Category: What I’ve Learned

5 Months Later, Signing Off

posted 4th February 2012    Written by: Elyse    CATEGORY: All Posts, Elyse, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

I can’t say I’m surprised these past five months writing for Stratejoy went by so quickly. In between writing every week was a whirlwind of activities and new things to experience, so time ran forward at an inexhaustible pace. We were asked to ponder how we’ve all changed in the last 5 months, and at first, I thought, “That is too short a time to change, so I haven’t!” But, I started looking deeper and realizing that the small progressions I’ve made in multiple areas of my life have indeed been changing me. When I set my goals the third week of this blogging season, I talked about my fears of setting goals, and how I would be happy if I even managed to stick with one. Let’s take a final tally and see how I did, shall we?

#1 Stick with ONE of these goals. (I did!)

#2 Further explore the concept of minimalism. (What is minimalism? Joshua and Ryan do a great job of explaining this concept here.) (I downsized most of the stuff in my apartment and just last week removed a few final loads of stuff to Goodwill. The apartment is more open, and I feel a hell of a lot lighter having embraced the philosophy of minimalism.)

#3 Get moving. This might involve FINALLY taking those yoga classes or just taking a walk every night. I’m lazy. I like the couch. What can I say? (I walk a lot at the zoo when the weather is nice, and I started taking yoga on a fairly regular basis. I ended up losing 10 pounds before Christmas.)

#4 Continue the quest for healthy eating. I’ve cut out most processed foods and eat meat only on occasion. I want to keep getting better at this. (Rob and I have become mostly vegan at home and part-time omnivores when out and about in the world. If we are eating animal products, we consider where it comes from and how much we’re ingesting. I’ve watched multiple documentaries and can honestly say I rarely ingest anything super-processed which has felt so good.)

#5 Fully embrace my Americorps experience. (What this means may come only with time spent in Americorps.) (I pretty much live at the zoo, so I think that counts!)

#6 Create a financial plan that works towards eliminating all of my credit card debt (Still working on this one…)

#7 Begin learning to play the guitar (I have THOUGHT about beginning to learn the guitar. That is as far as that has gotten, haha.)

5 of 7. I can deal with that, especially because I’ve seen the positive changes those 5 goals have had in my life. I’ve learned that goals don’t have to be scary and steps can be small. Even with goals in mind, however, I’ve ultimately learned that it is ok to live my life one day at a time, enjoy the experiences I’m having now, and it is ok NOT to be sure of the future if I’m going to ignore the blessings of the present.

I am thankful to Ashley, Dusti, Hannah, Kat, Kristen and Laurenne for sharing their powerful experiences with me and the rest of the community. I’ve learned so much from you all and found so many different perspectives as we’ve gone on this blogging journey together. A special thanks to Katie for her encouragement along the way and to Molly for allowing us all to share our stories with the incredible Stratejoy community.

Where can you find me from here on out? I’m not much of a blogger outside of Stratejoy, but I do tweet @elyse_lohrbach on Twitter. I’ll be continuing my work with the zoo and the Emery Theatre and really embracing some new truths I’ve learned about myself on this walk. I look forward to not knowing what is ahead as I stumble through life.  And as the famous JRR Tolkien once said, “Not all who wander are lost.” :-)

So without further ado, continuing on into that mysterious horizon, this is Elyse signing off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{Photo Credit: Bossco}

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“The End of the Beginning”

posted 3rd February 2012    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kristen, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

The past five months have been the most life changing that I can recall- ever. I started this Stratejoy journey filled with confusion, overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, and loneliness and I am emerging filled with such purpose and excitement for my life.

Five months ago I had hoped my divorce would be finalized by the end of 2011, though by September it was clear that would not happen. My hearing will happen next week and then 120 days later, it will be finalized. It still makes me incredibly sad but instead of the regret and angst I had in September, I am now filled with peace and grace about the situation.

Each step of the journey has made me a stronger person; after the hearing and waiting period, I will truly emerge into the new life I have spent the last five months seeking out.

In the past week as I was thinking about writing this post, I  frequently wondered if I would have allowed myself self reflection and dedicated so much time to figuring out my life post-divorce. I’d like to think that I would have, but being a Stratejoy blogger provided me the level of accountability that I needed. Knowing that people were reading my story and supporting me through it all was incredibly uplifting and self-assuring. I almost feel like this tribe was my own personal cheering section- with Molly as lead fairy godmother!

The fellow Season 5 bloggers have been a huge source of inspiration and support throughout these past months- and I know will continue to be in my life. More times than I can count the entire Stratejoy tribe has made things better with comments, twitter messages, or likes on facebook that have made me smile or brought some goodness to a rough day. You all are amazing and remarkable human beings.

My goals were pretty vague when I started this journey and that was mostly because when it began I was incredibly overwhelmed by being single for the first time in years, living alone, and trying to figure out a divorce.

I set out with the main goal to be a person who says yes, who tries, and experiences. And I have for sure achieved that goal.

There were many dark moments throughout the five months when I was not that girl, but pushed beyond the desire to sit in my pajamas and eat cookie dough to get out and go to a Halloween party or go on a date again.

I’ve signed up for an Indian cooking class in March with a girlfriend to knock an item off my 30×30 list.

I joined a group of young professional women in the area to get out and try new things, go to new restaurants, and meet new people.

I visited a college girlfriend who I had been promising a visit to for years for the long weekend in October.

I made Christmas presents for the first time, maybe ever.

I’m in the middle of redoing two rooms in my house, with plans for so much more.

I’ve paid off my car loan and re-worked my budget to get some small savings every month.

This past week, I shoveled my own driveway after it snowed.

I built my own fire!

Yes, for sure, I have accomplished a lot in five months.

A reader of the blog who started following Stratejoy after I was named a blogger asked me the other day that what happens after the QuarterLife Crisis is through. While my life crisis may have a timeline and I’ve figured out tools and ways to deal with my issues, the QLC is just a step in the path to figuring myself out. No one is ever “fully cooked”- we are all constantly growing and evolving into the person we want to be.

The tools, strategies, and the community  here helped me work through those things and see that everyone is fighting their own battles, no matter how large or small. That realization was huge for me– that while I am so happy in the life I have made for myself in this moment, that it most likely will look different in a year from now. I am arming myself with the ways to connect to the purest part of me to know how to handle and accomodate the new ideas and changes. And that to me is what the QuarterLife Crisis has taught me the most– How to be myself and figure out how to navigate the trials and tribulations of the future.

Being a Stratejoy blogger was a hugely new experience for me, not just in learning the ins and outs of  tech stuff, getting on twitter, etc. I write for my job all the time and frequently do freelance writing on academic-like projects. I love to write and know I am pretty decent at it. But being a blogger with Stratejoy reconnected me with writing about myself- something I have not done since college, and even then it was sparingly. I’ve found such inspiration in writing from the inside and what’s swirling through my head. It has helped my academic and work writing become so much more focused and interesting too.

The writing for me and about what I want was definitely one of the most fun aspects of the blogging experience- so much that I’ve started my own blog Life By Kristen to continue to chronicle my journey in this new life I’m creating. Even if only a handful of people read it, it doens’t matter because it’s allowing me a small slice of the world to document my life and experiences.

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”- Winston Churchill, November 1942

I write that quote at the end of every single one of my personal journals- something that I have been doing since junior high. It’s incredibly perfect to describe the ending of this journey for me because it all started here with what Molly created. Stratejoy awakened something inside me that was aching to get out and being a blogger for it was such an incredible honor. It carried me through the toughest days and let me find my way again- the end of the beginning of me.

 

[Photo: The first fire I lit in my fireplace for a cozy night in reading]

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Life, Love, and Audacious Joy: Five Months Later

posted 31st January 2012    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

I can’t believe this is over. Five months has never flown by so fast! I have loved this little corner of my life, making the time each week to focus on my life- where I’ve been, where I am now, and where I want to be. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that I’m a different, better version of myself today than I was in early September 2011.

When I started writing here, I set some specific goals for myself:

1. Personal- create an authentic life full of joy!

2. Professional- be a grounded, curious, and empathic counselor!

3. Financial- finally get out of debt!

So, how did I do? Well, it was a mixed batch.

I didn’t do a scientific, exact measure, but my life feels more authentic ad joyful. The weekly brainstorming sessions didn’t happen as I had envisioned. I didn’t sit down and journal or make lists or create a vision board on a weekly basis, but if we swap out “weekly” with “monthly” then it was a total success! I registered for, participated in, and absolutely loved the Put Yourself Out There group as well as The Council: Holiday Edition. Both groups helped me create a clear vision of what I want my life to look like and what changes I need to make in order for those dreams to become a reality. I continued to practice yoga weekly, missing only a few classes. And surprise! While training for my half-marathon, I fell in love with running and the time and space it provides me with to be alone with my thoughts.

My professional goals were a flop. I didn’t find a mentor and I didn’t read one book each month. This isn’t really a huge surprise to me since my love for my job began slipping away from me these past few months. I started two books, but they are both sitting on my shelf with a bookmark tucked somewhere in the middle of the pages. I still want to find a mentor and that is something I am going to pursue. I want to find someone who challenges me, supports me, and hopefully inspires me in my professional growth as a counselor.

Financially, I am in such a better place than I was in September. While I cannot cross off any of  the goals listed above, I feel more secure, and have allowed myself some wiggle room from month to month. In December I began the process of consolidating my student loans which means that my monthly payments have gone down over $600! My rent is also about $150 cheaper in my new apartment, so that helps too. With these changes, I am able to travel more, put money aside (what I call my “mental savings account”), and feel much more relaxed when it’s time to pay bills. I can just feel the anxiety melting away!

In addition to working toward these goals, I’ve learned to trust myself over these past few months. I wrote myself a love letter and I faced my inner critic. I imagined my best life and I solidfied my core values. I moved to a new apartment, watched my best friend get married, and I decided to run a half-marathon. I stressed out over money, reflected on 2011, and set an intention for 2012: Savor Growth. I shared stories about my dad and my long-distance relationship, I questioned my career choice, and I answered a bajillion questions. It’s been a journey, y’all.

I feel stronger, more courageous, and more at peace. I feel like I know myself better, which I guess is what you can expect when you spend an uninterrupted hour or two with someone (yourself) each week writing, reflecting, and sorting through all your personal thoughts, feelings, and ideas.

I’m so sad that it’s time for me to go. I have truly loved every minute, every connection, and every friendship that has been built because of Stratejoy. Thank you for cheering me on as I shared a bit of me with you each week. You all mean the world to me. In case you want to continue following my journey toward a life full of audacious joy, you can find me here:

Please stay in touch!

[photo credit: my boyfriend; Me- In front of the harbor in his hometown in Canada]

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You Don’t Look Different, But You Have Changed

posted 30th January 2012    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: All Posts, Hannah, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

The first thing I did this morning was change a poopy diaper.  Yep.  That’s the exact same first sentence as my first post for Stratejoy.  It would be easy to get down and think that nothing has changed in the last 5 months.  I’m still a nanny. I still deal with literal and metaphorical crap every day.  But a lot has changed.

In 2004 I was a super senior at Oregon State University.  I had a major, but didn’t know if I had chosen the right one.  If you wanted to find my self esteem you’d have to scrape it off the floor from underneath the spilled PBR and old pizza boxes.  I was starting to gain weight, had just finally given up dating guys I didn’t even like, and had zero plan for the future.  That’s when I started nannying.   It’s no surprise that the job now holds such a negative connotation.   Thankfully this was also the time I met Mister.  Soon after graduation I moved to Seattle.

Life slowly started perking up.  It got better and better.  Especially this last year.   I turned 30.  I got married to my best friend.   I quit one of my nanny jobs.  I really nailed down what I want from my business.  I can certainly attribute a lot of my growth to these things.  But I keep wondering how much of my change has been because of Stratejoy…going through the Joy Equation (twice), sucking up the fear and writing my application to be a season 5 blogger, and for the past 5 months, spending time reflecting on my Quarterlife Crisis through these blog posts.  I am not the same person I was a year ago.  I believe in myself.  I trust myself.  I’m excited about what is to come. And most importantly, as I said last week in the interview, “I’ve realized that the feelings of needing to do more, be myself, and live life my way are not unique to me.”  I don’t feel alone anymore.

And so as I finish my stint as a Season 5 Stratejoy blogger I have mixed feelings.  On one hand I’m so sad that the support of this tribe won’t be there every week like it is now.  I won’t be forced to mentally push through the roadblocks that get in the way of moving forward.  I won’t have to give myself time to think and write about myself every week.  In some ways I’m afraid I’ll forget everything I’ve learned when it’s not front and center in my mind anymore.

But on the other hand, I’m excited.  It’s time to move on.  It’s time to stop talking about where I’m going and where I want to be.  It’s time to just go.  And I go ahead with the knowledge that you are all out there going through the same kinds of things I am.  We’re all in this together in one way or another.  And somehow, that gives me a little bit more confidence.

I don’t even remember the plot of the movie Bounce, but I do, and always will, remember this quote:

It’s not brave if you’re not scared.

And so I step forward into the next stage of my life, afraid, but not alone.  Feeling brave and strong.

If you want to keep in touch, follow my business blog, email me, or find me on Facebook.  I would LOVE to hear from you!  And I’ll be around.  Don’t think you’ll get rid of me that easily.

Until next time, sticky notes, coffee, sweater blankets, and everything good to you!

[Photo Credit:   Mister took this on our honeymoon in Italy]

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Interview Fun!

posted 27th January 2012    Written by: Kristen    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Job/Career/Work, Kristen, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned
What are you obsessed with at this exact moment? Painting in my house, hot chocolate, making meals in the slow cooker I received for Christmas from my parents, anything on Pinterest, and attacking my reading and movie list.
You can time travel but only to the past! What time period/ historical event do you go and experience? As a historian, I’ve thought a great deal about this. There are many, many time periods that are fascinating and interesting to me, but after much thought and consideration, I would want to be in my late teens at the end of World War II so that in the 1950s I would be in my twenties and involved in the beginnings of so many movements of social change. The only thing I probably wouldn’t enjoy would be the expected wearing of restrictive undergarments, but I’d probably be the first gal on my block to wear trousers anyway!
If you could be any animal, which animal would you be and why? Elephant for sure. First off, they lead long lives and their ‘society’ is based on a matriarch as head of the herd. They have a wisdom about them ( maybe it’s the wrinkles), thick skin to ward off negativity or predators, and are just so darn personable. One of my favorite stuffed animals is an elephant and one of the first pieces I bought for the house after my ex husband left was a small wooden carved elephant. They symbolize strength and perseverance to me.
Any person dead or alive, who would you have dinner with? Tough choice on this but would definitely be Elizabeth Blackwell, who was the first licensed female doctor in the United States. I find her life and career endlessly fascinating and would just want to know so much about how she pushed through boundaries and challenged society’s ideals about medicine and women.
What is on your life’s soundtrack? Quite a diverse list for me and just a small selection of my favorites:
Anything by YoYo Ma- nothing like the amazing sounds of the cello to guide me through writing and work projects
Who Says You Can’t Go Home- Bon Jovi and Jennifer Nettles
Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright- I find this version so amazing, though truthfully, I love almost any version of the song
Stand- Lenny Kravitz- how can you not want to smile & dance about!!?!
Heart of Every Girl- Elton John
Girls Just Want to Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper
Time Flies- Smokey Robinson- if you have not heard it, YouTube it now. Amazingly poignant
Copa Cabana- Barry Manilow & Waterloo- Abba– because sometimes you need to sing silly songs and dance in the kitchen
Great Day to Be Alive- Travis Tritt- makes me endlessly happy
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown- Jim Croce- Love this song I think because my parents like him and it reminds me of them
Getting Better- The Beatles- because it really is getting better all the time
If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? As I write this, it is ten degrees in Massachusetts. I’d love to be in a quiet, remote spot that is warm like St. Bart’s. I’d love to just be sitting on the beach reading books and writing for weeks on end. Maybe I’ll sit in the sun this afternoon and crank my heat up to pretend haha.
Who has been your biggest inspiration throughout your QLC? My family and friends, Molly and the tribe of girls featured on blogs and through the groups I have been a part of, and so many other internet folks who shared stories of overcoming difficult times or uncertainty. During some of the toughest times of the QLC and working through the divorce, I have tried to keep the ideas of my 16 year old self in mind, especially the dreams and ideas I had about life then. While so many of them have changed as life has happened, the one thing that has remained is the vision of a happy woman smiling her way through life. That idea has definitely helped get me through a few dark moments.
If money, education, time, or location were not an issue, what would you be doing for work in life? A small cafe owner with a little shop that had delicious baked goods and yummy coffee.
What was the biggest mental shift you’ve made from 5 months ago to now? This has been huge for me- basically learning that just because I decided to end a marriage that I am not an un-loveable failure. I stood up for my life and chose happiness and while it is heartbreaking at the end of the relationship that this step will make both him and I better people in life. Because let’s face it, while it hurts me still that I made a vow and it is now broken, life is too short to be miserable for days on end.
What’s changed? List 10 little sweet things.
1. Being on my own schedule, doing my own thing as I want without having to check in with another person.
2. If I want to eat ice cream for dinner, I’m going to do it.
3. Sleeping in the middle of the big queen bed is pretty glorious.
4. Being able to leave clothes and clutter around if I don’t feel the need to put it right away.
5. Spending hours of a night reading in quiet without a TV on.
6. No cable- so great to not have the pull of junky TV every night to escape to instead of facing life.
7. Free weekends to do what I want.
8. Buying small things for the house that make me super happy.
9. Having one whole closet to myself
10. Quiet, sunny Sunday mornings just enjoying
What’s one thing that you’ve learned – in general or about yourself – over the past five months? That I am much stronger than I thought I was- and that I know myself far better than I give myself credit for. I’ve learning that trusting my gut is the one thing I should always rely on and that my judgement of people and their character tends to be pretty spot on. I’ve learned the true meaning of family and friendship, and experienced what real gratitude and being blessed feels like. I’ve learned that in times of crisis or change, you learn a lot about the people around you- who comes to your side, who falls away. I’ve learned that crying is not a sign of weakness and that breakdowns can lead to amazing things. I’ve learned more about love than I ever imagined- love of myself, love and loss of a partner, love of family and friends, and what I want love to look like in my future.
What would you have done differently on your Stratejoy journey if you were starting today? When I found out I was going to be a Stratejoy blogger, not everyone in my family and close circle of friends knew about my ex and I divorcing. It was important for me that people heard it from me first, not the blog. With a few situations, a few people found out from reading the blog which I deeply wish I could have changed. At the same time, going public with the divorce via the blog was also a great step because it often eliminated some of the tough or uncomfortable conversations about the divorce that I was dreading having.
What song(s) will remind you of the past five months? You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) by Josh Groban, True Colors by Phil Collins, and Save Me, San Francisco by Train ( my trip to San Fran in September was the start of the a new beginning!)

What is your favorite thing about YOU? My love of learning, my insatiable quest for knowledge, and my endless curiosity

Name 3 things you absolutely love about yourself. First I’d like to say that five or six months ago I’m not sure this question would be easy to answer.
1. The ability to have a quiet night in with myself, a cup of tea, a good book, and my thoughts– and to know when I need those nights for my sanity.
2. My work ethic- whether it is in my job or in doing work around my house, I love how I take a project on with enthusiasm and work hard to achieve my goals. The sense of accomplishment and pride at the end of each project is intensely gratifying and self-fulfilling.
3. My strength- there have been so many times over the past six months when I have wanted to give up, but I put my head up and just power through to move forward. I’m doing things now on my own that I never imagined I could ever do.

How are you living life on your own terms? I made a huge life decision that had major implications for my, my ex husband, and our family and friends. I stood up for me and decided that a life apart would make us both happier than a life together. I’m living alone in a house that I making all my own and loving every.single.minute.of it.
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