Category: Renee

Dear Renee, age 16

posted 25th December 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

Dear Renee, age 16,

You realize how lucky you are to be living a storybook life right now. You’re in honors courses. You’re dating your best friend who plays in a pretty sweet band. You’ve got all the solos in choir and you make all the plays you audition for. Your teachers love you, your friends love you, and some of your classmates have told you that they admire you. Shit, you’re doing something right.

But know this is not as good as it gets. You are simply learning what greatness feels like, but it’s not all the greatness you’ll feel in your life. Know that your boyfriend will cheat on you with a taller, prettier version of yourself. Even though that will put you in a tailspin and on anxiety meds, know that this experience will help you realize how good of a catch you really are. This experience will teach you the lessons of heartbreak and it will teach you that putting giant chewed up jelly beans on that girl’s car is actually really funny and healing. Just not the second time. But most of all, this experience will give you a taste of how resilient you truly are. You’re only scratching the surface of your strength.

When someone all but promises you the lead in your senior musical, know that you still have to work for that audition. In the offchance that you blow it, you’ll learn that even those things that you take for granted require effort. You blow your audition and you get cast as a guy. Seriously. I wish I could make that part up. It’s the cherry on the sundae that makes you resent high school. That, coupled with all your friends graduating early, and all the drama that surrounded your break-up with aforementioned boyfriend, makes you look forward to college. And I’m telling you now, college is a bajillion times better than high school. You don’t even need anxiety meds in college (or post-college).

Listen, I know you’re on top of the world right now. You feel like everything is going in the right direction. You think you’re going to marry that boy and settle down in northern Indiana and pop out babies and go to church every weekend… but a little thing called politics and feminism will soon creep into your life. You’ll take some new media classes. You’re a smart cookie, but you’ll find a hunger for knowledge soon enough. You’ll meet a young man who listens and appreciates you for who you are and won’t try to change you. You’ll graduate high school. You’ll win awards in college. You’ll get A’s in grad school. You’re going to succeed far beyond your current dreams.

Dream bigger, lovely.

So stop passing notes in World History. Stop drinking the nights before choir competitions. Stop making out in the driver’s seat of your tiny car. You’re so much better than that. It gets so much better than that.

And when you get caught cheating on your Biology exam? You’d better feel DAMN lucky he let you retake it. Also, you’ll get a lead in Hello Dolly, so stop whining about Annie Get Your Gun.

Love,

Renee, age 24

{photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt}

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How the Clintons Affected my QLC

posted 18th December 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Events, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

I think I peaked at the age of 21.  This is why post-graduation was so difficult.  I was on top of the world senior year.  The Clinton campaign was utilizing me; I drove Chelsea in her father’s motorcade on a Polish political holiday, I drove Sean Astin (Lord of the Rings, The Goonies, Rudy) to my high school for a Hillary rally, and when I ran into Chelsea a few weeks later, she remembered the dress I had been wearing the first time we met and thanked me over and over again for my help.  On top of that, my relationship with my boyfriend was far surpassing any other relationship I had ever had and we started talking about marriage.  (Little did I know, he bought my engagement ring that semester, but held onto it for another six months!)  That last semester of college, I starred in a musical, I wrote my senior thesis, I commanded an hour-long presentation on my thesis, and I secured a connection that would land me a job in real-world politics.

I had the world in my pocket and nothing was going to get me down.  Or so I thought.

We all know what happened next.  Being campaign staff for the 2008 election meant working 7 days a week, commuting an hour, ten hour days.  Election results meant a staff position in January, commuting even longer, no lunch breaks, conference calls during hair appointments.  I thought it would be so glamorous, that it would make me so professional.  I admit I loved my .gov email address.  But I just wasn’t ready for it.  I never settled into this lifestyle.  I had a fiancé at home, a cat who felt neglected, an apartment that was always cluttered, and shoulders so full of stress that it hurt to lay down. I was unhappy, overwhelmed, and yes, underpaid.

Some may say there is no such thing as the Quarter Life Crisis. Those people should be grateful it never happened to them.  But I think if we all looked a little deeper, we’ll recognize a little QLC in all of us.  It’s there.  It’s the not-living-up-to-expectations, the life-isn’t-following-my-plan, the what-is-my-plan?, the plans-are-for-sissies, the this-lifestyle-completely-sucks, the why-the-fuck-am-I-so-sad?, the can-someone-get-me-a-road-map?, the so-this-is-adulthood, and the overwhelming feeling of disappointment in what life was supposed to be but just isn’t. (Or what life is and isn’t supposed to be.)

I mean, why should reality fail in comparison to our dreams?

And it’s okay to feel that way. Really.  It takes lots of soul-searching, lots of quiet time, lots of long drives, and lots of your favorite beverage to truly redefine success to match YOUR expectations, your hopes and dreams, your soul.  Together, we can work through our quarter-life crises. That’s what Stratejoy is for, you guys.


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‘Tis the Season

posted 11th December 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Family, Love/Relationships, Renee, Season 3

When you start a family of your own by getting married or having children, you are met with some tough decisions, decisions you probably didn’t anticipate: What about the holidays? Do you spend it with your family or his? Do you stay home and create your own traditions?  Of course, this is more complicated the further your families live from one another.  In my case, my husband and I live in Illinois, my family lives in Indiana, and my in-laws live in Minnesota.  Yes, it’s all the Midwest, but we certainly can’t do Minnesota and Indiana in one day.  As an only child with a single mom, I can’t quite leave my mom home alone on Christmas, either.  So, for the second Christmas in a row, we’ve made plans to head back to Indiana Christmas day.

Then there’s that 20-something job struggle.  I’m a student.  I’m a waitress.  Because I’m a student, I couldn’t travel to Minnesota for Thanksgiving because it was my only time to write 30 pages and do research.  Because I’m a waitress, I can’t head back to Indiana any earlier than Christmas morning because I am scheduled to work Christmas Eve.

The only tradition it seems the Christmas season brings is the feeling of being pulled in eleventy billion directions. The Christmas season is about giving and I feel all I give is myself.  So, to battle the feeling of being overstretched, my husband and I have done a couple of things in our years together.

We decorate a Christmas tree. The first year we lived together, we had an artificial tree.  Last year, we moved just before Christmas and weren’t quite unpacked, so we bought a tiny artificial tree from Target.  This year, we were lucky enough to support the local Boy Scout troop by purchasing a live tree from them. We’ve decorated it in blue and gold, in homage to our undergrad schools.

The first year we lived together, we could not decide what kind of topper to buy for our tree. We put a Santa hat on top, intending to continue looking for a nice star or angel… but it stayed.  The Santa hat is my favorite tradition.

My dad’s favorite Christmas treat is chocolate dipped pretzels.  Every year, I pack up a big tin of homemade chocolate pretzels. It’s one of my favorite treats to make… and one of my favorite treats to sneak tastes of while cooking.  Even when I don’t have time to bake cookies, I always find time to dip pretzels.

This time of year, I switch to warm scents and flavors. All my candles smell like vanilla or gingerbread.  I only buy peppermint ice cream.  I treat myself to eggnog lattes.  Our evening beverages switch from beer to hot chocolate.

This season is fuzzy socks, comfort food, and lots of cuddles.

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Relax, Dammit!

posted 4th December 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

The thing about bad days is the residual funk.  It’s the can’t-snap-out-of-it helplessness.  It’s the I-refuse-to-smile hopelessness.

When I have bad days, I do the shit out of them.  I throw myself a giant pity party. I cry.  I watch full seasons of my favorite television shows. I make snide remarks to my cat.  I eat my feelings.  I drink a bottle of wine and then I whine about everything. No one else is invited. I dwell on my mistakes, my misgivings, and my shortcomings.  Pessimism is totally my bag.  Don’t try to snap me out of it because you will fail.

But the thing about doing my bad days to the max is that each day is a new day.  I wake up the next morning embarrassed about the amount of calories I ingested but having learned a lesson. My day-long pity parties force me to relax. Now, it’s time to move on.

Luckily, it’s been a long time since my bad days have overwhelmed my entire day.  Getting out of a dead-end job where I was never good enough was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t get into a funk every now and then.  I do throw myself pity parties, but they’re small scale, not keggers.

I do my very best to nip my bad moods in the rear before they start.  I’ve learned to identify triggers.  I know I am an impatient woman, so being behind the slowest car ever on my late night commute home from school can ruin an entire day.  That’s when I tell myself to take a deep breath, turn on my favorite sing-along song, and roll my shoulders.  I will get there when I get there, I am in no hurry.  Or when my professor keeps us late and I realize I’ve been bouncing my knee up and down obnoxiously to the point where my feet now ache.  Relax, Renee.
I put the breathing exercises I learned in Bikram yoga combined with the controlled breathing I’ve practiced in my bajillion years of voice lessons to good use.  Open the throat, lift the diaphragm, raise the soft palate… breathe in for four, out for eight… relax.

Being a perfectionist can lead to a lot of frustration.  I’ve learned to breathe. I’ve learned to force myself to smile.  I’ve learned to consciously relax my tense muscles.  I’ve learned to let go, to delegate, and to know when to give up.  And I’m proud of all I’ve learned.

{photo via Vvillamon}

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The Pope, The Soul, and The Goodness of People

posted 27th November 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Renee, Season 3, Spirituality

There’s a quote that always comes to mind when I think of my personal spirituality.  It’s from Anne Frank:

Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.

I don’t like discussing religion because organized religion makes me nervous.  I grew up Catholic.  I genuflect and cross myself.  I taught catechism when I was in my late teens.  I was my stepsister’s Confirmation sponsor.  I’ve been on retreats.  I was blessed by the Pope.  I went to one of the greatest Catholic institutions in the nation.  I spent a semester in Rome, living literally down the street from the Vatican.  I’ve crawled the steps that are said to bear Jesus’ bloodstains.  I’ve hung out with nuns, priests, seminarians, the Pope’s Swiss Guards, and I enjoyed it.

So, you might say I’m Catholic.  I would definitely say I’m Catholic.  But I say it in the same way Jon Stewart might say he’s Jewish.  It’s a cultural, historical distinction.  This is the way I was raised. This is the culture that inspires all my decisions.  This is the guilt I bear.  This is why I raise my glass for a refill of wine.

At my core, I disagree with the Church quite a bit.  I don’t regularly attend Mass, though I believe it is the most beautiful religious service on the planet. Instead of Catholic doctrine, I subscribe to what I believe is the true meaning of Jesus’ teachings: Be kind. Be thoughtful. Don’t be selfish. Give thanks. Love everyone equally.

If you asked me these days what I believe, I’d say I’m a cafeteria Catholic (a pick-and-choose believer) who simply believes in the good of people. I believe in a supreme being of some sort, though I don’t know who or what he or she is, if it’s a group of deities, if it’s a march of saints, if it’s a spirit or an inkling, if it’s our ancestors or guardian angels, if it’s fate or karma… something is out there looking out for us.  I believe in the soul. I believe Jesus lived and he was a man with a lot of smart ideas and a big heart.  I believe that hard work pays off in the end and what goes around comes around.
But, most of all, I believe in the inherent goodness of people.

“A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

{photo: my own, Michelangelo’s altar in St. Peter’s Basilica, Vatican City}

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