Category: Alisha

Thank You

posted 8th March 2012    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, Season 3, What I've Learned

I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since I wrote my last post for Stratejoy. It feels like a lifetime has passed. Baby number 3 came and now he’s crawling. The little girl now has ponytails, not just curly puffs that sit on top of her head. The oldest, well his outstretched arms reach the tops of my shoulders.

I too have grown. Pushed past edges. Actually practiced some radical self love and wow! what a difference. It wouldn’t have been possible without Stratejoy. There is so much that I want to say, but it came out in a poem. Go figure.

And so Molly, Katie, the girls from Season 3, the ones before me, the ones after me, and you–the Stratejoy community–this is for you.

 

I want tell you how vibrant I feel.
That I bought shirts in purple and teal.
That my husband says that my eyes are bright again.
That there is a new glow to my skin.

Thank you.

I want to tell you how much more connected I am.
That I made new friends, joined new groups, tilled new land.
That my feet feel firmly planted.

Thank you.

I want to tell you how much louder I am.
That I went from a whisper to a soft roar.
(That I expect to be at a full roar soon.)
That I love my voice.

Thank you.

I want to tell you that for the first time, in a really long time, I am happy to be a mother.
That I understand that these seasons in life are constantly changing.
That I forgave myself.
That I learned how to breathe through it all.

Thank you.

I want to tell you “thank you”
For believing in me,
For giving me your ears,
For giving my your eyes, and
For giving me your hearts.

Thank you.

 

*photo courtesy of artnoose

 

 

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The End

posted 28th January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Really?  This is it?  This is my last post for Stratejoy?  I think I might cry.

These past six months have been incredible–life changing, actually.  I am so grateful for the amazing women I have connected with during my time here.  Doni, Marian, Renee, Nikki, and Lindsey are going places, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to have been a witness to their journey.  I am grateful for Molly and the work that she does.  She’s the real deal y’all.  The older sister I wish I had: authentic, warm, uplifting and now one of my most favorite people on Earth.  If it weren’t for her, Stratejoy, my trusty old Joy Plan, and these ladies, I am quite certain the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 would not have rocked so hard.

I learned so much about myself.  Thanks to the Joy Equation, I feel empowered.  I finally figured out what it is that I truly value in life.  I reached limits and set boundaries.  I learned (am still learning) that it’s okay to not be perfect and that my imperfections are actually what make me beautiful.  I found comfort in solidarity.  And I’ve said this before, but for someone who lives with depression, one of the most important aides in my healing is knowing that I am not alone.  Now, I am stronger.  I know that this quarterlife crisis is manageable.  I will live through it.  I am living through it.  You will live through it.

I have been able to share with you stories that I’ve never even told my best of friends.  (Amazing how the internet can help you open up and expand, isn’t it?)  And because of that my soul is lighter.  My very first post, which is probably my favorite, was a painful story that I had been trying to tell for years.  I had no idea how much that story dragged me down–kept me stuck–until I told it.  Thankfully, your kind words help me heal and move on.

So to the ladies of Season 4, I wish you much luck.  (Though with Molly and the other wonderful women you will meet through Stratejoy, you’ll be just fine.)  If I can offer any advice to you it would be to always be open and honest.  Never be afraid or embarrassed to share your stories.  Chances are there are others out there who will read it, and like me, breathe a sigh relief knowing that they aren’t the only ones.

But most importantly, have fun; connect with one another; connect with the Stratejoy community; make new friends; and enjoy the ride.

Thank you all for standing beside me, loving me, encouraging me, and inspiring me on this journey.  Until next time. . . .

[Note from the coach: You, gorgeous soul, you.  You don't even know how much I admire you- a young woman with a family who hasn't forgotten that she needs to fill herself up first- in order to be present, giving, and compassionate for those she loves.  I know it's not always easy and I know you feel like you've got so many more things you want to accomplish, create, be....  Believe me when I say this, Alisha, you are enough as you are.  And with that fierce self love that you've discovered, the extra sparkly bits will find their way in.

Thank you, thank you for being real.  I know all of us have appreciated your willingness to dive into the dark (and the light!) and to share it with us through such lovely, heart felt writing.  I appreciate you.  And adore you.  And cannot wait until we meet in person so I can cover you (and your kidlets) in kisses.  All the good in the world, with love,  Molly]

(photo credit)

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Bonus Material

posted 21st January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

Oh yes, it’s that time.  The Interview.  Just in case I hadn’t shared enough with you, here’s a little bit more.  I hope you enjoy the bonus.

 

1. What do you miss most about being a child?

I miss running and skateboarding.  I miss spending Saturday mornings with my father, drinking gas station cappuccinos, and browsing Lowe’s Hardware.  Most of all, I miss being care-free.  Now I understand why my parents always told me not to be in such a rush to grow up.

2. What’s on your bedside table?

Back issues of O, Real Simple and Martha Stewart Living magazines;

“Potty Training for Dummies” (Must get these kids out of diapers ASAP);

“I Thought it Was Just Me” by Brene Brown;

and my NOOKcolor.

3. When was the last time you were giddy with happiness, lost in one of those can’t-hold-back-a-smile kinda moments?

Every time I visit my parents I feel like a kid in a candy store.  I am fortunate to have two parents with whom I really like to spend my time.  Even though my home is here in Chicago, with my husband and kids, I love the feeling of going “home”: the food, the smells, the familiar sounds.  And now, I get to see the joy on my parents’ faces when they play with my children.  It’s awesome.

4. What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months?

I expect the next 6 months to be a little crazy.  I will be carting my son to and from his pre-preschool classes (yes, it’s ridiculous but you can actually prepare your kids for preschool) and trying my best to break my lease as early as possible.  (Did I ever mention that I live on the third floor of a walk-up?!  3 Floors + 3 Kids = Tired Mommy.)  I also hope to see my name written somewhere other than my own blog and journal pages.

5. What’s your hell like?

My hell is a Chicago winter that never ends.  The sun never comes out, the car doors creak when you open them because they are practically frozen, and no one has a smile on their face.  In my hell there is no crème brulee, red wine or my mother’s German Chocolate Cake.  There are no books, no pens or paper, and the only thing on TV is Dr. Phil.  And I’m all alone in my misery.

6. What’s your heaven like?

In heaven I get to spend infinite amounts of time with all of my favorite people.  Each morning I wake to the sight of snow-capped mountains and every evening I fall asleep on the beach as a bonfire glows brightly and my favorite musicians take turns serenading me.  Oh—and crème brulee, red wine, my mother’s German Chocolate Cake, ice cream sundaes and fudge brownies don’t have any calories.

7. What’s the biggest lesson you’re taking away from the past 6 months with Stratejoy / how has the experience changed you?

Anyone with depression will tell you that one of the most overwhelming feelings you experience is loneliness.  I often felt as though I was suffering alone, that my struggles and triumphs were mine alone.  But my experience with Stratejoy has shown me that though the details of our stories may vary, the themes remain the same.  It has been such an amazing feeling of community and support.  My time here has given me hope that even though life may be hard some times, I’ll make it through just fine—just like everyone else.

8. What song lyrics fit your life, right now, at the beginning of this brand new year?

My theme song for this year is “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles.  It puts a little pep in my step, reminds me that I am the queen of my life and I get to choose happiness.

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

9. If you had a time machine, what place and time would you travel too and why?

If I could travel to any place in time, it would have to be the late 1940s or early 1950s—except without the Jim Crow laws and racism :)  I looooooove the fashion from that time period.  (Pencil skirts, hats, gloves and peep toes—yes, please!)  The deliberate femininity, sophistication, martinis and all those handsome men. . . . I think I would have a blast.

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you that you wish more people could know?

I wish more people could know that even though I am a big introvert and look like the quiet and shy type, I like having people around.  I want to be the person who always has a full house.  I want to be the person throwing dinner parties every weekend just because I want to celebrate life.  I hope that this year I will be able to create new connections to bring me closer to that goal.

11. What surprised you the most about 2010?

Holy crap was I surprised by the amazing people I met through Twitter.  My parents were hyper-vigilant.  I never talked to strangers.  But I’m glad I let go of that fear and started branching out on Twitter.  I met some women who are my long lost sisters.  It is amazing how much solidarity I have found, how much encouragement I have received, and how much genuine love spread.  I am so glad I decided to try to be “cool” and jumped on the Twitter-train.

12. What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

It sounds so cliché, but the greatest gifts I have ever received are my children.  They came a little earlier than I had planned, but they push me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be.  Their presence has increased my self-awareness.  Their hugs and kisses, giggles and dances make my soul burst into flames.  Some times they drive me crazy, but I am crazy in love with them.

13.  Dream Job?  Dream Home?  Dream Vacation?

Dream Job: In my dreams I do everything.  I write bestsellers; I do public speaking gigs; I design and sell my own line of jewelry; I paint and sketch; I run and own a small press; and I own a funky little coffee shop and bookstore that rents out artist studios and open mics every week.

Dream Home: Ok.  I’m going to escew practicality here and go ahead and admit that deep down I dream of being an ex-pat.  So my dream home is a flat in a cute European town…maybe somewhere in France or Italy, though Barcelona, Amsterdam, and Prague are on my radar. 

Dream Vacation: See above :)  

14.  Imagine your life was being made into a movie. What would the title be? Who would you pick to play you? What would the theme song be? How about the little trailer blurb for the advertisement?

This is a really difficult question.  I actually don’t watch a lot of movies so to conceptualize this is pretty difficult for me.  I have no idea what the title would be, but the theme song would be “King of Anything.”  It would be a romantic-comedy-drama about a young girl who is just going through her days figuring out life, love and pursuing happiness.

photo credit

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Dear Me at 16

posted 14th January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Dear Alisha,

I know you are having the time of your life right now.  You feel as though the world is in the palm of your hands.  And right now, you think you’ve got it all figured out: graduate from high school; go to Wake Forest; become a doctor; get married at 26 and have a kid at 28.  I hate to burst your giant bubble–and I do this out of love–but life isn’t going to work out this way.  It won’t be all bad.  But it’s going to be very different.  If you remember these few things, I think you’ll be just fine.

Yes, you’re going to go to the school of your dreams.  You will join a sorority, make life-long friends, drink your first beer and kiss a few boys.  You will have no idea why you suddenly morph into an unrecognizable version of yourself until a year later, at the age of 19, when a short Indian man tells you that you have Bipolar II.  This will forever change you life, but it will not definie it.  Through all of the ups and downs, the migraines and medications, you will learn that you are stronger than you think you are.

You spend so much energy stuffing down those emotions.  It’s okay, girl.  You are human.  You get emotional.  You don’t spend hours reading bridal magazines for no reason.  You’re a true romantic at heart.  You believe in love at first sight and fairy-tale romances.  Chick-flicks make you cry.  Don’t be afraid to show that side of yourself.  Love openly, love honestly, pour out your heart.  It may break a few times, but it’s worth it.  Love.  Love a lot.

Oh–and trust your gut, young lady.  Life is a series of gut-checks.  Remember when you were little and you thought you were psychic?  Well, you weren’t too far off.  It will take you a few more years to rediscover this, but you have a high level of intuition.  It’s why people come to you and tell you their fears and secrets.  It’s why you avoid some people like the plague and it’s why you’re drawn to others like a moth to the flame.  This is your gift.  Use it.

Dream on Dreamer.  You’ll get suckered into believing that the American Dream is the only dream.  They will tell you that you can’t be an artist and be succesfful in this life.  But deep down you know what kind of life you really want to live.  There will be some detours along the way, but don’t give up.  There is an old wooden desk, pen and paper waiting for you.  Go write some books.

Above all else, though.  Love yourself.  Please, please remember to love yourself.  Learn how to graciously accept compliments.  Never make yourself smaller than you are.  Because you are grand–and totally worthy of praise.  Love your shyness; it’s okay to be quiet.  Love your intelligence;  it will get you far.  Love your body; you only have one so please treat it with respect.

Get ready for a wild ride, my friend.

Love,

You in 10 Years

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5 Ways to Give

posted 7th January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Tips & Tools

I spent a lot of my free time in high school and college spending my Thanksgivings feeding the homeless, reading to children and dunking my sorority sisters to collect money for various organizations.  But the reality now is that I am short on two things: time and money.  And I know my situation is not unique.  Now that the holidays are over and the toy and food drives are coming to an end, here are 5 ways you can continue to give–and they won’t cost you a dime.

Surf the web.  You probably spend a good portion of your week online searching for random things so why not use the search engine www.GoodSearch.com which donates 50% of its advertising revenues for every search conducted through its website.

Sell your stuff. I am constantly purging my drawers and closets to create more space in our small home.  I usually try to dump everything on Craigslist, but next time I think I’ll try Ebay’s Giving Works.  This special portion of their site allows you to sell your items and choose how much of your profit you would like to donate to charity.  Win-win.

Tweet and blog about your favorite causes.  The best way to generate interest in anything is by word of mouth.  Tweet or blog about your favorite charities and how they change the world.  If you inspire at least one person to donate some money, that can make a big difference.

Do You.  Are you a web or graphic designer?  Offer a free site or logo makeover to your favorite local charity.  Love to paint or draw?  Create a piece of work to be used in their next fundraising campaign.  Maybe you’re a master pianist.  Why not offer to teach a few piano lessons at the local children’s home?

Be You.  Hold open the door for the old lady behind you.  Shovel your neighbor’s walk.  Pay for the coffee of the person in front of you.  Smile at passersby.  Send a nice text or email to someone you haven’t talked to in a long time.  Just be your kind, generous, compassionate self.

Giving doesn’t have to be done with grand gestures and fanfare.  It is as much about the little things as it is about the big things.  What really matters is the love and intention inside of your heart and how you share the pieces of you.  Believe me, that is what truly makes the world a better place.

(photo credit)

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