truly a freak of nature who can’t be helped.

But I did it.

Within 3 hours, I had my first e-mail from Molly. A welcoming ‘hello’ and the very first writing assignment. I buzzed right through it, and waiting patiently for the next day. It was one of the first few assignments that knocked me out of the water and changed the way I looked at things forever. I was asked to recall the last time I was truly happy, and to describe how I felt.

Easy, right? For most people, sure. But not for me, not the exception to the rule. I realized after 30 minutes of steady thought cramming that I wasn’t able to remember when I was happy. Or how I felt when I was happy. Or anything with the word happy in it. Except Happy Gilmore. Awesome movie.

It was in that moment that I made the realization that I don’t pay enough attention to the moments in which I’m happy, and I focus a lot on the negative. This was a powerful thing for me to realize, and since that revelation, I’ve focused a lot more on living in the moment and being totally open to all of my emotions, especially happiness.

And that realization came on the third or fourth day. I still had 20+ days to go.

The Stratejoy program was a month filled with laughter, tears, life decisions, and mending. All of my life questions weren’t answered at the end of the program, but I do feel like I know what I want next, and how I need to go about doing it. I had made a new friend in Molly, who when she called me for our “Jam Session”, was easier to talk to than I had ever imagined.

The other day I was talking with a friend and we got to the game of “20 Questions”. He asked me what person inspired me most in 2010. I answered a proud, “Molly Hoyne. Because her Joy Equation helped me find myself underneath the years of pain, frustration, and fear. I now wake up and am excited to spend the day with myself. That says a lot for someone who hated her skin for years.”

He replied; “So really, your most inspiring person is yourself.”

Touche, Friend. Touche.

Self Trust: How to Practice Trusting Yourself

posted 26th February 2010 Written by: Molly Hoyne CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Tips & Tools

crowdsourcing, decisions, heart, intuition, personal integrity, self growth, self trust, trusting yourself, walt whitman

How’s your power of self trust?

Do you have trouble making big decisions for yourself, by yourself? Do you feel the need to crowd source your next step, your vacation destination, the decision to quit your job?

When you asking others for their opinions, listing out the pros, the cons and the justifications– Are you looking for inspiration? Confirmation of a decision? Or are you seeking the ability to blame someone else’s instincts should things go wrong?

Gaining a wider exposure to options is amazing. The access to information we have at our fingertips is extraordinary (and overwhelming!). Soaking up knowledge from someone who’s “been there, done that” is useful.

But… Letting your Twitter followers make major life decisions for you is a sign that you don’t trust your own instincts. Relying on your parents or your partner or your gaggle of girlfriends to “decide” points to reliance.

Remaining in a constant state of indecision is draining on you and all those in your life.

We’re so used to looking outside ourselves for answers, perhaps we’ve forgotten we’re capable of making decisions for ourselves!

We have to trust in our ability to handle what life throws at us, to make the big decisions on our own. If we don’t have that self trust, we’ll be walking around in a state of fear, a cloud of dependence.

Do we not trust ourselves because we’re constantly bombarded with messages that we’re not enough? Not pretty enough? Not productive enough? Not successful enough?

What happened to knowing, at the deepest level, that we ARE enough?

“I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.” —Walt Whitman

Any of this ringing a bell?

I don’t have the end all, be all answer. In fact, I’m writing about self trust because I’ve spent the last few weeks in a needy state of “But what should I do? How do I choose? What happens if that’s wrong? What if I fail? Just tell me- what would you do?”

Ugly, I tell you. The Big Man would agree…

So, I’m owning it. I’m trying my very best to rely on the faith I have in myself. The knowledge that I can handle whatever life throws at me. It’s my life after all. I need to practice turning inward for the answers, trusting myself at the deepest level. How? Read on, sista’, read on.

How to Practice Self Trust

Pay attention to your physical reactions.

Start at the most basic level by really getting in touch with how your body feels. Does one option give you a lift in your heart, a feeling of lightness? Does another cramp your stomach?

I manifest stress through tightness in my shoulders and neck, resulting in massive headaches. When I recognize that I’m suffering from my stress headaches, I have to ask myself- what is wrong? Where is my life out of touch with my values, my personal integrity?

Consult your heart, not just your head.

Many of us well-educated women make all of our decisions with logic. “It only makes sense to do… “Logically, I should…” “It would be stupid not to…” We have confidence that we can make the best decisions through excel spreadsheets and polls, on expected returns and majority opinions.

But you can be a confident, deliberate woman and still not trust yourself. Self trust is not the same as confidence. As Jack Gibb writes in Trust “Confidence is more cerebral, more calculated, and based more on expectations than trust is. Trust can be and often is instinctive…. It is something very much like love.”

Have you ever walked into a new place, a new city and felt a sense of recognition? Or met someone who feels like an old friend? Pay attention to that reaction- your heart is trying to tell you something!

With decisions, can you access your intuition? Your heart’s sense of right or wrong? Free from journaling is an amazing way to access your heart’s answers–no editing, no thinking too hard–just asking yourself a questions and letting an answer pour forth.

Make the decision already

The anxiety that accompanies ”indecision” can be debilitating and distracting. It can go on so long that eventually you just accept it as your natural state. Except that it isn’t…

When you’re not making a decision, it may be a case of your head battling your heart. Or it may be that choice conflicts with all the advice you’ve been given. Allow for other’s opinions.

But then make your own.

Sometimes just making the decision, diving in, trusting your gut is the best thing to do. Stop justifying your reasons for waiting, for pausing, for gathering more information. Trust, baby, Trust.

It’s all within your power.

“When we trust ourselves, we can better navigate the waters of challenging emotional times-when we feel lost or grieving, angry, or afraid-believing somewhere in our hearts and souls that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when. We’re safe in our own care.” –M.J Ryan

photo credit : chandrika221