Category: Heather Rae

Apartment Hunting… Not So Fun

posted 26th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2

I’m in the middle of apartment hunting, and I’ve realized something.  It sucks.  Especially when you’re apartment hunting in another state.

Did I mention that I’m moving to Seattle? Yep, I sure am.  The fiancé is starting his pediatrics residency at a hospital up there, and we’re making a permanent move (well, at least three years) come the end of June.

In some ways, I’m super excited. I’ve always wanted to spend time in the Pacific Northwest and can’t wait to explore the outdoors and revel in the greenery.  I grew up in Las Vegas, so the idea of being somewhere that trees grow naturally is pretty fantastic.  (Not to mention, I get to meet the fabulous Molly up close and in person!)

Though, in other ways, I’m kind of freaked out about this move. For one, we are yet to decide on an apartment.  We’ve lived in the same apartment for over six years.  And we have the most amazing neighbors ever.  Seriously.  No one has moved in or out of our building since we first got here.  We know everyone personally.  We borrow eggs, hang out in the evenings and get baked goods brought to our door by the pastry chef downstairs. How do you compete with that?

I have my share of gripes about the place that I currently live.  The apartment is small and it’s old and, let’s be honest, the landlord doesn’t maintain it all that well.  What makes up for these shortfalls is that the neighbors are freaking stellar, the neighborhood is safe, and we’re within walking distance of pretty much everything we could need in the city (while still living in a residential area).

Oh, and did I mention it’s like the cheapest apartment in all of Pasadena?

I’ll be sad to leave.

But I’ve wanted to get out of the Los Angeles area for a while now.  So I’m ready for this.  Now we just have to find a place to live.

We took one trip to Seattle already.  The trip went okay, but we didn’t find a complex that fit both our budget and our taste.  Bummer.  (For the record, we’re completely used to this.  We do live in Pasadena, after all.)  So we set it aside for a while and decided to wait until closer to moving day.  At this point, we’re officially back full force in the apartment search.

And let me tell you, it’s not fun.

I’m likely being difficult because, prior to the apartment where I currently live, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences.  I’ve had my share of ridiculously noisy neighbors, parking nightmares and poor maintenance.  And I’ve moved a lot.  I’m pretty much done with the life of my younger self.  I like having roots, knowing my neighbors and feeling like I live in a true community.

Steven’s residency is three years, and I have every intention of moving into a place and not moving out until the residency is done.  I just don’t have the energy I once had to pack up my things and move in case the living situation doesn’t fit our ideal.

Right now, I’m scouring the internet for apartment listings and talking with friends about recommended neighborhoods.  I was feeling pretty good about our search.

Well, that is, until I started reading the online reviews about apartment complexes.  And that took me down an entirely different path.  Pretty much every apartment complex, with the exception of those completely out of our price range, has received dismal ratings.  Ugh.

Once again, ignorance was bliss.  Back to reality.

So that’s what I’m somewhat obsessed with at the moment.  And I’m sort of feeling frustrated (not to mention, pretty darn unmotivated).  But I’m doing it anyway.

Wish me luck (I think I’m going to need it).

photo credit: rutlo

divider

Here’s to the Journey

posted 19th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

I’ve finally given myself a free day, one where I sit around the house, eat too many sweets and catch up on all my favorite shows.  It’s been bliss.  But tell me, why is it I can’t get through an episode of Army Wives without tears?

The good thing is the tears these days have been strictly limited to sappy television shows.  I’ll let you in on a secret — I’m really, really happy.

There’s something incredibly freeing about finding just what it is you’re passionate about and allowing yourself to follow that passion.  For years, I’ve explored my varied interests, hoping that at some point, one would stick with me.

I believe I’ve finally found that one thing.  Every day I get excited about my writing, even on the days when I’m not so excited about what it is that I actually write.  Feeling this way, well, it’s put me on cloud nine.

Since I quit my job, I’ve had a lot of ups and downs.  Some days I felt I was heading in the exact right direction, and other days I felt I completely screwed up my life.  Occasionally, I thought quitting was a mistake, like I should have stuck it out at my job until my future as a writer was more certain. But I’ve made it through those stumbling blocks.  As the weeks and months have passed, things have settled down.  I’m writing every day, I’m making plans for how to keep writing in the future (even once that savings account of mine runs dry), and I’m feeling good.  Actually, no.  Not good – I’m feeling great.

I know I’ve mentioned before that I have a tendency to be an over-the-top worrier.  I stress about everything.  Things that are simple, I tend to make difficult.  I have this innate need to control everything.  Yet somehow, throwing myself into this world of uncertainty has perhaps been one of the best choices I’ve ever made.

Letting go can be freeing.  And I think that’s where I’m at right now.  I’ve let go of the outcome, and I’m focused on the journey.  I believe that’s the secret to my happiness at the moment.

A friend of mine posted on Twitter earlier this week: “Let go of the idea of getting to the end of a journey.  You are on the journey, and that’s what it’s about.  The goal is for it to never end.”

That resonates with me.  The fact that I’m on the journey, that I’m taking chances, that I’m chasing the big dreams — that’s what it’s all about.

It’s not about whether I ever make it to the New York Times bestseller list (not that that wouldn’t be amazing).  It’s about whether or not I take the steps that give me the chance to get there in the first place.

So often, I let myself back out of things because I’m scared.  I allow myself to not follow through on an opportunity because I don’t want to fail (and I certainly don’t want to fail in public).  I read somewhere that if you plan to be a big success, you better really get used to failing.  Because people who are successful take chances.  And they fail (sometimes, they fail a lot).

That’s what I’m focusing on right now.  I’m getting comfortable with the idea that I may not be successful right away.  My first book may not be a runaway best seller.  Hell, it may not even get picked up by a publishing company.  But I’m not letting that stop me.  I’m not letting the fear take over.  I’m focusing on the writing, on perfecting my skill and my craft.  No matter what happens with the book, I’m going to keep writing.  And I know eventually, that will pay off.

So here’s to the journey.  Tell me, what journey are you on?

photo credit: alicepopkorn

divider

Lemon Cake Lessons (Or, Letting Go of Perfection)

posted 12th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2

While writing this post, I simultaneously baked a cake for the dinner I’m attending tonight and brainstormed ideas for the end of my book.  Seriously, the last few weeks have been busy.

Here’s the good news – the first draft of my book should be done this week!  I’m super excited about this.  It will be two weeks later than I originally planned, but I’m still happy with my progress.  I pushed my deadline back only because I took two week long trips that I hadn’t previously expected (one to Seattle and one to Las Vegas).  Both trips were a blast and definitely worth the setback.

The less good news is – I’m having a bit of a cake disaster.

You see, the cake I baked is a two layer lemon cake with a lemon filling and whipped cream frosting.  It’s a pretty awesome recipe if I must say so myself (and I must).  So I baked the cake in two separate round tins.  After taking the cakes from the oven, I waited the obligatory ten minutes, giving them time to cool before flipping the pans and transferring each layer to a plate.

After ten minutes, the pans felt a bit warm.  But I decided to move forward with the flipping and transferring (after all, the recipe said I could).  That probably wasn’t the best idea.  The first layer came out easily, and I placed it onto a plate.  The second layer didn’t go quite as well.  Actually, the second layer didn’t go well at all.  I flipped over the pan, and the center fell out.  Yep, that’s right.  The center of the cake actually fell out of the pan and onto the plate.  The surrounding cake was left stuck in the pan.

And do you think it fell out in one large piece, making it easy to patch the cake back together, frost it and pretend this debacle never happened?  Nope.  It fell out and broke into about fifty pieces.

Here’s the thing.  I tend to be a complete perfectionist.  I don’t like making mistakes, and I really don’t like making mistakes when the result of said mistakes will be seen by other people. Like with this cake.  If I were simply making it for me and Steven, I would be disappointed.  But then I would patch it up the best I could and move on.

The problem is I didn’t just make the cake for me and Steven.  I made it for a dinner party (a mother’s day dinner party at that).  Because of this, my normal reaction would be to freak out.  I would declare the cake a disaster, go to the grocery store and buy something already made.  I would pretend I never made the lemon cake and show up at the door with a completely different (and perfect) cake.

I’m trying really hard not to have my normal reaction to this cake disaster.  The last few months I’ve been trying to look at life in a different way.  I’ve been attempting to be more forgiving of my mistakes.

I’m not perfect.  I make mistakes, as does everyone.

How I became obsessed with perfection is a bit of a mystery to me. Was there a certain moment in my life that branded me a perfectionist?  Probably not.  At least, not that I remember.  What I do know is that in every day life, perfection can be a hindrance.  In my experience, it often gets in the way of completion.

I would like to be the type of person that works hard at the things I do, gives it my best shot and is content with whatever the outcome of that hard work may be (whether it be perfection or something else).  Now, this statement is a lot easier said than done.  If you’re anything like me and have spend the majority of your life attempting to be perfect, you probably agree that letting go of that ideal is difficult, at best.

I take small steps each day to move my life in a positive direction, to let go of the need to be perfect and accept what is.  That’s the commitment I’ve made to myself.  It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it (at least, my sanity thinks so).

As for today, I think I’ll just fix that cake up the best I can, make it look pretty and take it to the dinner.  The good thing is the flavor is really quite yummy.

And that’s what’s important when you’re eating cake, isn’t it?  In which case, that’s good enough for me.

divider

The Summer of Laughter

posted 5th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2

I’m having a case of summertime nostalgia.  Thinking back to high school, middle school, grade school (pretty much anytime pre-adulthood), I picture the random trouble I would get into with my friends.

Like the time we put dish soap in the fountain at the center of town, thrilled by the overflow of suds on the sidewalk.  Or the summer I walked with my best friend two miles every day to get Thrifty’s Ice Cream, a double scoop of chocolate brownie and chocolate malted crunch.  Or when I worked at McDonald’s and got into a shake fight with my co-workers (our boss probably does not look back on that incident with such fondness).

I long for summers that are free-spirited and playful, for the days when the world was mine for the taking and responsibility meant doing the dishes before mom got home.  I miss that.

Obviously, I’m past the point of getting yelled at for not finishing my chores for the day.  But what about the rest?  What about all that play and laughter?

Here’s my plan for this summer:  I’m going to reintroduce the magic of summer to my adult life.

You might think a goal like this is nearly impossible.  Without three months off from school and friends available to hang out at any given moment, how exactly do I plan to recreate those lazy days of summer?

Well, I’m not exactly sure.  But I’ve put some thought into it, and this is what I have figured out.

All these memories have one thing in common – laughter.  No matter what we were doing or where we were, we were always laughing.  We laughed at everything, funny or not.  We laughed until we cried, until Dr. Pepper ran out our noses, until our breath was all but lost. We laughed for the sake of laughing.  And then we laughed some more.

The average adult laughs ten to fifteen times a day.  That sounds pretty good, right?  Well, unless you compare that to the three hundred times a day the average kid laughs.  Makes that adult number look pretty pathetic.  Perhaps we take ourselves too seriously.  We get older, and suddenly we laugh less and stress more.

Kids have this amazing way of focusing on what really matters in life.  They care about building friendships.  They care about having fun.

So that’s what I’m going to do during this summer of laughter.  I’m going to focus on the friendships I already have.  I’m going to keep in touch more often – send cards in the mail for no reason, plan weekend getaways with the girls and get together for Sunday brunches.  I’m going to focus on developing new friendships.  I’ll find a writing critique group, take a new dance class (fire dancing, anyone?) and get a hiking partner.

I want to laugh.  Every day. Like at least a hundred times.  Who knows, maybe even three hundred.  Why?  Because it’s fun.  Laughter is the stuff memories are made of.  Laughter is the stuff magical summers are made of.

What about you?

What do you plan to do this summer that will make you feel carefree, happy or just plain goofy?  What summertime plans have got you feeling giddy?

divider

Something Bigger than Myself

posted 28th April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Inspiration, Season 2, Spirituality, What I've Learned

Talking about spirituality feels a bit like going to the dentist for a filling.  It doesn’t exactly hurt.  But it sure as hell isn’t comfortable.  Okay, maybe that’s just me.

To be honest, I really don’t consider myself spiritual.  I lack religious beliefs and don’t generally seek to understand the meaning of it all.  I feed my spirit in ways that makes sense to me — through art, meditation, reading, dance, volunteering.  Here’s my motto:  The best way to celebrate life is to live.  The best way to live is to do what you love.

Truth is, I don’t know the meaning of life.  I don’t know if there is a higher power.  But for me, all of that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is how I choose to contribute to the world.  What matters is how I choose to help and make a difference in the lives of others.  I do know that many people are suffering.  If I can do even a small thing to help alleviate that suffering, I have a responsibility to do just that.  I don’t hope to receive anything for my actions.  I just think it’s the right thing to do.

Earlier this week, I broached the topic of spirituality with a friend.  She said something that really clicked for me.  She said, “If you want to get in touch with your spirituality, the absolute best thing you can do is to help other people in any way you can.”

Now that’s something I can get behind.  The best way to get in touch with something bigger than myself is to do something good for someone else.

The reality is, when I donate my time or money, I generally get more out of the action than the recipient.  This may sound cliché, but it’s true.

When I started college, I was encouraged to volunteer.  It’s well known that having a litany of volunteer hours on your resume can only be helpful when applying to grad school programs.  And so I did just that.  I got involved in organizations that I felt did meaningful work; I donated my time.

I learned something from those experiences.  There’s absolutely nothing like the feeling you get from helping a child learn to read or tutoring a girl in math and helping her score high on a college entrance exam, especially when she hadn’t considered attending college in the first place.  I was a long term volunteer for the Police Athletic League after school program, and I regularly volunteered with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  I did work that mattered to me.  I learned what it was like to make a difference in someone’s life.  And it’s true – if you want to get in touch with something bigger than yourself, do something for someone else.  This, for me, is the absolute best way to see how we are all part of one world; we are all connected.

Since those college experiences, I’ve carried the habit of volunteering with me.  I’ve volunteered at food banks, raised money for causes I believe in, even took care of dogs at a local animal shelter.  And I’ve loved every minute of it.  To this day, when I feel something is missing in my life, I take a look at the philanthropic work I’m involved in.  Helping others always helps me put my own life in perspective.

I’ve started a new tradition.  When I sit down to make my list of things I would like to accomplish each year, I make sure to include something that involves helping other people. For me, it’s important to always work for causes I believe in, to make a difference in the world.  This year, I plan to volunteer at Planned Parenthood.  I’d also like to plan a volunteer trip to another country.

For me, my friend’s statement really holds true.  The absolute best way to get in touch with my spirituality is to make a positive difference in the life of someone else.

photo credit: Eddi 07

divider

« Previous Page — Next Page »