Category: Alisha

Bring It On 2011

posted 31st December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Family, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Money, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Spirituality

Last week I finally realized that I am worthy of good things in my life.  In light of  this new realization I have dreamed up some goals for 2011.  I hesistate to use the word “resolution.”  Resolutions sound so absolute and are hard to keep-in fact I think they almost set you up for failure.  But goals, goals are measurable.  I can do goals.  Goals motivate and inspire me.  Here is what I am working on in 2011:

Real Life

Work It

Lovers and Friends

With Sprinkles on Top

So bring it on, 2011.  I have a feeling this is going to be my year.

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A Year of Abundance

posted 24th December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

It’s that time of year again. The time for reflection.

The time for 2010 was a year of Discovery for me.

Because of The Joy Equation, I rediscovered my values.

Because of writing, I rediscovered my passion for life.

Because of my children, I rediscovered my intuition.

Because of all of these things (and more), I rediscovered myself.

This part of my journey was so crucial.  It has laid the foundation for the beautiful things to come in my future. I hope that 2011 is all about Abundance.  Everything positive that occurred this year, I want 10 times more of it.  Not because I am greedy, but because I deserve it.  And no, I am not just talking about money (though I definitely could use much more of that in 2011).

I am talking about love, connection, community, trust, spirituality, health. I am talking about more time spent with my family and more time spent with my creativity. Because I deserve it.

This year of discovery has also been about remembering that I am worthy. (All of us are born worthy. But somewhere along the way, because of things people have said or things we have experienced in life, that belief in our worth fades, maybe it disappears.) It wouldn’t have mattered how badly I wanted success, love, happiness, or fulfilling work if deep down I never believed that I deserve it.   And I finally believe it.

Yes. Abundance. That is what I hope to see in 2011.

(photo: the Hindu Goddess Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance; credit)

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Bad Days Are Okay

posted 17th December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Spirituality, What I've Learned

I have had a string of bad days.  Not “my dog died” kind of bad, but more like the kind of days when you just want to hide from the world.  Usually these kinds of days are riddled with self-doubt.  They are filled with surges of confidence that quickly disapate.  And I spend copious amounts of energy doing the things that I think will lift my spirits only to feel even worse than I did before.

I took my medicine.

I journaled–tried to acknowledge my fears with words.

I texted, tweeted and wrote to friends.

I took long, scalding showers.

I turned on Britney Spears and did funny dances with the kids.

It didn’t work.  Despite doing all of those things, each day was filled with moments where I sat on the edge of the sofa with eyes full of tears that would not fall.  So one night I said to myself, you know, maybe I don’t need to try to fight these feelings so hard.  Maybe I need to go ahead and acknowledge these feelings–embrace them even–and just be.

Normally when I reach this point, I dig through my nightstand drawer and consult a spiritual text (of which there are many).  But instead I looked up my astrological profile.  I know, funny isn’t it?  I was grasping for something, anything, that might help me understand why I was feeling this way, why I so often feel this way, and this is what it told me:

. . . . Cancerians are family centered, tradition bound, tied to the past, fearful of the future and of the unknown. Security is one of their major goals. . . .  Cancerians look toward introversion and melancholy. They are as restless and moody as the shifting tides. They…like to retreat into dreams and fantasies and to shelter themselves in the relative safety of the past.

. . . . They tend to be exclusive in their social contacts; at the same time, they are particularly touchy about being excluded by others. And they never forget a slight. . . .

. . . . If they are disappointed, they become withdrawn and hostile. . . .

. . . . At their best, Cancerians of both sexes are among the most loving of people, profoundly intuitive, and quick to grasp and respond to the emotional needs of others. They inspire and nurture growth. It is Cancerians’ task to find safe haven in which their sign’s exquisite sensitivity can bloom and flourish. Otherwise, the crab my find itself dominated by the prickly, grasping side of its nature.

Sigh of relief.

I am not sure why, but I found this comforting.  I’m not a huge believer in astrology; I don’t read my daily horoscope or consult the position of the moon and stars to chart my life plans.  But in that moment, it was as though it answered all of these big, scary questions that have been hovering over me these past few days.  Why am I like this?  Why do I feel like this?  Is this okay? In that moment I accepted that it was okay being me.  It was okay that I am emotionally-unstable.  (Okay, I had to chuckle at that last line, but it’s so true.)  It was a reminder that I can love all of me, even if there are parts of me that literally drive me crazy.  It is just who I am.  And I can’t force myself to become someone I am not.

So these bad days, though they do suck, are okay.  I have them.  I had them in the past and there will be many more in the future.  But I don’t have to fight with them all the time.  Sometimes I can just let them be bad.

(photo credit)

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Holly Jolly Christmas

posted 10th December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Family, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

I can’t remember ever being pee-in-my-pants excited about Christmas.  In our home, there was no decorating except for the tree.  There were no stockings hung over the fireplace.  We didn’t bake Christmas cookies or send Christmas cards.  And after the 7th grade, Christmas became this seemingly obligatory gift of money with which my brother and I used to purchase our gifts during the weeks after Christmas.  This was mostly a result of my mother’s conversion to a Jehovah Witness.  Jehovah Witnesses do not celebrate holidays because they believe that they originated from Pagan rituals, not fundamental Christian beliefs.  I actually happened to agree with them, but that didn’t stop me from begging for a Christmas tree each year.

Though winter is my least favorite season, Christmas is magical for me.  I drink hot chocolate and chai while watching the flames dance in the fireplace.  Apple and cinnamon candles burn, extra blankets cover the couches and my Clay Aiken Christmas album plays in the background.  (Yes, that’s right.  Clay Aiken.  Don’t hate.)  Christmas time means warm socks, flannel pajamas, hearty breakfasts and sugar cookies.  What’s not to love about that?

And maybe it is because during this one time of year, my faith in humanity is restored.  People hold open doors and say “Merry Christmas” to strangers on the street.  They dig around for spare change in their pockets and drop a few coins into the Salvation Army cans.  They collect cans of food for the hungry and serve warm meals to the homeless.  We see through the Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays, crowded malls and maxed out credit cards, and remember that this time of the year is really all about Love.

As a mother, my challenge now is to figure out to marry the whimsy and magic of the Christmases I never had with the values and morals that I wish to cultivate in my children.  But it is hard when I don’t really know exactly what to do.  I could always ask my mother-in-law.  So this week I will be scrambling to find holiday craft projects; learning how to make my own Advent Calendar; reading about St. Nicholas; and attempting to buy presents.  (As a result of my childhood, I am a horrible gift-giver.  Not to mention I have serious issues with the wasteful, consumerist and materialist elements of the holiday season so I abhor shopping for presents.) Oh, and I am supposed to make “Christmas Pants” for my husband and son.

This should be an exciting and joyous time for me.  But it’s not.  So far, this year’s holiday season has agitated my insecurities.  I have walked into Target about 35 times in the past 2 weeks determined to deck my halls.  Yet each trip ended with my head down, dejected, embarrassed and upset that I lack the skills to create my Christmas fantasy.  Ok, I did manage to buy some stockings for myself and the kids, but that was all.

I know it sounds a little silly.  I shouldn’t let this bother me so much.  But you know, deep down, it’s not really just about Christmas.  It’s about me trying to give my children the childhood I wish I had.  And maybe that’s what bothers me: I can’t give them what I never had.  That won’t keep me from trying though.  I have time on my side, right?  And my kids will still love me, even if I pick sucky stocking stuffers and forget to bake cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.  Because, like I said: this season is really just about Love.  Life is about Love.  I don’t have to save it all for Christmas.

(photo credit)

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The Quarterlife Crisis is Real

posted 3rd December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Mention the phrase “quarterlife crisis” to someone over the age of 45 and they’re likely to laugh and roll their eyes.  Then, if you’re lucky, they will tell you that your generation is selfish, spoiled, dependent, lazy, and self-indulgent.  “When I was your age, I worked two jobs, was married, owned a house and fed 3 children!” they might say.  We kids have made up this quarterlife crisis thing because we just don’t want to work hard.

That’s rather insulting and Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a research professor of psychology at Clark University in Massachusetts, agrees.  Arnett’s main focus of research is in the area of development, specifically “emerging adulthood.”  He has conducted various studies of individuals in their late teens and twenties in order to demystify this challenging period of life.  According to Arnett, emerging adulthood is characterized by these key features:

it is the age of identity explorations;

the age of instability;

the self-focused age;

the age of feeling in–between;

and the age of possibilities.[1]

Tell me that doesn’t sound like you—or any of your friends.

Your parents and their parents may not have had it very easy, but our generation faces some unique circumstances.  We grew up during the Clinton Era, one of the most affluent in US history, which gave us high expectations for our experience in the “real world.”  Yet the reality is that right when we were about to head off into the land of golden opportunity, our dreams were dashed by downsizing companies, outsourcing, bursting real estate bubbles, thieving CEOs who drained bank accounts, and the exponentially increasing costs of higher education.  Pension plans and employer 401k contributions are rare, and we probably won’t see any social security.  People are marrying and having children at a much older age, thus lengthening the time between graduation and “adulthood” and that feeling of being “settled.”  And, ok, so maybe more and more of us live at home with our parents and our salaries barely cover the bills—but don’t despair.  There is some light in this tunnel.

Our generation has also experienced one of the largest technological booms.  My first cell phone was a tiny Nokia with like, a 16-bit screen and all you could really do was make phone calls and text.  Oh, and there was DOS.  Remember audio-cassettes?  If you didn’t know how to read maps or hadn’t memorized “Never Eat Soggy Wheat,” then you were S.O.L.  Now you can send emails, listen to music, find the nearest coffee shop and then tell 100 million people what you ate at said coffee shop all from a little piece of plastic that’s the size of your palm.  I mean, wow!  We’re no Jetsons, but we’re pretty damn close.

As technology expands, so do our horizons.  Through the internet and cable television we can see how the other billions of people on this earth live.  We no longer connect with just our friends and family, but with the whole world.  Access to information is instantaneous (at least for much of the developed world and non-communists countries).   We can run a business from our home.  We can run a business out of a hotel room or on a boat or on a space ship if we’d like.  It’s no wonder we are confused, overwhelmed, depressed and won’t settle down!  One of the worst things about having options is that if there are too many, you become paralyzed.  However, we. have. options.

So you want to know what I really think?  I really think that deep down, the people who scoff at us are really just jealous. They are jealous because they let their vibrant years slip past them in a haze of “yes sir”s .  Instead of blazing their own trails, they blindly followed others through the forest.  They didn’t question authority and challenge convention.  And now, they feel trapped by the lives they allowed others to create for them.  That must suck.  Hopefully that will not be us.

This period in our lives—the quarterlife crisis, emerging adulthood, whatever you want to call it—is not self-indulgent.  It isn’t laziness.  It isn’t selfishness.  We are being responsible.  We owe it not only to ourselves, but to the world to become leaders and freethinkers.  Yes, by taking this time to connect with ourselves, and remember our core values (if you don’t know them yet, The Joy Equation can help you with that!), we can become of service to the world.  This journey is about gaining self-awareness.  The discovery of our gifts will allow us to shine.

Even though this quarterlife crisis thing is a pain in the butt, it’s just another step we have to take to become the adults we want and need to be.

[1] http://www.jeffreyarnett.com/windingroad.htm

(photo credit: emerging photographer and my brother Clarence G. Richardson III)
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