Category: Love/Relationships

Don’t get lost. Learn to compromise. Watch bad reality TV.

posted 3rd May 2012    Written by: Rachel    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Rachel, Season 6

I used to be scared that I would get lost in a relationship, and that I would have to be the one constantly compromising my dreams. I don’t know where this fear came from, yet I held so steadfastly to the fact that I had to be in control, to make sure I didn’t lose my way or have my dreams derailed. It has taken me 30 years to really figure out who I am and what I want. In the past few years, I have found my calling and comfort in my skin. I don’t want to lose that or the momentum for the big dreams I have.

One of the biggest hurdles that I had to get over to be with Mr. Paul Child, was learning that I won’t get lost in OUR relationship. He’s great about keeping me on track and sitting me down in front of my computer to write, or work on each aspect for my business. He values who I am as an individual, and is willing to support me in all my endeavors. I spent so much time worrying about getting lost, but the funny thing is, I don’t feel lost, and if anything, I feel more myself. I also feel supported and cheered on, at every turn and set-back. And there are a lot of set-backs.

In turn, I’ve had to make sure that I’m supporting his dreams and desires. Embracing the things that he loves to do. Which currently includes searching for a new job for him in a yet unknown location. Building his career. Camping. Jeeping. Off-roading. Traveling to all the national parks. Cue compromise.

This weekend, Mr. Paul Child and I went to the sporting goods store to look at tents and air mattresses. He loves to camp and well, I don’t. My idea of camping is Hampton Inn (no room service? Shut the front door!). It’s great that he wants to include me in the decision of the tent, but honestly, the only opinions I can offer is, “It’s cute” or “I love these little pockets inside.” While he chatted with the sales guy, I ran around the massive store, playing with camo vests, fishing nets, and duck calls.

 

Mr. Paul Child picked out a tent and an air mattress, and we arrived back at my house. With two camping trips on the books, he set it up in my living room for us to sleep in, to ease me into camping. Oh, dear. I stuffed the tent with pillows and made Mr. Paul Child angle the tent so I could see the tv (Pretty sure that’s not going to happen in the woods.). We slept two nights in there, and it wasn’t too bad. I know the woods will be different, but at least it will be reasonably comfortable. I’m accepting this probably won’t be my dream way to spend a weekend, but I will be with the love of my life and it will definitely be a new experience (Plus, excellent time to roast up some of my delicious homemade s’mores).

I’ve been trying to be as giving and open to new things as possible. How do you balance taking care of your needs and continuing to be open and giving to your partner? I honestly don’t know the answer to this. It’s something I think about and I’m pretty sure it’s not formulaic.

Our weekend ended back in a comfortable bed (YES!) watching one of my favorite reality shows. Mr. Paul Child hates these kinds of shows, but he did lay there watching many episodes with me (thank you Netflix streaming!), and didn’t complain. Compromises are little and big. We’re trying to find a balance that makes US both happy.

 

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I Found Joy (In A Hopeless Place)

posted 30th April 2012    Written by: Arielle    CATEGORY: All Posts, Arielle, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 6

It was one of those Saturday mornings. My brain was soaked in vodka, I felt the dull headache of my hangover and I was nauseous to the point where I knew that any food I consumed would probably be revisited.

It was also one of those mornings where, in the split second between waking and actually opening my eyes, I didn’t quite remember where I was, what day it was, or what kind of plans I might have had ahead of me. I certainly didn’t remember the fact that my night ended with the ultimate test of my waterproof mascara, tears streaming down my face as I wallowed in my most recent bout of self-pity. Until, of course, I did remember. Hmph.

Once I was coherent enough to be able to focus my eyes, I ambled over to my laptop, still in my pajamas, and sat in the dark because I was too hungover to open my curtains. I had writing to do. Specifically, I needed to finish last week’s post about my alcohol consumption. So there I was, head still pounding, emotionally drained from crying for 40 New York City blocks the night before, typing away about how I use alcohol to escape from all my problems. It wasn’t exactly my best moment.

Outside my apartment was, presumably, a gorgeous spring day. I could tell from the noise that one of my roommates had opened our living room window, and I could hear the occasional car driving by or person yelling or whatever else it is that you hear living in Brooklyn.

Out of nowhere, Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now started blasting at full volume. So catchy.

Under my desk, I started tapping my toes. Then bopping my head. Finally I pushed my chair back, stood up, and threw myself a full-fledged dance party. I shook my hair and made stupid faces at myself in the mirror. I threw my hands in the air and waved them like I didn’t fucking care.

The song ended.

I opened up my iTunes (because duh, everyone owns Queen’s Greatest Hits album and if you don’t then WHO ARE YOU STOP READING RIGHT NOW), clicked on the song and played it again. And again. And then a third time.

I kept dancing. I stopped caring about the bullshit I had been crying about the night before (and, full disclosure, that morning). I just ran around my room feeling silly. I laughed. A lot.

Eventually, I threw on some sneakers and headed to the gym, wanting to keep my adrenaline up. I listened to the song both on the way there and while I was on the treadmill. I came home, showered, and left to head to a friend’s birthday party. I got to my subway stop and saw that it was inexplicably closed. I had no choice but to walk an additional 10 blocks to the next stop.

As I walked the extra distance to the subway, instead of stewing about how I got screwed over by the transit system, I listened to the song yet again. I thought about how a bit over 12 hours earlier, I had been walking the streets of New York, sobbing and feeling like I was never going to be happy. Now, I was walking down the street, basking in the beautiful evening, smiling for no reason.

In the days since then, I’ve started blasting this song whenever I needed to be centered. Frustrated with the job search? Unhappy with my lack of direction? Feeling generally down? Blast that song, baby. 3 and a half minutes of instant and unbridled joy. Every time.

This whole thing is cheesy, I know. My life isn’t a movie and there’s no motivational montage of my journey from zero to hero, no condensed progression of how I went from from an out of shape girl with no job, no love life and no self-esteem to this confident, svelte businesswoman with a seriously sexy boyfriend. But I feel like the universe was giving me a message, somehow. It went something like:

“Girlfriend, dry your eyes and calm yourself down. Life might be a little craptastic right now, but think about all the good stuff. So don’t worry, be happy, and go get ‘em, tiger.”

Yes, the universe speaks to me as a combo of sassy friend/Bobby McFerrin/encouraging little-league-coach father figure.

Don’t Stop Me Now didn’t change my life. It didn’t help anything or make any of my problems go away. But whoever decided to randomly blast it outside my window on a Saturday afternoon was unknowingly reminding me that, no matter what, there is always joy. I might not have a boyfriend or a job (or an internship, for those following along, because that totally fell through by no fault of my own) or a sick ass body but I do not, by any means, have NOTHING. I have my friends and my family and my health. I have a city of endless possibilities, gorgeous spring days and the ability to dance like an idiot in my room whenever I feel like it. My life is far from over.

For anyone else who might need a little bit of a mood boost, I’m sharing with you my official “Shut Up and Be Happy” playlist of the moment. I’ve narrowed it down to 15 songs that demonstrate all too well my terrible/awesome/terribly-awesome taste in music.

1. Beyonce – Run the World (Girls)
2. Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song
3. Carly Rae Jepson – Call Me Maybe
4. Flo Rida – Club Can’t Handle Me
5. Fun. – We Are Young
6. Kanye West – All of the Lights
7. Kenny Loggins – Footloose
8. The Knack – My Sharona
9. Lady Gaga – Teeth
10. LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It
11. Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now
12. Rihanna – We Found Love
13. Sister Hazel – All For You
14. The Wanted – Glad You Came
15. Weezer – The Good Life

 

(Photo credit: AstridWestvang)

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Piñatas, Candles, Cute Dresses Oh My!

posted 27th April 2012    Written by: Camila    CATEGORY: All Posts, Camila, Events, Family, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Season 6, Travel, Travel/Adventure

My grandmother was 25 years old when she had my mother. My mama was 25 when she had me. Tomorrow, I turn 25 and I have no babies on the way and I find it strange that I’m considered an “adult” because frankly I don’t always feel like one.

Holy. Shit.

I’m turning a quarter-of-a-century tomorrow! I remember turning twenty and crying because I was saying hasta la vista to my childhood.

How am I going to celebrate reaching this epic age? Perhaps I’ll have cake, go out for a high tea, take a trip with Geoffrey to the gorges Ithaca. Maybe… I’ll even by myself a present like a cute dress or tickets to go to a Broadway show. Until then it’s time for a little speculation on the 30 things I’d like to accomplish before I turn 30 because I’m a list maker, and it makes sense to make an age related checklist before my it turns 10:10 tomorrow morning and I turn the big 2-5.

30 before 30

1 ) Get married (I know this is cheating a little since it’s already in the works, but I thought I’d include it anyway).

2 ) Spend one season growing and nourishing a garden. This garden would of course include tomatoes, snap peas, basil, and I’m going to try for beets too.

3 ) Travel to India with my fiance. During this trip visit Mother Theresa’s Sisters of Charity in Kolkata, set foot in the Indian Ocean, stay in an Ashram, visit Dharamsala (preferably when His Holiness the Dalai Lama is there), stay in Auroville, and of course visit some artisans.

4 ) Get into graduate school and go! This doesn’t mean I have to have my PhD by the time I’m 30 I just have to be well on my way towards obtaining that doctorate.

5 ) Learn how to make the following food items: spanikopita, cheese, cream puffs, jam, chutney and tiramisu.

6 ) Attend Burning Man with Geoffrey. I get bonus points if my siblings go too.

7 ) Walk the road to Santiago with my sister. If you’ve ever read Paulo Coelho’s The Pilgramage, this is our inspiration.

8 ) Take the train across Canada. This journey must include my lovely friend Kristin.

9 ) Visit Iceland. Have you seen pictures of the place? It’s absolutely stunning!

10 ) Sew a dress all by myself. Part two of this is to design and then sew another dress all by myself.

11 ) Make a quilt… you know, while we’re on the topic of sewing.

12 ) Become fluent in Spanish, continue with my Kiswahili, and begin learning French.

13 ) Have a little kiddo.

14 ) Read the following books: The Bible, The Qur’an, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, The Upanishads, The Tao Te Ching

15 ) Attend the Gandhi-King Conference. If possible be a speaker at the conference.

16 ) Go through Kingian non-violence training.

17 ) Sleep in a ger in Mongolia.

18 ) Go to Carnavale in Venice, Italy. Costumes must be worn.

19 ) Be in Mexico for The Day of The Dead.

20 ) Take part in Holi in India.

21 ) Go para-sailing. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to do. I might as well right? It looks riveting.

22 ) Get something published. This could be a poem in a magazine, or a novel, or an article in a newspaper.

23 ) Learn how to play the guitar. I was given a guitar when I was 13 and I still have yet to play it correctly.

24 ) Take part in NaNoWriMo and complete a novel.

25 ) Perform some of my poetry in front of a crowd. Eek!

26 ) Go to another film festival. Possible options include The Sundance Film Festival, The Toronto International Film Festival, or another one.

27 ) Meet someone I consider famous like Josh Ritter, Lila Downs, Nelson Mandela, Paulo Coelho, Andrea Gibson, etc.

28 ) Make exercise a routine part of life. Join a gym, take a dance class, or learn how to rock climb.

29 )Visit Coney Island before leaving the East Coast. Take lots of pictures.

30 ) Fully take part in these five years living in the moment, loving life, and giving it my all. I’m making this a goal because sometimes I forget to just enjoy myself.

Adieu my first quarter of a century. Farewell to braces and poor fashion choices. Sayonara growth spurts and puberty. Ciao school and living with parents. Goodbye intentional poverty and youth.

Hello Life 2.0. Welcome health and family. Greetings achievement and more travel. Enter in beauty, spirituality, and appreciation. I greet you my next 25 years with my arms wide open. I just think it might need to start with a piñata.

Photo Credit: smarnad

 

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My Dream of Being the Most Innocent Adult EVER!

posted 21st April 2012    Written by: Cassie    CATEGORY: All Posts, Cassie, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 6

Here, let me be completely honest.  This whole writing-about-my-true-feelings thing is frightening.  The only thing more frightening is admitting that I know what sex is.

With a friend I met while doing comedy in Chicago, we author a blog that is meant to be a collection of our views as female humorists.  It started out being based around life, sex, and dating, but all I really wrote about was comedy and good/bad hair days.  I used an Alias because not only is it cool, but no one would ever know it was me.  Silly me used my real last name but with my middle name as my first which fooled no one… So a week before our Stratejoy posts went live, I sucked up my fear and stopped using my Alias on our blog.

It’s time for me to be able to stand behind my words.  After all, they’re a representation of me!

 

My biggest worry was that my parents would read these things.  I honestly am afraid to write a collection of essays because then they’ll realize what a dirty mind I have.  They’ll know that I started writing Adult Fiction at one point because I was sexually frustrated and wanted to hone it into something creative.   It’s better than running off and having sex with the entire town, right?

Really, sexuality is one of those things that I feel was never completely covered in my education.  Even more so, all of the emotions that whirlwind around it! I have grown close to mine by writing through my feelings and identifying why I feel a certain way around a certain someone.  It allows me to make clear decisions and not act brashly.  No one will ever find peace by throwing themselves at someone to fill a void or to self-medicate.

Don’t think that I consider sexuality to be the devil’s work!  I have a friend that gets embarrassed any time I or any of our friends make dirty jokes.  He feels that its a part of his being to be looked down upon.  I’m not sure if he got this through parents or religion but… I mean, every aspect of ourselves should be embraced.  Embraced in a smart  and safe way- physically and emotionally.

I have been told that I have unrealistic expectations for my future husband, but I don’t wake up feeling used.  I haven’t had that scary moment when I see the little pink plus sign and then wonder which of my “partners” it belongs to.  I haven’t had that scary moment when I realize it belongs to the idiot I’ve been shacking up with for months because I was bored.  I have luckily never had to live through those moments because these are roads I chose not to take.  Though, it was a hard decision to make with an overactive libido shoving me around.  Having purposefully sat down and written out qualities of a man that I deem worthy of “my gift” (go ahead, call me old fashioned…) has made it very easy to walk away from less than savory opportunities during dry spells.  I feel complete and whole on my own and I’ve never regretted saying “No, Thank you.” to sex and “Here’s a cupcake. Now leave.”

There were a few months between when I graduated college and before I moved out to California for my internship where I worked a terrible call center job and directed a wonderfully talented cast in a sketch revue.  My days were pretty balanced with hate at work and immense love during rehearsals at night.  This was a weird time for me, also, because I was grieving over losing my step mother to pancreatic cancer therefore was super depressed gaining back all the 75 lbs I had lost the year before, couldn’t understand why my dream jobs weren’t hiring me, and my new best friends were bed bugs that I carried home from this shit call center I worked at.  Through all of this stress, this was also the time that not one, but three guys started trying to get with me.  I didn’t ask for it.  I didn’t flirt with any of them.  It came out of nowhere.

It would’ve been so easy to “get some”, but it’s just not what I wanted.  What I really wanted was to smack them all with my red, itchy bed bug bitten arms because I didn’t have time for their stupid game.  I guess metaphorically, I did smack them with rejection.  I was a very unhappy person during these few months but I am very proud of myself that given my extreme low, I didn’t give in to temptation that I wasn’t even tempted to in the first place.  It was also when I realized that I don’t have to settle with what stumbles in front of me.  There will be more.  There’s no need to be desperate!  I need to have and know what my standards are.  I am enough and I am worth more than one night stands.

Mark this date on your calendars, everyone.  Today is the day that I admitted to having dirty thoughts and sexual urges, wrote the word “Penis” knowing people would read it, and fully resigned to ever winning “The Most Innocent Adult Ever” Award.

(Mom and Dad, you should have seen this coming when you stored your dirty Valentine’s day card with all those love notes in my closet when I was 10.  I read them.  You guys are sick.  But I love you.)

 

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A Bag, An Intro, and A Coffee Shop aka How I Found Love

posted 20th April 2012    Written by: Camila    CATEGORY: All Posts, Camila, Love/Relationships, Season 6

I never planned on getting married.

When I was in the single digits, I yearned to be an archeologist (I credit this to watching a lot of Indiana Jones). My mom kindly suggested that if I wanted to be an archeologist, I should either find a husband who was an archeologist too, or not get married… you know, so I wouldn’t leave a husband at home all the time while I was off exploring the world. I quickly decided well I guess I’ll just not get married then. That was that. Decision made.

In fact, up until a few years ago, I fully intended to stay a joyous spinster my whole life traveling from country to country with an adorable pet by my side or a child or two seated on my hip(s).

It’s okay though when plans don’t work out because sometimes what comes forth is even more riveting, beautiful, and an unabashed kiss that life delivers when you least expect it.

Life’s kiss came to me in the form of the first person I met in Connecticut.

In August 2009, I had just flown to Connecticut from a much needed ten-day trip to Italy. For over a week before returning to the country I attempted to find someone I knew to stay with. That turned out to be an epic fail. Instead I flew into New Haven and ended up, much to my disappointment, in a sketchy old hotel without an internet connection.

After a decent night’s sleep. I woke up ready to venture out into a new town, make new friends, and find a cafe to hop onto the internet and find a place to stay for the next few days.

I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before, but right across the street from my hotel was a coffee shop glaring at me, beckoning me forward. Hallelujah, I didn’t have to walk everywhere in a sad attempt to find nothing but failure.

Walking in, I was greeted by a cute guy with a shag who glanced at the mirrored Indian bag I was carrying saying “I love your bag, I can see my hair from all angles!”

That’s how it all began; with a coffee shop, a bag, and an introduction.

Fast forward to a two-and-a-half years later and you’ve got me and Geoffrey, engaged, preparing for a wedding in August, the same month we first met.

That means there’s just over 100 days before the big day and I’m starting to feel the pressure of not having everything planned and underway. What I’ve come to realize though is that the wedding is not the most important thing. What matters most is Geoffrey’s and my life together now and in the days to come. The wedding just needs to be us, to engage our quirky and fun sides and be a celebration of who we are. That’s why we’re going to have a menagerie of piñatas,  cheesecake and pie in addition to the cake, and a crazy choreographed first dance (it’s Erasure’s “Always” if you’re curious… and you should really watch the music video because it is absolutely ridiculous). That’s why we’re going to try and have a laser tag maze set up for the after party and possibly have a water fight in the evening. I feel like it’s a perfect complement to the beauty of a ceremony set beneath cottonwood trees with readings the two of us choose and a gorgeous gown that I’ve finally chosen and the suit and top hat that my fiance will be wearing. It’ll be epic, and for that I’m excited. I shouldn’t stress out about it because the most important people in my life will be there, and that’s what’s most important.

I have my missing piece! Someone who drove over an hour at least three times a week to come visit me when I was living in Hartford, who worried about my balcony collapsing on me when it was covered in snow and drove over to shovel  all the weight of the heavy powere off so I wouldn’t fall if I did it. I can’t belief there’s someone in my world who can deal with my mood swings, who bought me a piñata for Valentine’s Day, who loves amusement parks, who adores children and cute animals, who embraces uniqueness and who will always be my side loving me despite my flaws.

I couldn’t be luckier to have a man in my life I love so completely and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with, getting married to, having children with, sitting inside watching movies and making stuffed animals (yes, we make stuffed animals), hiking through mountain trails, and aging together sipping White Russians and playing board games.

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