Category: Katie

My First Post As A Quarterlife Crisis Survivor

posted 29th July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Season 2

“One day you’ll feel like everything is finished. That will be the very beginning.” – Unknown

I’ve started, completed, deleted, and rewritten this post about 10 times already. 6 months ago, I was composing my first blog post as a Season 2 guest blogger, and today I’m composing my last post.

Even typing “last post” doesn’t sit right with me.  I feel like its a fluke, Molly is going to call Nicole, Heather Rae and I tomorrow and say “Hey lovelies, you’re my permanent quarterlife crisis bloggers!” Of course I understand that it would be as if she were sentencing us to a lifetime of Quarterlife Crisis blogging – which is kind of a prison sentence. But a pretty prison, with flowers and pink sketchy stars and hand drawn hearts. But a prison, nevertheless.

6 months ago I was sleeping and spending my days away doing nothing of great joy. I couldn’t remember the last time that I was truly happy, let alone how to spend a day being good to myself. I was stuck in a dark tunnel, and though little bits of light would shine in, I was too busy shielding my eyes from it. I got too comfortable with the feeling of misery, and was satisfied with a mediocre day instead of chasing amazing days and experiences. I wrote it off as depression, but was relieved to find out that other women were in the same situation I was, and it wasn’t a life of misery sentence.

It was just a quarterlife crisis.

Halfway through (about 3 months ago) I hit my ultimate rock bottom and blogged here about it. I realized that in order for things to change, I had to make changes. Wanting things to change wasn’t enough. Getting e-mails from the Universe wasn’t enough. I had to show up to life in order to experience it. Life can’t be lived from underneath the covers, no matter how many numbered thread count they are.

You guys kind of know me by now, right? I’m sure I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again,  I don’t complete things. I have tons and tons of ideas, but absolutely no follow through. I’ve been trying to graduate school for 7 years now. I start tons of projects and never see them to completion. I end up working to a point that challenges me in a new way that I’m not prepared for, and I stop.

But this time for 6 months, 180 days, I created 26 blog posts. I stuck with it, I posted through the good times, and through the bad.  I can proudly say that even though my days aren’t filled with sunshine and happy things, I can see a bright light at the end of my tunnel.

I’ll be graduating in a little over 2 months, and going on to get my degree. I’ve cut red meat out of my diet and am working toward eliminating chicken. I moved from New Jersey to Philadelphia. I know what I want from life, and I know exactly what I need to do to get it. I’ve cultivated healthy habits and developed strong relationships.

…and I have all of you to thank.

To The Readers: Those of you who have read, commented, retweeted, liked facebook statuses, etc. THANK YOU. Whenever one of my posts would hit, I’d check religiously to see if anyone commented with their own experiences/feedback. This surely sent Molly’s stats off the charts with Philadelphia, PA hits.

To Heather and Nicole - You ladies are complete awesome-stars. I loved blogging with you lovely ladies and getting daily inspiration from you. I can only hope we stay in close touch, and I’ll be keeping up with you and your lives as often as humanly possible.

To Molly - I don’t do emotion, but you forced it out of me. Your Joy Equation encouraged me to really assess my current reality, and realize that things needed to change. I learned that I can do anything that I want to do, but I need to DO things in order to achieve things.  I’m the poster child for “I tried every program and nothing worked”, and you proved me wrong. Your faith, encouragement, and reassuring support got me through the toughest time of my life. I also don’t do XOXO’s, but XOXO, seriously.

To The Season 3 Bloggers: I’m so excited to be working so close with you guys. Your stories are super amazing, and I can’t wait to hear more about how your big lives unfold over the next 6 months. Enjoy the journey, and if you need anything, blog related or not, hit me up. Sometimes you just need that neutral ear to listen. I’m here, babes.

And with that, friends, I must be moving on. Although it’s comfortable here, sharing my experience with the QLC, it’s time for me to become an official Quarterlife Crisis Survivor and keep on surviving.

And in the words of one of my guilty pleasure movies, Grease:

“Is this the end?”
“Of course not, it’s only the beginning”

Instead of the traditional name and description image that I typically use at the end of my posts, and have for the last 6 months, I have a new, improved one with the applicable updates, courtesy of the wonderful, amazing, and talented Erin Workman. (She makes adorable things at her Etsy shop. She has adorable puppies. She also does some awesome graphic and web design.)


[Note from the Editor:  Katie, Katie, Katie.  Seriously, where do I even start?  You have been an AMAZING voice here.   You have been an AMAZING fan of Stratejoy.   You are simply AMAZING, Katiepants.  I don't know if I've ever told you this- but I get plenty of emails that start with, "I totally relate to Katie.  I'm so glad you featured someone just like me..."  Your honesty, your sass, your ability to pay attention to why you do what you do and then share it with us is pretty incredible.   Those big dreams of yours, honey?  They're so yours.  Not a doubt in my mind.

Thank you with every ounce of my being for sharing your story..  I am so thankful I got the chance to spend so much time with you in DC (hugging you every other minute!) and can't wait until our next rendezvous.  And I'm freakin' jazzed you're staying on to help with Season 3.  The girls couldn't have a better big sister.   Big smooshy xxxx's and oooo's,  Molly]

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You Asked For It

posted 22nd July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Season 2

Molly, Nicole, Heather Rae, and I all exchanged interview questions. Here are my answers to the (often difficult!) questions I was asked. Enjoy.

What’s your favorite food memory?

Back before going out to eat was so common place, I remember going to the local pizza shop in my hometown of Bellmawr, New Jersey. Paradise Pizza is a staple of the town, and the food is amazing., My mom, dad, brother and I would head over to the restaurant once or twice a month and indulge in pizza and chicken sandwiches.

What can’t you live without?   What do you wish there was less of in the world?

I’m certain that I wouldn’t be able to live without Music. The magic of hearing an entire song, or even a simple lyric that speaks to you is something that I want to experience over and over again.

On the other hand, if the world had less mice and toothaches, I’d be a very happy camper.

If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?

I’d love to have the ability to use teleportation to get from A to B.  I can’t tell you how many times I wished I was across the country with a friend in a time of need, or across the world sight seeing, but didn’t have the time, money, or ability to make the commute.

Plus, I’d totally “accidentally” teleport into Ralph Fiennes, Danny Gokey, AND Trevor St. John’s bedrooms for fun.

If you could live anywhere in the world for six months (money being no object), where would you live and why?

I’d absolutely live in Washington DC or somewhere in Canada. Washington DC, which I’ve been to twice, is just so convenient, clean, and rich in history, that I can’t get enough of it. Plus, metro travel? Win!  As for Canada, I’ve always wanted to go because the pictures are so gorgeous. I’ve never been out of the United States, so another country, albeit America’s Hat, would be really awesome.

What do you consider the most important event in your life so far?

Although it was the most tragic, I think hitting my depression rock bottom has been the most important event in my life. The experience left me completely clueless as to where to go, but with the help of friends, self-help books, the Joy Equation, and my own will and determination, I’ve become a better, more determined person. The rock bottom has also given me the drive to help others in similar situations realize that Poor Mental Health and the Quarter Life Crisis sometimes go hand in hand.

If you had to spend $10,000 in one day, what would you do with it?

Being the undercover tech-geek in hiding that I am, I’d surely buy a new computer, an iPad, and some other funky gadgets. I’d get a room at the ritziest hotel room for a night, just to enjoy some “me” time. I’d go crazy in Ikea, and decorate like mad. I’d pay off some outstanding debt, and then buy a new bed to have a wonderful night’s sleep on. Oh, and I’d take my close friends out to dinner somewhere classy – like McDonalds, Tria Cafe.

Describe your priorities in four words or less.

Prioritize what matters first.

What is the one thing you most want to be known for?

Whenever that fateful day comes that my life ends, I want to be known as someone who made a difference in lives. I want to be thought of as the girl who made people laugh, and helped young adults create life strategies for success. I want to be known as me. (I think that was more than one thing. Oops!)

You’re in a bar for karaoke night, you have to choose three songs to sing, and each one has to be one that you relate to each of the following things: Love, Life, and Friends. Which three songs do you choose and why?

Love:
“This Is It” – Michael Jackson OR “You and Me” – Dave Matthew’s Band
“I never heard a single word about you. Falling in love wasn’t my plan” – MJ
“You and Me together, can do anything. The two of us together, can do anything” – DMB

Life:
“Hold On”- Wilson Phillips
“Don’t you know, things will change, things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day”

Friends:
“That’s What Friends Are For” – Dionne Warwick
“Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure. That’s what friends are for. In good times, and in bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more. That’s what friends are for”

What’s the weirdest thing that you’ve cried because of? (Maybe a movie, an unexpected song, something someone said that wouldn’t normally inflict emotion).

I’m a big One Life to Live fan. I can’t tell you how many times that show gets me crying. Yes, I know the acting is always overly dramatic, and that the love scenes are overplayed, but I probably cry at least twice a week from a scene on the show.

I’m coming to visit your city for just 2 hours during a layover flight for a business trip. Where would you be certain to take me and why?

I’d definitely take you to Rittenhouse Square in Center City, Philadelphia. It’s a beautiful area full of rich and snotty people, but the landscape and buildings make up for the prissy attitudes. Rittenhouse Park is lovely any time of the year, and one of my current roommates works at a coffee shop there, so I’m sure he could make us some amazing Apple Cinnamon Chai!

And finally, my inspiration list:

People:
My grandmother – we have one of the most dysFUNctional families ever, but she somehow finds it in her heart to love each and every one of our huge family no matter what we’ve done in the past. Her ability to endure physical and emotional pain and still smile, laugh, and talk about Soap Operas with me is inspiring.

Steve Ballmer - Hire me. Hire me. Hire me. Any man that can put on a show like this and get paid tons of money for it needs to be my boss.

Songs:
“Independently Happy” – Blue October
“Man in the Mirror” – Michael Jackson
“Whatever Happens” – Michael Jackson (I know…. I’m a huge fan…)

Books:
“Living Alone and Loving It” – Barbara Feldon (not just for people who live alone!) (Get it here!)
“The Catcher in the Rye” – JD Salinger

Places:
Anywhere where I can see the city skyline at night
the Ocean
Airports (having a destination and the preparation for flight both give me a high.)

Websites:
Operation Beautiful
To Write Love on Her Arms
Post Secret
Stratejoy (of course!)
the Daily Motivator

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Friends in Black and White and Pretty Shades of Blue

posted 15th July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I just spent an hour and a half listing all of the people that I know into the following three categories:

The Top Notch: “You Want It, They Got It” (The Close Friends)
Mediocre: “Occasional Check In” (The Busy Ones)
Another Brick In The Wall: “Yeah, I know him/her”. (…I think  can still spell their last name.)

I made a list of 10 qualities that I look for in friends; 5 emotional requirements and 5 character traits. I did a strictly timed 2 minute brainstorm of the people in my life and wrote them all down. Then, I went through each person, and gave them one point for each quality that they posses that I seek.

It was one of the most enlightening, disappointing, and baffling things that I’ve done all week. I was amazed at where people fell when I took a look at solid facts rather than emotional connections. One of my favorite people and dare I say “best friend” of several years almost didn’t rank.

It sounds kind of depressing and sad, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a few salty ones over it. It has affected me much as a breakup with a significant other would. Hell, I’m pretty sure she was my significant other for nearly 3 years. Just, you know, without the sex. I went through the denial phase, the angry phase, the “I’ll just get someone to replace you” phase, and now I’m well into the acceptance stage.

If I didn’t make a set of rules for each category and keep an actual score then I would have put her in the “Top Notch” category right away. This is just solid proof of how emotions can blind you of the solid facts and value that someone has in your life. I see it all of the time in romantic relationships, especially those that are toxic, but people stay in them anyway because there are so many emotions involved. Sometimes, you need to separate yourself from the emotions, and focus on the black and white.

I’m not planning on living life in Black and White all of the time. Things happen, people go through things, and friends earn free-passes to be assholes sometimes. If I were to take stock of my friends everyday, it’d be like the stock market. I wouldn’t be able to follow the ups and downs, crashes and recoveries. As long as my current circle of friends remain in the black*, then we’re all good.

The Quarterlife Crisis has been a real bitch. Even bitches have their purpose though. In some ways, the QLC has been really convenient for me. I had friends going into it, I met friends during it, and the ones that remain now are surely keepers. They’ve dealt with me at my worst, and now they get to experience my best.  Lucky them. Moreso, lucky me.

*Sidenote: “In the Black” sounds depressing, contrary to it’s actual meaning of being “profitable”. Maybe we should file a motion to change that saying to something more cheerful. Like “In the Pink”.

Update: Just Googled “in the pink” to see if it was taken as an analogy. Whoops. Mistake.

Let’s go with “In the pretty shade of blue”.


*Photo (via).


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With Freedom Comes Great Responsibility

posted 8th July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

“I’m free to do whatever I want, any old time.” – Soup Dragons

Freedom is one of those words that you only hear on holidays that have something to do with remembering war veterans who fought for our freedom, in kindergarten when you have to sing “America” before you can get your carton of milk, or on America’s birthday. I can remember countless essays that I’ve written for classes in which I had to explain what freedom was, what it meant to me, and give examples of things and people “that aren’t free.”

In 5th grade I answered the question with: “Prostitutes aren’t free.” I had to go to the principals office.

Over the years, my vision of freedom has developed from wanting to be free from my parents (as per my old journal entries in which I count down the days until I turned 18 so I could move out) to almost wanting to sell some of my freedom back. While I understand that as Americans we’re more free to do things that other countries are not, I sometimes catch myself wishing I wasn’t as free to do whatever I want as I am. This might be part of the whole “grass is greener” syndrome.

If I didn’t have freedom, I’d want it. Because I have it, I wish I didn’t have it at times.

As a single, 25 year old self employed girl living in South Philadelphia, I’m the epitome of freedom. I can go to bed whenever I want, wake up whenever I want, do work whenever I want, take off whenever I want, watch TV whenever I want, eat whatever I want, buy whatever I want… and so it goes.  I may even go as far as saying that I have too much freedom.

Where there is no freedom, there is extreme structure. In the countries in which women need to cover their bodies, it is strictly enforced. Their structure is strong, and they don’t allow people to break the structure. On the other hand, where there is an extreme amount of freedom, there is zero structure.  Think of all of the animals who run free in the woods. There are no rules. They don’t have to be anywhere at any certain time. Everything seems to be perfect until something unexpected happens. Like when a baby deer gets hit by a car. That extreme amount of freedom was awesome until their was a catastrophe. It’s that catastrophe that I, myself try to avoid.

Those who have not enough freedom will inevitably crave more of it. And since I have an unlimited surplus of freedom, I’ve grown to dislike it.

Personally, I crave being told exactly what to do. I want to be held accountable. I want to have set schedule that I have to adhere to. I want a job that wants me to designate a full 8 hours a day to doing set tasks.   While some people do well with creating things to do and holding themselves accountable, it’s my weak area.

Imagine going into a new job and your boss just looking at you and saying “Just do it.” You have so many questions, but you’re just expected to know how to do whatever “it” is. Where do you start? When do you finish? What you wouldn’t give for a little but of guidance.

Yep, that’s how I feel basically every day.

The irony of having this self proclaimed amount of excess freedom is that I am in complete control of it.  Even saying it out loud, “I control my own level of freedom.” feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It seems so common sense, but I didn’t grasp this right away.

If I want to have a set schedule, I can make one. I want an 8 hour job that holds me accountable? I can apply for one. Even so, it’s easier to have someone else tell me what to do.  However, I chose this path of life. For so long, I dreamed of having more freedom and less control from other people. I just didn’t know how much responsibility came with it.

I’m in the process of revamping my schedule and holding myself more accountable. It’s a difficult shift of power, but I’m embracing it by starting small; giving myself a bedtime, wake time, and morning routine.  I don’t want to be too controlled by society or even myself because I think then I’ll start to hate it.

Freedom is an amazing thing, but as with most amazing things, too much of it can be more than you bargained for. Especially if you’re not prepared to handle it.

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Debt, Addiction, and Recovery, Oh My!

posted 1st July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Money, Season 2, What I've Learned

Growing up, I usually got what I wanted. If I wanted a doll, my mom would buy it for me. I can remember presents for days on Christmas. It would often take hours and hours of opening gifts Christmas morning. From what I can remember, my mom and dad were well off. Looking back now, it’s pretty clear that they were doing something right because I recall having home improvements done pretty often.

I knew that for quite some time, my dad did the working, and my mom paid the bills. I can remember her keeping the checkbook, tapping “MAC” for $5 for lunch, and doing the grocery shopping. I really had no concept of money, though.

When I entered middle school, we had this “Marriage Project” where I had to marry one of my friends, find a job, buy a house, buy a car, and pop out a kid. I was determined to spend every last dollar of the money allotted to us. We liked the $6,000 car, but that would leave us with an extra $2,000. In my mind, we had to spend that money. If we didn’t then it would go to waste.

My husband suggested that we “save” it.

“Save it? Why? Why the hell should we save it when we can get a 1999 Ford Explorer instead of a 1993 Plymouth Reliant Station Wagon?”

I was pretty forceful. He gave it rather easily. To this day, I wish he would have put up more of a fight or at least had his mom call my mom to give me a talking to on the importance of saving.

Years would pass, and I would find myself tangled in a pretty little web of credit card debt. No sooner did I start paying it down, that I realized that I could get payday loans. 134% interest didn’t matter to me. I was getting money without any need for more than my driver’s license number. So began my addiction to getting money and spending it quickly. The more quickly I’d spend the money, the better I’d feel. When I was feeling super bad, I’d binge spend then go through days of remorse and “I’ll never do this again” self torture.

Money was my drug dealer and shopping was my heroin. It made me feel amazing to walk into a store and buy something expensive. I’d literally buy anything and everything until every cent that I had was gone.

The one thing that I didn’t enjoy paying? Bills.

Car payments, car insurance and rent weren’t nearly as fun to buy as new Old Navy tee shirts and new gadgets. The risk of being homeless and car-less was a thrill. Everything about the situation screamed addiction. I made the connection early on. I didn’t want to stop, but I did start to feel bad. I found an awesome substitution that gave me the same thrill as buying things for myself without feeling selfish: buying things for other people.

So began that vicious cycle of insisting to pay my way plus the other persons, buying extravagant gifts, and loaning money. People would thank me, and insist they pay, but I’d shut them down and blame it on being so independent when in fact I had an addiction that would soon blow up in my face.

The blow up was huge. I lost almost everything from my car to my apartment to the respect of many members of my family. I hit rock bottom in every sense of the word. I’m endlessly grateful that my dad took me in. Luckily, I didn’t burn all of my bridges.

Even now, a good year from the blowup, I’m still in recovery from it. I never went to a “Spender’s Anonymous” meeting, but I did seek some therapy for it. I have an addictive personality, and a family history of addiction. I can’t blame it all on genes as I willingly made my own decisions, but I did have a little bit of an unfair disadvantage to begin with.

These days, I’ve learned to be super careful with money. I don’t have to spend every dime that I get. I don’t live paycheck to paycheck anymore. While I’m not banking $60,000 right now, I have a comfortable enough cushion to where I could float a month of bills if I had to. Being in Freelance really helps me because sometimes, I don’t know when my next paycheck will come in. So, when I do get paid, I need it for necessities, just in case the next check doesn’t come in for awhile.

Hi, I’m Katie and I’m an addict. I haven’t binge shopped in 8 months.

(photo: via)

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