Category: Heather Rae

The Art of Having it All (Or, I’m No Super Woman)

posted 21st April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

Three months ago, I took some pretty drastic steps to recreate my life.  I quit my job to write a novel and made big plans that include travel, art and dance.

Now I look at my list of things to accomplish, and I’m a little petrified.  I put a whole heck of a lot of pressure on myself to do everything, try everything, be everything – all in one year.  I sort of thought I could be Super Woman.

I may have to rethink that.

I figured leaving my job would allow me all the time in the world to do everything I could imagine.  Turns out, that’s only half true.  In reality, leaving my job allows me nine extra hours a day.  A lot of time, yes.  But not nearly enough to do everything.

I’ve had to prioritize and focus on the things that are most important to me right now.  Sometimes, that’s meant letting things go or at least letting them slide temporarily. I’ve learned that I can have it all and do it all and be it all – but probably not at the same time.

Patience truly has become a virtue.

I made the conscious decision to focus wholeheartedly on developing my skills as a fiction writer and finishing my novel.  To get it written, I’ve completely immersed myself in writing.  To breathe life into my characters, my mind has been occupied with them at nearly every free moment.   To come up with unique plot twists and turns, I’ve carried notepads everywhere, even to the grocery store.

This focus on novel writing has left little time for much else.  In some ways, I absolutely love this fact.  It’s exciting to realize I’ve picked the right journey to embark on.  But then I’m also a bit bummed that time for other projects has thus been limited.

Like art.  I love, love, love making art.  And I really hoped by this point I would have been able to delve full force into creating beautiful mixed media paintings.  But that hasn’t happened yet.  I simply haven’t had time to purchase supplies, dedicate a space in my home and spend the necessary hours working on these projects.

In my dream world, I simultaneously write my novel, build my website and my personal ‘brand’, plan exotic trips, make time for art and take dance classes whenever the whim hits.  (Oh, and in my free time, I save the world.)

In the real world, I do what I can.

The good news is – I’m seriously excited about my book. I’ve got all kinds of ideas.  I’m even in the beginning stages of developing the plot for my next book.  Thinking about my future as a writer fills me with energy.  Every once in a while, I get this inkling that something exciting is going to happen, that I’m on the right path, that I’m doing exactly what I should be doing.

So although this journey hasn’t been perfect, although I’m not able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, life is good.  My path as a writer, artist, dancer, traveler and do-gooder is unfolding before me.

It’s not exactly what I imagined.  Perhaps that’s a good thing.  Being surprised by how it all turns out – maybe that’ll be the best part.

photo credit: Rob Speed

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When Life is Frustrating, Ask for Help

posted 15th April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

My days have become pretty consistent.  This is a good thing.  I’m one of those people that thrive on routine, to-do lists and the familiar.  Actually, I’m sort of in love with my to-do list.

And the most important I-have-to-finish-this piece of work I give myself each day is to write at least five pages for my novel.

Every afternoon, I head to the library.  I write, write, write — well, until I get stuck or bored or both.  Then I surf the net or check Twitter or chat with some random friend on Facebook.  But that’s a whole other topic.  The point is, I make myself sit there until I reach my required page count for the day. Once I do that, I consider if I have anything more to say or if I should put it away and come back with fresh ideas the next day.  Sometimes I’m in the middle of a creative burst, and I keep typing until I get the words out.  Other times, I struggle to get even five pages and decide not to push it.

Writing every day is sort of exactly what I thought it would be.  My skills are improving, I make my own schedule and my work allows for lots of creativity.  But then, it’s also totally different.  For one, writing a novel can be incredibly frustrating.

I constantly wonder if my writing is good enough.

So here’s how I thought my daily writing would go:  I would put words to paper and think to myself — Damn, girl, you’re good. How clever of you! Yes, it’s true.  I thought the self-talk would all be positive.  I thought my innate ability to write would charm the pants right off of me (okay, maybe not my pants, but at least a sock or something).

But here’s what actually happens when I sit down to write:  I put words to paper, and as I’m describing some joint on the beach or dialogue between two people, I think — Wow, this sucks.  Could I think of nothing better to say?  Did I really just waste an entire page on that?  That’s so unrealistic.  Who would say that?

At least I seem to be in good company.  From what I hear, most novelists think they suck when doing the actual writing. Well, maybe not Stephen King.  But, hey, he’s been writing for like, ever.

Lucky for me, I have a pretty awesome partner in crime.

Most nights, Steven and I go for long walks.  We usually spend part of that time talking about my writing progress.  Sometimes all is good, and I excitedly tell him about the latest character revelations.  And then there are the times that I totally break down.  (This is the part that makes him so awesome.) Because then we talk through it.  I say, “Well, they [the characters] are in a boat, and they’re running from the bad guys.  But I have no idea where they’re going.  I wasn’t planning on putting them in a boat.  Where the hell did this boat come from?  What am I supposed to do?  It’s so stupid.”

And Steven says, “So blow up the boat.”

And then we laugh.

You see, when it comes to this book, Steven’s advice is usually centered on blowing something up.  Of course, I don’t always take this sage advice.  But what I love is that he comes up with a solution — and fast.  He makes me realize there are a thousand solutions to my problem. Stop freaking out.  We brainstorm a few ideas, pick the best one and go with it.  Crisis averted.

That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned so far.  I am not an island.  I don’t own the solution to every problem.  Sometimes I just have to ask for help.

photo credit: - reuben -

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Chasing a Dream and Writing a Novel

posted 7th April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Job/Career/Work, Season 2

I was doing some calculations yesterday.  If I keep writing at the pace I’ve been writing, the first draft of my novel will be finished by the end of April.

Woohoo!  I’m super excited. I’m chasing a dream!

But then, the looming threat of going through and completing that first revision — well, that’s going to be huge.  Actually, I’m pretty sure revising this monster might just be more difficult than writing it in the first place.

You see, when I first started this whole business of writing a novel, I had no idea what I was doing. I had an idea for a story.  And I wanted to tell that story.  So I dove in.  I literally put pen to paper and started to write.

I started this book back when I was still working.  The idea came when I was talking with Steven about his time in the Army.  He was talking about how boring his job was, how he was stuck at a desk the majority of the time.  He referred to himself as a paper pusher.  So I started saying, “You know what would make your job so much more interesting?”  And then I’d cook up some story about field work and Jack Bauer and The Borne Identity and G.I. Jane.  We laughed.

But we also kept going with the idea.  By the end of the conversation, I had concocted some craziness about the Army, South American drug cartels and conspiracy theories.

“Now that would make a great book,” I said.

And Steven said, “You should write it.”

And that’s pretty much how this whole thing started — my writing career, that is.

Prior to starting this novel, pretty much everything I’d written was non-fiction.  I wrote a lot of papers for school and work – mostly research papers, program evaluations and stuff like that.  I had thought of writing a novel before, but those thoughts would be a flash.  They’d be out of my head as quickly as they came in.  Of course, those who know me realize that when I get an idea firmly planted in my mind, I run with it.

Now that this book idea was stuck, I was off to the races.

Granted, I wasn’t sure where to start.  But then I decided that didn’t matter, and I started anyway.  I wrote at work during my breaks.  I wrote everything out by hand – filled up a few notebooks.

Let me just say, you would be amazed how difficult it is to write a novel that has even a small chance of becoming a cohesive whole at the end.  Or, perhaps, you wouldn’t be all that surprised.  Maybe it’s just me.  Maybe I was just naïve and didn’t have a clue what I was getting myself into.  Like I said, what the hell did I know about this stuff?  Um, nothing.

As I wrote, I also read books about writing.  Each time I picked up a book, I would see the error of my ways.  The revisions piled up in my mind.  Then I took a creative writing course.  I loved it.  And it scared the crap out of me.  Would I ever be good enough?

The answer to that question is complicated.  Long story short – I don’t know.  I won’t know until I finish, really.  What I do know is I believe in myself. I believe that I’m a pretty damn good writer.  I hope that I can be a pretty damn good novelist, too.

I learn something new about writing every single day.  Yes, I’ve got lots to learn.  I’ve also got lots to write.  It would seem the only way to really get good at this novel writing thing is to get in there and do it.

And so I keep on keepin’ on.

I’m having fun.  I’m chasing a dream.  And I’m loving it.

photo credit: David Reece

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My Goals for Staying Healthy in 2010

posted 31st March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

Back in February, I compiled a list of 20 things I plan to do in 2010.  And then, of course, I got sidetracked by life and sort of forgot about them.

That’s the thing with setting goals.  If you don’t keep them fresh in your mind, you lose track. Heck, if enough time goes by, you’re likely to forget what they were all together.

Hence, I thought I should review my goals to see if I’m making any progress.

Looking at my list, one section in particular jumped out at me:  Be Healthy.

I’ve discovered that being a writer is not the healthiest of professions.  Here’s an example of my typical day:  I get out of bed, make breakfast, turn on the computer and sit down for my first round of writing.  A few hours later I get up and get dressed.  Then I walk back into the living room, turn on my computer and sit down for another round of writing.  It goes on like that all day.

You could say I’m pretty sedentary.

So a focus on being healthy this year is super important. The good thing is, I have my list of goals to guide me in staying healthy.  And they’re pretty specific — goals that are less like “eat healthy food” and more like “take a cooking class that focuses on preparing healthy meals”.

I think goals that are super specific like this are easier to stick to.  Not to mention, a goal of attending a cooking class seems doable.  Eat healthy in general — well, that can feel overwhelming.  And if you slip up, you might decide to give up all together.  I strongly believe in baby steps.

It’s now been almost two months since I set my goals for being healthy in 2010.  As a way of holding myself accountable, I’d like to share my progress with you.

  1. Take an intro lesson at a rock climbing gym:  Nope, not yet.  But Steven and I are thinking of doing this one together.  We even have some rock climbing friends that have offered to take us the next time they head out.  This could be a win very soon.
  2. Take a cooking class that focuses on preparing healthy meals:  The shame.  I haven’t done this either.  I saw a great deal on a cooking class recently, and then I missed it because I forgot to pay in time to get the deal.  Note to self — don’t procrastinate.
  3. Master the Experienced Beginners level of my pole dancing class and move to Intermediate classes:  I’m close.  To graduate from the Experienced Beginners class, I have to master nine spins.  So far, I’ve got seven down.  Only two to go.
  4. Train for and complete a half marathon:  I’ve started the process and picked a training plan.  Now I just to need to decide which half marathon to sign up for.  Any suggestions?

That’s the progress I’ve made so far.  And I’ve decided something — I need a way to keep my goals for 2010 front and center in my mind.  I think I’ll revert back to what my mother did with my 4th grade art projects — I’ll hang my list on the refrigerator.

So tell me, did you set any goals this year that relate to being healthy?  What were they?  Have you kept up with your goals or made progress?  What’s kept you working at them?  Has anything stopped you from working on your goals?

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

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You Owe It to the World to Be Yourself

posted 24th March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” –Oscar Wilde

I recently finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a chronicle of Gretchen’s life as she spends a year following the advice of happiness gurus and researchers alike, attempting to make herself happier.

As part of the project, Gretchen made a list of Twelve Commandments, or overarching principles, that she would use as a guide during her year of improved happiness.  The first of these commandments was:  Be Gretchen.

At first glance, this particular commandment didn’t stand out to me.  You’ve probably heard this advice innumerable times — from your mom, your dad, a teacher, a friend.

Just be yourself.

I always took this advice to mean to act like yourself.  Such as, if you’re in a new social situation or meeting new people, just act like yourself and people will like you.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize:  there’s more to that advice than simply acting like yourself.  Be yourself also encompasses accepting yourself. Be proud of who you are; don’t apologize for what you like and what you don’t like.  Embrace the personality traits that make you unique, that make you you.

For instance, I’ve never been one to get really excited about going out to bars or clubs, especially late at night.  Sure, I’ve had some fun times on the dance floor until the wee hours.  But, in general, I enjoy going to sleep early.  I like waking up when the sun rises, not stumbling in from a night on the town and heading to bed.

For years, I felt bad about this tendency.  I had many friends that liked staying up late and going out at night. In an effort to not seem boring, I attempted to make myself enjoy those things too. When I did go out with them, I usually had a great time — so I took that as a sign that obviously I did enjoy being awake at 2:00 AM, mingling with other night owls at the bar.

But here’s the thing — though I may enjoy that scenario on occasion, I can honestly say that if I followed that routine every weekend, I would collapse.  My body, my personality — I’m simply not made for it.

I’ve known for years that I’m an introvert.  I enjoy alone time.  Baking cupcakes, reading a good book or spending a weekend on an art project — that’s my idea of a good time. And yet, it has taken me years to accept these things in myself, to stop trying to change myself in an effort to fit some mythical mold of what society deems appropriate.

Are you an introvert, extrovert or somewhere in between?  Embrace the person that you are.  Don’t force yourself to be something that you’re not, simply because you think that’s the way you should be.

Don’t force yourself to like things just because you think you should enjoy them.

If you’re surrounded by a bunch of books worms and academics but what you really love is karaoke and rock climbing, then by all means, honor what you love.  Stand out from the crowd.  Be bold.  Be different.  Don’t attempt to squeeze yourself into a mold that simply doesn’t fit. Find the things that you enjoy — the things that make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning and rushing off to do seize the day.

In the end, those are the things that will make you happy.

A happy person brings more joy to those around them than an unhappy person.  Thus, you owe it to the world to be yourself.

photo credit: pasotraspaso

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