Category: Spirituality

Serenity and Blessings

posted 25th November 2011    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: Family, Kristen, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Spirituality, What I've Learned

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday because it combines two of my favorite things- family and food. The excitement for the Thanksgiving meal to me is more than gifts at Christmas. This year I looked forward to Thanksgiving more than ever before but not because of the amazing spread and annual Cranium game after the meal, but because this year I am truly thankful for my life and everything in it in a new way.

It’s been a rough few years for me and I finally feel like myself again. Saturday November 5th was the first time in almost two years that I felt truly alive. It was one of those perfect fall days with a sunny sky and I was positively filled with glee. It was also one of the first weekends all to myself to do what I wanted without errands or chores. I went vintage shopping with my best girlfriend. Read in my sunroom with tea. Had dinner with friends and family. It was perfection and I realized– this was it.  This was the life I imagined for myself years ago.

I am filled with such amazing self-love and joy that I was able to come to that moment- to realize that I had risen above the Quarter Life Crisis and ending of a relationship to get to a place where I felt completely at peace. Of course, I want to continue to evolve to be that person I was that Saturday every day. But on that day, I was completely filled with the calm feeling of grace and love that had escaped me.

This year I feel I need to, more than ever, make public announcements of the immense gratitude and blessings I have in my life. I am overwhelmed with happiness and humility at all that is amazing in my life. There have been more times in the past five months where I have been speechless or overcome with such intense emotion and thanks for people, events, sights, etc., than I think ever before in my life.

There isn’t enough blog space in the world for me to express my deep feelings of adoration, thanks, and respect for my family as I’ve worked through the process of the divorce. Their unending support, emails, small gifts, and hugs have pulled me through some pretty dark moments. They are my foundation, my rock, and without them I seriously do not know where I would be.

My close friends who I consider my family were the ones who helped me to see the downward spiral I was in- reaching out and providing insights and support even before I knew I needed it. Without one particular amazing girlfriend I would have never known about the Stratejoy website or started to think about what I wanted for my life, and definitely never ever pushed myself to ask some really tough questions. To say thank you to her doesn’t seem enough. Other friends offered dinners out, listening ears, and plentiful distractions, as well as the push to get me out of my pajamas, off the couch, and back to living a fabulous life.

I am incredibly blessed to have a job I love and unbelievable coworkers who inspire me every day. I have hit the job lottery in terms of having a group of people who feel more like family than colleagues.

The mentors, teachers, and colleagues who have had an impact on my life and career are people who are never thanked enough, but I realize now, play an important part of who I am. There are so many to name and thank in different ways because of the significant impact on my life.

I am thankful for my good health and my ability to take care of myself with healthy food, long baths, yoga, and meditation. I am blessed with a house over my head that I own and a financial situation that while tight, allows me to still enjoy a dinner out every now and again and still make the bills.

I am grateful to live in a country where I can do what I want with my body, protest what I might, vote for what I think is the right decision, and express myself in whatever way I want.

I’m over the moon for Molly, her amazing Stratejoy idea, the rocking Tribe, and the new relationships I’m cultivating because of it. Without this site, I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to realize that things were not right in my world or if I even would have questioned it at all– just would have continued a mundane existence for years and years. Now to be part of the site and reaching out to other fabulous females is an incredible gift. The blog has reminded me of how much I love writing and makes me want to pursue things I only dreamed about as far off possibilities.

I am thankful for the peace and serenity that I have acquired in knowing that I made the right decision for me and my life. I am grateful to my ex-husband for what he and our marriage taught me about myself, things I never examined or was too afraid to look at before. I am appreciate and hold dear our years together and what it taught me about love and the many lessons of life and living he showed me by example.

I am filled with gratitude for the simple pleasures of life that bring me such joy- and reveling in the fact that I now am able to surround myself with what truly brings me happiness. The quiet grace & beauty of nature ( like the above image from Yosemite), books, a cup of tea, a glass of wine, a relaxing night in with friends playing board games, Sunday family dinners, a sunny day driving in the car with great music- these are just a few of the small things that fuel  and sustain me. Such small pieces of life that for years I never noticed or overlooked, but I now see are integral for me to connect with my essential self.

I am thankful to be me, to be opinionated, strong willed, and to know how to trust my instincts again. Most of all this year, I am thankful to be living again, to be embracing life, and finding joy.

 

[Photo Credit: Valley View, Yosemite National Park. Photo by Cindy Costa, a remarkable photographer and aunt!]

 

 

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Defining Success and Exploring My Core Values

posted 1st November 2011    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Family, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Spirituality, Travel/Adventure

When I used think about the word “success”, I imagined business suits, slicked back hair, and high-rise buildings. I imagined feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and driven by money. I imagined having little time for the things and the people I enjoy. It made me feel sick to my stomach and want to crawl into a hole to hide from this society-induced standard of what I “need”.

I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want a “successful” life. I want something different.

It wasn’t until I met Molly and she shared with me the idea that we can create our own definition of success, that I realized I wasn’t alone or crazy. Now, when I think about success, I imagine living my life on my own terms. I’m slowing uncovering what exactly those terms are, but I’m making progress.

One of the most helpful and enlightening exercises was choosing my core values in the Joy Equation. My values are what inform my choices and guide me toward the life I want, the life where I feel fulfilled, challenged, and successful.

Success for me is living Authenticity, Connection, Exploration, Health, Joy, Love, Play, and Spirituality.

Authenticity - This is the biggest one for me. It’s all about being truthful with myself. It’s learning to trust myself (and be myself) regardless of what other people think and living the truth I feel at my core. It’s not something that comes easily, but it’s something that I need. I mean, I know when I’m being myself and when I’m not and I know that I feel most confident and proud when I am Ashley.

Connection - Intimacy, openness, and being known. As Hannah said, it means “growing and maintaining deep and meaningful relationships, talking about “real” things, being open and honest with people, spending more time with people that I do connect with and less time with those I don’t”.

Exploration - This is where I tie together my need for adventure and travel with my inquisitive and curious mind. It is about new experiences, learning and growing, visiting new places and trying new things. It’s why I love traveling and reading, and why I’m not embarrassed to spend a Friday night watching a documentary on black holes and super-telescopes.

Health - My physical and emotional state is important to me and this is how I show self-love. My body requires care through practicing healthy and conscious food choices, regular exercise, relaxation, meditation, and sleep. None of my other values will be able to shine if I don’t create and time and space for my health.

Joy - When I wake up each morning, I want to feel joy. This is the excitement of being alive and having the opportunity to live my life. It’s the underlying feeling, stronger and more solid than happiness… The good stomach flops, the huge smiles, the energy, when you can’t contain it and you just have to dance.

Love - I’m talking about the unconditional kind. It’s the commitment, support, honesty, compassion, trust and understanding I build with my family and friends, but it is also the romantic love I share with my partner. It is something I want to share with the world and it’s why I choose to become a counselor.

Play - Quite obvious, for me, anyway. I wouldn’t want to live a life that isn’t silly, playful, and fun. This is about not taking life to seriously and never forgetting to laugh. It can come through in interactions with others, a positive outlook, or a decision to eat ice cream in your pj’s on the living room floor.

Spirituality - My belief in a higher power and having faith in something bigger than myself is where I find hope, peace, serenity, and calmness. I’m at a point where I am uncertain about where organized religion fits into my life, but I just can’t ignore spirituality. Outside of church I can find this through yoga, nature, writing, or just being still.

Now that I recognize my values, I have so much more clarity and a picture of what I want my life to look like. I don’t feel guilty for not wanting “success” because I have defined what success means for me. I have these eight lights guiding me forward toward the life I want to live.

I’d love to hear how you define success. What are your core values?

[photo credit: quasimime]

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Simplify in Style – An Interview With Laina Florio

posted 26th October 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Job/Career/Work, Laurenne, Life Lesson, Spirituality, What I've Learned

The assignment called for me to interview an AMAZING woman in her twenties or thirties. I tell this to Laina and she laughs.

“I just turned forty,” she says.

I’m shocked. I could have sworn we had shared some good ‘Saved by the Bell’ jokes at one point. I figured we were the same age. Laina and I met in our Master’s program for Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. I think she’s amazing because she’s a shining ray of light. She exhales positivity as she runs a business she loves. Plus, she’s able to help me look at things from all sorts of angles. A problem solver and an organizer, she reminds me of how balanced I’d like to be. One day.

Right after she picks up the phone, Laina has to call me back because she’s spilled green juice on her comforter. It makes me think I might like to add some greens to my diet. When she calls me back, I tell her that I’m not continuing the Spiritual Psychology program at USM because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel in control of my time.

She recommends Time Warrior, a book by life coach Steve Chandler. Then she suggests I write down what I do every single day in order to track my time. From there, I can make a schedule and see how I can better spend it.

I’ve talked to Laina for two minutes, and she’s already inspired me to change my diet and overhaul my life. I’ve also made the whole thing about ME! Finally, we get to her story.

Tell me how you got to this point. Where did you start?
I was in fashion for 16 years [I still cannot believe she’s forty]! I worked in the corporate world of fashion, overseeing multiple stores. I was in charge of sales, people, marketing, operations, and merchandising.

 

What kind of stores?
High end boutiques, most recently Coach. I was in charge of all the New England stores.

Wow! That’s a nice job.
It was really great at first. I traveled to Europe with the Gap when they were expanding. I loved how challenging and rewarding my career was. But, still… I felt like something was missing. I wanted to do something that resonated in my heart. I took those ‘what’s your career path?’ tests and went through a really confusing time during that last year at Coach. I was supposed to be motivating my team, and I felt so fake all of a sudden.

And then you finally quit?
I got laid off in May of 2010. I was devastated at first, which was weird. I felt like I’d lost part of my identity as someone who worked in fashion. Then I realized it was a gift, that the universe made the decision I had been reluctant to make.

So, then you started your organizing business?
First I went through a questioning period. What do I do with my life? Where should I live? What’s in my heart? I took time off to figure it out. It was supposed to be three months and then it came to be a year. I spent a summer traveling and listening to my thoughts. I ended up in Nepal for an inner and outer journey. That trip was life-changing. At the end of the trip, I realized something: 3 out of the 8 people on the trip were graduates of USM, and those people stood out from the others. They were all calm and had this energy about them that I really loved. I got on a plane and was in school three days later. Then I moved to California.

And then you started your organizing business?
Yes. School helped me to really focus and define what I wanted. Now I have Simplify in Style. I love redesigning rooms to give everything a space. But then I help people create better habits for organizing. I make life simpler for a lot of people.

 

I have seen Laina work with clients, and it’s truly amazing. She claims to be an organizer, but she’s much more. She helps people think differently about their “things.” She rearranges homes and thoughts. She gets people on track. She is a coach, a friend, and an open-minded idea generator.

 

So, you’re basically changing how people live?
Yeah!

How does that feel?
It’s weird that it’s exactly what I was looking for when I got laid off. I figured out what I’m good at, and it feels really good because I’m giving back. Especially NOW. There’s so much stress in the world right now. We have so much information and there’s so much going back and forth. I don’t believe our brains were built to handle all this stuff. So, if what I do helps people simplify their mental and physical pollution, then that makes me happy.

Do you practice what you preach? How do you stay organized?
Yes.  I’ve always been organized.  My motto is “everything has a home.”  In terms of ‘simplifying,’ I started that last year. It’s been a process. I started minimizing drama. I had to separate myself from some friends who I thought were cluttering my life with drama. Then I got rid of two-thirds of all my clothes! I had three closets before.

Was that hard?
Yes! It was a process, but I feel so much lighter. I only really wore 30% of my clothes. Some stuff I sold and made $3000! And that definitely felt good. And then there are the little things. I cleaned out my email.

Oh my gosh! I have 12,000 UNREAD emails alone, but it’s too daunting to go through them all.
I can get that down to 1000 in an hour! Then, I can help you get it down to a manageable number, like 50.  Then I can help you think differently about your email so it doesn’t get to 12,000 again.

UNREAD! Probably 50,000 total. Eek! Oops, I’ve made it about me again. Now I know what all my ex-boyfriends meant about that. Any other advice for people who might be going through their crisis now?

Stop! At one point, just stop! Take a week off from your normal routine. Take a break from technology. Have alone time. Start journaling. See what comes up and identify what’s the mental and physical pollution and potential solutions in your life. Maybe list it. Then prioritize what’s important to you. Also, hire me!

Would you give Stratejoy readers a discount?
Of course! If you want your house or mind re-oranized, check me out at SimplifyinStyle.com

Before we hang up, Laina asks me a few simple questions. Suddenly I’ve decided to continue my studies at our school. She’s convinced me that the problem I have with time is all in my head. The woman is magical. I fear she can convince me to do anything, so I hang up on her.


[Photo credit : Roy Dunn]

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NOW and THEN

posted 28th September 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Laurenne, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Spirituality

I dipped my toes in the Russian River this weekend. I traveled to Northern California to celebrate my friend’s upcoming nuptials, and it was set up to be the perfect weekend getaway. There was majestic wilderness. There was good wine and tasty brunches. There was a six-foot blow up penis and a hot tub (I realize this may sound dirty, but the penis was strictly for bachelorette-y purposes). There were twelve girls dishing about girly things. And there was relaxation.

Sort of.

That was the plan. On Friday, I would hand in all my writing assignments and have my life organized so that I could spend the weekend floating on a raft in the green valley of Guerneville, CA. THEN, I would be able to relax. That’s what I had told myself for weeks. “Just deal with this big project, Laurenne, and THEN you will be able to relax on the river.”

The idea that a cool river awaited pulled me through August and popped me into September. And then I was there. I finished every single thing I needed to finish, and I was there.

But I wasn’t relaxed. I was more anxious than ever. In fact, as I floated with my feet dangled into the green river, one of my many thoughts was, “Maybe I need some anxiety meds.”

And then I realized: THEN doesn’t exist. Yet, I keep waiting for it.

I tell myself that I need to color my hair. THEN, I can feel pretty.
Once I publish my book, THEN I can stop trying so hard.
Once I have more money, THEN I can relax.
Once I have a garden, THEN I will be happy with my living situation.
Once this project is over, THEN I will email my friends back.

But I’m perpetuating this agonizing wait. I’m torturing myself by actively NOT appreciating what I have NOW.

I’m always waiting. Waiting for the next. Waiting for more time. Waiting for something better. Waiting to finally be recognized. Waiting to feel successful. Waiting to believe I’m worth it. Waiting for THEN to come. But, as I sat in all that wilderness, wondering about my next projects and what will happen THEN, I realized that THEN will forever loom in front of me if I don’t figure out how to replace her with NOW. I want NOW.

This constant need for more, for THEN, has sparked my ambition. It has served me in the past and it has gotten me here, so THEN isn’t all bad. But NOW is nicer. Now says I am worthy right now, that I am successful now, that I am beautiful now, that I am happy now, that I am comfortable now, that I am in the wilderness surrounded by nature NOW.

I want that. I want NOW.

I’d like to say that it all hit me right there in the wilderness and that I’m suddenly only living in the NOW. But I have a trip to Ikea planned today because I feel like I won’t be comfortable in my apartment until I get new curtains and bedding. So, I’m not quite cured. But I am finally aware of my tendency, and that’s the best I can do.

I’ve always thought it was cheesy when people talked about how life is the journey and not the end result, but, dangit, it’s true. When I look at pictures of college, I think about how much I could have relaxed then, how little I had to worry about, how free I was. But I was worried about THEN too. I didn’t enjoy the fact that I was in college, a crazy time for learning and exploring. I know when I have kids and responsibilities and book signings to attend, I will also look back at this time and think about how free I was, how great life was, how young I looked. I need to enjoy this time for the struggle that it is, marvel at how much I’m doing, really feel the excitement of not having any idea what I’ll be doing in a month.

That’s what’s NOW, and if I let myself feel it, it’s actually pretty nice.

I hope I can also thank myself when I look back at pictures of NOW. I hope I can say “That was the time when I stopped thinking and starting looking around.” Yes, that’s what is going to happen.

After Ikea.


[Photo credit : my friend, Aryan. That's me meditating down there!]

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Experience Minus The Urgency

posted 23rd April 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Spirituality, What I've Learned

Everyone has a list. You know, a Life List, a list of 30 things do to by age 30 or 25 to do by a 25th birthday or a daily to-do-list.

Maybe it’s written down in your journal, posted on your blog, discussed with a close friend, or floating through your mind. For me, it’s all of the above.

I’ve got lists about things I need to do this season (be sure to enjoy a picnic in the park this spring, go to the farmer’s market more, plant bulbs, make hot cross buns on Easter, dye eggs, do something lovely for Mother’s Day, enjoy an afternoon at a winery while wearing a cute sundress), things I need to do before the year is up (5K for charity! have a short story published! take the GRE! eliminate debt!), things I need to take in before I move from this town (summer festivals downtown! visit local state parks! concerts! restaurants!), documentaries I need to see, people to visit all over America, photographs I need to take, on and on and ON.

Good thing: The lists are a healthy, productive guide. They serve as an identification of goals and hopes; a reminder that what we want can be accomplished. Lists provide us with a sense of self-accountability. Additionally, it takes time and thought to pinpoint what you want your life to look life. They offer a sense of purpose. They breed motivation. They move us to action. They give us a place to return to when we’ve lost the compass.

Bad thing: I’m controlled by the lists. I’m sometimes so focused on crossing items off that I don’t experience any of it. I’m constantly thinking about how to suck the marrow right out of this existence. I’m consumed by the sense of urgency I feel to take the most that this life has to offer.

Recently, I’ve been evaluating this identified sense of urgency I feel to accomplish everything ever. I’m questioning how the endless desire for more doing, more activity, and more experience is limiting my ability to absorb the here, the now, the present.

Example: My grandmother, a woman so dear to my heart and the foundation of my family, passed away a couple of months ago. At the time, the semester was beginning, I was starting my journey with Stratejoy, taking on new tasks, setting goals, kicking ass and taking names. I was caught in the hustle of creating a juicy life and I didn’t let myself feel the emotion of losing someone so integral to the health of my soul. I barely cried when I heard the news. I felt so guilty about it, but I carried on with my everyday chores, my lunch plans, my assignments, my creativity. I didn’t slow down to take in the grief of loss. Although painful, loss is still an experience, an emotion that this life offers us. A powerful chance to pause and reflect. I missed the feeling entirely.

Shortly after the funeral, I was visiting with my aunt. I was buzzing from one thing to the next, probably knocking things over as I usually do, not taking the time to do whatever task was at hand carefully, mindlessly getting one thing done in order to move onto the next.

She furrowed her brow at me and asked, “WHAT are you in such a hurry for? Slow. Down.”

Great question. What am I in such a hurry for?

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. -Eckhart Tolle

The easy explanation is that the death of my grandmother struck me. That I was overcome by an awareness of life’s fleeting nature. Sure. Death can strike us that way. Our time here is finite, and it’s an obvious reminder. There is so much to be felt, learned, and shared before we’re done and that can frighten us into frenzy.

BUT. What value is the feeling, learning, and sharing if we’re doing it with such urgency and speed that we don’t actually feel any of it? What good are the lists and the goals if the emotions associated with their accomplishment are absent, overlooked, breezed right past? We can’t feel, hear, touch, smell, or taste much if we’re moving too quickly.

What am I in such a hurry for?

I am blessed/suffer (like many) from the desire to cram as much into every moment as physically, emotionally, and logically possible. I have extreme difficulty saying no to the possibility of social interaction, new experience, and opportunity for growth. Perhaps, in the hurrying from one possibility to the next, I’m sabotaging my happiness in the now for the sake of happiness in the future (which, hello, I’ll never feel because there will always be something that comes next). In a way, it’s the age old quality vs. quantity debate. Perhaps, I’m foregoing potential peace and the B-word (balance) in search of more, more, more.

In my hunger to absorb so much, maybe I’m missing small beauty- a blossoming tree, the smell of coffee wofting from the corner shop, the temperature outside, the taste of that cupcake- because I’m zipping so quickly to the next experience.

What am I in such a hurry for?

And, I’m thinking, too, that this is a direct lesson from The Joy Equation. After all, it is an equation. An equation because we each have to do the work to find the balance that allows us to identify and then execute our goals. It looks so different for everyone, obviously. For me, the equation that will equal joy is about manipulating my tendency to overextend myself and go in too many directions by countering it with exercises in slooooowwwwwing doooowwwwn.

I can have purpose without the urgency. I’ve got one rockin’ list of 25 things I’m going to do by the time I turn 25 in July (Eek!). I’ve gotta do some karaoke, find the perfect pair of cowboy boots, get my tattoos, and see a psychic, among other things. Even with all these questions swirling in my mind, I shouldn’t feel bad for maintaining such lists, but, rather, must focus on training myself in the fine art of pausing to feel the emotion that I want from those goals. It shouldn’t be the awareness of time that moves me to action, but the desire itself that holds the value. After all, isn’t the feeling that those exhilarating tasks will bring what motivated me to make the list in the first place? Is it the actual tattoo that I’m going to love or the emotion associated with that image? You know?

How can anything serve us unless we give ourselves the time to feel it? How can anything be really productive unless it’s done thoughtfully and with care to the action itself? And what is any list’s purpose other than to guide us to finding our truest, deepest and, hopefully, most aware selves?

What am I in such a hurry for? 

Of course, the only thing I can do is slow down long enough to give it some more thought.

[photo credit: sfgirlbybay]

And, pssst! Know what I can’t WAIT for more of? Joy Juice! Prompts for self-growth?! I’ll take another helping, please. Drink it up, coming soon!

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