Category: Marisa

Coming Full Circle at SXSW

posted 10th December 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

SWSW 2010Yeah, I’m a fangirl.  I can fangirl it with most things like movies, books and especially music.

So when I find a band or a song that captures my attention and brainwashes my life with notes and lyrics, I tend to fangirl the hell out of it.  This brings me to my most recent purchase and purpose for the upcoming spring: airfare to Austin, TX for SXSW 2010.

Can you believe it?  Almost a WHOLE year since my first adventure began after becoming unemployed.  And it was one of the best experiences of my life. I plan to throw a repeat: a continued party of life if you will, something to not only compare in entertainment to last year’s fantastic feat, but also to also surpass anything and everything I’ve wanted to taste musically for 2010.

I’m excited.

I even have a job up until then.  I was just asked if I could work in the Logistics Department at lucy until March.  The coordinator is leaving in January for maternity leave and it times perfectly with the completion of my current temporary situation.  I wasn’t even expecting it.  I had planned to go back on unemployment right after January and figure out yet another income path.

I was even presented with the opportunity to go on tour as the infamous and most celebrated merch girl for a band that shall remain nameless (hint, they are my ideal in musical life and I’ve talked about them before, these local gods…).

So why didn’t I throw caution to the wind again and just go for it? Why did I let the chance for a fun, short West Coast tour slip away…

Well, I know a little of why I did it.  I think I saw the value in still being in contact with a good company even though it’s a temporary position.  And even if and when I finish working at lucy, it’ll be March and I’ll be in sunny Texas thawing out from Portland frost.

I just don’t think going on tour in cold February would do, right now. I feel like life in Portland is seriously about to get interesting for 2010.

My work with Devin and High Scores and Records is kind of getting bigger with more press from the Weeklys and music blogs.  There has been fulfillment and rewards with Devin and HS&R that I’ve never really realized could be possible before…

And I’m still drumming.  Still taking lessons from my awesome teacher Lisa whose band will also be at SXSW and I can’t WAIT.

So back to fangirl.  And new music.  I’m finding new music for the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010.  I’m attempting to soundtrack these last few weeks and beginning days with sounds and words I’ve never heard before.  This is quite literally what I hope for at this time of year, unexplored life in the damp, dark and wet crevasses of Portland.

Jookabox is a band from Indianapolis, IN.  Their song “You Cried Me” kept me walking with a skip and a hop this past week during the arctic cold blast up here in the Northwest.  I move to it while waiting for the streetcar hoping to keep the blood to my extremities.  It’s a fun song; it gets me excited for the unknown and finding it only solidifies my intentions and expectations for the near future.

They’re going to be at SXSW too in March.  Fangirl, raise your hand.

marisa-bio1

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And also, I’m Grateful for Cranberries

posted 3rd December 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Cranberry loveMy gratitude for life is never ending.

Whether or not I voice it depends on the day, the time, the mood and where I am.  I’m most certainly grateful for everything.  I subscribe to the practice of secular humanism, which means I put a lot of responsibility on us as human beings and how we live our lives socially and personally.

So we must be grateful, for everything, because this is all we got, people.

Gratitude is befitting for this time of year.  I will not be able to see my family this holiday season and haven’t for the past three holiday seasons, therefore I make it a point to always tell them every time we talk that I appreciate them, I love them and I miss them.

When my Uncle Walter died last October, I flew down to San Antonio a couple of weeks before his death and saw what life was like again being surrounded by those I love.  I am grateful that I was able to say goodbye to him.  It wasn’t just the frailty of his sick and chemo ravaged body that made me cry every time I sat down in his room, but it was the love that I saw and felt once we gathered to eat and spend time together.  It was something that I hadn’t experienced in a long time, since I was a child in fact, and to see everyone together, to see how we could help and support our loss and love, was incredible.

I was grateful for it all and haven’t forgotten it since.

In sticking with the theme of the blog, this is when I say I’m grateful for my Quarterlife Crisis.  I am grateful for it. It shook me awake. It’s made me be more aware of everything these days.  My life light bulb turned on, switched on by the need to feel more, see more and do more.

After arriving back from San Antonio that October, I felt changed and I’m sure that’s when my QLC began.  I realized that I wasn’t happy with my life, in pretty much all aspects, and it took my Uncle’s death to really start my introspective journey.  The journey was additionally jolted by my unemployment in March.  Luckily, this QLC has changed my life and for the better.

I’m grateful for this city I’m in love with, I’m grateful for (believe it or not) my food allergies because now I eat healthy to stay alive and I will always have to.   I’m grateful for my family, my friends, my cat Sophie who always seems to understand everything even though I’m pretty sure she lazily agrees in order to be fed, and I’m grateful for cranberries.

Yes, I have a very odd obsession with them and even though most people don’t understand it, I could love anything and make everything with cranberries.  Just don’t question it.  It’s food love.

And finally, I’m grateful for myself.  I’ve learned to appreciate myself for who I am physically and emotionally and guess what, I AM AWESOME.  How can you be happy without loving and appreciating yourself first and foremost?  Previously I didn’t understand that living a life for others and their expectations would make me a shell of something, a ghost of who I am and what I could be.

Let me tell you, it’s no way to live and no way to love yourself.

So be grateful for your QLC.  For the good, the bad, the ugly and especially all the shit that you think you can’t survive.  Because you can.  Almost assuredly, without a doubt, those things will only make you stronger.  It’s how you define it and interpret it so you can mold and shape it to better your world.

Appreciate this life, appreciate those moments you ignored before and be grateful you have many, many possibilities to be happy and to actually LIVE.

marisa-bio1

photo credit : muffet

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Time to Smile

posted 26th November 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

time to smileI take the streetcar to work every morning.  It’s a simple ride, easy and smooth while listening to my ipod.

Recently it’s been more fun in the mornings.  People are smiling when I walk to and from my stop.  People are smiling at me.

And I only just realized it’s because I’m the one smiling first.

For the first time in a very long time, I have the confidence to say that I am truly happy.  I’m happy with who I am as a person, who I’ve become in the past six months and who I am in this very exact moment.  I smile a lot more lately and express myself more too.

These passions of mine, these interests and outlets, have shaped and polished me to be more, well, ME.

I’m desperately trying not to fuck this up.  I have a job.  I have a life.  I have confidence.  I can do anything and everything. And the best part about it is that I know it’s from my Quarterlife Crisis and how I chose to deal with it. In the past, certain ideas and limitations about who I should be or what I should be doing with my life bogged down and hindered my confidence to truly believe in myself and believe that I am worth it.

I am worth it.  Sometimes it feels like a switch or a light bulb spurted to life in my soul and the world somehow recognized it.  I used to think of myself as someone plain in all aspects.  I never gave myself credit with my wants, desires and dreams.  I hid from the world and lived just enough to fulfill a basic existence without risking anything new or even true.

I don’t know why I’m reflecting so heavily right now.

It’s insane how happy I am. Who knew you could reach those dark crevasses in life without a traditional plan and still come out rosy on top? The unknown always symbolized a frenzied panic in me.  This uncontrollably entity was something I always chased and never caught.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when or where life for me became something ideal. It’s most certainly ideal now, and perhaps not meant to always be, but I am strong enough and smart enough to know when I have a good thing going and appreciate the hell out of it.

Having this QLC forced certain unknowns to be present and while I still get that panicked tickle in my stomach or that rush of blood throughout my body, I smile and let that light bulb slowly flicker on to brighten my day.

And smile.

marisa-bio1

photo credit: flickrohit

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Wrinkles in Time

posted 19th November 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Love/Relationships, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Wrinkle DogI woke up one day last week to a very strange sight.

There were two long, angry wrinkles shouting at me at 7am underneath my right eye.

Not cool.

Not cool man.  Not cool having two things to remind me of getting older.  And DEFINITELY not cool blaring and glaring at me that early in the morning.

Aging was something that I never really thought about until recently. Searching for and improving upon things in life like happiness, my dreams, my purpose has brought up issues like when or if I want to have kids, will I be able to take care of my parents when they need it, and will I still be experiencing a Quarterlife Crisis in 5, 10, or even 15 years?

I don’t want to be so superficial about something like a wrinkle…or two…but I’m finding it difficult at the moment.

My job is something that I know I shouldn’t take for granted during this time in the word, but it’s basically an entry-level position.   Making less money and having kids that work with you just out of school has been making my self-esteem and confidence waver.

And I don’t like that, the wavering.  It scares me.

Another age reminder of sorts is one that involves a boy. And I say boy because honestly, he’s a BOY.  He’s 22 years old, wants to facebook chat all the time and kind lives a naïve life with simplistic things like music and a pizza-delivering job and free rent.  But he’s sweet and adorable and best of all, he likes me and isn’t afraid to say it.

So, we’ll see how that goes.  I mean, facebook first started when I was a senior in college.  For him? He was a senior in high school.  Things are different.

I don’t want to be nervous about aging.  It can bring a lot of anxious things back up for planning the future. But can we really plan for the future?  I don’t have control over most things in life, and from what I’ve learned, I can only control how I let things affect me and how I can act upon those variables.

It’s difficult to remain hopeful at times, to understand that as long as I’m happy and can be happy with whom I am as a person, life can be an interesting journey.  It’s worth it though, to question and know that it’s attainable.

I still don’t want those two wrinkles, but they’re kind of like badges of honor. They’re my first signs of a club where there are many wonderful people who love and live life to the fullest. But I’m still going to try that free anti-wrinkle cream from Sephora.  Just to, you know, see.

marisa-bio1

photo credit: superdan

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Scheduling Life and 401K Checks

posted 12th November 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Borough Market in LondonIt’s strange to settle back into a normal day schedule.

I’m getting back into the swing of things: waking up early again, eating before noon and planning a full day’s worth of adventures.  Not to say I wasn’t just as scheduled while being unemployed, everything just happened after 12 and it was fairly easy to accept a life with barely any daily commitments.

I’d like to think I’ve combined both versions of my life a little bit.  And I like going to work where I wear whatever I want, participate in yoga during lunch if I choose so, and leave just in time to complete the other daily tasks for a busy life.

Such is part-time.  Such is my life.

I received my cashed-out 401 k check today too. After having a heart attack over the taxes taken out and being resuscitated by my cat Sophie, I had a very large check in my hands, waiting for direction and attention.  I became giddy and child-like; what to do with it?

I could save it… I could spend, I WANT to spend it. There are too many wants out there for me like new clothes, tons of great food in Portland and oh, to travel!

One of many goals for 2010 is the head to Europe. An old dear friend from Girl Scout camp is getting married in Sussex next May and I’m determined to be there.  It’s my birthday month as well, so what better way to spend your birthday, than say in Paris or Berlin or London?

Daydreaming about a vacation with many museums, galleries and venues makes my mind spin with glee!

My goal is to also be able to travel and eat without any medical attention needed. Believe it or not in the past ten years, European food standards have become Americanized with the popularity of processed foods.  Thus, my problem.

Thus, I need a plan.

I know they don’t have any Whole Foods there and they sure as hell don’t have the glorious and fantastic New Seasons, therefore I bet that most of my money will be going towards good, expensive foods.  Which is not that bad when considered that I can pay for it now with this lovely check!  Traveling in leisure, ha!

I’m excited to be able to plan so far ahead. Hopefully, I’ll still be working at lucy during my vacation because traveling this past spring without employment wasn’t fun.  I’m crossing my fingers this next spring is different!

So– not spending the 401 k check now.   It’ll be tucked away for rainy days in London.

marisa-bio1

photo credit: tonysphotos

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