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Category: What I’ve Learned

Interview Fun!

What are you obsessed with at this exact moment? Painting in my house, hot chocolate, making meals in the slow cooker I received for Christmas from my parents, anything on Pinterest, and attacking my reading and movie list.

You can time travel but only to the past! What time period/ historical event do you go and experience? As a historian, I’ve thought a great deal about this. There are many, many time periods that are fascinating and interesting to me, but after much thought and consideration, I would want to be in my late teens at the end of World War II so that in the 1950s I would be in my twenties and involved in the beginnings of so many movements of social change. The only thing I probably wouldn’t enjoy would be the expected wearing of restrictive undergarments, but I’d probably be the first gal on my block to wear trousers anyway!

If you could be any animal, which animal would you be and why? Elephant for sure. First off, they lead long lives and their ‘society’ is based on a matriarch as head of the herd. They have a wisdom about them ( maybe it’s the wrinkles), thick skin to ward off negativity or predators, and are just so darn personable. One of my favorite stuffed animals is an elephant and one of the first pieces I bought for the house after my ex husband left was a small wooden carved elephant. They symbolize strength and perseverance to me.

Any person dead or alive, who would you have dinner with? Tough choice on this but would definitely be Elizabeth Blackwell, who was the first licensed female doctor in the United States. I find her life and career endlessly fascinating and would just want to know so much about how she pushed through boundaries and challenged society’s ideals about medicine and women.

What is on your life’s soundtrack? Quite a diverse list for me and just a small selection of my favorites:

Anything by YoYo Ma- nothing like the amazing sounds of the cello to guide me through writing and work projects

Who Says You Can’t Go Home- Bon Jovi and Jennifer Nettles

Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright- I find this version so amazing, though truthfully, I love almost any version of the song

Stand- Lenny Kravitz- how can you not want to smile & dance about!!?!

Heart of Every Girl- Elton John

Girls Just Want to Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper

Time Flies- Smokey Robinson- if you have not heard it, YouTube it now. Amazingly poignant

Copa Cabana- Barry Manilow & Waterloo- Abba– because sometimes you need to sing silly songs and dance in the kitchen

Great Day to Be Alive- Travis Tritt- makes me endlessly happy

Bad, Bad Leroy Brown- Jim Croce- Love this song I think because my parents like him and it reminds me of them

Getting Better- The Beatles- because it really is getting better all the time

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? As I write this, it is ten degrees in Massachusetts. I’d love to be in a quiet, remote spot that is warm like St. Bart’s. I’d love to just be sitting on the beach reading books and writing for weeks on end. Maybe I’ll sit in the sun this afternoon and crank my heat up to pretend haha.

Who has been your biggest inspiration throughout your QLC? My family and friends, Molly and the tribe of girls featured on blogs and through the groups I have been a part of, and so many other internet folks who shared stories of overcoming difficult times or uncertainty. During some of the toughest times of the QLC and working through the divorce, I have tried to keep the ideas of my 16 year old self in mind, especially the dreams and ideas I had about life then. While so many of them have changed as life has happened, the one thing that has remained is the vision of a happy woman smiling her way through life. That idea has definitely helped get me through a few dark moments.

If money, education, time, or location were not an issue, what would you be doing for work in life? A small cafe owner with a little shop that had delicious baked goods and yummy coffee.

What would you have done differently on your Stratejoy journey if you were starting today? When I found out I was going to be a Stratejoy blogger, not everyone in my family and close circle of friends knew about my ex and I divorcing. It was important for me that people heard it from me first, not the blog. With a few situations, a few people found out from reading the blog which I deeply wish I could have changed. At the same time, going public with the divorce via the blog was also a great step because it often eliminated some of the tough or uncomfortable conversations about the divorce that I was dreading having.

What song(s) will remind you of the past five months? You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) by Josh Groban, True Colors by Phil Collins, and Save Me, San Francisco by Train ( my trip to San Fran in September was the start of the a new beginning!)

What is your favorite thing about YOU? My love of learning, my insatiable quest for knowledge, and my endless curiosity

Name 3 things you absolutely love about yourself. First I’d like to say that five or six months ago I’m not sure this question would be easy to answer.

1. The ability to have a quiet night in with myself, a cup of tea, a good book, and my thoughts– and to know when I need those nights for my sanity.

2. My work ethic- whether it is in my job or in doing work around my house, I love how I take a project on with enthusiasm and work hard to achieve my goals. The sense of accomplishment and pride at the end of each project is intensely gratifying and self-fulfilling.

3. My strength- there have been so many times over the past six months when I have wanted to give up, but I put my head up and just power through to move forward. I’m doing things now on my own that I never imagined I could ever do.

How are you living life on your own terms? I made a huge life decision that had major implications for my, my ex husband, and our family and friends. I stood up for me and decided that a life apart would make us both happier than a life together. I’m living alone in a house that I making all my own and loving every.single.minute.of it.

The Interview

What are you obsessed with at this exact moment?

Pinterest. Pinterest. Pinterest.  Coffee (always). Notebooks, pens, sticky notes.  My new chocolate brown flat boots.  Babies.  Snow days. The smell of books.  Couples photography.  Words With Friends.  Other photographers’ blogs.  House hunting.  Thinking about how to decorate a house.  Craft supplies.  Sleep.

You can time travel but only to the past! What time period/ historical event do you go and experience?

To be totally honest, I don’t really have an interest in going back in time.  I’m happy to be moving forward.  If I had to choose, maybe I’d go back and meet the grandparents I never knew…

 If you could be any animal, which animal would you be and why?

It is impossible for me to answer this question in a non-cheesy way.  I debated being a caterpillar because of the impending amazing change that would be in my future.  I debated being a bird so I could fly.  Or maybe a bear so I could sleep all winter. But my gut instinct was a dog…a lab or retriever.  I don’t know why…because they love so big?

Any person dead or alive, who would you have dinner with?

I’ve always hated this question because under pressure I can never think of anyone!  I think it’s a tie between Mary Oliver, Dr. Seuss, Maya Angelou, and Oprah.  Maybe a dinner party.

What is on your life’s soundtrack?

Matt Nathanson, Amos Lee, Joshua Radin, Regina Spektor, Tori Amos, The Weepies, Ingrid Michaelson, Augustana, Damien Rice, Ray LaMontagne, Bright Eyes…oh and Counting Crows, Pearl Jam, Bush and always a little Alanis.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? 

This is such a hard question.  The answer used to be Italy, but we finally did that on our honeymoon!!!  There are a million places I want to see and lots of places I’ve already seen and would like to go back to…maybe I would be on a real vacation with my family somewhere none of us have ever been…in the mountains somewhere by a lake…we’d play games, read, relax, cook really good food, drink wine, Dad would go fishing, we’d all go for a hike, go out on a boat…yes, that sounds good.

Who has been your biggest inspiration throughout your QLC?

Is it vain to say “myself”?  Every time I take another step towards getting through my QLC I amaze myself.  I’ve never had as much confidence, pride in what I’m working on, or urge to move forward and grow than I have this year.  Seeing what I can do makes me want to do more.  But also, Jasmine Star, who quit law school and pursued her passion for wedding photography (and is like crazy super successful now!)

If money, education, time, or location were not an issue, what would you be doing for work in life? 

Writing, photographing couples in love, designing events, and travelling…I’m halfway there I suppose!

What was the biggest mental shift you’ve made from 5 months ago to now?

I’ve realized that the feelings of needing to do more, be myself, and live life my way are not unique to me.  I guess I probably knew that before, but it is so inspiring to know that there are SO MANY women (and men) out there who aren’t willing to settle.  It makes me feel like I’m not a total freak for not wanting a 9-5 corporate job.  The solidarity of the Stratejoy tribe is so uplifting!

That and realizing that I can make my life what I want it to be.

What’s changed? List 10 little sweet things.

1. I quit one of my nanny gigs and chose a date to give notice to the second.
2. I talked Mister into helping me squeeze even more furniture into our tiny place and made myself a desk/workspace
3. I started writing again (like all the time)
4. I started listening to music again
5. I take more time for myself to do the things that keep me sane
6. I take more pride in the way I look – actually dress in real person clothes rather than “nanny clothes” more often
7. I found a more productive to do list system
8. I found my “niche” in photography
9. I make more time for my girlfriends
10. I’m more comfortable being me (and isn’t that the best thing we can wish for ourselves?!)

What’s one thing that you’ve learned – in general or about yourself – over the past five months?

This sort of goes with my biggest mental shift, but beyond what I already said, I learned to trust myself, go with my gut, pour myself into the things that are important to me, and most importantly, to be unapologetically me.

What would you have done differently on your Stratejoy journey if you were starting today?

I would’ve done it earlier!  You can’t imagine what it does to your perception to have to write about your QLC every week.  It has been that extra push I’ve been needing all along!

What song(s) will remind you of the past five months?

Adele (love her, but SO over played!).
Mason Jennings – Be here now
Rosi Golan – Hazy
Jason Walker – Down

What is your favorite thing about YOU?

I refuse to settle.

Name 3 things you absolutely love about yourself. 

I’m creative.  I have great intuition.  The color of my eyes.

How are you living life on your own terms?

I’m trying so hard to live life on my own terms.  Building a business that allows me to do what I love, trying to surround myself with the things and people that I love, being honest with myself about my needs, goals, and intentions…but mostly I’m trying to live with this in mind:

Express myself honestly and with compassion.
Do what I love.
Always seek knowledge and understanding.
Live with intention.
Treat my body with respect.
Trust myself.

[Photo Credit: Brenda Ulinski]

Leaving a Legacy

The dictionary definition of “legacy” is surprisingly boring and uninspiring:

leg·a·cy
noun
1. Law . a gift of property, especially personal property, as money, a will; a bequest.
2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.
3. an applicant to or student at a school that was attended by his or her parent.
4. Obsolete . the office, function, or commission of a legate.
adjective
5. of or pertaining to old or outdated computer hardware, software, or data that, while still functional, does not work well with up-to-date systems.

I always imagined a legacy to be the mark one left on the world after their flame went out; something romantic and provocative that made people remember you and what you stood for. I’m not sure I want to leave a legacy if it only pertains to personal property, the college of your parents or outdated computer hardware. Now, if a legacy truly is closer to my imagined definition, leaving a legacy is definitely worth working on before I die.

However, I’m worried I might be so focused on leaving a legacy, I forget to live my life befitting of one. So many acts in this world, whether of creation or destruction, are done in the name of making a name for oneself so the world doesn’t forget. It can be good inspiration to accomplish something grand, but if all the focus is on a future world without you, the world with you will be unfulfilled and unlived.

Keeping that in mind, I do want to leave a lasting impression on the world. One that is positive and impactful, but I have to realize everything I do might not be as inspiring to some as it is to me. What if people don’t remember my name after I’m gone? What if they don’t continue to talk about my accomplishments? I think…that this is ok. I already shout my name and my accomplishments to the world with my action, but I can’t worry about what happens after. The most important  question will always be to me, not what others think about me after I’m gone, but the feeling of fulfillment I have about life when I take my dying breath.  If I could shout one thing to my peers from the rooftops? Don’t worry about making meaning in your death. Live to make meaning in your life. Right now.

{Photo Credit: CountyLemonade}

15 Years Apart

Dear 15-year-old Kat,

The past 15 years have been interesting, that’s for sure. Life certainly takes a much different path than you’re imagining right now, but I think you’re going to love the way it all comes together! There are so many things I want to tell you not to do (namely, guys to avoid), but if I did that, you’d miss so many other opportunities, so…I can’t. Bummer. (No, I really can’t. I know you’ve seen that episode of The Simpsons where Homer time-travels using a toaster, and things get crazy. I know you don’t want a world without doughnuts.)

I’m hoping that I can give you a little advice that will guide you through what’s to come, though. Even though you’re going to have certain challenging experiences, I promise you’ll learn from each of them, even when it doesn’t seem that way at the time.

I can tell you to be less afraid of questioning things, especially when it comes to your family. It’s okay to want what you want, even if they don’t understand it. (Hint: they’re never really going to get it, and that’s okay. They’re still your family and they love you.)

Speaking of your family, spend more time with your grandparents, looking through old photos and learning about your family history. Head over to make pierogi from scratch with your grandma, or have her teach you how to sew. Try to convince one of them to start teaching you Polish or Italian. You won’t regret that.

The love of travel that you’ll develop this coming summer is going to be hugely influential in your life. Run with it. And when your dad gives you his Nikon FM, get a tune-up for it immediately. You’ll want to take it with you everywhere you go. Take lots of photos.

Over the coming years, the saying that your friends are the family you choose will become increasingly true for you. Choose wisely! (Mostly you do.)

Don’t be afraid to be YOU. Be willing to break some of the rules. Let yourself dive into life, even though sometimes it hurts. You have an amazing support network, and they will help you through the tough times. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Last but not least, I want you to know that you that you’re strong, capable, and beautiful. No matter what the guys you date over the years say – and some of them will say some awful stuff – that you shouldn’t stop believing that.

I love you! Don’t forget to love yourself, too!

30-year-old Kat

[photo credit: me!]

A Love Letter to Myself

Dear Kristen:

This letter has taken you years to be able to write. Even doing it now seems strange and slightly difficult, but it’s important to say how you feel and express yourself. You have seen what keeping your emotions in can do to a person, so this letter is something that has been waiting in the wings for years.

Kristen, you are so much stronger than you are ever imagined a person can be. You faced great adversity head on and in a remarkable way. I know that you do not give yourself anywhere near the amount of credit you deserve with this, but you should feel so proud of yourself for what you have done.

Yes, the relationship you wanted for the rest of your life ended and that is incredibly sad. And I know that even though you know you made the right decision for you and him, that it still hurts and makes you angry and disappointed.  You have allowed yourself to cry and yell and go through the roller coaster of emotions, which has helped you to understand yourself even better. That is a priceless lesson.

You did something amazing- you stood up for yourself and it was not easy. It involved a lot of hurt, for you, for him, for your families. It made you say you were wrong and made a poor decision. But the failed marriage made you grow immeasurably- beyond the stubbornness, beyond the fear. It might seem like selfish behavior to some and even to you at times, and that is completely allowed. But the selfish action was completely necessary for both you and him. For you both to be your most authentic selves, it means not being together. Do not regret the marriage or the relationship because it taught you more about life and who you are than anything in the world could have. It is never selfish to stand up for yourself and what you need for life. Kristen, you now know that being selfish sometimes is needed as long as it doesn’t involve being vindictive or purposely hurtful. Had you been more thoughtful and put yourself first years ago, the situation now would be different. But you would be different too.

Kristen, I am so proud of you putting yourself first, learning how to say no, and really growing into your joyful life, living it on your terms. It has taken months and lots of strife to get to this place. You are allowing yourself the quiet grace to get to know yourself, learn what your strengths are, and improve your weaknesses. You are finding out what you do or do not believe in, your true likes and dislikes, and what you want for you life. I love that you recognize and celebrate the simple pleasures like reading a good book, naps on the weekend, and laughter with family and friends.

I love that you are in a place where you understand the practice of gratitude is much more than saying thank you. You understand now that quiet time to meditate and journal is as essential to you as a hot shower in the morning. I love that even though you aren’t always happy with what you see in the mirror in terms of your body that you are learning to love it and honor it in different ways while you work towards your goals. I love that you are able to work through the sad times with self-care and using your support network. You also recognize that a night in pajamas on the couch with junk food is just one night and not a cause for guilt or self-deprecation.

I love that the woman who you are at this exact moment is exactly what you dreamed you would be when you were sixteen. I love that you have aha! moments when you realize that- whether it is walking on a sunny day or spending the afternoon cooking in the kitchen, you are living the life you once imagined for yourself. The path to this spot was nowhere near as you imagined it, but without that path, you would not have come to this place. You know yourself better than ever before and you will never allow yourself to be less than this again.

Most of all Kristen, I love that you have a new confidence and sense of self that comes out in everything you do. What I love the most is that this new awareness of who Kristen is comes not from your family, your significant other, or your career, but from the deepest and purest part of you. It is all about the happiness you are making part of your everyday life. Now is the time for you to flourish.

I’m over the moon for you,

Me

[Photo: At Yosemite in September feeling great!]

      

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Quarterlife Resources

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