Category: Marisa

Almost Back to Normal

posted 5th November 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Marisa ponderingHey guys, guess what.  I got a job.

After my months of searching, trying to find an employment path or road to ride along, a job just kind of snuck up on me and smacked me hello.  And it’s what I’ve been looking for, so I can still continue to pursue music and other creative efforts.

So, I have a job, that’s a huge relief, right?  I’m all okay?

Somewhat yes.  Working for lucy activewear will alleviate some of my worries and trouble.  Financially, the steady paycheck is much appreciated and a self-confidence/identity will return with work.  Yes, I have missed those.

But I think I’m wary and still unsure because my Quarterlife Crisis was bigger than just unemployment.  I started to question and learn new things about myself and the process isn’t even close to being over…  That’s why my experience with Molly’s online course “The Joy Equation” has been an interesting one.

To focus on oneself, I find, is a scary thing.  I do have confidence about myself whether it’s physical or emotional, but it’s fleeting at times and doesn’t tend to stick around whenever I need it.  And to reflect about whom I am and how I feel about myself is thus scary.

This experiment of exploring who I am and what I want has been very telling for the past 30 days.

In a lot of instances, I know who I am.  I know what I like, what I dislike and how I like things in life.  I do know, however, that I’m not finished yet with finding out who the complete Marisa is.  That’s what this QLC is all about for me at least.

My favorite part of the course is the three-minute questions.  For example, there are questions that focus on what you cherish, what you can accomplish or what you can commit and realize.  I have scattered thoughts and ideas and this helped immensely to concentrate and divide what’s realistic and what’s not.

I actually enjoyed being able to read a plan of sorts for my upcoming future; the ability to see a path written on paper gives me hope and confidence that I’ll find whatever it is that I’m looking for, need or want.  I’m getting to the point where I can recognize what’s going to make my life and myself happy.

So, I have a job again.  I admit, I am excited.  The people at lucy seem just unbelievable nice and relaxed and calm.  I think I’m going to like this.

But I know I’m still figuring other parts of my life out. I’m still learning more and more about myself. Tools like this blog, Stratejoy and The Joy Equation have given me some direction as to how to do it and how to like what I find.

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photo credit: Nilina Mason-Campbell

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Friends and Music

posted 29th October 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Love/Relationships, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

high scoresReno is a sixteen-hour train ride away. Driving is twelve. Flying is only one and a half but I hate to fly. So if I wanted to go home to see family, it’s going to take some time.  Since I have no family living near the Northwest, I count my friends, my truly good and best friends, my family.

I will go balls to the wall for my family.  I’ve chosen some positive, loving and truly amazing people to be in my Portland family and when one needs help, I’m there.

I met my friend Devin back in June. He is only 22. But this 22 year-old is one of the most dedicated and amazing people who plays and is involved with music here in Portland. He goes to school, plays in three bands and has his own record label, High Scores and Records.

The High Scores and Records label has some pretty amazing local artists. They are all people who I think define the Portland music scene for 2009. And even though Devin is young and inexperienced, he’s done a lot so far. So that’s why when we first met and he was telling me about his label, I offered my help. I recognized something in him; he had drive and passion for something he knew he wanted long ago.  Even though I never found my “it” that young, I know that my journey is to find “it”.

In the meantime, I wanted to help him achieve his dream.

For the past month that’s what I’ve been doing. I guess my official title is PR representative. I’ve written some press releases and attended shows with Devin to meet some of the bands he has on his label. I’m not getting paid for any work and honestly, I don’t even consider it work. It’s absolutely entertaining and fun and enlightening to help someone else achieve his dream.

And I have so much fun along the way with meeting new people, attending shows and being a good friend.

This week is a pretty big week for High Scores and Records family. There’s a big gathering of indie labels at a showcase for the people behind the NW music in Portland. I’m going as a part of it and I am so excited. There’s going to be t-shirts, free music and people, people, people.

And to boot, I have a job interview tomorrow. It’s seasonal and temporary, but it’s with the lucy company, the same company I interviewed with last time. The interviewer really liked me and wanted to help me out again.  Best luck I’ve had all month.

So here’s what I’m learning throughout this Quarterlife Crisis: You can do many things in your exploration. Many things that not only make you happy, but also help your friends.  All of this can guide you through the journey.

I’m having a blast helping Devin.  And this “labelmates” event is going to be something I’ve never experienced. But that’s what my QLC is about.

I’m glad I have motivated friends. They are helping me to focus and I can feel their influence begin to help with my direction in life and work. I’m getting there, slowly but surely, and I’m more than happy to help some friends along the way.

marisa-bio1

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Funk Be Gone

posted 22nd October 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

Marisa's Supercute DressThey had dresses on sale. I was a goner, plain and simple.

Anthropolgie has always been a weakness of mine. I never really buy anything there because of my budget-food, bills and rent before anything else-but still, I visit whenever I go to Powell’s so I can daydream and possible get inspired for new, inexpensive sewing projects.

Yesterday was needed. I’ve been in a funk lately, the kind where I haven’t heard anything from any job that I’ve applied to in the last month, a funk with being anti-social with the world and a funk where I feel unattractive, gross and sad.

This is when I know Powell’s is needed; it’s my cure of sorts. But after getting off that Streetcar and seeing the store Anthropologie with it’s beautiful display windows and gorgeous clothing taunting me, I had to go in and take a quick peek.

Like I said, they had dresses on sale. I was a goner.

And even though I was in my usual sweatshirt, jeans and flats funk outfit, I forced myself to try on those dresses. Sometimes you just need to force yourself out of that lame comfort zone. I picked four to try on: black, floral, blue and plaid. It’s also fun to know that you can count on the sales staff there to compliment-whether or not it’s sincere and true, who knows, but it works and I definitely needed to hear it. I picked the latter, a black, gray and white plaid dress that had retro Mad Men theme shirt-dress.

It made me feel like a million dollars. It fit in every right spot, tucked things away, and made me feel amazing. You can’t beat that. Even the sales girls wanted me to wear it out of the store.

So I did. And I’ve never gotten so many compliments from random strangers. Talk about a confidence boost. But sometimes we need that.

We need that injection of confidence in one area of life because it spreads to other things in life and even to other people.

I’m definitely excited and happy I bought that dress. My bank account is pleased as well.

And I know just where to wear it! There’s a Portland independent fashion designer showcase at the Ace Hotel Sunday evening and I’m going. Music, fashion and food-yes! Russian Red is tagging along too.

Funk be gone.

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The Results of Restlessness

posted 1st October 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

raining in portlandI’ve been getting more restless lately.  This has resulted in more random project purchases from Jo-Ann Fabrics and Mill End Fabrics.  I enjoy how they recognize me now every time I stop by… Might be a not be a good thing–but hey, it’s still nice every time.

I’ve been restless. Restless with some parts of my life not changing (ie. finding steady employment that doesn’t involve being a mascot of any sort) and restless with the fact that summer is winding down.  Fall is right around the corner and even though it’s fantastically beautiful over here in Portland, the rain has been sneaking a couple punches here and there.

The rain itself is more beautiful than anything I experienced while growing up in Reno.  I didn’t enjoy the dry dirty heat every summer and the intense snow and cold in the winter; I’m done with the extreme weathers.  In the Northwest the rain cultivates creativity, at least for me.  I feel more at home when it’s damp, rainy and cloudy.

It’s definitely not for everyone.

This restlessness has now consumed part of my night.  I’ve never been the good sleeper.  As a child I remember staying up for days and nights, never feeling sleepy or if I did, it wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning.  I’ve been a life long insomniac.  Needless to say, being unemployed hasn’t really helped this condition.  I’ve been anxious more so than usual.

This unemployment insurance extension has alleviated some worry, but still, this assistance will come to an end.  And I know I have no control over it really.  I’ve been applying and applying to everything and anything and still nothing.  It’s really frustrating to not even be considered for jobs that would have been a slam-dunk after graduation.

That was four years ago, wow…  And I know things are completely different now, but still.  Here’s the restlessness.  Back again.

One way to combat this pesky annoyance has been to volunteer. I’m volunteering for the upcoming Musicfest Northwest.  It’s taking placing all over Portland venues with bands from all over the country, also including many locals.  It’s usually a fun five days.  This is my third year going but first time volunteering.  I’m very interested to see how things will be on the inside versus the outside as an attendee.  I’ve got outfits planned, I’ve got events planned, and I’ve even got lipstick planned.  I’m dead serious about next week.

Restlessness be damned.  It sucks to have it, don’t get me wrong, but seriously, fuck it.  I’ll just volunteer more. Maybe at the humane society or the art museum or the food bank.  Hmmm… Yeah, that’s it.  This will work.

And maybe a tattoo too.  Yeah, that’s right, a tattoo.  I’ve already picked out the artwork; it’s awesome and unique, and I can pretty much guarantee that no one else has it.  It will be my first and most likely my last, but it’s totally going to happen.

Restlessness.  It’s going to push me to do things, and perhaps that’s what I’ve been waiting for or needing to do.  So maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s how I view it and take control of it and use it.

And next week will be good, regardless. Music, boys, music, and much more.

marisa-bio1

photo credit: thespeak

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Shit Comes in Threes

posted 24th September 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

mac-russian-red_300I make music playlists to document my life and how I feel at that time.  It started last summer when I made mixed CDs for some birthdays and play ists for some of the shows that I wanted to remember always. I sigh every time I heard them.

I have a new playlist for these two past weeks:  Shit. Shit. Shit.

A lot of things started to happen at once.  And not really any positive or fantastical events took place.  Things kind of imploded.

My unemployment insurance ended. Yup, the recent funemployment gravy train ran dry for a couple of days.  Yet thankfully and most wonderfully so (thanks Obama!), there’s a federal extension given to people now.  However, the road to this qualification was scary.  I had to wait for a certain letter, on a certain day to then file again with even more info/paperwork to see if funemployment Marisa could continue life in Portland.

And I didn’t want to go “there”.

By “there”, I mean the “there” where I imagine moving back in with my Mother, moving back to Reno and moving back into a craptastic time where high school never ends and people don’t grow. *shudder.

And to continue with the lovely theme of shit, shit, shit here, I met a boy. Shit, I know.

He kind of threw a wrench into everything.  We first met a couple of months ago through friends and after having an awesome meeting where I felt we clicked, he didn’t ask for my number.  This was okay at the time; I wasn’t too concerned since I only met him once, but out of nowhere he came to the Lost Gospel show just to see me.  He even got my digits.

So we’ve been hanging out since then (and here comes the shit part), he just won’t touch me.  No holding of hands, no light touches with the arms and playful flirting, and no kisses.  I’ve even initiated and was somewhat awkwardly rejected, yet he still wants to go out for romantical dinners and pry into my life.  He still wants to spend time with me he says.  I’m utterly confused.

And of course things come in threes-my most recent opportunity to become part of a band and record has dissolved. Long story short, one of my friends had the opportunity to move and play with a pretty amazing band in NYC (which is total yay! but still…), so that’s that.

Positivity, rationality, where are you guys? I had to search & have some faith, but here’s my bounce back from the bad threes.  1.  Signed, sealed and delivered, I received my extension-whew! 2.  I’m going to get real with this guy and lay it out, want to be with me? Yes or No. And 3.  I may not be recording anything right now, but it was a huge step for me to bypass every traditional fiber in my body and accept that, yes, I do want to be in a band and succeed.

Good!  Now to make a new playlist for the upcoming weeks…

I think I’ll title it Russian Red.  It’s the new lipstick I bought from MAC.  I’m going Russian Red all this week and next.  MFNW is next week and not only is the music aplenty, so are the beautiful boys.  Le sigh.  Russian Red it is.

marisa-bio1

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