Category: Marian

Marian – 6 Months Later

posted 18th August 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: Marian, Season 3, What I've Learned

Remember Marian? She was one of our Season 3 Rockstars. She’s back, with an update on what’s happened over the last 6 months in her world. You can read her full journey from beginning to end by checking out the Marian Archives!

I wish I had good news for you, I really do.

We left off just after I arrived in New Zealand. This move was full of promise. Sure, I was having a little culture shock, but I was with my partner, traveling the world, doing my thing.

And then it, ever-so-slowly, fell apart.

It took around 8 months for everything to completely turn to shit. It was a gradual process. First, I had a cockroach phobia. The things are super common in NZ and they started giving me panic attacks. Even at the time I knew I was projecting my stress onto whatever I could find. Moving to the opposite side of the world, not having a job or money or real support system and not even being able to schedule Skype dates with my family due to a fun 18-hour time difference took its toll.

(Granted, cockroaches still scare the crap out of me, but I couldn’t sleep for months thanks to the little buggers.)

Then, the job thing hit. Being so far away from home meant people weren’t as keen to hire me. New Zealanders didn’t trust me, Americans thought I was too far away and didn’t understand the concept of hiring someone based in Hobbit-town.

So I started looking for a “real” job. Months went by.

Then I started distancing from the few people I actually knew and loved in New Zealand, .who took the brunt of my difficulties in the move and didn’t say a damn word.

Eight months of unhappiness later and I’m writing this from a creepy old hostel in Melbourne, Australia. I ended up getting a fantastic job in Auckland, but circumstances (re: not being able to handle Auckland or my life there anymore) sort of dictated I couldn’t stay. Lucky for me, I have the best bosses on the planet and they’re letting me work from the road.

I’m on the trip of a lifetime. I have unlimited time, no real obligations and a modest stream of income.

I’m writing this on Day One, where I’m feeling lonely, scared beyond all possible belief and sick to my stomach that I just threw away everything good in my life because I was “having trouble settling in.”

Basically, it’s six months post-Stratejoy and it’s not pretty. I don’t know what’s going to make me happy. Location, career and mental health just weren’t cutting it.

The thing is though, Stratejoy taught me to play to my strengths. To try and be as self aware as humanely possible in terms of where I feel my life should be, even if I don’t know what that is yet.

And if I’m anything, I’m proactive. And impatient. Together, this makes for one determined girl. I’m trying to see this grand upheaval in some sort of positive light: Instead of sitting on my ass in a situation that made me unhappy, I left. I’m seeking happiness. On the road, by myself.

In theory – from the outside – this looks pretty brave. And independently smart (even if my parents don’t think so). On the inside, it feels dark. And twisted. I have no idea if this form of therapy is going to work. Whether my constant running around (running away?) is going to solve anything.

Or whether the “impatient” part of me could have given it just one more chance.

 

divider

Welcome to the Quarterlife

posted 27th January 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Marian, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Regardless of the fact that I make my living on the internet (or maybe because I do), I’ve always been hesitant about sharing my life online. Sure, I do the obligatory Facebook albums and try to “be myself” by swearing up a storm, but I have never ever ever actually shared my Big Bad Fears with complete strangers.

And then Stratejoy came along. Looking back, I definitely started tentatively. I was so used to blogging to help people, to teach things, to build up My Brand. And that’s when something funny happened… I slowly (s-l-o-w-l-y) started opening up. Sharing things I didn’t particularly want to share. Being more honest with myself – and with you – than I’ve ever been. And you guys were awesome. Like, I knew the Stratejoy community was absurdly cool, but this cool? Nuh-uh.

Every time I admitted a dirty secret or talked about my life and where it’s headed in a way that wasn’t comfortable, you guys shared your stories, cheered me on and pretty much blew me away with all  the support.

And here’s what I learned in the six months here: We are sooo all in this together.

How many of us know 20-30somethings who really and truly know their path? That aren’t riddled with guilt or anxiety about choosing one “life option” over another?

Maybe it’s because I’m surrounded with people similar to myself, but because of Stratejoy, I see it everywhere now: People just want to be happy. Authentically. We hunt for that perfect job because we want to be passionate. We get married and have babies because we think these things will fulfill us. Not that they don’t, I can’t wait to have some crazy kids running around the joint, but my point is that this entire Life thing is this amazing shared experience and the whole, what-the-hell-do-I-do-with-it is even more shared.

Boyfriend Sam and I go around in circles having the same conversations: What should I do with my life? Should I study? Should I get a real job? Should we travel? Should we settle? Knowing that this older, more mature, more experienced guy was going through the same things as me has been a huge weight off my shoulders. We could be 28 or 88 and it wouldn’t make a damn difference.

Knowing that the women (and men) who read this site feel just as lost, but also just as passionate about the journey, is one of the most uplifting and comforting experiences of my professional life.

You guys are wonderful. This site is wonderful.

But six months after starting, it’s suddenly over. I have no freaking idea how that happened. I have no clue how six months of my life just flew by.

Granted, the past six months have been a bit of a whirlwind. Last April I was single and living with my parents in Connecticut. Now it’s summer in New Zealand (in January) and I’m living with the love of my life on a completely new adventure.

I’m also completely in the middle of my quarterlife crisis. Six months ago I really didn’t understand what that meant. Now I still may have no idea what I’m doing, but there are two HUGE things I’ve learned about dealing the QLC:

  1. Do something. You don’t have to know what The Big Life Plan is, but taking one little step at a time is perfectly okay. Just make a decision. Today. Do something. Go somewhere.
  2. You are not alone. Really, you’re not. That girl you graduated with who seems crazy successful or that relative who’s super passionate about x,  y or z? They’re probably just as confused and wound up as you are. And at the end of the day? You have this amazing community to fall back on.

These six months may be over, but you can be sure I’ll be sticking around.

[Note from the Coach: Marian, you are a force to be reckoned with and I mean that in the very best way possible.... I absolutely adored having you share a slice of the real Marian without worrying about teaching or clients or the uberforces of Social Media judging you.  We got YOU.  And I am so, so grateful for that.  I always forget that you're 23 because of your wisdom, your ability to push convention, and the gorgeous faith you have that things will work out.

Thank you, gorgeous girl, for being here.  For showing up on the good days and bad.  For sharing fancy Italian veggies and prosecco with me and introducing me to your beau on the streets of NYC.  For being such a pr0Stratejoy force and  making me feel like we're doing something right over here.  I'm such a fan of you and seriously can't wait to see where your journey leads.  Wherever that may be!  Kisses to you and mutual wise laughter at all the assholes in the world.   Love, Molly]

[photo credit:  sakanami]

divider

Roadtrips, Bedside Tables, Heaven, Hell and Other Ridiculously Awesome Questions

posted 20th January 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Marian, Season 3

I am a total dork and have been looking forward to writing the interview post for AGES. I’m one of those people who loves filling out surveys and answering difficult questions. Because I’ve waaaaay overwritten though I’m going to skip over the pleasantries and just get into it:

What do you miss most about being a child?

I was a HUGE reader as a kid as we weren’t allowed to watch TV growing up. While I’m probably an even bigger reader today (thank you, Kindle!), there’s something about children’s literature that lit my fire. My Side of the Mountain. Island of the Blue Dolphins. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I recently tried re-reading a lot of my old favorites but some of that magic is lost. The thing I miss most about being a child is the imagination and fantasies we create for ourselves based on the books we read and the stories that shaped us.

What’s on your bedside table?

This never changes: A glass of water, the latest book I’m reading, my glasses case, cell phone, birth control pills, hair tie and sleep mask.

When was the last time you were giddy with happiness, lost in one of those can’t-hold-back-a-smile kinda moments?

Yesterday in the pool with my boyfriend. No, not like that, pervert. Just lots of giggles and water splashing and getting up on his shoulders and trying to get him to perform a dance routine with me. No suck luck, but still an absurd amount of fun.

What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months? (Besides reading awesome Season IV Bloggers!)

Travel, baby! I can’t wait to see more of New Zealand, travel up the coast of Australia and generally be a bit of a nomad.

What’s your hell like?

Hell is listening to 80s music while eating anything involving meat, raisins, hazelnuts and/or papaya. There are insects everywhere and I’m stuck listening to someone/anyone who spends eternity talking about themselves. I am most likely performing complex mathematical equations.

What’s your heaven like?

Heaven isn’t puffy clouds and harps, it’s filled with trees and rivers and birds chirping. Everyone I love is there (including my family, who, magically, don’t try to piss me off every five seconds), it’s a warm 75 degrees and I’m listening to anything folksy. Eating any and all desserts that don’t involve raisins or soggy bread. Maybe cupcakes. Pecan pie. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. I get to meet Johnny Depp and Emmeline Pankhurst. I am completely and utterly free of worry.

What’s the biggest lesson you’re taking away from the past 6 months with Stratejoy / how has the experience changed you?

To be honest with you, I still have no idea where I’m headed. I don’t know what my calling is or what I’ll be doing next year. But there has been one, hugely dramatic change in my thinking towards the Quarterlife Crisis: I am not alone. Post I really didn’t want to write, were not only met with support but complete understanding. I am not the only one who hates bars. It’s not just me who hesitates when donating to charities. And, finally, I am not alone in my Quarterlife Crisis. In fact, I think I now revel in it. How boring would I be if, at 23, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to do for the next 60 years? How interesting would my life turn out if I weren’t consumed by my passion for passion? It’s okay to not know at 23. It’s okay to not know at 83.

What song lyrics fit your life, right now, at the beginning of this brand new year?

While I may have mentioned this in my post about what inspires me, this Weepies lyric is the message that kind of represents my entire life: “In the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.”

If you had a time machine, what place and time would you travel too and why?

This is, by far, the hardest question of the bunch because time travel is my all time biggest fantasy. If I could have any super power I would want to be a suffragette in the early 1900s and a flapper in the 20s and a welder like my grandma during World War II. I would want to be an American Indian and an early settler. I would see Medieval England and Renaissance Italy. I would glimpse the dinosaurs. No way in hell I can give only one answer to this question – I’m a total history nerd.

What is something that not a lot of people know about you that you wish more people could know?

I wish more people knew and fully understood my obsession with nature and being outside and quiet on the land. Every time I go for hikes or walk with people it’s always chat chat chat and you can almost always hear planes overhead or cars in the distance. The people that don’t know this about me are always surprised and say something along the lines of, “You?! You’re outdoorsy?” Maybe it’s because of my job fixed on the internet or my desire to hike alone, but even family thinks I’m a completely lazy-head which is totally lame because my biggest pet peeve is sitting inside on my laptop all day.

What surprised you the most about 2010?

Well, the entire fact that I’m here in New Zealand is a bit of a shock. Last year I was living in a swanky apartment in Manhattan going on blind dates and missing my ex. Six months after the New Year and I was flying to England to see if we still clicked. I had no idea my life would turn from 20-something single girl in the city to seriously committed travel bug.

What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

I gotta say, this Christmas was beyond awesome in terms of presents. My Kindle is my new best friend and my daddy sent a GPS system all the way from the States that was not only programmed with New Zealand maps, but had John Cleese’s voice uploaded to give directions. My family and blog readers also pitched in to get me a new computer.

That said, the most thoughtful and useful present was care of Sam for my 22nd birthday. I had desperately wanted to go to culinary school, but ended up having to drop it because of it’s ridiculous cost. But that year, Sam bought me to HUGE cookbooks that the French Culinary Institute used as textbooks. Not only have they taught me how to make the perfect pie crust, but the present was a little ray of hope that even though I might not have $40,000, I can still make smaller efforts to teach myself.

Dream Job?  Dream Home?  Dream Vacation?

Job: There’s not one BIG thing I want as a career, but it’s definitely my dream to own a store that sells coffee, pastries and cute antiques and fun things I find on my travels. I also want to write a book, continue to freelance, travel the world, get paid to write about things I love and maybe do something random like make wine or choose icing flavors.

Home: I think there’s a lot of travel in my future and after a few years of that I will hopefully find the one place that “fits” me long term. That said, based on what A LOT have people have told me, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest might suit. Portland or Boulder or even farther south in San Diego. I can’t see myself settling down outside the States but with a Kiwi-British boyfriend I might need to do a little compromising.

Vacation: Road-tripping across America! I’ve wanted to do that since I was a kid and I’ve seen so much of the world now I think it might be time to really get to know my own country.

Imagine your life was being made into a movie. What would the title be? Who would you pick to play you? What would the theme song be? How about the little trailer blurb for the advertisement?

I am soooo not creative enough for this question, but if Audrey Hepburn were still alive I’d definitely love her to play me. Her or Winona Ryder. The theme song would be anything by AC/DC. Honestly, I can’t think of a trailer blurb and can’t decide if it would be a rom-com, drama, action flick or fantasy. I can’t do this question…

Wow, what a totally lame way to end this AWESOME list of questions. This has definitely been my favorite post to write though!

[photo credit:  -Snugg-]

divider

Big Plans for 2011

posted 13th January 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Events, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Marian, Money, Season 3, Travel

Like most people who have completely failed at New Year’s Resolutions, I’m not a fan of making them. Mostly because I have zero willpower and my resolution usually involves something like, “eat less cake” but also because I think we should always be striving for better.

That said, I was a huge fan of Back to School Time. Newly sharpened pencils and a fancy planner always made me feel like a fresh start was all I needed to Be Better.

I’ve felt that way for my entire Quarterlife Crisis. I thought that moving to London would change how I was feeling about not doing anything exciting. I thought finally settling in New Zealand would make me – and therefore my life – feel stable.

When really, though fresh starts may motivate us for a week or two, there are bigger things that need changing. Things within us.

Anyhoodle, that said. Stratejoy has asked us to come up with some “resolutions” for 2011. I can’t remember the last time I made a resolution, but Molly eloquently put it as “things we’d like to accomplish.” Which is soooo much more fun because resolving usually feels like depriving yourself of something while accomplishing feels like adding something awesome to your life.

So, without further ado…. What I’d like to kick ass at in 2011:

Write an eBook on something social media related. Everyone and their mom in my industry has one and I kinda feel like I have more to say than just “How to use Twitter” and I think my eBook could kick your eBooks ass. Also? I’d like to have some of that elusive passive income folks keep harping on about. Also also? I have lots to say and why not make a little money while I vent?

Do one thing to make my dream of owning a bakery/café/shop a reality. Whether that means taking a one-day cooking class or interviewing a shop owner, I would like to feel like I’m doing something to make that big dream of mine a reality instead of simply waiting to have enough money to just jump right in.

Be able to climb something big without passing out. I’m in one of the most beautiful countries on earth and hiking in nature is one of my favorite things on the planet. However, the other day I hiked to the top of a freaking volcano and I was literally crying on the way up because it hurt so bad. I also fell twice and banged up my leg. So while my goal isn’t to lose 20 pounds (though that would be nice) or have a delusion of physical grandeur, I would like, however, to hike something impressive without wanting to murder someone in the process.

Save up a moderate sum of money. I know, I know, specific goals are important but I don’t have a regular income so whatever. Let’s say…. $1,000 in the bank that I can’t touch, okay? HAPPY?!

Make some Kiwi friends! It’s been great having two of my flatmates from London here, but a girl needs her own social life. The amazing Alisha from Seattleite Imagery has hooked me up with some ladies in Auckland and I’ve joined three active MeetUp groups already. Here’s to new friends in 2011!

Earn a small income from my blog itself (affiliates, programs, whatever) and not just through services.

Charge what I’m worth.

Exercise for 15 minutes a day, six days a week.

Teach myself a small amount of web design. No, I don’t want to run a design business (there are professionals for that), but I would like to be able to edit small things on my site when the mood strikes. Plus, I like being a little bit creative and writing doesn’t really cut it for me.

I would ask what your goals are for 2011, but I’m like the last person to post this one. So how about you tell me your biggest accomplishment of 2010? It’s totally lame to constantly plan for the future if you can’t totally pat yourself on the back for the past!

divider

For Marian, Forever Ago

posted 6th January 2011    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Marian, Season 3, Travel, What I've Learned

Dear Marian,

You’re a funny one, aren’t you? I know high school is being a bitch and a half right now and your boyfriend is a crazy person and you pretty much hate everyone, but I promise: College classes are better than high school classes, you will not be with that boyfriend forever and, trust me, it isn’t you; the people in Greenwich actually do suck.

You may attend a certain college for the wrong reasons, but it will end up being the right place for you. There, you will find a group of friends who adore you more than life, you will find out who you are without your high school sweetheart AND you will end up traveling to 13 countries in the span of a year. You will switch your major from Spanish to Gender Studies, just because it’s more fun. And that’s one thing I crazy admire about you, Past Marian, you don’t stress about what you should be doing. You just do what feels right.

And so far? It’s played out pretty well. There will be a period after graduation where you’ll feel 100% stressed and frustrated about what you’re supposed to be doing. You’ll make a huge effort to get a “real” job and you’ll end up quitting it anyway to go solo. It’s not particularly scary, but don’t stress when you end up having to leave New York. There are bigger and better things to come. Also remember that you kind of always knew you weren’t supposed to be at a desk so when everyone starts congratulating you about your “new life” and how exciting it must be, don’t freak out when you just smile and nod and don’t actually feel any passion towards your cubicle and phone extension. It’s not you and I hope you celebrate that.

While I’d like to give you some grand advice to help plot your way through breakups and travels and horrible grades and great grades, everything you do leads to where you are now. Which is in sunny New Zealand with the greatest person on earth. And while you still may be floundering with the whole “What the hell am I doing” part of your life, you are with the right person and you have the amazing flexibility to do and go whatever and wherever you want. You never succumbed to what was popular; you never pretended to be something you weren’t; you never listened to anything but your heart.

Make sure you never lose that quality. Make sure you don’t let other people’s failures and bad advice get in your way. Writing this now, though, I know I have nothing to worry about. While life doesn’t get any less stressful in the next ten years,  you’ve managed to kick so much ass. For this, I am completely and brilliantly proud of you.

Love,

Marian

divider

Next Page »