Category: Spirituality

Simplify in Style – An Interview With Laina Florio

posted 26th October 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Job/Career/Work, Laurenne, Life Lesson, Spirituality, What I've Learned

The assignment called for me to interview an AMAZING woman in her twenties or thirties. I tell this to Laina and she laughs.

“I just turned forty,” she says.

I’m shocked. I could have sworn we had shared some good ‘Saved by the Bell’ jokes at one point. I figured we were the same age. Laina and I met in our Master’s program for Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. I think she’s amazing because she’s a shining ray of light. She exhales positivity as she runs a business she loves. Plus, she’s able to help me look at things from all sorts of angles. A problem solver and an organizer, she reminds me of how balanced I’d like to be. One day.

Right after she picks up the phone, Laina has to call me back because she’s spilled green juice on her comforter. It makes me think I might like to add some greens to my diet. When she calls me back, I tell her that I’m not continuing the Spiritual Psychology program at USM because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel in control of my time.

She recommends Time Warrior, a book by life coach Steve Chandler. Then she suggests I write down what I do every single day in order to track my time. From there, I can make a schedule and see how I can better spend it.

I’ve talked to Laina for two minutes, and she’s already inspired me to change my diet and overhaul my life. I’ve also made the whole thing about ME! Finally, we get to her story.

Tell me how you got to this point. Where did you start?
I was in fashion for 16 years [I still cannot believe she’s forty]! I worked in the corporate world of fashion, overseeing multiple stores. I was in charge of sales, people, marketing, operations, and merchandising.

 

What kind of stores?
High end boutiques, most recently Coach. I was in charge of all the New England stores.

Wow! That’s a nice job.
It was really great at first. I traveled to Europe with the Gap when they were expanding. I loved how challenging and rewarding my career was. But, still… I felt like something was missing. I wanted to do something that resonated in my heart. I took those ‘what’s your career path?’ tests and went through a really confusing time during that last year at Coach. I was supposed to be motivating my team, and I felt so fake all of a sudden.

And then you finally quit?
I got laid off in May of 2010. I was devastated at first, which was weird. I felt like I’d lost part of my identity as someone who worked in fashion. Then I realized it was a gift, that the universe made the decision I had been reluctant to make.

So, then you started your organizing business?
First I went through a questioning period. What do I do with my life? Where should I live? What’s in my heart? I took time off to figure it out. It was supposed to be three months and then it came to be a year. I spent a summer traveling and listening to my thoughts. I ended up in Nepal for an inner and outer journey. That trip was life-changing. At the end of the trip, I realized something: 3 out of the 8 people on the trip were graduates of USM, and those people stood out from the others. They were all calm and had this energy about them that I really loved. I got on a plane and was in school three days later. Then I moved to California.

And then you started your organizing business?
Yes. School helped me to really focus and define what I wanted. Now I have Simplify in Style. I love redesigning rooms to give everything a space. But then I help people create better habits for organizing. I make life simpler for a lot of people.

 

I have seen Laina work with clients, and it’s truly amazing. She claims to be an organizer, but she’s much more. She helps people think differently about their “things.” She rearranges homes and thoughts. She gets people on track. She is a coach, a friend, and an open-minded idea generator.

 

So, you’re basically changing how people live?
Yeah!

How does that feel?
It’s weird that it’s exactly what I was looking for when I got laid off. I figured out what I’m good at, and it feels really good because I’m giving back. Especially NOW. There’s so much stress in the world right now. We have so much information and there’s so much going back and forth. I don’t believe our brains were built to handle all this stuff. So, if what I do helps people simplify their mental and physical pollution, then that makes me happy.

Do you practice what you preach? How do you stay organized?
Yes.  I’ve always been organized.  My motto is “everything has a home.”  In terms of ‘simplifying,’ I started that last year. It’s been a process. I started minimizing drama. I had to separate myself from some friends who I thought were cluttering my life with drama. Then I got rid of two-thirds of all my clothes! I had three closets before.

Was that hard?
Yes! It was a process, but I feel so much lighter. I only really wore 30% of my clothes. Some stuff I sold and made $3000! And that definitely felt good. And then there are the little things. I cleaned out my email.

Oh my gosh! I have 12,000 UNREAD emails alone, but it’s too daunting to go through them all.
I can get that down to 1000 in an hour! Then, I can help you get it down to a manageable number, like 50.  Then I can help you think differently about your email so it doesn’t get to 12,000 again.

UNREAD! Probably 50,000 total. Eek! Oops, I’ve made it about me again. Now I know what all my ex-boyfriends meant about that. Any other advice for people who might be going through their crisis now?

Stop! At one point, just stop! Take a week off from your normal routine. Take a break from technology. Have alone time. Start journaling. See what comes up and identify what’s the mental and physical pollution and potential solutions in your life. Maybe list it. Then prioritize what’s important to you. Also, hire me!

Would you give Stratejoy readers a discount?
Of course! If you want your house or mind re-oranized, check me out at SimplifyinStyle.com

Before we hang up, Laina asks me a few simple questions. Suddenly I’ve decided to continue my studies at our school. She’s convinced me that the problem I have with time is all in my head. The woman is magical. I fear she can convince me to do anything, so I hang up on her.


[Photo credit : Roy Dunn]

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NOW and THEN

posted 28th September 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Laurenne, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Spirituality

I dipped my toes in the Russian River this weekend. I traveled to Northern California to celebrate my friend’s upcoming nuptials, and it was set up to be the perfect weekend getaway. There was majestic wilderness. There was good wine and tasty brunches. There was a six-foot blow up penis and a hot tub (I realize this may sound dirty, but the penis was strictly for bachelorette-y purposes). There were twelve girls dishing about girly things. And there was relaxation.

Sort of.

That was the plan. On Friday, I would hand in all my writing assignments and have my life organized so that I could spend the weekend floating on a raft in the green valley of Guerneville, CA. THEN, I would be able to relax. That’s what I had told myself for weeks. “Just deal with this big project, Laurenne, and THEN you will be able to relax on the river.”

The idea that a cool river awaited pulled me through August and popped me into September. And then I was there. I finished every single thing I needed to finish, and I was there.

But I wasn’t relaxed. I was more anxious than ever. In fact, as I floated with my feet dangled into the green river, one of my many thoughts was, “Maybe I need some anxiety meds.”

And then I realized: THEN doesn’t exist. Yet, I keep waiting for it.

I tell myself that I need to color my hair. THEN, I can feel pretty.
Once I publish my book, THEN I can stop trying so hard.
Once I have more money, THEN I can relax.
Once I have a garden, THEN I will be happy with my living situation.
Once this project is over, THEN I will email my friends back.

But I’m perpetuating this agonizing wait. I’m torturing myself by actively NOT appreciating what I have NOW.

I’m always waiting. Waiting for the next. Waiting for more time. Waiting for something better. Waiting to finally be recognized. Waiting to feel successful. Waiting to believe I’m worth it. Waiting for THEN to come. But, as I sat in all that wilderness, wondering about my next projects and what will happen THEN, I realized that THEN will forever loom in front of me if I don’t figure out how to replace her with NOW. I want NOW.

This constant need for more, for THEN, has sparked my ambition. It has served me in the past and it has gotten me here, so THEN isn’t all bad. But NOW is nicer. Now says I am worthy right now, that I am successful now, that I am beautiful now, that I am happy now, that I am comfortable now, that I am in the wilderness surrounded by nature NOW.

I want that. I want NOW.

I’d like to say that it all hit me right there in the wilderness and that I’m suddenly only living in the NOW. But I have a trip to Ikea planned today because I feel like I won’t be comfortable in my apartment until I get new curtains and bedding. So, I’m not quite cured. But I am finally aware of my tendency, and that’s the best I can do.

I’ve always thought it was cheesy when people talked about how life is the journey and not the end result, but, dangit, it’s true. When I look at pictures of college, I think about how much I could have relaxed then, how little I had to worry about, how free I was. But I was worried about THEN too. I didn’t enjoy the fact that I was in college, a crazy time for learning and exploring. I know when I have kids and responsibilities and book signings to attend, I will also look back at this time and think about how free I was, how great life was, how young I looked. I need to enjoy this time for the struggle that it is, marvel at how much I’m doing, really feel the excitement of not having any idea what I’ll be doing in a month.

That’s what’s NOW, and if I let myself feel it, it’s actually pretty nice.

I hope I can also thank myself when I look back at pictures of NOW. I hope I can say “That was the time when I stopped thinking and starting looking around.” Yes, that’s what is going to happen.

After Ikea.


[Photo credit : my friend, Aryan. That's me meditating down there!]

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Experience Minus The Urgency

posted 23rd April 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Spirituality, What I've Learned

Everyone has a list. You know, a Life List, a list of 30 things do to by age 30 or 25 to do by a 25th birthday or a daily to-do-list.

Maybe it’s written down in your journal, posted on your blog, discussed with a close friend, or floating through your mind. For me, it’s all of the above.

I’ve got lists about things I need to do this season (be sure to enjoy a picnic in the park this spring, go to the farmer’s market more, plant bulbs, make hot cross buns on Easter, dye eggs, do something lovely for Mother’s Day, enjoy an afternoon at a winery while wearing a cute sundress), things I need to do before the year is up (5K for charity! have a short story published! take the GRE! eliminate debt!), things I need to take in before I move from this town (summer festivals downtown! visit local state parks! concerts! restaurants!), documentaries I need to see, people to visit all over America, photographs I need to take, on and on and ON.

Good thing: The lists are a healthy, productive guide. They serve as an identification of goals and hopes; a reminder that what we want can be accomplished. Lists provide us with a sense of self-accountability. Additionally, it takes time and thought to pinpoint what you want your life to look life. They offer a sense of purpose. They breed motivation. They move us to action. They give us a place to return to when we’ve lost the compass.

Bad thing: I’m controlled by the lists. I’m sometimes so focused on crossing items off that I don’t experience any of it. I’m constantly thinking about how to suck the marrow right out of this existence. I’m consumed by the sense of urgency I feel to take the most that this life has to offer.

Recently, I’ve been evaluating this identified sense of urgency I feel to accomplish everything ever. I’m questioning how the endless desire for more doing, more activity, and more experience is limiting my ability to absorb the here, the now, the present.

Example: My grandmother, a woman so dear to my heart and the foundation of my family, passed away a couple of months ago. At the time, the semester was beginning, I was starting my journey with Stratejoy, taking on new tasks, setting goals, kicking ass and taking names. I was caught in the hustle of creating a juicy life and I didn’t let myself feel the emotion of losing someone so integral to the health of my soul. I barely cried when I heard the news. I felt so guilty about it, but I carried on with my everyday chores, my lunch plans, my assignments, my creativity. I didn’t slow down to take in the grief of loss. Although painful, loss is still an experience, an emotion that this life offers us. A powerful chance to pause and reflect. I missed the feeling entirely.

Shortly after the funeral, I was visiting with my aunt. I was buzzing from one thing to the next, probably knocking things over as I usually do, not taking the time to do whatever task was at hand carefully, mindlessly getting one thing done in order to move onto the next.

She furrowed her brow at me and asked, “WHAT are you in such a hurry for? Slow. Down.”

Great question. What am I in such a hurry for?

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. -Eckhart Tolle

The easy explanation is that the death of my grandmother struck me. That I was overcome by an awareness of life’s fleeting nature. Sure. Death can strike us that way. Our time here is finite, and it’s an obvious reminder. There is so much to be felt, learned, and shared before we’re done and that can frighten us into frenzy.

BUT. What value is the feeling, learning, and sharing if we’re doing it with such urgency and speed that we don’t actually feel any of it? What good are the lists and the goals if the emotions associated with their accomplishment are absent, overlooked, breezed right past? We can’t feel, hear, touch, smell, or taste much if we’re moving too quickly.

What am I in such a hurry for?

I am blessed/suffer (like many) from the desire to cram as much into every moment as physically, emotionally, and logically possible. I have extreme difficulty saying no to the possibility of social interaction, new experience, and opportunity for growth. Perhaps, in the hurrying from one possibility to the next, I’m sabotaging my happiness in the now for the sake of happiness in the future (which, hello, I’ll never feel because there will always be something that comes next). In a way, it’s the age old quality vs. quantity debate. Perhaps, I’m foregoing potential peace and the B-word (balance) in search of more, more, more.

In my hunger to absorb so much, maybe I’m missing small beauty- a blossoming tree, the smell of coffee wofting from the corner shop, the temperature outside, the taste of that cupcake- because I’m zipping so quickly to the next experience.

What am I in such a hurry for?

And, I’m thinking, too, that this is a direct lesson from The Joy Equation. After all, it is an equation. An equation because we each have to do the work to find the balance that allows us to identify and then execute our goals. It looks so different for everyone, obviously. For me, the equation that will equal joy is about manipulating my tendency to overextend myself and go in too many directions by countering it with exercises in slooooowwwwwing doooowwwwn.

I can have purpose without the urgency. I’ve got one rockin’ list of 25 things I’m going to do by the time I turn 25 in July (Eek!). I’ve gotta do some karaoke, find the perfect pair of cowboy boots, get my tattoos, and see a psychic, among other things. Even with all these questions swirling in my mind, I shouldn’t feel bad for maintaining such lists, but, rather, must focus on training myself in the fine art of pausing to feel the emotion that I want from those goals. It shouldn’t be the awareness of time that moves me to action, but the desire itself that holds the value. After all, isn’t the feeling that those exhilarating tasks will bring what motivated me to make the list in the first place? Is it the actual tattoo that I’m going to love or the emotion associated with that image? You know?

How can anything serve us unless we give ourselves the time to feel it? How can anything be really productive unless it’s done thoughtfully and with care to the action itself? And what is any list’s purpose other than to guide us to finding our truest, deepest and, hopefully, most aware selves?

What am I in such a hurry for? 

Of course, the only thing I can do is slow down long enough to give it some more thought.

[photo credit: sfgirlbybay]

And, pssst! Know what I can’t WAIT for more of? Joy Juice! Prompts for self-growth?! I’ll take another helping, please. Drink it up, coming soon!

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A Little Lesson in Radical Acceptance

posted 9th March 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Spirituality

Don’t you love it when you read something that really makes you think?

You know, one of those blog posts or books that resonates with your soul?

Maybe, it makes you feel like someone has jumped inside your mind and is narrating your thoughts, even though you’ve never made sense of them before. Or perhaps it makes you realize you’re not alone in whatever it is you thought you were alone in, and it gets you excited about a few strategies you hadn’t thought of. Better yet, maybe it offers you a piece of insight that is so profound, so obvious, so exactly what you were looking for, that you’re left feeling hopeful, alive and excited.

I’m in the middle of reading one of those things right now. It’s a book called Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. I don’t know anything about Buddhism, but this book has been on my To Read list for a while.

Luckily, it was given to me as a birthday gift. Conveniently, I started reading it after I wrote my last post, about wanting to treat myself better. Ironically, it may very well lead me to getting my birthday wish, which is: learn how to stop making every damn thing an output.

According to this book, paying so much attention to what I’m achieving, providing to others, accomplishing, or controlling in the run of a day means I don’t love myself very much. More specifically, it means I don’t truly accept the here and now. Me. As I am. My life. As it is. You. As you are.

Huh. I’ve never thought of it like that before. That sounds so…high maintenance, narrow minded, judgmental. I don’t know. It just doesn’t sound like the truth for a person who’s generally optimistic, loving and grateful. Which I am. I think.

But the book says that projecting my expectations and self worth onto other things and people – what do my peers think, what do my clients think, how many kilometers did I run, etc. – means I’m missing the point. I’m missing the opportunity to accept myself all day, all the time.

I know, obsessing over outputs is a harmful mindset. It’s something I developed a while ago and I admit I’m having a hard time breaking the habit. Even when I create the right conditions, I still can’t escape that looming, fire-breathing expectation of being more, better, smarter.

But I’ve never seen my inability to let go of that stuff and embrace the importance of inputs as a lack of appreciation.

Don’t worry, the point of the book is not to knock ambition or tell type A personalities like myself that we suck. It’s not telling me to move to the jungle and meditate all day or live a minimalist lifestyle and create independence from all people and things. From what I can tell, it’s talking about creating a home within your own body and soul. And loving it unconditionally; even the drafty windows, creaky floor boards, tumbleweeds of cat fur, and noisy dishwasher. Because really, a home is the sum of all of its parts.

Which got me thinking – if you ARE your home, then you always have the feelings of comfort, peace and safety that a home generally brings, right?

So what does that mean for things like accomplishments; pretty outfits; compliments; good, sweaty exercise; decadent cupcakes; loving and supportive relationships; passionate sex; expensive furniture; giggle sessions with friends; exciting, scrapbook-worthy experiences; and big warm hugs?

Well, maybe they all become big, juicy, value-adds. Maybe they become (or remain) things to enjoy, relish in and do a happy dance over. But they stop being things we evaluate our happiness with, measure the quality of our day against, or determine our worth by.

I don’t know what the hell all of this means; not yet. But I’ve definitely got that feeling. This book is one of those ones that resonates with my soul.

{Photo credit}

[Note from Coach Molly:  How have we never talked about this book, Big L?  It's one of my favorites to push my thinking as well and usually sits in the coveted stack on my bedside table...  One of things I took away from the book is that happiness is our birthright, and we don't earn it through avoiding pain, seeking pleasure, or grasping for gold stars.  It is already, and simply, within us and our real journey is to access it through acceptance. Radical acceptance.]

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Okay, so maybe I belive in Manifestation and the Law of Attraction…

posted 23rd February 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Molly, Spirituality, Travel/Adventure

I’ve never been a big believer in manifestation and the Law of Attraction…  The Secret?  Read it.  Watched the movie.  Still couldn’t get on board.   I mean, in general, I believe in things like affirmations, and the power of optimism, and a little bit of neuro-linguistic programming…

But manifesting a material desire? Putting a picuture of the man/job/home/car/body of my dreams on a vision board and having it simply appear my life?  It’s a bit high on the woo woo scale for me.

I mean, it was.  Until Sunday.

The Big Man and I were driving on Highway One between San Luis Obispo and Santa Cruz.  It was gorgeous and sunny and I was completely present.  And happy!  I did not, however, realize there is literally nothing on that road besides breathtaking views.

By 3 pm, I was starving.

And we all know I get really cranky when I’m hungry…

We had seen signs for Big Sur.  I was imaging a little town with cafes and incense stores and plenty of lunch options.  After we passed a few hippie-esque resorts tucked in the woods- I was like, “I think this is it!  This is Big Sur! Oh no! Did we miss it all?  [wince, grimace] I neeeeeeeed fooooood!”

Luckily, the Big Man spotted some umbrellas up ahead.  Umbrellas that were protecting diners from the sun on a gorgeous cliff-side deck.  Sold!   After missing it on the first attempt to pull in the driveway, having to pull a u-turn on the highway, and then waiting for parking, we finally started climbing the stairs to lunch.

He started toward the first deck with the umbrellas.  I kept gazing up the winding stairs.

Really, I thought to myself.  Really?

“Ken.  We need to eat at the restaurant up there,” I said pointing, “I need to eat there. I swear that’s the restaurant on my vision board.”

As I came up to the entrance and the view over the Pacific Ocean, I was sure of it.  This place was located snuggly in the top right-hand corner of my vision board.  I had no idea what the name was, nor where it was located.  But we were there…

Nepenthe. In Big Sur, California.

It appeared I had manifested a vision from my board.  A vision of beauty, of good company, of sunshine and the clinking cheers of wineglasses. Without any effort or action, we had shown up at a place I had clipped out of a magazine months ago. I was stunned and a little freaked out.

It’s one thing to hear about other people experiencing the Law of Attraction.  It’s another to experience it yourself!

After a 20 minute wait to be seated, we had a lovely lunch of beets and turkey sandwiches and cold glasses of white wine.  The view was amazing.  The company, fabulous.  I couldn’t stop grinning.  This was the place…

We trekked back down to the car after I bought a talisman necklace and wind-chime in the gift shop to remind me of my new found power!  I showed the Big Man my vision board (which I had shrunk down at Kinkos and used as the cover to my 2011 Goddess Planner).   He couldn’t believe I had figured out we were at the right place, but when we looked closely, we both realized we had been seated literally “in the picture”.

There are fourish seats in the photo on my vision board. We had just ate lunch in two of them.

So, regardless of my reservations, I gotta admit.  There is something to this whole manifestation gig.

I’m learning to have some faith in things that I don’t understand…  And believe me, I totally studied the rest of that vision board!  What’s next, Universe?

I’m ready.

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