Category: Inspiration

Let Me Fly With My Beaded-Paper Wings

posted 6th April 2012    Written by: Camila    CATEGORY: All Posts, Camila, Creativity, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Season 6, Travel, Travel/Adventure

Multicolored telephone wire woven into baskets, 18-inch eagles crafted from recycled newspaper,  old steel drums cut and shaped into beautiful mermaids. I adore how simple materials, odds and ends that some people deem garbage can  be morphed into beautiful forms of art.

When I was living in Hartford, CT as an AmeriCorps member I was certainly lacking in what most people deem necessities. I didn’t have a real bed, nor a table or chair, but I did have books, and I did have art. I had small masks from Santo Domingo by my windows, paintings and giant collages created by my half-blind grandfather decorating my walls, and a tiled-metal-work mirror from Mexico adorning my “night table”.

Thinking about it, both of my parents place a high value on art. They took my siblings and me to museums in nearly every place we went, bought paintings from local artists, and we always had a plethora of sketchbooks, colored pencils, paint, beads, and other craft supplies to entertain our minds’ latest creative endeavor. There is so much I appreciate about this. Without a doubt it’s a value that I would like to pass on to Geoffrey’s and my future children and it is unquestionably part of why I want to go to graduate school to study…folk art. That’s right, I want to go on in school to get a PhD for doing research on 1) the use of recycled materials in folk art and 2) the way women’s art cooperatives create financial opportunities and may help prevent issues of violence against women.

Deep breath. Yep. Oh folk art how you make me swoon.

Last May, I went to visit my amazing, go-getter of a friend who was working at a health clinic in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. I knew I would be spending some time with her but I also knew I had to visit some artisans in Haiti. Since I was still an AmeriCorps member and knew I’d have a while  before returning to school I figured I might as well get a head start and conduct some independent research while there and see if this was indeed what I wanted to dedicate several years of my life to doing.

That solidified it.

One afternoon, my friend and I journeyed to Croix-de-Bouquets, a neighborhood in Port-au-Prince of metal-workers. Walking through the dusty streets, men worked outside pounding out steel to shape into gorgeous wall-pieces. As we walked by, artisans beckoned us to enter their homes, to see what they had created. I was in love and perfectly content having my eyes scan the walls looking at tree-of-life after tree-of-life, roosters, elephants, people carrying baskets of fruit, profiles of women with hair spiraling out into the wind. Gasp, this was exactly what I wanted to do! What was preventing me from choosing this as a career path, especially when it was something that I loved?

Another day I rode with my new friend on his moto-taxi to visit a women’s cooperative that created flip-flops, wallets, and bags from old chip bags and the woven plastic from bags of oranges. That was an interesting visit as most of what I learned, do to my inability to speak Kreyol, came through hand motions and observation.

A third trip out into the city took me to The Apparent Project, a compound where men and women rolled strips of boxes and paper into spherical beads to thread into gorgeous jewelry.

The innovation of ideas birthing art, the impact of art cooperatives on an individual’s or a family’s financial sustainability, the way that something can be created from nothing- all of these fascinate me and are precisely the reasons that of all the graduate programs I could choose, this is what I need to study.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was researching schools in Portland, Oregon where my fiance and I are moving after our wedding. For a long time, I didn’t know if I should look into sociology, anthropology, or women’s studies. They’ve all been programs I’ve been considering but I never knew exactly which one I should pick.  I mean, each one has it’s pros and cons. Then I found it. An hour away in Eugene, if I apply, and I’m accepted, I can go for a Masters and a Doctorate in Folk Lore. What could be more perfect then that?!? Then of course there’s the question of what countries would I want to focus on? What questions would I want to ask? How could I go back to school and also be a doula/midwife? And of course, there’s the question that keeps popping up and I keep pushing aside… the question of what would I do next? Would I become a professor? Would I start or work for an NGO? I don’t even know. Perhaps that’s just another question for another time.

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A Gratitude Cupcake with Love Flavored Frosting

posted 4th April 2012    Written by: Jill    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Inspiration, Jill, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 6

If growing up in the Midwest taught me anything, it’s manners.  Take your shoes off at the front door; always address adults as Mr. and Mrs.; say “please” and “thank you.”

“Thank you” is a big one.

Fun fact: I used to say “thank you” to my hands at night before I went to sleep.  Then, I would say “thank you” to my feet so they wouldn’t feel left out.  Seriously.  I was five!  They did things all day!  And I had impeccable manners!

Bring on a vengeful growth spurt and an ambitious overbite, and those body manners get hidden behind a killer case of teen angst and insecurity.

Welp, I’m not an insecure, angst-ridden teen anymore (or, um, at least not a teen), and sometimes life comes full circle.  So, I’d like to say “thank you” again – to the whole kit-n-kaboodle this time.

Without further ado, a thank you note:

 

To my body,

You, my dear, are a pitch perfect combination of elaborate jigsaw puzzle and fridge worthy artwork, sprinkled with fairy dust and sunspots.  You have your good days and your bad days, but you’re always exclusively mine.

Thank you for waking up in the morning, going to sleep at night, and everything in between.

Thank you for committing to that half marathon.  Yeah, you were holding firm onto that freshman-15 due to a rock steady love of pizza and beer, but you never felt stronger than you did right after crossing the finish line.  You made me realize the superiority of feeling great over looking great.

Thank you for loving to nap topless.

Thank you for that piercing gut feeling you give me whenever something is wrong, and whenever something is right.  I still can’t explain why it was so important for me to full on sprint to my car that one night, or why God him/herself couldn’t talk me out of taking so many quantitative biology classes as a liberal arts major.  You, gut feeling, lead me to those decisions.  I am inexplicably confident that choices like these shaped, and continue to shape, my life in ways I’ll never know.

Thank you for giant morning shits.

Thank you for being picky about the people with whom you are intimate.  Whenever I become determined to live up my slutty twenties, your defense mechanisms kick in.  You make it so that sleeping with a stranger is like trying to fuck a hot stove.  It makes the times I do have sex so much more satisfying.

On that note, thank you for orgasms.  I’d also like to send a special shout-out to whoever invented the clitoris.

Thank you for cooperating with my love for animals/the environment and feeling like a superstar when I eat vegetarian, or vegan, or whatever level of PETA I’m feeling that day.

Thank you, eyelashes, for catching my sweat (any Regina fans?).

Thank you for my awkward phase.  Oh, boy, did I hate you at that time.  Looking back, I can graciously acknowledge that those ugly duckling years were the best thing that could have happened.  It forced me to develop a personality, and to shut out superficial thoughts about other people.

I suppose now is as good of time as any to submit a formal apology for shaving your eyebrows before Homecoming.  Forgive and forget?

Mostly, thank you for sticking with me, even when I scrutinize everything about you.  You, Body, are the best friend a girl could ask for.

I promise to send you more love notes in the form of long runs and chocolate cake.  I promise to stand up straighter.  I promise to appreciate your unique beauty, and to be a loving spouse in this marriage between body and soul.

Exclusively yours,

Jill

 

 

photo credit: shut up holli☮

 

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The ABC’s of Self-Love Free Guide

posted 7th March 2012    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

I Believe in the Transformational Power
of Adoring Ourselves.

And the gorgeous women who contributed to this guide do to!  As you probably know, I spent two weeks in February hosting a Fierce Love Blog Crawl to start a lively conversation across the internet about the meaning and practice of self-love. This is the aftermath of the experiment…

A 74 page guide with 26 inspiring essays written by 26 inspiring women exploring self-love in its many iterations, sharing personal stories, and empowering *YOU* to practice Fierce Self-Love in your own world.

DOWNLOAD the ABC’s of Self-Love Guide HERE

Why?

Fierce Love is the first step to an authentically joyful life.

Your journey to live life on your own terms demands a lot from you, dear one. You’ve got to be courageous. You need to stand up for your own desires in the face of others’ expectations. You must be dedicated to sharing your gifts and finding your voice in the world. Sometimes, you’ve got to cut your losses and move on, to leave outgrown friendships, demand more from your work, and realize you’re deserving of true love. You may need to recommit to your health, your dreams, your creativity, or your own happiness.

All of this? It starts with Fierce Love.

You are the voice, the heart, and the one who brings this conversation to life. Without *YOU* this guide languishes in the recesses of the internet, a lonely PDF experiment without life, without spark, without consideration.  Thank you for reading and using the wisdom within as juicy fuel to spark Fierce Love in your world, on your terms!

DOWNLOAD the ABC’s of Self-Love Guide HERE

Prefer to surf around the internet to read the essays?
You can do that to!

A is for Acceptance by Molly Mahar “Acceptance isn’t handing the reigns of your live over to fate, but relishing the present moment.“

B is for Beauty by Rebecca Bass-Ching “I now revel in the awe-inspiring beauty of courage, generosity, gentleness, kindness, sacrificial love, compassion, vulnerability, motherhood and respect.”

C is for Celebration by Dani “Stand in front of the mirror and point out all the things you love about yourself. Instant self-love!”

D is for Determination by Ash Ambirge “Want success? Make more decisions, choose more often, gain more control, and then take responsibility over your success. Period.”

E is for Enough by Amy Kessel “The resistance to loving ourselves disappears when we know, really know, that we are enough.”

F is for Freedom by Jenny Blake “A fallacy of freedom is that we must not allow ourselves to be tied-down, lest we lock the cage on our ability to fly.”

G is for Growth by Justine Musk “It’s how you grow through and out of it – the meaning you make of it – that can not only shape yourself and your creative work (and your life) — but inspire others.”

H is for Honoring by Randi Buckley: “The deepest honor in the name of self-love shines light onto the whispers in the heart.”

I is for Integrity by Sarah Peck “Integrity is a consistency of action, over time, that builds in what you say, believe, and do.”

J is for Joy by Hannah Marcotti “Joy can live inside of you, at all times. It is your option.”

K is for Kindness by Erin Haslag “Celebrate you. Love you. Be kind to you.”

L is for Lucky by Susan Hyatt “You ARE the shiny. YOU are the honey. The sooner you align with that basic truth, the luckier you are going to get. Romantically and otherwise.”

M is for Moxie by Alexia Vernon  “The more we recognize and embrace our moxie, the more we shift into seeing fear as a reminder to listen to our inner voices.”

N is for Natural by Michelle Ward:  “Equally scared and excited? It means you’re guaranteed to learn, to grow, to take away – and that is always The Right Track.”

O is for Ownership by Tiffany Moore “Taking ownership of your life is the ultimate step in self-care.”

P is for Pleasure by Rachel Cole ”With pleasure as my carrot I don’t need a stick. And neither do you.”

Q is for Questioning by Tara Sophia Mohr “It’s sometimes said that the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our questions.”

R is for Release by Julie Daley ”You are beautiful because the core of who you is beauty itself.”

S is for Strength by Pam Slim“We are all capable of so many things. We can endure challenge, tragedy and heartbreak and come out clearer, stronger and more loving on the other end. Trust yourself.”

T is for Truth by Amber Rae “With honesty, there is unlimited potential for growth.”

U is for Understanding by Andrea Owen “This is a place where no one is broken. We are human and messy.”

V is for Values by Tanya Geisler“See, as juicy as values are, they are so foundational to self-love that it’s almost impossible for me to uncollapse the two.”

W is for Worth by Tara Gentile “Your self-worth isn’t a number. Your earning potential doesn’t indicate your living potential.”

X is for X-Rated by Kelly Diels“Being an X-rated woman means deliberately choosing who you will please.”

Y is for Yes by Sarah Von Bargen “Yes to monthly pedicures with my BFF.  Even in the winter.  Even when my toes are inside boots all day long.”

Z is for Zen by Amanda Oaks “Zen is the gateway into showing you what it is to fiercely yet gently love yourself.”

Inspired? Electrified?  Ready to practice Fierce Love in your own world?

I can’t wait to witness the flames of your love.

It’s all about *YOU* and that’s a damn good thing.

XOXO

p.s.  Dig this Guide?  Find out more about the Fierce Love Course!

Molly Mahar is a life coach, speaker, writer, fierce love advocate and joy enthusiast. She is the founder of Stratejoy, this positive corner of the Internet that provides thousands of women the tools, strategies and camaraderie to lead authentically joyful lives.  Molly’s work is delivered through several live and digital group programs, focused on creating *YOUR* joyful world. She works one-on-one with clients who are ready for soul-level personal alignment and big transitions.

Molly also laughs loudly, swims naked, and wears a lot of costumes. And she’s expecting a tiny boy person on June 2, which will her give her loads of opportunity to practice fierce lovin’.

She’d love to hear from you on Twitter or Facebook. Connect away!

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Stratejoy Essay Contest – Voting Time!

posted 29th February 2012    Written by: Stratejoy    CATEGORY: Guest Post Rockstar, Inspiration, Stratejoy the Biz

 

It’s the big day! 

Time to vote for your favorite entry in the Stratejoy Essay Contest. The lucky finalist with the most votes at the end of the three days will receive the $500 prize money. Woo hoo!

Below, you’ll find links to all of the essays, just in case you want to catch up on any that you missed. Once you’re ready to cast your vote, click below!  Voting will be open until 5 pm PST/ 8 pm EST Friday, March 2nd and we’ll announce the winner on Monday, March 5th.

 

VOTE NOW!

 

Essay Finalist #1: Jesse Blayne 

From the outside, my life looked charmed.  I’d been married ten years to the owner of a successful business. We had a nice home, decent cars and extra money for planting perennials in the Spring and skiing in the winter. Weeks piled up like so many empty Pepcid boxes. I’d take a Pepcid on my way to bed, one in the morning and another before dinner. If I had been a hoarder, we’d have side-stepped past mountainous piles of empty Pepcid boxes.  (read more of Jesse’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #2: Hilary Jarman 

It is unfair to say I am fashionable. I am not quite fashionably illiterate, but even that is up for interpretation considering I was a late-adopter of skinny jeans and I still can’t get myself to buy a pair of wide-legged pants or a floppy hat. I did have my moment of knowing and following the fashion of the time: In kindergarten, my ever well-intentioned parents supplied me with a Little Mermaid backpack; the ultimate in five-year old couture.  (read more of Hilary’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #3: Brandy 

I stopped at red lights. I took a multivitamin each night after flossing. I retweeted important pleas and drank 8 cups of water each day. I got up when my alarm went off and began teaching when the bell went. I smiled when strangers smiled and laughed when others laughed . I did not make waves, I did not cause ripples. I followed all the rules. Except the one called “Do not consider suicide as your rescue boat.” No, that rule I wanted to break. I wanted to break it badly. (read more of Brandy’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #4: Sara Fry

In middle school, a teacher once told the class to alwys question authority. It had never occurred to me not to. At the ripe(er) age of 27, I no longer fit the string-bean description. My hair has turned the color of dark honey and I have developed a decidedly better fashion sense. Luckily, I’ve kept the same inquisitive nature – only now when I ask, “Who says?” it’s to myself. (read more of Sara’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #5: Eleni Zoe

“How do you feel about the care you received?” she asked. After a week of having tubes stuffed down my nose and into my esophagus, pumping chalky paste into my gut, I’d been released from hospital with a diagnosis of a chronic illness. I reckoned that it might be a good idea to keep my weekly session with my therapist. After all, I wanted to talk about the boy stuff that had happened before I landed up in the ER. (read more of Eleni’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #6: Kate Lamie

Let’s start with the terms I’d use to describe the way I lived life before my quarterlife liberation shake down: Drained (emotionally, physically, and spiritually). Anxious (tight chest, racing heart stuff). Risk averse(safe seemed simpler). Numb (unfortunately, no romantic stud can fix that one). Itchy (hives). Sleepy (insomnia). Then I committed to a total life overhaul – due in large part to some serious health issues cramping my style. (read more of Kate’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #7: Becky Shaw

I’m walking in the opposite direction, not sure where I’m headed. It makes me nervous – scratch that. It makes me so uneasy a lot of the time I feel like I might throw up, but I also think I’m on the cusp of something great. I don’t know what it is, but I’m going to keep pushing myself until I’m so engulfed in the possibilities this path brings that they become my new normal.) (read more of Becky’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #8: Janah Valenzuela

For me, living life by my own rules starts with understanding and respecting the way life works. Life is unpredictable. Life is routine and monotonous. Life is heartbreak, happiness and all the moments in between. Ultimately, life happens and unfolds in ways we will never be able to predict. So how do we live on our own terms with so little control?Here’s what I have found that works for me: accept, adapt and appreciate. (read more of Janah’s Essay!)


Essay Finalist #9: Janet Brent

I’m counting the change again, wondering how much I can spread $10 in one week, when I get my next paycheck from a client.I don’t worry, though. I’ve gone through this enough times, and in much worse circumstances that I no longer need to cry in fetal position, feeling sorry for myself that “I’m not good enough” (I am). Things will be okay. They always are. (read more of Janet’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #10: Tiffany Moore

Let’s rewind to the time before I decided to live my life on my own terms. To the time when I let other people get me down. When I begrudged my own happiness and good cheer. When I let other things, other people’s standards, become my priorities. That’s right: I used to wish I could be less happy, that I smiled less. I thought that things would be easier if I was less happy. (read more of Tiffany’s Essay!)


Essay Finalist #11: Jennifer Winter

I sat on the edge of my bed and surveyed my handiwork. Somehow, I’d managed to pack an entire month’s worth of necessities into my sturdy camping pack. The first time I’d used this pack was for my first trip overseas with my ex boyfriend, and every trip for the next eight years after. Now, several months after that relationship had ended, I was venturing out without him. (read more of Jennifer’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #12: Deanna Ogle

Steve and I had only been dating for two months when we decided to take this day trip to the D.I.A. Even in the infancy of our relationship I knew something about him was different but it wasn’t until that moment when I figured out what it was: he knew me. I was crazy about him. The time I spent with him was full of bliss.  I broke up with Steve in April. After much crying and talking he and I decided to not talk for the next month to clear our heads. (read more of Deana’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #13: Christine Black

Trying to do and be everything can lead to being excellent at nothing, which I fell victim to quickly. A snap reality check came when a close friend told me that she thought we were losing touch because she felt like I had to fit her into my schedule. Was I really too busy for the people who I cared about, and who cared about me? (read more of Christine’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #14: Nadine Karel

When I was a kid, I would ride my bike around the neighborhood for hours. I’d pedal in a great circle: down my street, through an alley, over the cracked sidewalk, past the pine trees, down a second alley, past my house, and then repeat the cycle over again. And again. And again. Sometimes I’d ride with other kids, but often I’d just go out alone. And I loved it. When I was alone on my bike, I would use the time to center myself. (read more of Nadine’s Essay!)


Essay Finalist #15: Ashley

I was living with my mom at the time and a difference in views had us in the worst disagreement of our 26 year relationship. My stomach was in knots and I was petrified I had an ulcer from the stress. As I lay in bed crying myself to sleep, I decided to move out knowing it wasn’t the “smartest” decision. I had mounds of student loan debt, making it nearly impossible for me to pay my own rent, but I knew I had to do this, for my health, for my sanity, and for myself. (read more of Ashley’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #16: Monica McCarthy

I’ll start by saying you’re not going to like my answer. At least not at first glance. Because my experience with living life on my own terms has meant three things: Leaning into fear, Wanting more, and Being uncomfortable. I’m not a particularly brave person.But I’ve learned that leaning into fear is like breaking in a new pair of shiny shoes. At first it’s incredibly painful. But the more steps we take in them, the better they feel. (read more of Monica’s Essay!)


Essay Finalist #17: Maria Ross

In 2008, I was on fire. My husband and I had just moved to Seattle, made new friends, bought our first house, adopted a dog – and I decided to escape Corporate America and start my own consulting business. I foolishly  thought working for myself would give me oodles of time to write and act – two of my biggest passions. Life was crazy and hectic because I was trying to live all of my dreams – at the same time. (read more of Maria’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #18: Shannon Curtin

I admit I am not the best decision maker. I spend way too much time debating what shampoo to buy. I agonize over what novel to read next. I sometimes ask the wait staff for “just a few minutes more, I swear!” But when something feels inherently right? I tend to leap first and look later. I trust that the net will appear; no matter if my leap is dropping a major in my junior year or agreeing to marry a man I’d met only eight months earlier. (read more of Shannon’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #19: Shannon Whitehead

I’ve spent the majority of my life caring about what other people think. Like most of my friends, I began every year with a brand new wardrobe. My mom would take my sister and I shopping. When I wasn’t dressing for others, I was working towards my future, doing all of the things a college-bound sixth grader was supposed to do. After all, getting into a good school was the only way I would get a good career, marry a good man and live a good life. (read more of Shannon’s Essay!)

 

Essay Finalist #20: Deirdre Flynn

We were in lush northern Vermont. All 26 members of my family crammed into various bedrooms, nooks and crannies. One evening we squished into couches and floor space clutching music sheets. Our grandfather had asked my mom to find some of his favorite songs he had loved as a younger man on “The Inter. Net”. With voices joined together, my grandfather standing in front of us with the woman he had been with since he was 17; I realized this is truly what life is about. (read more of Deirdre’s Essay!)

 

VOTE NOW!

 

 

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12 Rules of Inner Confidence

posted 23rd February 2012    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Molly

[This post is part of the curriculum for the digital, self-paced Fierce Love Course for women who to want to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, inner resilience, and delicious kindness for themselves.]

WANT TO RULE YOUR WORLD?

Life gets easier when you genuinely feel an inner confidence. Not cocky self-absorption or a fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude, but true comfort in your skin, radiant openness with others, and an understanding of your uniqueness.

You are amazing, babe!  It’s time for you to own it.

In my coaching practice, I’ve found a lack of trust and self-confidence can distract even the most vibrant woman from truly enjoying her life. And I want you to enjoy your life! We are made for celebrating! And laughter! And soul level clarity! And feeling damn good about our abilities and ourselves.

Inner confidence is a gift that plays out in so many ways. And best of all? It’s something you control.

So what are the secrets to Owning Your Amazing? Read on, woman, read on.  I’ve got 12 rules for you to try on for size.

12 RULES FOR INNER CONFIDENCE

#1 PRACTICE POSITIVITY

Do you think of hope as a combination of crossing your fingers, looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, and sending your wishes out into to the Universe? I used to… and then I found out that hope is something we can all practice; it’s something we could learn to use. Hope is a positive thought process (not an emotion) that boosts your self-confidence.

Hope helps you to keep putting in the hard work, even in the face of adversity, because we believe we are deserving of good things. Optimism makes it easier to get up, brush ourselves off, and start again with even more determination because we believe we are capable.

Practicing your positive outlook reinforces your sense of personal power. You are powerful, gorgeous. You can create change in your world. You can accomplish your sparkly or wild or daring dreams.

Positivity is not naive — it’s a sign of strength. Practice it in your self-talk, the way you share with others, your assumptions about the future, and by graciously accepting compliments.

#2 CONCENTRATE ON STRENGTHS

You are blessed with strengths. When explored and nurtured, they can be used to achieve inner confidence and activate your Amazing. Expression of our strengths makes us feel like our real selves. It invigorates us! It excites us! It makes us crave more ways to use those strengths!

And concentrating on our strengths is so much more fun than trying to force ourselves to become better at things we usually suck at, right?

A strength may come naturally to us, but we do need to make the choice to use it. Even if we are naturally creative, or brave, or diligent, or playful, or fair, we must still craft our lives so we get the chance to express our signature strengths on a daily basis.

We can absolutely find ways to use our strengths in work, love, play, and parenting when we are conscious of them. It’s just a matter of clarity and activation.

Turn it ON, hot stuff!

#3 STEP INTO YOUR PERSONAL POWER

Personal power is not about using force or manipulation to overcome, but rather, it’s about realizing our natural state of goodness. It’s about trusting our worth. It’s about harnessing our energy and confidence to make a positive difference in the world by simply being ourselves.

The incredible thing? You are already immensely powerful.

Perhaps you don’t feel it yet. Perhaps your natural radiance is muddied up with years of bottling your own opinions, of trying not to offend, of working desperately to shore up your “weaknesses” instead of expanding your innate talents.

But let me say this again: You are already immensely powerful.

When we believe we are good at a core level, it becomes more comfortable to function in this crazy, stressful world. We know how to treat others. We know how to treat ourselves. We know how to weed out the bullshit and return to the pure basics of the “good life”.

#4 STOP COMPARISONS

When you’re on a quest to rev up your confidence and Amazing, indulging in the comparison game and allowing it to fill you with envy is one of the worst things to do.

When you look at someones life and wish you had their cash flow, or partner, or adorable house, or amazing talent to seduce bartenders, there are two things that can happen:

1) You feel worse about your own life and resentful towards that person. You assume they have their shit together and you don’t. You get envious. Your successes seem to pale in comparison. You spiral into jealousy and a feeling of hopelessness. Why don’t you have what they have? You’re more deserving! It’s not fair!

2) You feel inspired. You think that it’s awesome that they have “that” in their lives. You take a moment to consider if it’s something you want in your own life. Does it fit into your definition of success? It does! You realize that if they can do it, so can you! You study. You plot. You start taking action. The dream stays alive and vibrant in your mind, because you know someone who has it/has done it!

The action is the same — comparing yourself to someone else. The reaction is the moment of choice — will this harm or help you? Most often, we have no clue how to use comparison to inspire us. In that case, it’s time to stop the comparisons.

#5 SPEAK UP

How often do you answer questions with “I don’t care” or “You decide” or “Whatever you think”? If you find yourself continually passing the ownership on decisions, you are telling your inner self that YOU don’t matter. You are sending a signal that your opinions or preferences don’t need to be stated.

I’m not saying you can’t express love or compromise by letting some- one in your world decide where you eat tonight or the proper format to present the big idea to the boss, but I am saying if it’s a habit, you are losing chances to build your confidence.

You’re a person. You have an opinion. And your opinion matters. You won’t always get your way (and you shouldn’t!) but you should know where you stand on things and be able to share that with others.

Speaking up is an easy way to practice fully inhabiting your life. Pick the movie this weekend. Choose the flavor of ice cream. Make the choice of what to do for girls’ night.

You’ve got this, babe!

#6 DO THINGS YOUR WAY

You, just as you are, are incredible. You, with all your freak flags flying or quirks on full display or idiosyncrasies rockin’, are perfect. In a tiny frame or with lush curves. With straight A’s or working hard to scrape by. When you tip your barista or when you turn down a party invitation. No matter! You in full force is what the world needs.

I don’t want you to let the notion of being nice or being liked or being popular hold you back from being You. Ditch the masks! Stop hiding behind others ideas of who you should be! Do things your own way and your inner confidence will soar.

Yes, there are a million photographers and bloggers and teachers and lawyers and artists and service reps out there. There are continents full of mothers and daughters and lovers and wives. Streets packed with dancers and letter writers and pie bakers.

But there is only one YOU.

You make a gorgeous impression in this world. Gifts and flaws, moments of grace and gutter balls, triumphs and let-downs. Really getting this concept can rock you to the core.

Talk about owning your Amazing!

#7 DITCH DOUBT

What might happen if you took away your fear of failure, your anxiety about making the wrong decision, or your self-doubt? Can you imagine what beautiful adventures you’d have? What kind of art you’d create? The positions you’d run for? How quickly you’d quit your mind-numbing job and find your real purpose? The difference you’d make?

The amount of brilliance you could put into the world blows my mind! You are capable of so many magical things right this moment, sugar.

We each need to learn how to face our fears and trust our choices. It’s not about eliminating your fear; it’s about recognizing that it’s present, understanding that it won’t kill you, and taking the big step/ chasing the brilliant dream/stretching what you think is possible anyway. It’s about beginning before you think you’re totally ready, when the idea is still tender and precious. It’s about stretching our capacity for uncertainty.

Clarity and knowledge come from action, not ruminating on doubts or unknowns. The only way to really know what is possible and how much you’re actually capable of is to just start DOING.

It’s time to stop doubting yourself and your desires. It’s time to DO. Eat those fears for breakfast, baby!

#8 LET THINGS LIGHT YOU UP

As adults, we tend to shy on the side of underwhelm. It’s not cool to be excited about the Sting concert or new neighbors or the fact that your grocery store is finally carrying sesame butter. It’s not hip to dance around in celebration of your new client. We bottle our emotions or only share complaints because it’s so much more acceptable to be critical or sarcastic or blasé.

Allowing yourself to go gaga for a new recipe, an amazing line in your novel, a new crush, or your brand new website feeds your childlike soul. Showing enthusiasm towards anything is a gift to you — a way to guarantee that you won’t fall into a too-cool-for-school slump of apathy.

Let things light you up! Share your passion! When you get excited about the little things in life, you’re reminding yourself that your delight is important.

And any reminder that YOU are important fuels your inner confidence.

#9 IGNORE THE HATERS

When you are living your life on your own terms, you’re going to have haters. By challenging your life’s status quo, you’re going to make others feel uncomfortable because they see your change, your sparkle, and your bravery as a direct judgment on the choice they are making to stay small, unhappy, or unhealthy.

Vocal haters will speak up and question your declarations, call you names, make a big fuss about the choices you are making in your personal life. Sneaky haters will try to sabotage your efforts, question your motivation, and smile to your face while whispering behind your back.

None of this “hate” is about you. It’s about how your choice to make deliberate decisions, to stretch, to declare that you are enough just as you are, and to own your Amazing is making them feel about themselves. Your haters are feeling threatened, scared, bewildered, or self-righteous. They’re lashing out at you because they’re not sure how to address the inconsistencies or lack in their own life.

That’s not on you, honey, that’s on them.

Your job? Ignore the haters. Feel empathy, or pity, or amusement — but do not let them get under your skin. It’s not your duty to please others; it’s your duty to honor yourself in whatever way feels authentic.

#10 GIVE WEIGHT TO INTEGRITY

Integrity. Wholeness. Honor.

Big words, eh? With them comes big responsibility. Building our inner confidence requires us to take accountability for our actions and reactions. When you stand up in your life and declare your intention to live fully, love hard, lead responsibly, honor your joy, you’re also declaring your intention to take responsibility for your choices.

It may not always feel this way, but we always have choice.

Choices to wake up with a positive attitude. Choices to be generous with our love. Choices with how we live our lives and what we stand for. Choices to follow through with our word. Choices in how we treat others. Choices in how we treat ourselves.

Truly realizing our ability to choose and honor our integrity helps us claim freedom in our dreams, our actions, and our quest to live intentional lives. Give weight to your word and your actions, lovely. The effort is worth the self-respect it creates.

#11 MAKE ROOM FOR OTHERS’ AMAZING

When you are gorgeously confidant in your own gifts and ways of expressing yourself in this world, you can celebrate the awesomeness of everyone around you without feeling threatened or lacking. You can cheer your competitors on! You can celebrate the wins of your colleagues! You can have genuine admiration for the brilliant ideas of your gal pals! You can appreciate the genius of your partner!

The flip-side of that statement is true as well. When you celebrate others’ Amazing, you are sending hints — little love bombs of inspiration — to your psyche. When you appreciate someone’s compassion, spunk, or productivity, you’ll discover compassion, spunk and productivity in your own life.

What we notice and celebrate in others will show up more often in our own world…

Build your belief in abundance, the power of support, and the beauty of individuality by truly treasuring the amazing people in your life.

I’m betting it will come back to you in bold, beautiful ways.

#12 SHARE YOUR GIFTS

Looking for a mega dose of confidence-building juice? Share your gifts. Use your talents to give back to your community. Start a side hustle that allows you to offer your strengths to people who need them. Give out and give generously with your time, energy, and talent.

The world needs you to bring your Amazing to the table.

Removing the “me” from our concerns and interest for a bit (whether it’s for an hour, day, or week) fuels our soul and sense of connection in a miraculous way. By sharing our gifts, we are confirming the fact that we have something worthwhile to contribute, that we make a difference, and that our presence is appreciated. All of which is juicy proof for building our inner confidence.

Putting ourselves out there by helping a neighbor, volunteering for a cause we care about, teaching a child how to do something we love, or starting a business honoring our true calling is good for us and good for the world. Win-win!

Are you Ready to Own your Amazing?

Ready to rock your inner confidence? Ready to step out into this big, brilliant world of ours armed with Fierce Love and an electrifying sense of self? I’m ready to witness the fireworks, shifts in the Universe, and wild dance parties that will undoubtedly happen because…

YOU ARE READY.

Own it babe!

Molly Mahar is a coach, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Stratejoy, a positive corner of the Internet that provides thousands of women the tools, strategies and camaraderie to lead authentically joyful lives. She empowers women to live life on their own terms, celebrate their worth, and change the world through individual fulfillment. Molly’s work is delivered through several live and digital group programs, focused on creating YOUR joyful world.

Dig this post? Find out more about Molly’s Fierce Love Course!

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