Category: Doniree

6 Months Ago, and Now

posted 25th January 2011    Written by: Doniree    CATEGORY: Doniree, Family, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Season 3, What I've Learned

Six months ago it was August. Six months ago, I vacationed in Portland with Chris. It was my second visit to Portland, the first having been back in April.  Amazing city.  I spent a week in the Reno/Tahoe area and even got to cross Number 18 off my Life List.  Six months ago, I quit a great job (again) and launched back into establishing myself as an independent contractor.

And now, I live in Portland (oh, did I forget to mention that? Whoops!  I moved to Portland right before Christmas!).  Now, I’ve added another thanks-to-blogging trip to my list of awesome ways I’ve traveled in the last couple of years to my list.  Now I’ve renewed what was my very first independent contract and in August, I signed on as Community Manager for a kick-ass non-profit based in Boulder (but cool with me working from Portland).

6 months ago, I knew I loved Chris but I hadn’t told him yet.  I’d told my girlfriends. I’d told my sister, my mother.  I also knew exactly what it meant to him to say it to someone, so I lived and breathed it until I could speak it. And then one day, he said it. Pulled me close, whispered in my ear, that he loved me, Doniree Walker. That he was IN love with me.

And now, I get giddy over the fact that I fall asleep after kissing him goodnight, and wake up to his snuggles in the morning. I look at our kitchen, at the results of whatever kitchen experiment we’d tried together (tonight was personal pizzas, they turned out amazing), and I am filled with wonder for this man who I love more than I’ve ever loved before.  And for gratitude for the way he loves me – kitchen dancing, too many pairs of shoes by the door, tendency to not close cabinets and drawers all the way – and all.

Six months ago, I was realizing for the millionth time exactly the kind of women I’d met in Boulder and had come to call sister friends.  Six months ago, Chelsea moved to Boulder from Denver, and Jackie moved to Boulder from New Jersey.  Chelsea shared her vibrant, colorful and dramatic self with our dynamic, and Jackie brought a beautiful, compassionate, nourishing energy to the group, and six months ago, the traditions of cooking dinner together, sharing personal details together, and playing wildly hilarious games together with such strong, brilliant women continued and grew stronger.

And now, I miss these women and the connections that group has, deeply.  I love you women. You wildly radiant women. And while I’m excited to meet new, wonderful friends in Portland – I recognize that what that group shared was unique and something special.  And I’m excited to find my something special here, but hey Portland? You got some big shoes to fill.

Six months ago, my sister called me and told me she was pregnant.  She and her husband, my sweet and hilarious brother-in-law, were going to have a baby.  Six months ago, I jumped up and down in my kitchen at the news, cried my little eyes out, and went all Big Sister on my Little Sister. I rejoiced that she would soon be a mother, and that I’d soon be an aunt.  I immediately texted my above-mentioned girlfriends and shared the news.  Miranda’s pregnant!

And now, I’m ecstatic that we know she’s expecting a girl.  A niece for me! And now, I’m more grateful than I can express that I was able to see her twice in two weeks over the holidays and watch how beautiful her little baby bump has become.  It’d be an understatement to say I was completely obsessed with it the entire time I spent time with her.

Six months ago, I was blonde. And now, a brunette. I’d say so much else in my life has changed in the last six months, but I don’t see it that way.  Sure, I’m in a different city and all, but rather than change, I like to think I’ve simply moved forward. Grown, stretched, reached farther than I thought I could reach.  I’m not a different version of me or of anyone, but the same me with new lessons under my belt, new experiences in my memory, and renewed gratitude for family, friends, and the sparkly, brilliant results of living nothing short of my absolute best self.

It’s been an honor to share these past six months with you, dear Stratejoy readers. Thank you for your feedback, your support, and for sharing YOUR stories with me and the other bloggers this Season.

{Photo credit: Hello, Gorgeous. Photography}

[Note from the Coach:  Doniree, Doni- you sparkly, deep, sunshiney soul.  I can't even remember when I first learned about your loveliness, but it was apparent when I finally got to meet you.  You were my kind of people.  Bright, passion-exploring, driven by growth and creativity, and with this amazing ability to express yourself through your writing.  And gutsy.  Hella gutsy.

Thank you for being part of my life these last 6 months.  And for sharing your life with our Tribe here at Stratejoy, in typical open and welcoming Doni-style.  It's been a joy to watch your journey and witness the loving way you interact with your world.  This is SO not goodbye.  It's a "see you soon" Northwest Neighbor.   To adventure!  Love with hugs, kisses, and dancing in the street, Molly]

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Interview Week: Doniree

posted 18th January 2011    Written by: Doniree    CATEGORY: Doniree, Season 3, What I've Learned

1. What do you miss most about being a child?

Recess. My cute Southern accent. Having a swimming pool in the backyard.

2. What’s on your bedside table?

A reading lamp, my “One Line A Day” book that Nicole gave me for Christmas, a pen, my iPhone charger, and random bobby pins.

3. When was the last time you were giddy with happiness, lost in one of those can’t-hold-back-a-smile moments?

Last week, I spent a few days in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with my family for my cousin‘s wedding. My cousin and I were peas in a pod growing up, and then life, high school, college, and many miles between us happened and we lost touch as whole-family visits became more infrequent and we just got busy.

In the last couple of years though, we’ve kept up a little more and it’s fun to be back in touch. I hope to keep that up.

Anyway, seeing her absolutely radiating love and happiness with her new husband, surrounded by the love of family and friends – that made me absolutely silly happy.

4. What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months?

I always look forward to upcoming travel, and I’m ecstatic that I have two trips to New York City planned this spring – one of which will include bringing BoyfriendMan with me to one of my favorite places I’ve ever been. NYC is a magical, sparkly place and I can’t wait to visit again and see friends, as well as visit again and bring him. This spring also holds the promise of a return trip to Austin, TX and the third installment of Bloggers in Sin City in Las Vegas. All of this happens before June, and I’m excited to revisit cities I’ve fallen in love with, and catch up with friends who’ve become so important to me over the last few years. On the flip side, I’m also looking forward to settling into Portland and exploring this city I just moved into.

5. What’s your hell like?

“Werewolves in London” and “Rock Lobster” are playing on repeat. Every meal consists of water chesnuts. It’s 10 degrees below zero. Chocolate milk doesn’t exist, and I’m folding laundry.

6. What’s your heaven like?

It’s 75 degrees and sunny, I’m on a lake in Northern Minnesota. Daytimes are spent on boats, drinking wine off the docks, sharing meals with friends and family, cooking on grills and over open fires. Nights are spent around bonfires, telling stories, roasting s’mores. Music is always playing and is French cafe music, or the Michael Buble station on Pandora. I have my own Food Network and Travel channel shows and have published three books.

Ok, so maybe that’s my retirement?

7. What’s the biggest lesson you’re taking away from the past 6 months with Stratejoy, and how has the experience changed you?

Biggest lesson? Plan ahead for anticipated craziness. I fell off the posting-with-consistency wagon towards the end here because my days and nights were filled with preparing to move, moving, unpacking, family travel twice, the holidays, and catching up on work. I saw it coming. I am perfectly capable of planning ahead and doing that well. I’m also completely in love with the Stratejoy community, the other Season 3 bloggers, and the stories that have been shared here.

8. What song lyrics fit your life, right now, at the beginning of this brand new year?

Is it too cheesy to say “Time of My Life”? Ha. I’m not sure. I’m oscillating between head over heels in love, bright-eyed at the world of possibilities in a new city and with a new year. I’m also sad to have left such amazing friends behind again – this time in Boulder. I’m grateful to have had the year I did in Colorado, and am reflecting on the idea that it went by so, so fast. I’m adjusting to a new city, learning my way around and I love it but it’s also disorienting at times. I’m happily in transition, in limbo. I’m deliriously in love.

What song says all that?

9. If you had a time machine, what place and time would you travel to and why?

The midwest in the late 20′s. I’d be friends with Amelia Earhart when she was in her late 20′s/early 30′s. I’ve always been fascinated by her, and I bet she was a pretty kickass woman back in those days.

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you that you wish more people could know?

Hmm. I used to want to be a pilot. (See: Answer to #9)

11. What surprised you most about 2010?

The relationships that formed. I met Chris when I wasn’t expecting to fall in love, met girlfriends who became like sisters, and strengthened relationships with friends miles away.

12. What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

The best present I received recently was the Christmas present from my Boyfriend. He’s the most thoughtful gift-giver. For my birthday last year, he knew it was on my Life List to travel by train since I hadn’t yet, and he bought us a round-trip to Glenwood Springs and back from Boulder. It was awesome, and so thoughtful. This year, for our first Christmas – he surprised me with a foodie’s perfect gift: a cooking class at Sur la Table, a great Chef’s knife and some Artisan cheeses.

{Photo credit: @christopherdan}

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Dear Doni: A Letter to My 18-Year Old Self

posted 14th December 2010    Written by: Doniree    CATEGORY: Doniree, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

letter to my younger self

Dear Doni,

High school graduation, eh?  You never thought this day would come, did you?  But here it is, a beautiful and sunny Minnesota summer day, and you’ll be accepting your diploma soon.

It’s a big world out there, and I know you’re excited to take it on, to contribute to it, and for all the people whose paths you’re going to cross.

I know you don’t know exactly what you want to do with your life right now, and that’s ok. Your ideas are great, but I should warn you that the field of journalism is going to change a LOT in the next 10 years, you should probably keep writing and consider a different career. I know you don’t want to be a reporter, and the magazine field isn’t going to be what you’re expecting.  Start paying attention to what gets published online.

You’re going to change your mind about your major a few times, and they’re all good ideas, and they’re all going to come back to you at some point. Journalism. Spanish. Secondary education. Psychology. Counseling. You’ll end up with a degree in Psychology, but the other pursuits in your twenties – writing, blogging, yoga, and teaching yoga are going to beautifully blend the things you dabbled in while in college.

Your first few jobs are going to teach you so much about business, corporations, and what you don’t want out of a career. But pay attention! The things you’ll learn about media buying and advertising are going to help shape the direction your career for years to come – even if you don’t stay in an agency.

You’re going to hit a point in your 20′s – call it the Quarter-Life Crisis, call it indecisiveness, call it College Did NOT Prepare Me For This – call it what you want. But you’re going to hit a point in your 20′s where you won’t know what your next move should be. DON’T PANIC.

You’re going to discover yoga, and what it can do for anxiety management. You’re going to meet the right people at the right time, and you’re going to start learning that that’s not an accident. You’re going to meet a friend at a concert.  His name is Rod, and he’s going to start asking you why you can’t be a yoga teacher, why you can’t start traveling, and what’s stopping you from pursuing your dreams.

You’re going to start giving that serious thought.

You’re going to read Eat, Pray, Love on your 25th birthday and start to wonder why YOU can’t spend an extended amount of time exploring your own world. Relax, you’re going to do that before you know it, starting with Colorado and then moving onto the West Coast.

Keep writing. That’s going to pay off. Other things that are going to pay off : setting goals, joining 20-Something Bloggers (you don’t even really know what blogging is yet, but this community is going to introduce you to some of the most important people in your life), taking spontaneous trips, buying a Mac,

You’re going to date guys who don’t get you and who take you for granted – that’s ok.  That’ll teach you what you want and don’t want.  At 27, you’re going to meet the guy that gets you, doesn’t take you for granted, celebrates you, and challenges you.  You’re going to know the first time that you meet him that he’s something special, and you’ll figure out why soon enough.  Don’t let him go.

You should also really start saving your money. Life isn’t cheap, but you’ll learn to prioritize what’s important and spend accordingly.  Don’t open credit cards while you’re in college to pay for groceries, gas, clothes, etc.  You’re going to do this anyway, and I wish I could stop you.

College is going to be awesome, even if you transfer twice.  The first few years after college are going to be great too, even if you don’t quite understand what it is you’re doing with your life.  Your QLC will hit right around 25, and you’ll start weeding out the things that don’t matter in favor of the things that do.

Stay focused, keep smiling, and never be afraid of your biggest dreams.

Love,
Doni (almost 10 years later)

{Photo credit}

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How Gratitude Leads to More Abundance

posted 7th December 2010    Written by: Doniree    CATEGORY: Doniree, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Books to read.  Blog posts to write.  Clients to please.  Calls to make.  Calls to take.  Relationships to maintain.  Love to give.  Love to receive.  Family.  Friends.  Business.  Work.  Yoga.  Physical health.  Spiritual health.  Mental health.  Emotional health.  Happy hours.  Brunch.  Potluck Sunday.  A night to myself.  A night out with friends.  Dinner.  Text messages.  Emails.  To-do lists.  Blog business.  New ideas.  New year.  New projects.  New.  Everything.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed, right?  To buckle under the weight of it all, whatever it all is for you.  How did I get to this place where there is SO MUCH TO DO? People to please, deadlines to meet, expectations to live up to.  I frequently say, “I’d rather be busy than bored,” and while that’s true – how true is it also that just once, just right this second, just for a day… we’d like to remember what bored feels like.

We are living the abundance we demanded

Chelsea and I have discussed these crushing moments more than once.  20-Something Women who juggle life, work, dreams, love, emotions, the QLC, wine, cheese, and living – just like so many others.  And in one of those moments, she said something that I’ve never forgotten:

Isn’t it funny?  How we’re exactly where we wanted to be, exactly where we asked the Universe to put us, and yet we’re frustrated and tired and overwhelmed?  We’re living the abundance we desired, the abundance we demanded — and yet, where is our gratitude?

How true is that?  I asked for this. I asked for clients that were interesting and whose work I believed in.  I have them.  I asked for deep relationships and friends that are like family – in cities across the country and scattered around the world.  I have them. I asked for a lover and a best friend who shared the same dreams and direction as I did.  I have him.  I asked for creative opportunities, and here I am.

Life is abundant. Opportunities are abundant, and when I can remember that I’m exactly where I wanted to be and instead of sighing in exasperation, I cry out in gratitude – suddenly I can handle it.  Suddenly, the unmanageable is manageable.  The hurdles are jumped.  The edge is pushed and changed.

For this, I am grateful.

As I write this, it’s Saturday night.  I have a glass of wine next to me, and BoyfriendMan works on his laptop at the kitchen table next to me.  For that, I am grateful.  For a relationship that supports my creative bursts at 10pm on a Saturday night, I am grateful.  I have a to-do list a mile long, but for that, I am grateful.  I have steady income and work for clients who challenge me creatively and whose mission I support with every ounce of my being.  For that, I am grateful. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I’ll attend a yoga teacher training class, have some time to spend at home packing for my upcoming move, and will spend tomorrow evening with friends-like-family at our weekly potluck.  For the chance to further study yoga and the opportunity to soon teach, I am grateful.  For a lifestyle that allows me the freedom to pack up and move across the country in the name of exploration and adventure, I am grateful.  For friends-like-family and a social calendar full of rich and loving relationships, I am grateful.

I could see that above paragraph as one big to-do list.  Write this blog post, pack for the move, show up to Potluck, get your work done, cross this off, maintain this, be attentive to that.  I could.  But that would make things like creativity and relationships a task – and they’re not.  They’re evidence of abundance in my life, and for that – I am grateful.

And if I’ve learned anything about gratitude this year, it’s that the expression of it – for the immense and for the mundane, – almost always guarantees MORE of the goodness.  More abundance, more love, more living.

Even when I struggle, I find those things that I’m grateful for and I focus in hard on those things.  The stressors start to melt, and calm sets in.  Gratitude is powerful.

No matter where you are, there is at least one thing in your life your are most immensely grateful for.  What is it?

{Photo credit}

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Self-Doubt, Ego, Humility, and Acceptance

posted 30th November 2010    Written by: Doniree    CATEGORY: Doniree, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Season 3, What I've Learned

“Am I ready for this?  Am I even good enough?”

“I should be practice teaching more often, otherwise I’m never going to get this.”

“Is my love for this practice going to be apparent in my teaching, or will I be so distracted by ego — by how I sound and what I’m saying that that love will be totally lost?  How can I move through ego in order to get to heart?”

“Maybe I should take a few more months developing my own practice before I should start really teaching.”

“What if I teach something wrong?  What if I mess up and everyone knows?”

Self-doubt is ugly.

It’s especially ugly when you’re on a beautiful journey, preparing and training for something you love, something you feel called to do.  I’ve known for years that I want to teach yoga.  That desire morphed from a fun “I want to teach yoga on the beaches of Hawaii!” to a way of giving of myself and back to a practice that’s had such a profound influence in my own life.

A practice that’s given me coping mechanisms for anxiety and has helped manage panic attacks.  A practice that’s released tension in my shoulders and has alleviated frequent tension headaches.  A practice that’s connected emotional to spiritual and helped me move through periods of questioning self-doubt, loss of identity and the precious connection to my own sexuality and energy, healing a damaged spirit, and learning how to move through any of life’s challenges – small or seemingly massive.

A practice I want to translate into my role as a teacher.  So here I am.  A year out of my first teacher training, Official Yoga Teacher Certification under my belt, and halfway through a hands-on, four-week, get-’er-done second program.  By mid-December I’ll be more than equipped to step out into and lead my own class, and sometimes, that lights me on fire.  Recently though, and a bit without warning, I start to question myself, asking myself if I’m really ready, really capable.

Then, it gets worse. I start to blame myself.  I find myself in a downward spiral, hearing the words of self-criticism course through my veins and the subsequent internal conversation that happens when I try to talk myself down from that.  “Am I capable?”  “SURE you are!”  “Am I sure?”  “Stop this chatter.  This isn’t productive.”  And so it goes.

From student to teacher to student

And so it went, right up until the part of the sequence I was supposed to teach.  In the time leading up to my turn to teach, I kept telling myself to bring these feelings into and through my practice – to acknowledge the nerves, accept the fact that I didn’t know everything and wouldn’t be perfect, and allow where I was to be the right place.  I tried to relate my nerves and internal arguments to a place of compassion and humility that perhaps my students could relate to.  I tried to find a way to use where I was to guide me and my students.

It worked and it didn’t. It worked in that I truly felt present in those moments.  It worked in that I remembered and felt comfortable talking through the postures, looking to my students to guide my next words in response to what they needed to hear.  It worked in that I felt more confident than I did last time I taught.  I genuinely felt as though I spoke from a place of authenticity when leading the class into and out of final savasana.  It felt natural to remind them to find a place of love and acceptance, because I was telling myself to love, honor, and accept where I was in my own practice as a student and as a teacher. I felt a little emotional as I finished with, “The teacher in me honors the teacher in you, namaste” and bowed towards them.

It didn’t work as well as I thought it might to “fake it ’til you feel it,” to bury the feelings of nerves and fake feelings of confidence when the first piece of feedback I received from my instructor was “You sounded nervous.”  I over-compensated for nerves by inflecting too much energy into a surrender part of the sequence.  I was so caught up in sounding stable and confident that I lost some of the connection to the energy in class until I came back to a place where I could relate to them — that place of humility and of compassion.

My Commitment to Myself

To me, self-doubt perpetuates more self-doubt if the thought processes don’t change.  Thoughts become things, right?  In order to change this, my self-dialogue has to change and ego has to be addressed.

I acknowledge that I’ll question myself again, and that I need to detach from this idea of “good” and commit to a practice that is instead focused on being authentic.  I’ll also slowly start to undo the notion of “working” and will start instead surrendering into the challenge, the doubt, and the questions.  I’ll acknowledge that they’re present and then let them pass me by.  I won’t “fight” the questions that pop into my mind, but I’ll welcome them, surrender into them, and learn from them.

I’ll remember that I can use these feelings of self-doubt and this journey right now to relate to future students who may be going through something similar.  I’ll be able to teach strong postures and speak from the heart of someone who’s been there.  I’ll be an authentic voice, and will hopefully be able to say and teach just the right thing for just the right heart at just the right time.

And that is what enables me to detach from self-doubt, to see it, to open up to it, and move through it.  To rid my thoughts of it and to replace it with humility, self-love and acceptance, and an open-heart.

{Photo credit}

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