AH! We’ve reached the end of five months. Time. Time. Time. It’s so strange. We grow and grow and change and stay the same. And then all of a sudden, it’s January.

Writing for Stratejoy has uncovered so much for me. It pushed me to write about my feelings in a way I haven’t before. This is HUGE for me and all the writing I’ll do for the rest of my life! Growth and emotions are really what matter, and I’ve learned that I LOVE exploring them through writing. Writing here has opened me up.

I adore this community. I can’t believe people survived without the internet. How did we find each other? It’s beautiful to know that we’re not alone in our journey, our strange thoughts, our loneliness, our brilliance, our revelations, our humanness.

Did I reach my goals? Let’s see. Like Hannah said, we don’t look different. I look the same, save for a few more wrinkles because I can’t figure out how to sleep on my back. Oh, but I had other goals. They were:

Go easy on myself I used to feel like I was a failure if I wasn’t the best. I remember doing a stand-up routine, making lots of people laugh, and then coming off stage thinking only about the one word I got wrong. It’s just how I’ve always been with myself. Of course I didn’t change overnight, but I am catching my inner voice when it’s mean to me. I don’t deserve that shit.

Trust I started with such anxiety because I didn’t trust myself or my colleagues. What a life! If you don’t trust anyone, you can spend some serious time WORRYING! About the present. About the future. About everything. But if you realize that nothing bad can happen ever because everything is a learning experience, then there’s nothing to worry about. I’m working on that. I have four performances coming up, and I haven’t yet worried too much about them, knowing I can’t control everything! Stupid control! You’re just an illusion.

Feel pretty After spending the last year in pajamas writing, I felt gross. I have been buying myself one clothing item I feel amazing in per month. I’ve been wearing my hair down. And I’ve been taking Flamenco classes to bring out my femininity! Slowly, I am feeling like a woman again. Phew. I might even paint my nails tonight… nah.

Connection My goal was to build a community and value my friends, and I have! I’ve played more board games in these past five months than in my childhood. To Park Place we go!

Get Romantical I went out on dates! I wore heels! And for three of these five months, I had a boyfriend! It was magical. He broke up with me the day before New Year’s Eve ‘to work on his screenplay’ (BARF! So LA.), but I enjoyed three wonderful months of lovey dovey feelings. I needed that.

Time I have realized that, while I love writing and there’s nothing I find more luxurious than a night on the couch with my computer and my words, the most important things in life are JOY and PEOPLE. And I have been putting them first more and more often. Phew. I was beginning to burn out.

Open Hmm… This meant I wanted to keep my schedule more open and not be so booked all the time. This one I’m still working on! Maybe I’ll plan to master this one later.

Step into my path These five months have been witness to a full existential crisis, chronicled here. But it’s over! I feel so much closer to what I want, and I can attribute that to writing out my truth on Stratejoy. It’s helped me think. It’s been my diary. It’s forced me to spit out my emotions weekly! And I love that feeling. So, even though the path I’ve chosen (writer!) is hard, I’m doing it. I’ve questioned it, but I’ve definitely spent these five months answering my questions. Ah. I LOVE ANSWERS.

Thank you guys for supporting me and reading the words I’ve spent time agonizing over. I love all of them and you. Don’t go away! You can find me on Facebook or on my blog, humans are funny. Or come to a Taboo Tales show!

[Photo credit: A friend! This was karaoke. Putting relationships first is fun.]

I can’t believe this is over. Five months has never flown by so fast! I have loved this little corner of my life, making the time each week to focus on my life- where I’ve been, where I am now, and where I want to be. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that I’m a different, better version of myself today than I was in early September 2011.

When I started writing here, I set some specific goals for myself:

1. Personal- create an authentic life full of joy!

• Weekly brainstorming session- ideas, goals, dreams- about my best life
• Register for one of Molly’s awesome group coaching programs
• Practice yoga at least once a week

2. Professional- be a grounded, curious, and empathic counselor!

• Find a mentor
• Read at least one book relating to psychology each month

3. Financial- finally get out of debt!

• Create a monthly budget
• Stick to monthly budget
• Open a savings account

So, how did I do? Well, it was a mixed batch.

I didn’t do a scientific, exact measure, but my life feels more authentic ad joyful. The weekly brainstorming sessions didn’t happen as I had envisioned. I didn’t sit down and journal or make lists or create a vision board on a weekly basis, but if we swap out “weekly” with “monthly” then it was a total success! I registered for, participated in, and absolutely loved the Put Yourself Out There group as well as The Council: Holiday Edition. Both groups helped me create a clear vision of what I want my life to look like and what changes I need to make in order for those dreams to become a reality. I continued to practice yoga weekly, missing only a few classes. And surprise! While training for my half-marathon, I fell in love with running and the time and space it provides me with to be alone with my thoughts.

My professional goals were a flop. I didn’t find a mentor and I didn’t read one book each month. This isn’t really a huge surprise to me since my love for my job began slipping away from me these past few months. I started two books, but they are both sitting on my shelf with a bookmark tucked somewhere in the middle of the pages. I still want to find a mentor and that is something I am going to pursue. I want to find someone who challenges me, supports me, and hopefully inspires me in my professional growth as a counselor.

Financially, I am in such a better place than I was in September. While I cannot cross off any of  the goals listed above, I feel more secure, and have allowed myself some wiggle room from month to month. In December I began the process of consolidating my student loans which means that my monthly payments have gone down over $600! My rent is also about $150 cheaper in my new apartment, so that helps too. With these changes, I am able to travel more, put money aside (what I call my “mental savings account”), and feel much more relaxed when it’s time to pay bills. I can just feel the anxiety melting away!

In addition to working toward these goals, I’ve learned to trust myself over these past few months. I wrote myself a love letter and I faced my inner critic. I imagined my best life and I solidfied my core values. I moved to a new apartment, watched my best friend get married, and I decided to run a half-marathon. I stressed out over money, reflected on 2011, and set an intention for 2012: Savor Growth. I shared stories about my dad and my long-distance relationship, I questioned my career choice, and I answered a bajillion questions. It’s been a journey, y’all.

I feel stronger, more courageous, and more at peace. I feel like I know myself better, which I guess is what you can expect when you spend an uninterrupted hour or two with someone (yourself) each week writing, reflecting, and sorting through all your personal thoughts, feelings, and ideas.

I’m so sad that it’s time for me to go. I have truly loved every minute, every connection, and every friendship that has been built because of Stratejoy. Thank you for cheering me on as I shared a bit of me with you each week. You all mean the world to me. In case you want to continue following my journey toward a life full of audacious joy, you can find me here:

• Personal blog | That Super Awesome Blog
• Twitter | @AshleyD
• Email | superawesomeashley [at] gmail [dot] com

Please stay in touch!

[photo credit: my boyfriend; Me- In front of the harbor in his hometown in Canada]

The first thing I did this morning was change a poopy diaper.  Yep.  That’s the exact same first sentence as my first post for Stratejoy.  It would be easy to get down and think that nothing has changed in the last 5 months.  I’m still a nanny. I still deal with literal and metaphorical crap every day.  But a lot has changed.

In 2004 I was a super senior at Oregon State University.  I had a major, but didn’t know if I had chosen the right one.  If you wanted to find my self esteem you’d have to scrape it off the floor from underneath the spilled PBR and old pizza boxes.  I was starting to gain weight, had just finally given up dating guys I didn’t even like, and had zero plan for the future.  That’s when I started nannying.   It’s no surprise that the job now holds such a negative connotation.   Thankfully this was also the time I met Mister.  Soon after graduation I moved to Seattle.

Life slowly started perking up.  It got better and better.  Especially this last year.   I turned 30.  I got married to my best friend.   I quit one of my nanny jobs.  I really nailed down what I want from my business.  I can certainly attribute a lot of my growth to these things.  But I keep wondering how much of my change has been because of Stratejoy…going through the Joy Equation (twice), sucking up the fear and writing my application to be a season 5 blogger, and for the past 5 months, spending time reflecting on my Quarterlife Crisis through these blog posts.  I am not the same person I was a year ago.  I believe in myself.  I trust myself.  I’m excited about what is to come. And most importantly, as I said last week in the interview, “I’ve realized that the feelings of needing to do more, be myself, and live life my way are not unique to me.”  I don’t feel alone anymore.

And so as I finish my stint as a Season 5 Stratejoy blogger I have mixed feelings.  On one hand I’m so sad that the support of this tribe won’t be there every week like it is now.  I won’t be forced to mentally push through the roadblocks that get in the way of moving forward.  I won’t have to give myself time to think and write about myself every week.  In some ways I’m afraid I’ll forget everything I’ve learned when it’s not front and center in my mind anymore.

But on the other hand, I’m excited.  It’s time to move on.  It’s time to stop talking about where I’m going and where I want to be.  It’s time to just go.  And I go ahead with the knowledge that you are all out there going through the same kinds of things I am.  We’re all in this together in one way or another.  And somehow, that gives me a little bit more confidence.

I don’t even remember the plot of the movie Bounce, but I do, and always will, remember this quote:

It’s not brave if you’re not scared.

And so I step forward into the next stage of my life, afraid, but not alone.  Feeling brave and strong.

If you want to keep in touch, follow my business blog, email me, or find me on Facebook.  I would LOVE to hear from you!  And I’ll be around.  Don’t think you’ll get rid of me that easily.

Until next time, sticky notes, coffee, sweater blankets, and everything good to you!

[Photo Credit:   Mister took this on our honeymoon in Italy]

When I started writing for Stratejoy almost five months ago, I was pretty confident and comfortable with my career as a counselor. So, of course now that this journey as a season 5 blogger is quickly coming to a close, I’m beginning to second guess myself and wonder what else might be out there. Of course.

Lately I’ve been asking myself if I really want to be a counselor forever.

It’s a question I asked myself many times in 2006 and 2007. I had just graduated from college with a dual Bachelor’s degree in Child and Family Studies and French. I made the commitment to spend seven months in France teaching English, but after that? I thought I might go to graduate school for counseling, but I wasn’t sure if that was my calling.

I knew I wanted to work in a “helping profession”. I knew I wanted to work with people. And when I envisioned my dream job, I was listening to people tell me their stories. I was running my own private practice as a counselor, spending my days helping others find their way, finding a nugget of happiness in a cloudy world. It’s what I wanted and I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else. This was it.

With my mind set on this goal, I applied for graduate school, was accepted, and spent the next two years living off of student loans and earning my Master’s degree in Psychological Counseling.

It’s been 2.5 years since I graduated. I’m working at a non-profit counseling agency where I provide individual and group counseling to children in an emergency shelter setting. It’s tough work. The stories are tragic and there have been days where I go home and cry. But then there are days that light my heart on fire. There are days that soar and feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. But the tides are turning and the balances are shifting. I’m growing thin. I’m not excited to go to work ever day like I used to be and that makes me sad.

I thought I could handle it. I thought that I loved it. I did love it, but now I’m not so sure anymore.

By this fall I’ll have earned my LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) which means that I can open my own private practice in Texas. If I decide to move out of state, like to Canada, I’ll have to begin the two year licensing process again. Talk about frustrating.

That’s one reason I’m considering my options. If this job isn’t what I love anymore, maybe I should start exploring and see what else is out there? If this isn’t the career I want, why should I spend more time working toward a license that I ultimately won’t use? Or maybe I will, one day. I don’t know.

There is also this other part of me that feels guilty for even considering changing careers. I have a Master’s degree and I’ll be paying off my loans until I’m 60, so I feel like I should use that degree. Sigh. My pride is talking to me loud and clear.

Maybe if I move to Canada and begin the process again in another organization, I’ll be happier? Maybe if I open up a private practice one day, the ultimate goal all along, then I’ll feel at peace?

How do you know if it’s the job you don’t like or the career?

[photo credit: pinmarklet]

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. – Anais Nin

I’ve created my vision board in two formats.  One is the electronic awesome-ness that is my Pinterest account.  I obsess over each of my boards for hours at a time.  It’s a problem, really.  The other measures 12 inches by 12 feet…yes, I said feet.  Again, it’s a problem, really.  Both are full of typography, textures, my favorite color palettes, inspirational (and mostly not cheesy) quotes, emotional song lyrics, art supplies, pretty soft glowy light, pictures of lists, organized creative spaces, nature, and movement.  My vision boards are my heart on the outside.  To me they looks like love and comfort and calm.  They makes my insides smile.  They makes me feel like I’m breathing steadier, feeling deeper, and just right where I should be.  They sings to me.  Who knew a pile of rubber cement and magazine clippings and an electronic pin board could make me feel like that!

I want to jump inside my vision boards.

Looking around my house, I find very few of the things that sing to me, but a few stand out: an old camera, a vase full of corks, a couple of drawings.  There is a pile of the books I love, a few family photos, and a cable knit blanket, and a rainbow colored pile of sticky notes.

In 2012 Mister and I will be moving into a house.  This 525 square foot condo is no longer doing it for us and we need a bigger space.  And in looking for our new home, I’m looking for my vision board.  I’m looking for lots of windows, an office that I can make into my own organized creative space, a yard, walls that I can paint in creamy warm colors.  Our new home will be a place that I can, over time, build into the perfect manifestation of my vision board (at least as perfect as I can until we build our own home on some land some day).

This year, I will jump inside my vision board and live there.  And not just physically.  I’ve already taken some big steps to mentally live there too.  I’ve stopped watching so much tv.  I’ve been listening to a lot more music which is so me.  I’ve been writing more, creating more, crafting more.  I’m making more room for those things this year.

Oh, and did I mention, I’m quitting my nanny job?  On the last day of February, after attending one of the premier photography conferences in the country, I will be giving notice to my bosses.  I get nervous and excited and sad and ecstatic all at once just thinking about it.  I’m freaking out just a little bit (but more about that later).  I love this family so much, but I am not meant to be a nanny.  And by putting this out here, part of me is panicking that somehow my bosses found this blog, read it, and haven’t told me.  But also putting this out there gives me some accountability.

I am telling all of you, this is my year!  My aunt recently said to me, “Gotta have dreams for dreams to come true!”  So true.  This year, I’m going to live inside my vision board, wrap myself in the things I love, surround myself with the people I love (and who love me), put aside the things that aren’t important, dream big, breathe deeply, let go of the risk,

and blossom.          Will you?

[Photo Credit: Hannah D Photography]

“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.” – Cecil Beaton

This quote has been on a sticky note on my desktop for over a year.  Every few months I re-post it on Facebook or Twitter, just feeling the need to share.  This quote speaks to me more than any other I have read, and until today, I had no idea who Cecil Beaton was (which is a little embarrassing now that I’ve looked through his work!).

According to Wikipedia, Sir Cecil Walter Hardy Beaton was an English fashion and portrait photographer, diarist, painter, interior designer, and Academy Award-winning stage and costume designer for films and the theatre.  Cecil Beaton makes my heart beat faster.  But not for the reason a handsome, creative guy might normally make a girl’s heart beat faster.  To me, he represents everything we can be.  He wasn’t just a photographer or a costume designer.  Beaton chose his own path (way back in the 30’s!) and did all the things he loved.  And he did them well!  He was published in Vogue magazine (among others), won countless awards for his costume and set design, published his diaries.  He lived big.  And he inspires me. (Oh, and guess who taught him photography?  His nanny! I love that!)

I guess it makes sense that words that speak to me so much come from a man who lived his life in a way that speaks to me as well…but it still surprised me to read some of the details.  I kept saying, “Wow!” over and over again.

And so I started to look at a lot of the people who live big lives.  Who do what they love, who I admire so much.  People that I’ve looked up to and some days even wanted to be.  I’ve always thought they had something special.  That they were lucky, or super talented, or insanely courageous…and they probably are all of those things, but guess what? So am I!  I have doubts, fears, and road blocks…but I guarantee you, so do they!  And it kind of hit me.  They’re just people too.  Every amazingly wonderful, inspired, creative, brave person I look up to is just like me.  And just like you, too.  Which means that with a little bit (okay, a lot) of work, some passion, and some support from those who love us, every one of us can live our dreams.  Every last one of us can live big.

And really, don’t you think the world would be a better place if everyone was happily working hard at something that they love doing?  If everyone felt like they were being true to themselves and their dreams every day?  That’s the world I want to live in.  I’ll leave you with two more of my favorite quotes ever, and a wish that if you’re not already, you too will find what you love to do, and do it.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade wind in your sails.  Explore. Dream. Discover” – Mark Twain

“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.” – Harold Whitman

[Photo Credit: Cecil Beaton]

Psst! Hey, you! Gorgeous girl! Down here!

The Create Your Magical Year program is available right now! Looking for a great way to take a hard look at your 2011 (good and bad) and get clear on what you want for 2012? This joyful, all-about-you program is packed with awesome goodies, inspirational interviews, a soul-searching, colorful workbook, guided recordings, and other little surprises. 2012 is your year, woman. I can feel it. Wanna feel it too? It’s not too late to get this year off on the right foot.Let’s do this!

Well, hello there, January. You know, as excited as I am to see you, I wasn’t quite ready for you to get here yet. Really. I’m seriously behind.

I’ve hit 33 weeks in my pregnancy, and the basketball under my shirt has begun to really take over my life. As in, the darling bean hasn’t arrived yet, and he has already developed a very strict sleeping schedule he insists I adhere to. As in, he doesn’t sleep. Anyway. Come on inside, January.

Well, January, as you might imagine, this has made getting all of the work I need to rather difficult. I’m not a fan of resolutions because willpower is a resource we have limited amounts of. That said, I’ve got big plans for 2012. It’s gonna be big – dare, I say, legendary.

This is my year of thrilling performance. Onstage and off. I want to exceed my own expectations this year – which means learning to say no, embrace this moment for what it is, and release that which no longer serves me. This year is about upping the vivacious factor and being so audacious that I can set the world on fire.

You’re right, January. It doesn’t sound like I’m taking it easy at all. I’m on my way to overcommitting.

That’s why I thought you’d like to hear my goals – ones steeped in as much self-love as tribe-love.

- Indulge my love of music – which looks like it will easier than I thought! I ran into my old music instructor, and he’s starting a new group he wants me to join.
- Kill my overcommitment problem so I can overdeliver – to my family, friends, and clients
- ComicCon – As Jean Grey. The spandex 80′s costume. This is also my getting into shape post baby goal.
- Publish 2 books, both with a print option – They are cooking already, and good gravy, there is something about knowing how sexy and tangible they will be. Can you say giddy?
- Travel – On the list so far is France, Iceland, and a couple of stateside locations I’ve never been like New York and San Diego.
- Cultivate my community online and off
- Hit the six-figure mark with my business
- Start my speaking career – I’ve got my first pitch nearly ready to send out, and it sends my heart a-fluttering every time I think about it
- Take two vacations, in addition to taking the whole month of March off for maternity leave – And they are both scheduled already! YAY!

January, you are such a good listener. You just bring so much freshness after a dreary winter. Let’s do this again before you’re off for another year.

Psst! Hey, you! Gorgeous girl! Down here!

The Create Your Magical Year program is available right now! Looking for a great way to take a hard look at your 2011 (good and bad) and get clear on what you want for 2012? This joyful, all-about-you program is packed with awesome goodies, inspirational interviews, a soul-searching, colorful workbook, guided recordings, and other little surprises. 2012 is your year, woman. I can feel it. Wanna feel it too? Let’s do this!

After reflecting on 2011 and seeing where the past 12 months have led me, I began brainstorming, scheming, and dreaming up my goals for 2012. This past year was all about being brave, taking chances, and setting boundaries, so in the upcoming year, I wanted something different.  I had a few specific goals in mind, but mostly it was just an overall feeling and lifestyle that I want to create. When I imagined my most perfect and amazing year, I imagined one full of growth, intentional inertia, and moments reserved for savoring the change.

Thus, my theme for 2012: Savor Growth.

I want this year to be one for change. I want to end somewhere different than I began. I want to grow. I want to expand my viewpoint, learn, stretch, and reach out. I want to recognize the growing pains and savor them because I know they are necessary to get to where I want to be. I want to be in the moment. I want to taste, to smell, to see, and to hear, and to touch, and to feel.

In order to create these savored moments of growth, 2012 will be filled with 9 Life Buckets, inspired by Nicole’s delicious plan.

My Life Buckets include Self-Care, Relationship, Family & Friends, Exercise, Fun, Career, Food, Blogging, and Money.

I have set goals for each Life Bucket and each goal with have a monthly action step. If you do the math, that adds up to 27 monthly action steps and I know that sounds crazy, but I’m excited about this plan. I’m excited that, for the first time, I’ve mapped out where I want to go in the new year.

My goals include things such as “Do 25 Nice Things for Myself”, “Move to Canada”, “Monthly Date Nights With Mom & Sister”, “Run 3 Half-Marathons”, “Watch 50 Movies”, “Read 15 Psychology Books”, “Make 20 New Recipes”, “Comment on 15 New Blogs”, “Save $1,500″, and more.

I am hoping that each goal will lead me toward the direction toward the life I imagine by the end of 2012. A life with more authenticity, healthier choices, more connection, and less unnecessary stress.

It’s not going to be an immediate change, obviously, but I love the idea of doing something small each day that leads me closer to the huge, scary goal. It’s like when I started training for my half-marathon and I could barely run one mile. Now that I’ve been running for over 6 weeks, I’m stronger and healthier, and I ran 8 miles last weekend. Running four days a week helped me reach that goal without making it feel intimidating or overwhelming.

So, that’s the same idea behind my goals for 2012. Smaller steps equal less intimidation and more likelihood of following through. Here’s to a happy 2012 and one of Savored Growth!

[photo credit: Sally_12]

Psst! Hey, you! Gorgeous girl! Down here!

The Create Your Magical Year program is available right now! Looking for a great way to take a hard look at your 2011 (good and bad) and get clear on what you want for 2012? This joyful, all-about-you program is packed with awesome goodies, inspirational interviews, a soul-searching, colorful workbook, guided recordings, and other little surprises. 2012 is your year, woman. I can feel it. Wanna feel it too? It’s not too late to get this year off on the right foot.Let’s do this!

I’ve always been really really good at doing things I don’t want to do. Really good. So good, in fact, that others never can really tell that I don’t like what I’m doing.

You want me to drive you to the airport during rush hour and then knit you a scarf? SURE!

You want me to have sex with you because you bought be dinner? All right! Why don’t I pay $50 for a wax beforehand so you’ll think I’m always as smooth as butter?

What’s that? Oh, you want me to stay at the office for 17 hours because you want to give the client extra work just for show? I’m right on top of that.

No problem.

Anything you say.

I’ve got it under control.

YES. YES. YES.

Sure thing.

And let me do that for you with a double smile.

It took me years (YEARS!) to realize I had this problem, this need for suffering, this idea that my needs came last as long as everyone else liked me. The pros call this: codependency. When I was twenty-six, I felt a general sadness that pulled at the back of my eyelids. If you’re constantly doing things for others and you have no awareness of it, you feel stuck and you don’t know why.

I definitely felt stuck. 

I saw a therapist who asked me questions about my family. She wanted to know about my dad. I hadn’t yet talked about him with anyone, so I refused. I left the therapist and continued on with my general malaise and people-pleasing.

Something brought me back to a different therapist (good insurance so why not?), and finally I realized my problem: codependency due to lack of self-worth. Somewhere in life I learned that I wasn’t good enough. Somewhere in childhood I realized that I needed to do more and be more and give more just so people would like me. No way did I think people would like me just as I am. Lack of self-confidence. No Self-Love. Whatever you want to call it, I had it and it had controlled my life for a long, long time. Since high school. Since before high school. Maybe since my parents got divorced when I was three! I don’t know, but I had it and I knew I had to fix it.

Years have passed. I’m still working on it. As I’ve posted before, it’s not really welcomed in our society to love ourselves. But after lots of work in school and after several late-night, wine-filled self-analyzations, I’m aware that I am worth just as much as those other people. And so is my time. Sometimes I slip and find myself at a hockey game questioning why I said ‘yes’. But at least I catch it.

The other day I saw a friend doing something that could have compromised my business. I confronted her! And the day before that I had to tell a writing partner that I didn’t think we worked well together. Those two instances were so difficult. I realized I was uncomfortable and spoke honestly, but both girls reacted harshly. One cried. When people are used to you always accommodating them and you suddenly stop, they don’t like it. And these people didn’t. And I felt guilty. But five minutes later, they both came around and thanked me for being honest.

We’ve all compromised, and now I don’t have to sit through meetings biting my cheeks and disguising my discomfort. Now, after speaking my truth, I don’t have to pretend to be happy while I give up my needs. 

I felt a rush of power. I got what I wanted simply because I was able to talk about it honestly. I respected myself enough to mention my own needs.

Not only did it feel amazing to see myself as equally important, it felt great to see how far I’ve come.

The twenties are about transformation. I wish someone had told me that when I was right in the middle of them. Then all that changing wouldn’t have been so painful and confusing. But now I’m on the other side. And I’m so different! I talk about my dead dad all the time. I’m comfortable in my own body. I realize my self-worth. And I ask for what I want.

I’m grateful for every single weird day of saying YES because it brought me to this triumphant point of saying NO.

[Photo credit: www.waytogoal.com.]